#luvee

[jemomgershippingco]

Some days you make me madder than hell.

Most days you light up my world.

Sometimes I wonder if we married too quickly, if we should’ve waited to make sure we could work.

This year has shown me we would’ve gotten to this point either way, married or not, 2 months or 2 years. Time never mattered when it was clear from the moment you asked me out that we needed to be a part of each other’s lives.

You’re the bane of my existence, the keeper of my heart, my partner in crime, my friends-to-lovers. Every day has its bumps, but every day with you has been the best day of my life so far.

Thank you for the laughs

the hugs

the kisses

the tears

the hard talks

the rough nights

the incredible mornings.

Thank you for giving me space, for refusing to step away, for respecting my boundaries, sharing your own, and for always helping me better myself.

Thank you for 2 years and a day, luvee. May we always laugh together.

[jemomgershippingco]

Sleeping without you is the worst

I’m laying on the couch instead of in our bed because the space that once used to feel so small now feels so big

There’s a crick in my neck that won’t pop, waves of pain lapping at my temples, and an ache in my chest from the missing piece of my heart that I sent you off with

I know it’s just a short trip, you’ll be back in a few days; but I can’t help but feel like I’m on pause til you return

I spend the days taking care of the dogs and the nights trying to distract myself, sitting in “your spot”

I love you

I miss you

I can’t wait til you come home and I can finally sleep again

I’ll even let you use my new blanket

[jemomgershippingco]

Puzzles

I have known many homes,

many families

I’ve shared time and heart with them all,

made myself a fixture in their homes,

tried to bleed myself into their families

Instead I sat like a corner piece from another puzzle,

Contorting to make myself fit into theirs,

Never realizing I was folding back so much of me

Now I drive home with you,

thru sundown towns,

past gas stations we can’t stop at

because people think we’re wrong

Wrong for the way you hold my hand,

wrong for the way I kiss your cheek,

wrong for the way we stare, lovingly

And we drive into a small town where you still don’t feel safe

and I…still can’t hold your hand

But the driveway turns into view,

and we both breathe easy, finally

We stumble out of the car, racing into your mom’s arms

Her happy dance looks like yours,

and your dad smiles big as we hug him tightly too

I fall asleep in a chair, on a couch, in a bed,

under quilts made with love and careful stitches

Your family helps unfold my edges,

makes space like they were waiting for me,

like this IS my puzzle, I finally found it

And now I, too, call them mom, dad, and brother

[jemomgershippingco]

Your tooth hurts. You’re in a lot of pain. You’re overstimulated. You’ve been low key triggered multiple times a day.

But you the dog is barking to go potty, and you know I don’t want to go, so you get up to take him outside.

I’m laying facedown on the floor, unmoving and barely speaking, and you sit down beside me to check on me. I have no spoons, and we both think a bath will help me.

So you scoop the litter boxes so I don’t have to deal with the smell, and then I can take a bath. All I have to do is find a candle to relax, and even that is optional.

I avoid the dishes in the sink. They’re overwhelming and gross, and it exhausts me to look at them.

But you unload the dishwasher, and it doesn’t seem so big. It becomes doable.

You told me once that people don’t notice the small things you do, that big things are difficult and rare for you. I hope you know that I appreciate the small things, the big things, and the effort you put in both. Life is so much easier, so much better, so much fuller with you in it.

Like the best person I know says, “I can be stressed, in pain, overwhelmed, and hungry, and this is still the happiest in my life that I’ve ever been.”

[jemomgershippingco]

I used to think all those couples posts about “hanging out with their best friend” were corny and cheesy at best, eye rollingly dumb at worst. Because of course I wouldn’t date my best friend. Those were two entirely separate categories, never before mixed in my admittedly short dating life.

But then I slid into your spaces, and we talked, and talked, and talked, slowly becoming friends, and then, maybe, something more.

Then, like a spilled cup of coffee, racing for clothes and papers and carpet and everything else, we spilled into each other’s lives. You became part of my home, a safe space, a silly face, a light to my life, and a mom to my cats (3) and dog (1).

Now I find myself watching you, loving you, enjoying life side by side with you. Thru frustration and success, sickness and health, good times and bad, I’m glad I chose to be by your side and you chose to be by mine.

And I find myself wanting to take a picture of you - or us - goofing around Walmart, and post it with a tagline saying something about having fun hanging out with my best friend and wife.

[jemomgershippingco]

I Love Your Ugly

Staring at her overwhelms my heart and tear ducts

the concentrating pout of her lip;

the wisps of her soft hair;

the sloping of her shoulders;

the depth of her light eyes

“what’re you thinking?” she asks

I love you with the secrets and darkness of my soul

I love you with the blood and spite of my heart

I love you with the strengths and weaknesses of my body

You consume my mind;

my choices;

my actions;

all of me

“I love you” I reply

Even more, I want to devour you

I want all of your thoughts

I want your shadows and gloom

I want to cradle your depression and anxieties in my hands

like food I can take into me,

make them my own

I want to cuddle your fears

soak them into my skin,

make them my own

“I love all of you” is what I said

but it could never encompass all that I’m thinking

[jemomgershippingco]

Love You More Than Anything

I never noticed how you were falling

Faster, faster with every season

Until I looked down and saw you,

Too close to crashing

I leapt from my safety net

And dove down to hold you,

My body soft to cushion your landing