Free range shipping

just a goblin enjoying the tumblr chaos. she/they, 20’s, hella queer

[4gifs]

[socially-awkward-supervillian]

Fun fact: Cheetahs only attack prey that runs

[youwinagainmoffat-blog]

jesus that is good to know.

[chandra75-deactivated20180905]

Yup, that’s the point you just stay still and let it do whatever the fuck it wants that doesn’t involved you getting eaten. 

[magehenry-moved-blog]

REALLY FUN FACT for big cats cheetahs are fucking docile as shit

my grandfather ran a cheetah sanctuary in south africa and he’d just lie with them and sleep among them and they’d rub against him and chirp at him they’re big fucking babies

[pkmnbreederbrianna]

Another Fun Fact: Cheetahs are incredibly nervous animals. One of the (many) reason’s they’re going extinct is that cheetahs are so sensitive and nervous, some of them are literally too nervous to breed. Others will breed, but stress themselves out so much, they’ll lose their cubs. So zoos with breeding programs had to figure out how to make cheetahs comfortable enough to first of all, get laid and secondly - not spazz themselves into miscarrying. So what’d they do? They gave the cheetah’s their very own Service Dogs! The dogs make them feel safe, protected and secure!

[emo-islandniles]

AJHHHHFDDGHH SO PRECIOUS

[renirabbit]

this post just got so much better

[enjoying-nudiustertian-deactiva]

THIS IS OFFICIALLY MY FAVOURITE POST

[wylltingtrees]

[sashayed]

this is emmett and cullen they are best friends

[clover11-10]

This is the greatest thing I’ve seen all day.

Dogs are truly angels.

[oshiawaseni]

so THATS why these cheetah ft dogo pics exist

[erin-luci-and-me]

the anxiety cat

[peppermint-madness]

Also! Cheetahs are not in fact classified as big cats, they are simply very large lesser cats, due to the fact that they purr, meow, chirp, and cannot roar. Also many cheetahs have learned to recognize wildlife photographers are friends and not foes, so they will just come up to people and be friendly occasionally as pictured at the top of the chain. Some will even leave their Cubs with photographers to look after while they hunt. So. Yeah. Cheetahs are great

[elfwreck]

[bunjywunjy]

this works because cheetahs are actually fairly social animals, and they look to members of their group for context on how worried they should be about any given Situation. but since cheetahs are also nervous social animals, they can work each other into an anxiety spiral pretty easily over things like “being in an enclosed habitat” and “there’s a guy over there”.

so by introducing a dog as a member of the group, the cheetahs will now look to the dog for context clues on how worried they should be! and the dog Is Not Worried At All, Thanks, so the cheetahs think everything must be chill even if they were personally unsure about it, and they stop being so freaked out about literally everything.

[june-egbert-official]

Cheetah: oh god what’s going on how are we feeling weird spotless cheetah

Dog: :) fine, thanks

Cheetah: :) oh, okay

[greatlordfluffernutter]

[soratayuya]

Wasn’t expecting this of all posts to be the first tumblr post I’ve ever seen crest 2mil notes, but I’ll take it

[cidham]

amir khusrow (1253–1325 CE)

[cherepashkadrabbles]

This is back on my dash! And listen, I love to see Amir Khusrau getting appreciation, but this translation ignores a lot. The original rhymes! And scans! And does playful things with register! And conveys a tone of affectionate banter between the two speakers, not least because it has them both addressing each other as sakhi (translated above as “girl”) in the last two lines. I think taking some liberties with line order is worth it to preserve more of the rest—and I think there’s a better translation of sakhi. And so:

He only visits once a year, I splurge big on him when he’s here, His kisses make my tastebuds tango. Who, bitch, your man? Nah, bitch, a mango.

[fladurblegon]

“What if poor people abuse the system?”

The system intrinsically abuses poor people.

Hope this helps.

[camaro-hargrove]

billy taking steve to a gay club for the first time and steve going ‘since when was this a gay bar’ and billys like ‘…….since always’ and steves says ‘fuck no wonder i got so many free drinks last time’

[wodneswynn-deactivated-deactiva]

Ultimate curse:

Take the full and correct name of someone who’s harmed you.  Go to a Catholic church, give the priest a small donation, give him the name, and tell him that it’s the name of a dear loved one who has recently passed away and you’d like to have their name included in prayers for the newly deceased.

On Sunday, an entire church will affirm your enemy’s death.

[hymnism]

making a collection

[putridghost]

Wait I have more

[acemingo]

[rrrick]

[writing-prompt-s]

Due to a typo, your local store/mall/etc. put out a request for an appearance by Satan instead of Santa. He follows through with the request.

[pajama-nerd]

He shows up and reads through the entire job contract, notes the spelling ‘Santa’ and just corrects each one with a red pen. He eyes the mall representative, who is sweating bullets, but says nothing about the fact that the contracts he’s making are with children, or that they don’t involve souls of any kind. He signs on the bottom line in a strange, bony quill. There’s a strange red flash, and the mall rep is super reluctant to ask. Or touch the contract.

Satan wears the red suit and the hat and the boots, if awkwardly (those cloven hooves, don'tchaknow). 

The elves stand well away, but he’s hardly bothered by that, casually waiting on a throne that’s far more cheerful and composed of significantly less bone than the one he’s used to. The children are hesitant at first, until a little girl marches up, sans-parents, and plops herself on his knee, looking up at him with the set jaw of someone who isn’t interested in this farce.

“I want a pony,” she says with a roll of her eyes. She’s no more than nine. He arches an eyebrow “Do you?” he asks. She scoffs.

“Tch, no, but you’re just a man in a suit, it’s not like you can’t get me what I want.” He smiles at her assertiveness and steeples his fingers, careful not to jostle her from her perch. “Try me.” She narrows her eyes at him, studying his inscrutable face before folding her arms. “There’s a bully at my school, and I want him to go away,” she said. His eyebrow arched a little higher and he tilted his head. “And if I do this, I believe the standard contract is that you will be a ‘good girl’ and behave appropriately towards your most favored parent?’ he replied. The child rolls her eyes. “Yeah, sure,” she says. He nods and holds out his hand, which curls around hers entirely when she puts hers out. 

“It will be done.”

After that, the children are a lot less hesitant, although several adults attempt to leave. Several hundred bargains are made. For toys. For new family. For present family to suffer. For puppies. And kittens. For understanding. For acceptance. 

He declines anything borne of pettiness - of momentary squabbles between jealous children - and redirects them towards more productive desires.

He turns away anyone over the age of eighteen, though several adults attempt to approach. Later they are plagued with horrible nightmares.

At the end of each day, he returns to the underworld and assembles teams of demons, handing out assignments to each of them, to be researched heavily and then executed the night of December 24th. The demons are confused, but do as they’re told, because the dark lord’s edicts are undeniable. His secretary gives him an odd look, but Satan is immune to searching looks, and says nothing, just retires to his room, gets up in the morning, has his coffee, and returns to the mall, donning the suit and heading for the chair.

At the end of the week, he has made more than a thousand deals. The demon hordes are scurrying back and forth between hell and the physical plane.

There are many confused parents, come Christmas morning. Some find themselves with various pets they don’t remember registering for. Others with children. Others still find that their children have undergone some sort of personality shift, to the delight of their siblings. 

The first girl is bitter in her heart as she opens gifts, until a letter is personally delivered by a strange mailman, detailing the removal of a teacher from the school she attends. She reads and rereads the letter after her parents finish with it, heart beating strangely lighter in her chest. Her parents are bemused and delighted about the hugs she gives them, and about the enthusiasm with which she ravages her other presents. 

They are far less bemused by the black, hellfire-maned pony that is left on their doorstep, a tag attached to the pommel of the saddle that reads, ‘To Katie, Regards, Satan’

[rainnecassidy]

best.

[squeelyeah]

the best Christmas story I have read so far

[daggers-drawn]

Police: *leading sex workers into a squad car to be taken to jail*

Sex work prohibitionist: “I called the police! You’re all free now! No more patriarchal violence! No need to thank me!”

[daggers-drawn]

Prohibitionist: “How does it feel to be free of your pimp?”

Sex worker: “I was an independent worker!”

Prohibitionist: “Yeah right, so how much did the porn industry pay you to say that, faker?”

[daggers-drawn]

Sex worker: “Who will care for my kids?”

Prohibitionist: “No worries, they’ll be placed with a nice Christian foster family who will teach them to hate and judge you as harshly as possible.”

Prohibitionist: “This is to protect you. It’s feminism. I’m a feminist.”

[catboybrigade]

Former sex slave: Wait so I went to the police and I got arrest for being sold into sex work?

Prohibitionist: Yup! That way we can make sure people don’t get sold into sex slavery!

Former sex slave: But that just makes victims less likely to come forward?

Prohibitionist: pRoTeCt WoMeN

[happily-morgan]

Former sex worker: I have been arrested and prosecuted and now have a criminal record which greatly reduces my ability to get a non-sex work related job.

Prohibitionist: Yep, but it was to help you get out of the sex work. Now you can get “real” jobs working for minimum wage or less. We did good. Why aren’t you thanking me?

[feathery-dreamer]

Also - you outlaw something, you pave the way for clever criminals to trick and scam and abuse naive people into it.

[butchdogs-md]

you need to understand that i have two sets of headcanons. there's the set of realistic headcanons based on my genuine reading of the show, and then there's me playing pretend with my dolls.

[thinkingabout-girls]

the first rule of cooking is that there are no rules. anything goes do whatever you want forever. the first rule of baking is that if you fuck it up you die

[cosplaylolitatutorial-blog]

INVISIBLE SHOES

Tutorial: http://andsewingishalfthebattle.com/invisible-shoes By: http://andsewingishalfthebattle.com/

[selfship-quotes]

making a collection

[selfship-quotes]

adding to the collection

[jemomgershippingco]

I Love Your Ugly

Staring at her overwhelms my heart and tear ducts

the concentrating pout of her lip;

the wisps of her soft hair;

the sloping of her shoulders;

the depth of her light eyes

“what’re you thinking?” she asks

I love you with the secrets and darkness of my soul

I love you with the blood and spite of my heart

I love you with the strengths and weaknesses of my body

You consume my mind;

my choices;

my actions;

all of me

“I love you” I reply

Even more, I want to devour you

I want all of your thoughts

I want your shadows and gloom

I want to cradle your depression and anxieties in my hands

like food I can take into me,

make them my own

I want to cuddle your fears

soak them into my skin,

make them my own

“I love all of you” is what I said

but it could never encompass all that I’m thinking

[rawme-price]

Human!reader signs up to be a cultural liaison for one of the many alien governments in space federation. Still so new to space, its important humans share culture.

So you get sent to a government contract ship, mostly because no other branches want humans just yet and if you lash out these aliens are trained to fight. What no one anticipates is just how...willing to share culture you really are. Especially if said culture is being an alien fucker.

Within the first month youve gotten real close to one of the aliens. Some sort of tentacle creature, you had met him when he was in his "big form" as he calls it, but ghost is actually pretty small. Small enough to fit in your hands, at least.

Well, you two talk alot about culture and anatomy of your different species, mostly out of curiosity than anything professional. Ghost tells you about how difficult it is for a male of his species to be without partner, because mating helps him feel safe and protected. You know an opportunity when you see one, and offer to help him out.

Which is how you end up in bed, tentacles wrapping slick and warm over your thighs to stop your squirming. You yelp when two thick tentacles press into your cunt. Ghost is in his big form again, easily able to manipulate you however you want. He keeps working tentacles into you, only pausing enough to give you a breather when your orgasm comes. Then hes right back to it.

You feel something warm and heavy spill into your womb, and expect him to pull out. Instead, ghost shrinks down from his big form until you have to lean up to see him. You stare, mesmerized and far too horny for the situation, as ghost fucking slithers into your cunt.

Entire body. Inside you. You can feel his tentacles wriggle around and explore, thighs shaking when another orgasm rolls through you. You hear his voice in your head when he speaks "thank you for this, i feel so much safer now."

You realize that he intends to stay there, at least for a while, and shudder at the thought. You have duties tomorrow, but its his off day. Surely he would want...? Ghost chuckles in your mind, sensing your thoughts "I wouldn't mind staying until im needed, if thats alright with you, love."

[typewriter-worries]

there’s this extremely kind soul of a woman on instagram that makes accessible recipes that don’t require standing, chopping, or a stove and she might just have a permanent place in my heart

[peridotglimmer]

She's on YouTube too! For non-Instagram using friends:

I love her, she's great. Her recipes are friendly for both physical and/or intellectual disabilities. And her 5-year-old helps her cook. 🥰

Link to her YouTube channel:

Epicurious Expeditions

Celebrating the intersection of food and culture, travel tales, social commentary, grieving out loud. 🇳🇬/🇺🇸 👰🏽🧒🏽👧🏽👩🏽‍💼⚖️ Paid Collaboration

[jemomgershippingco]

Someone remind me to check out the Thai tea ice cream please

[dozydawn]

[caitlikescoffee]

[the-acid-pear]

[jennserr]