Dec 1, 2016
I got showered and dressed!!! And I'm drinking the coffee... after preparing a mock up test for Boy... #momlife #momblr #nogymforalmost2months #lwandpdealswithdepression
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I got showered and dressed!!! And I'm drinking the coffee... after preparing a mock up test for Boy... #momlife #momblr #nogymforalmost2months #lwandpdealswithdepression
Truth: 1) have only been in the gym 3x in the past 6 weeks... 2) haven't lifted in 2 weeks... 3) only physical activities have been walking, going up and dow my strais for multiple loads of laundry or vacuuming, making beds and folding laundry... and sex... 4) my diet's been composed of coffee and nutella for the most part 5) started a new medication today, can't remember the name but it's a big peachy square 6) I wanna go to the gym, I just need a t-shirt that reads: "shut up, I don't wanna talk" on the back and "slowly... back away... NOW!!" On the front... #lwandpdealswithdepression #adhd #impulsivity #tourette #thingshavebeentough
Personal post
I have not been to the gym since those 2 days last week. And I don't feel that bad about it. I spent my morning doing laundry, folding, reading, writing, correcting what I wrote, thinking and took a hot bath. My head is exhausted, but so is my body. I might never get back that strength but I don't really care anymore. I realise it had turned into an unhealthy obsession for me, like counting calories and macros were for too long, like weighing myself was, like checking for cellulite and fat rolls and pimples... or checking Tumblr, Facebook or Instagram... I have an obsessive side to my personnality. And I have to learn to tame it. I also have a hard time focusing on things too long these days, even books or movies. I am constantly tired but can't sleep all the time.
I'm an emotional fucker these days. I have an appointment with my Dr on Wednesday and I seriously can't see myself being back to work. Even Man sees how fucked I am. I sleep half my days, feeling barely functional when I'm awake... Lion's opposition has been rising lately. And the Gvt is asking for mor information about his condition: got to ask school for papers and the pedopsy and a list of his meds... I also asked the school for copies of the reports from his episodes and will write them another letter to let them know how things are as of now. They seriously don't get how we are constantly living on the edge... it's constant stress and anxiety... I think I finally got my social worker to understand that today. I showed up at my appointment without makeup, and in need of washing my hair (so I wore a cap) and a shower (last time was Saturday...)...
@ponderingotter, I increased the meds on October 17th, so about 2 weeks ago. When 8 saw him last week, he said we're gonna stick with this one, said he saw improvements, that I seemed to have more energy... I'm also questionning my future when it comes to work, training of any kind... why train? Do I still want to lose weight? Get strong? Run?... what is it I want? Will I still be able to work 20-30hrs with kids? Deal with their issues to come home to deal with my kids's? I am getting ideas on stuff to write about and painting and things I'd like to get rolling... And all of these thoughts rolling around in my head are exhausting me just as much as the three beds I unmade and washed and three loads of laundry I folded and... I wrote something... something personal... something that speaks about stuff I went through that are do relating to all the media talk about rape culture and Trump's crap locker room talk and... it also opened up a flood gate of emotions I wasn't prepared for...
Plans
Trying to set a plan to -write at least 15 minutes everyday - yoga 3x per week - gym 3x per week - paint once a week for about 2-3hrs Today I gotta fold a mountain of laundry, wash all 3 beds and remake... I'm trying to not think about going back to work. I just feel so tired all the time, it just seems unimaginable that I'd be able to work and function and do the things that need to be done... ☹️
I barely walked in the gym once in 8 days... what the fuck is going on with my body? #lwandpgoals #lwandplosesfluff #lwandpdealswithdepression
I got up at 6:45 to get the boys ready for school... and at 8:00, I got back to bed. And just got up at 12:05... and I had to kick my own butt to remove my body from my bed... I've said social contacts completely drains me and after yesterday's assemblee for the ÉHDAA comitee, it's even more real...