#lrplair

[havenothing]

Space Oddity

Sonny had his doubts on whether Nick would be able to come around to the idea of the three of them being together and honestly, he didn’t think that he would. Nick’s clear possessiveness might be the strongest factor working against the idea but he didn’t have much time to dwell on it between work and school. He truly did have his plate full but it was always through that when he thrived the most and in his opinion, produced some of his best work. 

Anyway, you could imagine his surprise when he saw Nick standing outside of the building where his night class was. He was pretty certain that his jaw hit the ground because he had no warning or indication to expect Nick and he found out that Nick intended it to be that way. He didn’t make any mention of Barba’s idea but it was sort of implied when Nick asked him if he wanted to go have a drink, which Sonny readily accepted. 

There was some awkward tension at first, which Sonny usually battled with filling up the silence by talking about anything his mind could come up with. About an hour into it, Nick finally started to ease up and the alcohol probably helped that significantly. Either way, they got to talk more than they ever did when they worked on SVU together and that alone made Sonny a happy camper. The night progressed to them going over to Sonny’s place and playing a round of video games before both of them realized how tired they were and called it a night. 

About a week later, Sonny got a text from Barba - Rafael - inviting him over to hang out with he and Nick and oh yeah, he was nervous about that. The three of them haven’t been in a room since Nick’s going away party, that wasn’t even a going away party because he didn’t go away and it was also the night that he and Rafael hooked up. If there was ever a night where it could be a recipe for disaster, it could easily be this one but he had more hope since he and Nick had a chance to hang out together and apparently Nick thought it went well if they were taking this step. 

Sonny’s mother would have his head if he showed up to a gathering without bringing something and he walked around and tried to figure out what he could bring and as he passed a window, he stopped and backtracked, blue eyes wide and gleaming. Perfect. By the time he showed up at Rafael’s place, he’d forgotten all about his nerves and his body was thrumming with excitement, half of which was caused by the contents of the blue box in his hand. He could hear two separate voices inside, leading him to assume that Nick was already there, which was probably for the best right now and he knocked on the door and waited. 

[havenothing]

Atmospheric Conditions

Once the dust settled the next day after his conversation with Rafael, he felt bad about some of the things he said when his temper got the best of him. That seemed to be the Amaro curse and he hated it because it only made true what his father said to him in how they’re alike no matter how much Nick denied it. The main difference was, his father fought with his fists while in this instance, Nick fought with his words. They were both equally as destructive and as much as he wasn’t sure where he landed on the whole Carisi thing, he didn’t want to destroy what he had with Rafael. 

He just needed some time. Like he promised, he called Rafael before he left for his trip and he apologized for letting his temper get the best of him but he knew he’d need to do a lot more than just an apology over the phone and he planned on trying to accomplish that once he got back from California, since he needed to focus on telling his kids that he wouldn’t be moving out there.

They took it about as well as he expected, meaning that they were disappointed but the trip to Disneyland did seem to brighten up their spirits a bit. Especially once they got there because that was a whole different energy than before. Overall, he had a good time on his trip and he promised that he would visit them as much as he could, which he planned on making good on. He did have a lot of time to think about what Rafael said and now that he wasn’t blinded by anger or irrational thoughts, he could see things a little differently. 

Rafael said that they didn’t have to do this right away and it was one of the things that kept his mind relatively calm about it. He could ease his way in with just Rafael for a while and then slowly integrate Carisi, if Rafael still wanted it. He missed Rafael a lot during the week he’d been gone and as soon as he got back to New York, he took his stuff home and got a quick shower before grabbing one of the bags and heading over to Rafael’s place. 

He probably should’ve called before but he wanted to surprise him. So when he ended up on Rafael’s doorstep, he drew in a deep breath and knocked.

[havenothing]

Three Minute Warning

Just as Nick dragged his feet on telling his friends that he wasn’t going to be moving to California, he’s done the same in regards to those actually in California. It wasn’t a conversation he was looking forward to having with his kids but he knew that he couldn’t leave now. The relationship with Rafael was still very new and there were a lot of things he still needed to feel out, like sex. Which he hasn’t told Rafael that he hasn’t done with another man but he felt like Rafael should know anyway. 

Rafael had the night free and instead of going out for dinner, they cooked together, which was a very enjoyable experience for him. It was genuine time that he could spend with his boyfriend - God, wasn’t that fucking weird to think? It was another thing he’d have to wrap his head around but he was more than willing to do so. With time, he probably wouldn’t think about it as much as he was now. 

After he finished loading up the dishes into the dishwasher, he grabbed his glass of wine and leaned against the counter. As of now, he was able to walk without the crutches but that was only replaced with a cane, which was more of an annoyance than the crutches, mostly because he felt stupid with it. He’s already gotten too many pimp cane references, mostly from Fin. “So, I’m going to be gone next week. You know, spend some time with the kids.” Now that he was out of work for the time being, he could afford the time to fly out there. 

[havenothing]

The Midnight Special

It would’ve been a lie if Sonny said that he didn’t think about that night with Barba often - Very often. Though, he wasn’t saying anything about that mostly because it would’ve been a very bad idea. So, his tryst with Barba was kept to himself (wisely so) and in the few instances when he saw him after that night, he did his utmost best to act normal. That was easy since Barba was like a really good poker player, so you can’t read him for shit and it helped Sonny keep his head on straight. Well.. Mostly. He did spare a few quick glances at his ass whenever he could but he did that before that night. 

Sonny sat at his desk, tapping his pen against the stack of files on his desk while his eyes were glued to the computer screen that he wasn’t actually reading. He was merely lost in thought until Benson snapped him back into reality. “Will you take these down to Barba for me? I told him you’re coming.” Sonny nodded and took the disc’s of security footage from her and tried to make his pace casual up until he got outside the building and he quickened his pace.

Traffic ended up being the cause of his delay but he finally reached Barba’s office and it was only when he was approaching the door that he realized this would be the first time he was with him alone since.. You know, but he quickly told himself it wouldn’t be any different than any other time, so he lightly knocked on the closed door before opening it and sticking his head in. “Hey, I got the disc’s.” He waved them in the air a bit before he stepped inside and closed the door with his foot. “Also, I got an answer ‘bout why crackers have holes in ‘em - So they bake flat.” Might seem like a random statement to make but he hoped that Barba would remember that he brought it up that one night or else he’d just think that Sonny ran around spouting out useless facts.

[havenothing]

Bi-Polar Bear

Last night had been a fucking disaster, as far as Nick was concerned. He let his emotions get the best of him, which was something he truly needed to work on because this was hardly the first time it’s happened. The bad part about it was is that it happened in front of everyone, despite the fact that they didn’t know what was said between them. The tone of it all and the fact that Rafael left right after it spoke volumes. 

Liv pulled him aside, clearly concerned about what she basically had front row seats to and Nick tried his best to pass it off as a disagreement between the two of them and he also ran with his vague theme of not saying what the disagreement was. Either way, he didn’t budge on the fact and any efforts to try to coax it out of him was met with a brick wall. 

With that resistance, everyone left Nick alone to stew in his own thoughts that were nursed by alcohol. He ended up passing out on his couch and when he woke up the next morning, he felt like shit, both mentally and physically. Needless to say, he was surprised when Rafael called him later on that morning, asking if he could come over that night so they could obviously talk things out without an audience around. He knew he needed to apologize for how he acted so he agreed to the meeting and went about his day. 

By the time night fell, Nick was a little nervous because he didn’t know if this meeting could go well at all. If he could keep his temper and emotions in check, it might have a fighting chance of ending decently but he still doubted that outcome. When the doorbell sounded off, Nick hobbled over to the door and pulled it open, feeling his gut twist at the sight of Rafael standing there. “C’mon in.” He moved aside to let the other through and shut the door behind him. “Look, I’m sorry about last night. I was outta line.” Though, he might end up kicking himself for being quick to apologize. 

[havenothing]

                         take it from me, no one said it was easy                                                      tell you right now i never meant to do you wrong

[havenothing]

Place Your Bets

Rafael was gone the next morning by the time Nick woke up and while he wasn’t surprised, he was a little disappointed. He reached over to the spot next to him and it felt cold and empty and it didn’t help that all Nick could think about was last night. The way they made out on the couch like a couple of teenagers before migrating over to the bedroom to have even more fun. Now, he came to the realization that this was probably it - Unless he could gather the courage to call him but he was afraid; Afraid that he was already in too deep, considering they’ve only spent one night together after confessing that they felt something for each other. 

He’d gotten Rafael’s note, briefly telling him why he left and he probably stared at that scrap of paper for a good twenty minutes before he managed to tell himself he was being completely ridiculous. There was no point in wanting something he truly couldn’t have because he’d only drive himself crazy.

Which is exactly what he did for the next couple of days. He heard through Rollins that they were all working on a big case, giving him that feeling of resentment about how he couldn’t be there with them. All he could do was sit around and focus on his physical therapy so he could stop using the crutches at some point. Any free moment he had to think always seemed to drift towards Rafael - He had his number and he could easily call but he kept telling himself that he was busy. That he had more important things to worry about than the conversation they would never have. 

Technically, he was supposed to be in the middle of packing but he’s yet to put a single thing into a box. Everyone was asking him when he was making the big move but he could only offer a vague response, such as soon. He had his reservations about moving to California before but now, those reservations were heightened considerably. He just didn’t bother to tell anyone else about it so they were all under the impression that the move was a sure thing. 

It explained why everyone in the squad came over to his place one night after Liv made sure that he’d be home and didn’t have anything planned. Since the shooting, when did Nick have anything planned? They all trickled in one by one and it was kind of nice to have a distraction from the chaos in his head. Well, somewhat of a distraction because Liv said that Rafael might show up and of course that just spun his head into a whole different direction. 

“I thought you would’ve started to pack.” Liv, always the observant one and Nick had to deflect the question somehow. “Nothing like waiting till the last minute, huh?” Yeah, that should be good enough. Plus, nobody liked packing anyway. It was a fucking hassle. When he saw Rafael come through the door, Nick nodded his head in his direction, feeling his stomach tighten and twist even more because it was different seeing him here with everyone around them, when last time had been completely different. Carisi was the first to get to Rafael but he chose that point to look back to Liv who was telling him about Noah and he offered a half smile. 

[havenothing]

Unfinished Sympathy

After learning that there would be no way he could be promoted through the ranks, Nick’s spirits had dropped low and even then, he knew he needed to start re-prioritizing shit because there was no way he could stick around in what was essentially a dead end job. Then all the shit with Johnny D went down, resulting in two bullets in his knee and his liver but he didn’t regret what he did but his career was effectively over, no matter how much physical therapy he did. 

Liv was the first to hear the news of his impending retirement and the plans to move out to California - Then Rollins, which hadn’t been easy and following that was Fin and Carisi. He made his way down the list but there was one name he was dreading; Barba. He wasn’t going to tell him at all but Nick wasn’t a coward and Barba was entitled to hear it, just like everyone else did. 

So he had to suck it up and just do it already.

Nick picked up some coffee, hoping the caffeine would soften the blow but that thought was countered by one that insisted Barba wouldn’t care either way. It wasn’t like they were particularly close; Not like Barba was with Liv. Shit. Maybe he wouldn’t care and he thought that would be a better alternative but it still didn’t sit well with him. He was fucked no matter how he sliced it. 

With Barba’s secretary telling him that he didn’t have anyone else in the office with him, Nick thanked her with a half smile and gently rapped on the door with his knuckles before pushing it open a bit and sticking his head through the door and the majority of his weight still braced on the crutches he had to use. Nick was dressed casually and had a backpack slung across his shoulders, housing the canteen of strong coffee and making him feel like an ancient college student. 

“Hey, sorry to interrupt but you got a sec, Counselor?”