#lumberpunksoccercop

[turnandchasethewind]

"THIS CHICKEN IS SO RAW THERE'S STILL FUCKING FEATHERS ON IT!" "Beth, chill, yeah?" "Chill? You're trying to kill me, Sarah. I can feel it. I've been dead once, not prepared to it for real this time" "It's not that bad, a lil more salt and it'll be fine" "Sarah you can't, you can't hide the rawness of THE CHICKEN BY COVERING IT IN SEASONING" "I know. That's why I said salt" "What does Kira eat? Because you and Cal are shit" "Don't go disrespecting me, Childs" "DON'T GIVE ME RAW CHICKEN!"

OMFG YOU'VE BROUGHT THE HEAD CANON TO LIFE

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(CCLAU14) "This is hella creepy as shit" "Cos, have you been sober at all so far?" "It's how I deal with probably death, Beth" "Cosima, stop saying things like this" "I can't help it D, I'm heavily influenced by cinematic happenings" "It's not even Friday the 13th dipshit" "Yo, Beth, chill. Where's everyone else? They're missing this super amazing campfire of excellence" "Lumberfamily's sleeping. Siobhan and the cops are teaching Fee how to shoot. Ali's just getting food" "FeeFee and a gun?!"

"I can't help it D, I'm heavily influenced by cinematic happenings" cosima PLS

[turnandchasethewind]

(CCLAU13) "Okay so tents are, Cosima and Delphine; Cal, Sarah and Kira; Art and Felix and DeAngelis" "Objection" "Overruled, Fee. Siobhan gets her own because she scares me. And me and Ali" "Shouldn't it be Ali and I?" "Fuck you Angie" "Mummy what does fuck mean" "I'm gonna kill your Auntie Beth, is it what it means" "Sorry Sarahsue" "Call me that again and I'll deck you" "YOU WOT MATE" "Beth, stop trying to be cockney, love, it's bad" "Really bad" "Whatever, build your goddamn tents"

"Fuck you Angie" "Mummy what does fuck mean" "I'm gonna kill your Auntie Beth, is it what it means" PUNKCOP I'M CRYIN

"YOU WOT MATE" BETH WITH A COCKNEY ACCENT KILL ME

[turnandchasethewind]

(CCLAU12) "Guys, we're here" "Delphine, I wanna go home" "Cosima, please, lighten up" "How many times have I said no touching in the backseat, children?" "Damn, Childs, you and DeAngelis actually got us here? Maybe you can work together" "DON'T GO N. Oh, I'm awake, hello, yes, are we here?" "Thank god, I'm practically drenched from your saliva" "Can't wait to walk off this lumber leg cramp" "Mummy what does the sign say?" "Well, monkey, it says Camp Crystal Lake" "We're gonna die" "Shut up, Cos"

LUMBER LEG CRAMP

i can't wait for cos to continue to freak out

[turnandchasethewind]

(CCLAU9) "Are we there yet? I'm worried her saliva is going to stain my clothes" "We're like five minutes away, Felix, chill" "You bloody chill, Childs, you're used to her mouth specimen" "Damn right. What's going on back there, anyway?" "Art and Cal are having a macho thumb war. Kira and Sarah are sleeping. Siobhan just slapped Cosima's hand away from Delphines tits. We're pretty good, Beth" "Great. Hey did I tell you about the creepy gas station guy, DeAngelis?"

"Siobhan just slapped Cosima's hand away from Delphines tits. We're pretty good, Beth" COSIMA PLS

[turnandchasethewind]

"Can people stop commenting on how shit I look? Because it's an accurate representation on how I feel" "I just said you look tired" "Oh please, Cal, that's the biggest euphemism in the world" "What's up, Beth?" "The love of my life has cancer and told me to leave but instead of arguing and staying with her I had half drunken sex with a coworker" "DeAngelis?" "Yeah" "Yeah I can see the teeth mark" "Shit, Cal what do I do?"

lumbercop friendship is one of the best things in ALL OF THESE

cal not even judging her for it but just there to listen and help beth with whatever she needs I'M CRYIN

[turnandchasethewind]

"I don't know" "Beth please" "I've never done it, you know, on my own" "You'll be fine. Just for tonight!" "Can't you just lumberreschedule to a night when Ali's not doing good citizen behaviour and Cosima's in the country?" "No. Okay, look you can't tell Sarah" "Tell her what?" "I'm taking her out to" "Come on Cal" "I'm going to ask her to marry me" "OKAY SURE ILL BABYSIT KIRA SURE ILL LOOK AFTER HER. OH MY GOD CAL OKAY" "Beth breathe" "IM OKAY ARE YOU?" "Yeah I think so" "OH MY GOD"

A LUMBERPROPOSAL

OH MY GOD

[turnandchasethewind]

(pt21) "IT WAS YOU" "What? Ow!" "You got my sister pregnant!" "Beth, ow, stop hitting me, ow" "You stupid, stupid man" "Is this a feminist thing or a lesbian thing?" "It's a you got my sister pregnant thing!" "Look, ow, Sarah and I" "You don't get to speak, Cal, you don't get to speak until you apologise for getting her pregnant" "I did. I have. I will continue to, ow, do so. Damn, you burst my lip" "Yeah well you burst my sister's womb wide open" "What?" "If Mrs S ever finds out" "Please, Beth"

(pt22) "I'm not going to tell her but, so help me God, you better treat Sarah and that baby right, whatever she decides to do" "I will, I promise" "Don't make me lumberdoubt you" "What?" "Um, hello? You're Beth Childs, right? If you're busy I can" "Lumbergo, lumbergo right now. Hey, Alison, right?"

oh god this mini-fic is the best thing to ever happen to me