Life Without Colour {Part EIGHT}
Soulmate AU: Your vision is in black and white until you meet your soulmate. You and your boyfriend, Steve Rogers, aren’t each others soulmates but you love each other. He introduces you to his friends, the Avengers, and a very odd thing happens.
Characters: Steve Rogers x Plus Size Female Reader, Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Female Reader
Warning: mentions of blood, swearing, anxiety moments, nightmare mention
Note; apologies for the long delay, mentally I checked out to deal with some shit but I’m on holiday and feeling a lot better! hope u like it xxx over 7000 words!!!
Taglist: @domainoflostsouls forgetthisbull handon-h-art yourspecialcrush giulsgotmusic mrsbarnes-rogers luosymekawa linzeyzarcone forgetthisbull calamityreads talgra marina-darling btsforlif lamoursansfin classic1985 lovesicksofi fandomsfallnomore thebivirgin classygladiatorcupcake lowlyapprentice mishafaye cececolbert trenchcoatedwhiskers janetgenea scoobertdoobert2 vivalakatee
PART ONE
PART TWO
PART THREE
PART FOUR
PART FIVE
PART SIX
PART SEVEN
Bucky glanced at you every few seconds, needing to make sure that you were still with him and needing to know that you were okay. So far, you hadn’t quite moved from your spot of staring out of the car window, hell, you’d barely even blinked. He had asked you a few times if you were okay but each question was met with silence as its answer. He was worried about you, worried about the state of your mind after tonight’s events. Bucky had long since been used to the violence and the attempts on his life but you weren’t, you’d never known a life of violence and death and Bucky was worried that you might not be able to cope with it all. He wouldn’t blame you if you couldn’t cope, it was a lot to take in mentally and emotionally, it took him a long time to bring himself down from that place when he came to after the Winter Soldier situation. He hated that he was used to it; hated that he was desensitised to situations like this but he couldn’t help it.
Bucky continued to drive. It was late at night which meant he could drive that bit faster to get further from Hydra who would absolutely be hot on their trail. He had no idea how they’d found the two of you so fast. Maybe they’d been on you from the start and had just been toying with you? Maybe they got information from the car dealer at the airport? The old lady from the markets? Who knows? All Bucky knew was that you weren’t safe anymore and he had to get you out of there as soon as possible. The plan had changed since he started driving, he was going to take you someplace else (he had actually set up three safe houses in different states) but he realised that no matter what, they would keep hunting and you’d need to keep running. He knew what he had to do. He had to take you home.
Home wasn’t safe but nowhere was safe now. If he took you home, you’d at least have more people around to protect and look out for you. It was weird, Bucky knew that was what was best but he almost didn’t want to. He had enjoyed this time alone with you and he was worried about what would happen when you went home. You weren’t his girlfriend, you were Steve’s but Bucky was in love with you. He wasn’t sure how or when it really happened, all he did know was that you were the most important thing to him and he didn’t want to lose you. You had almost kissed, that much was true, but was that just a ‘we just survived something horrific and I want to get out my pent up aggression so let’s kiss’ kiss? Or was it a ‘recently I’ve been developing feelings for you and this is a terrible time for it but let’s kiss’ kiss? God knows. Bucky rubbed his face tiredly with his hand. When he was younger, in the 40s with Steve, he was much more capable of figuring out feelings and being open with them but now... now his heart had almost turned to stone.
Over the last nearly three weeks, you and Bucky had grown much closer than you both anticipated. Bucky knew that you felt something for him too, he knew you did, he’d seen the way you reacted when so close to him earlier. He smiled to himself as he thought about it but he knew that nothing could ever happen. You were Steve’s girlfriend and Bucky didn’t want to step in the way of his best friend’s relationship. For now though, Bucky would enjoy the fact that it was just you and him for a while longer.
It took you around 40 minutes of staring in silence out of the forwards facing window. Your eyes burned at the lack of blinking and your throat hurt from the hoarse crying, you cleared your throat and Bucky’s head snapped to you, “Hey,” he said quietly, “Lost you for a while there.” When you didn’t reply he told you that there was a bottle of water in the bag at your feet, “I didn’t have time to grab much so there’s just some water in the bag.”
You reached down, grabbing the bag and finding the water. It reminded you of the trip here. You’d cried so much that you had almost given yourself a migraine and Bucky had packed water. Now, not three weeks later, you were leaving although much sooner and in much worse condition. You downed the water before settling into your seat. Bucky reached behind him, grabbing his knitted blanket that you’d got him and his jacket, he set them on your knees gently, “I’m going to be driving a while so if you want to go back to sleep, feel free.” At the mention of sleep, you shot upwards, eyes wide with panic and heart immediately beating faster.
Bucky did a double take, “Whoa, whoa, what’s going on?” He asked, seeing the immediate panic in your eyes and all over your face.
“If I’m sleeping, what- what if you’re not there and something happens? What- What happens if they come back and find me?”
God, Bucky just wanted to hug you. He wanted to hold you close and tell you that he wouldn’t let anything happen to you. The way you looked, so sad and scared, made his heart absolutely ache. He shook his head, “I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I’m driving to the next state and then I’ll find a payphone and call home. When I get out of the car, I’ll be no less than two feet away from you, I promise you.”
You were terrified, terrified of him leaving, terrified of anything happening again, “You’ll stay the whole time? You’ll-You’ll stay with me?”
Bucky nodded, “I promise,” his voice was soft and so gentle, he knew how badly you needed that comfort and he would do anything to give it to you, “Get some rest, (y/n). I promise, I’ll be here when you wake up.”
After taking a deep breath, and making Bucky promise he wouldn’t leave two more times, you settled into your seat, the blanket draped over your knees but it was Bucky’s heavy leather jacket that you pulled around your torso and your face. You had the jacket gathered around your face, breathing it in. You didn’t really register what you were doing, too much in shock to really pay close attention, all you knew was that Bucky’s jacket smelled nice, it smelled of leather with a mix of pine, citrus and cologne. It was a comforting smell and soon, you were fast asleep cuddled into his jacket. Bucky glanced over at you one last time with a smile.
It was a few hours later when Bucky had driven well into another state that he felt comfortable stopping for a short while. He stopped on an empty highway which conveniently had a payphone. He pulled up a lot closer to the payphone than he should have but since he’d promised you no more than two feet then he really didn’t want to break that promise. He hoped that in stopping for a while, he wouldn’t let Hydra catch up but he’d driven hundreds of miles by now in a much faster speed so he hoped that it would be okay. He stretched when he got out of the car before checking his gun and knife were still in place before pulling out some money and punching in the one number that he knew by heart. It rang twice before they answered.
“Hello?”
“Steve, it’s me.”
“Bucky?” Steve Rogers said incredulously, “Why are you calling? What’s happened? Is (y/n) okay? Are you okay?” Steve fired question after question at him. He hadn’t been expecting Bucky to be in contact for at least a month and yet, not even three weeks later, he was calling him up.
“They found us,” Bucky said as he looked around, making sure no one else was there, “Two men broke into the cabin we were at during the night. (y/n)’s alive but... god, Steve, she’s really shaken up.”
“What happened? Can I talk to her?”
“She’s asleep just now,” Bucky watched you through the car window as he spoke, “You need to send a jet for us. We need to come home. It’s not safe now.”
“What happened, Buck?”
"Later,” Bucky said gruffly, “You need to send us a jet.” He didn’t want to waste time talking, he needed someone to come and get the two of you. Bucky glanced at you through the car window, he needed to protect you. As Steve’s questioning relented, Bucky recited the exact route he was on.
Steve told him that Nat, who had been in the same room as him whilst taking the call, was on the phone to Fury and, “Nat’s taking the jet, she should be there in around thirty minutes. Can you wait that long?”
Bucky glanced around, “We’ll wait, I’ll call you if anything else happens.” They hung up without exchanging another word, Bucky hadn’t wanted to stay on the phone too long. When he heard Steve’s voice, he had an overwhelming sense of guilt. He felt horrible about everything, about what happened, about his feelings for you... it was awful. Bucky hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. He was perfectly okay seeing life without colour if that meant things weren’t awkward and complicated. He just couldn’t bare it. He looked at you through the car window again and for a split second a thought appeared. She’s worth it.
After a minute of getting fresh air, Bucky went back into the car. He let you sleep another twenty minutes or so before he gently began to say your name to wake you up, “(y/n)?”
You shot upwards, terrified thinking that someone else was about to attack, Bucky was quick to calm you, “Hey, hey, it’s okay, it’s just me. (y/n), everything’s okay.” God, he hated seeing that fear in your eyes.
Your hands reached out, grabbing onto his arm tightly, “Bucky,” you whispered as you tried to catch your breath, “Everything’s okay?” You looked at him with worry in your eyes.
Bucky was quick to nod, giving your hand a small pat, “Everything’s fine.” He let you take a few calming breaths as he watched you carefully. He felt responsible for all of this, he should’ve eliminated the risk before you even knew about it but he couldn’t and he didn’t, “I called Steve.”
The mention of Steve made you frown, Steve... it took a few seconds before you remembered Steve. You were still in shock, too focused on what had happened mere hours ago so Bucky doesn’t take it to heart when you seemingly don’t remember your own boyfriend. When it hits you, you look up at Bucky, “He’s coming?”
Bucky shook his head, “He’s sending a jet and it’ll take us to the hospital.” Your panic spiked again but Bucky explained it would be routine, “You’re in shock and you need to be looked over. Me too. Hospital’s the safest place right now.” You nodded slowly and asked when they’d be here, Bucky shrugged and gave you a rough estimate of half an hour, “Are we safe?”
Bucky nodded, “Yeah. We are. I didn’t stop driving until we got here, we’ve been here for a while. I predict that they’d still be a couple hours behind us.” That estimate was a guess, he hoped that they’d be a couple hours behind but Hydra were sneaky and you could never truly figure them out.
It was then you realised that you were still holding onto Bucky’s arm. Quickly, as your cheeks burned, you let him go, apologising softly, “Hey,” Bucky said quietly, so gently and so carefully, “It’s okay, doll. Everything’s going to be okay.” You looked up at him, looking into those dark blue eyes, feeling yourself getting carried away in thoughts that could not ever happen. You felt as though he could really see you when you looked at him, like he could see into your soul, read your thoughts; it was silly, it was extremely ridiculous but that’s what a soulmate felt like. It felt like the last piece of your puzzle was right there, sitting in the car beside you, eyes boring into your own...
“(y/n)...” Bucky murmured softly. He had stopped himself from kissing you once before and now, he wasn’t sure if he could stop himself again. The pull was too strong, the pull was too much. You looked at him with the kindest eyes that he hadn’t seen in a long time, not since the 40s at least and all he wanted to do was tell you how he felt. He wanted to tell you that he was in love with you, tell you everything you made him feel and that he was wholly and irrevocably in love with you and you know what? You wanted him to. You wanted him to kiss you, you wanted him to tell you every feeling he felt for you, every reason why he felt it...
As Bucky moved closer, eyes fleeting between your lips and your eyes in a silent question of ‘is this okay?’, you began to hear a distant noise that began to get louder and louder. You and Bucky pulled apart, leaning forwards to look out of the window, “It’s the jet,” you said, recognising the S.H.I.E.L.D owned jet. You didn’t know why you felt a pang of sadness. Without a word, Bucky got out of the car, waving at arm at the jet to make sure it knew that you were here and grabbed the bags out of the trunk. You watched him get out and sighed before following suit and leaving the car as well. It took another minute or two before the jet had landed safely about 50 feet away from you.
You and Bucky stood beside each other, Bucky’s hand was on his gun just in case but a moment later, a familiar face appeared and was soon walking towards you. It was Nat. She wore a large smile, “When Steve told me that you were coming home, I had to be the one to come get you,” she said, loudly over the noise of the jet as she approached. Natasha Romanoff was not a very emotional or touchy feely person but when she got up close, she wrapped you in the tightest hug imaginable. You didn’t hug her back. You were thankful that she had came but you couldn’t give her that sort of emotion yet, you were in shock; you were traumatised. She pulled away with a frown, “You okay?”
Quickly, you glanced to Bucky who recognised your look as one of ‘help’ and he took over the conversation, “We need to get going,” he told Nat gruffly, “we don’t know how far out they’ll be.” Nat nodded, glancing back at you once more before she opened the back of the jet for you and Bucky to climb into. The other pilot was a S.H.I.E.L.D agent that you didn’t recognise.
“Strap yourselves in,” he instructed, “make sure the bags are secure as well.”
Bucky strapped in the bags as you strapped yourself in and he went to sit across from you but quickly, your arm shot outwards, grabbing his metal hand. He instinctively wrapped his vibranium fingers around your hand, “Sit beside me,” you said quietly, “please.”
Bucky nodded, dropping your hand, choosing not to think about how nice it felt to have you touch his metal arm and strapped himself in beside you. There was about 8 spaces in the back of the jet to sit and yet, you and Bucky were pressed against each other. You didn’t know why but you needed him beside you, you needed to feel him next to you, needed to feel that he was there with you always. You blamed it on what had happened, that you were still scared and fragile and needed someone there but as Nat prepared for take off, she looked at the pair of you and realised that it was far more than simply being scared; it was called being in love.
As Nat began to ready for take off, you dropped your head onto Bucky’s shoulder and closed your eyes. There was something so comforting about him, so peaceful and gentle, a side that he rarely got to show the world these days. Bucky hated planes, he hated flying and jets and all of that but when Nat took off, he barely registered that you were all in the air and instead, was more focused on the fact that you were falling asleep on his shoulder. He rested his head on the headrest, closing his eyes and enjoying the short while of peaceful time that the two of you would have left together.
He thought of Steve and what would happen when you saw him again. Would you completely drop Bucky? Would your feelings have changed for Steve? He had no clue. It was selfish of him to want you to stick around but he didn’t expect you to. What was three weeks with you to Steve’s year with you? It felt nice that you were so comfortable around him now, that you were depending on him to help you. For now, he would enjoy what little time he had left with you.
Getting from the jet to the hospital was all a bit of a blur. You and Bucky were rushed from the jet and rushed into the hospital. They had tried to separate the two of you but you refused point blank to go anywhere without him there. You lost Nat in the crowds of people who were checking you both over, forcing you to drink water and making you do all sorts of reaction tests. After that, you and Bucky were taken to a room with one hospital bed in it and a chair.
“Mr Barnes, if you’d like to follow me I’ll take you to your room,” the nurse said.
“No!” You exclaimed grabbing at Bucky and tugging him to your side. The way you gripped his arm and pulled him with all of your strength surprised Bucky, that you were so desperate to keep him there beside you; he was the only comfort right now, the only thing that stopped you from spiralling.
“Mr Barnes has a room of his own, it’s just beside yours. You can visit whenever you like.”
“No, he stays.”
“His room is next door.”
“Then wheel the bed in here.” Bucky couldn’t help but smirk at your stubborn responses.
The nurse, who was becoming more and more irritated by your demands, looked at Bucky and Bucky stepped forwards. Your hand fell to his and he wrapped his fingers around yours immediately. The two of you couldn’t help but notice how right it felt to be touching each other and to be holding hands but Bucky snapped out of it quickly, “Look, Nurse...” he trailed off reading the name on her badge, “Owens. Nurse Owens, we’ve been through something pretty awful and we’d appreciate it if we could just share a room. I’ll wheel the bed in, I’ll set it up, you won’t have to do anything.”
“I’m under orders from Director Fury to-”
“Who gives a shit about what he says, am I right?” Bucky scoffed out a laugh, “If he has an issue with it, tell him to come and see me.”
After a few more back and forths, Nurse Owens relented and asked two student nurses to wheel Bucky’s bed into your room, “Thank you, Nurse Owens!” Bucky called from the door once the student nurses were finished. You heard her huff ‘bloody superheroes’ from down the hallway. He closed the door behind him before taking a couple of steps towards you, “How you doing?” He dipped his head to meet your eyes and his voice, god, his voice was so soft and gentle like warm syrup drizzling over some pancakes on a warm Sunday morning.
“Sorry, I know I keep grabbing you and pulling you,” you apologised quietly, “I just...” You didn’t know what to tell him without telling him too much, “I don’t want to be alone right now.”
Bucky nodded, “It’s okay, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. I’ll stay as long as you need me to.”
It was a while later when Natasha knocked on the door and walked in. She had been pre-warned by Nurse Owens that Bucky was in there with you also, “I brought you both some clothes,” Nat said holding up two bags, “(y/n), I stopped by your apartment and lifted some of your own clothes. Barnes, I didn’t go to your apartment instead I got Clint to give me some of his for you.” She smiled sarcastically at you both.
“Thanks, Nat,” you said quietly. It was Bucky who got up to collect the bags from her. Nat frowned, you weren’t acting like yourself. She didn’t know what happened, no one knew but whatever it was, it must’ve been bad for you to not be able to look her in the eye.
“Oh, there’s toiletries and things in the bags as well. I thought that you’d probably want to take a shower. Barnes, I was told that you can go shower next door so that (y/n) can shower in here.”
Your head shot up, “No,” you said quickly. Nat’s frown deepened. She knew that fear in your eyes, she also knew that look in your eyes when you looked at Bucky... that was the look of love.
“I’ll stay here,” Bucky said, glancing back at you. He could tell by Natasha’s face that she was trying to figure out the relationship between the two of you, trying to figure out what was going on so he quickly said, “I’ll let (y/n) shower and get ready first, I’ll wait out here and then I’ll take a turn.” Natasha eyed the two of you carefully. Something was going on between you and Bucky and as your friend, she was determined to find out what was going on.
“If you need anything, I’ll be around.” She left with one last glance at you. Bucky closed the door and came to give you the bag of clothes that she’d brought for you. You thanked him quietly.
“You want to shower first?” He asked.
You nodded, taking your bag and walking into the adjoined shower room. For some reason, you were terrified as you walked into the shower room. You closed the door behind you before popping your head out a second later. Bucky looked over at you, “Can you pull that chair over and sit outside the shower room?” You asked him quietly, “Just so I know that no one will come in or-”
Bucky cut you off by dropping his belongings on the bed and pulling the chair over to sit outside the shower room. He gave you a soft smile as he did so, “I’ll be here, I promise.”
You breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that he’d be there to keep you safe, and you felt comfortable to shut the door and turn on the shower. As you turned to take your top off, you realised that there was a slight spray of dried blood over your clothes. It was still a dark red though it was turning that sickly dried brown colour. Oh I wish I couldn’t see that colour. Bile rose in your throat as you looked at yourself before you quickly pulled your clothes off, dumping them in the bin before looking back to the mirror. You almost didn’t recognise yourself. You had dark bags under your bloodshot eyes, blanched skin and bruises on your body. The bruises would’ve been from jumping out of the closest and landing on that Hydra agent. It was your body, the same curves, the same stretchmarks and freckles but it was different now; it had been through something unbelievably terrifying. With a sigh, you stepped under the shower, letting the scalding water wash away some of the trauma.
As you showered, Natasha walked into your joint hospital room. She had a couple more bags, “Brought food, where’s (y/n)?”
“Showering.”
She frowned, “Why are you sitting directly outside?”
“She asked me to.” The two assassins stared each other down, stubborn as each other, “Thanks for the food.”
“Listen, Barnes, I don’t know your game plan here, I don’t know if you’re trying to break up (y/n) and Steve but they don’t need you interfering with them.”
Bucky rolled his eyes, “I’m not trying to interfere.”
“You’re in love with her, that’s so freaking obvious.”
“You’re crazy.”
“Wait until you stay awake half the night, not because you can’t sleep or because of a nightmare, but because you can’t stop watching her. Then come talk to me about who’s in love or not.” She gave him a sarcastic smile, “Just know that (y/n) is one of my closest friends and she’s been through enough. She might have gotten confused when you were away because it was only you and her and you’re apparently soulmates but don’t let that fool you. She loves Steve.”
Bucky raised his eyebrows and took a step towards her, “Why don’t you let (y/n) decide who she wants?”
Natasha smirked slightly, “So you do love her. Okay, just checking.” With that, she turned on her heel and left, leaving Bucky more confused than ever. With a sigh, he went back to his chair and sat down, thinking about what that exchange was all about.
You weren’t sure how long you showered for; minutes? Hours? Who knew? All you knew was that the feeling of the water hitting your skin, warm and fast, was therapeutic. You scrubbed at your skin until it was red raw and washed your hair once, twice, three times until you were certain that there was no grime, no blood and no trace of last night on your skin. Once you felt sufficiently clean, you turned the shower off. You glanced towards the door, “Bucky?”
“Yeah, doll?” He called, he sounded close, he was still sitting outside.
“I like that,” you replied, “I like when you call me that.”
“I like calling you it.” He smiled. God help me, I’m in love with my best friend’s girl.
As you got your bag with all of your clothes you couldn’t have been happier. Thank you Natasha Romanoff! She had packed your skin care and moisturiser along with some perfume and your own clothes. She was a saint. You moisturised your face before pulling on your own clothes. As you pulled them over your head, you realised they smelled like home; like you and like Steve. You inhaled the smell deeply, god, you forgot how much you missed that smell. Before you left the shower room, you looked at yourself in the mirror and realised that you looked and felt a lot better; you felt and looked more like yourself. The bags were still prominent under your eyes but you didn’t look so pale and didn’t look so terrified. Plus wearing clothes that were your own that suited your body and your curves was always a bonus.
You left a moment later to see Bucky sitting just outside. He got up and pulled the chair out of the way before drinking you in, “Wow,” he said softly, “you look... you look beautiful.”
“Oh, shut up,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes, “I’m wearing Christmas pyjamas in the middle of May!”
“No, I mean it,” Bucky said seriously, “You’re just lovely.”
You sucked in a deep breath as you looked at him, relishing in the way that he looked at you before snapping out of it, “Your turn,” you said, passing him a towel, “Do you mind if I sit here when you’re in too?”
He shook his head, giving you a smile, knowing that you needed to feel safe and if that meant you would be sitting right outside as he showered, so be it, “Go ahead.”
Bucky showered quickly, he was never a ‘stay and think’ in the shower kind of guy, so it wasn’t long before he was back outside, sitting on the foot of your bed as you sat at the top playing cards which he’d managed to get off one of the nurses.
The rest of the night went by peacefully. Steve hadn’t visited yet because he was in the middle of safeguarding the apartment again and getting things in place for that. Natasha was in the hospital, monitoring you and Bucky and checking on you routinely. You and Bucky played some cards until you started to yawn, “Don’t tell me that you’ll be sleeping on the floor in here,” you said to him as he climbed off of your bed and let you get settled.
He gave a short laugh, “Nah... I’ll be lying on the bed. Hospital beds are just as uncomfortable as the floor.”
As the pair of you settled into your beds, you found yourself staring up at the ceiling, staring into the darkness, “Bucky?” You asked.
“Yeah, (y/n)?”
“How do you deal with it?”
Bucky thought for a moment, “Therapy’s helped a lot, honestly. You know me, doll, you know that I still have nightmares. I didn’t deal with it for a long time and that shows. I go see my therapist and it doesn’t make everything perfect but it takes some of the mental toll away... To be honest, I don’t know if my nightmares and things will ever truly go away. I isolated myself from everyone... don’t do what I did.”
The two of you were silent for a long time, “You’re not going to leave after this, are you?” You asked him, “You won’t go back to Wakanda or anything?”
He peered over at you, seeing you looking at him, “I’m not going to leave, I promise.”
“I know that when we found out we were... you know,” soulmates, “that we were going to not see each other but...”
“Sweetheart, I don’t think I could stay away from you if I tried,” Bucky scoffed, turning to lie on his side so that he was facing you, “You’re under my skin, (y/n). No going back now.” It was some form of admission but the laugh that accompanied it made it feel a lot less serious than what it was.
“Tell me I’m going to be okay.”
“You’re going to be absolutely fine, (y/n).”
“Night, James,” you yawned, rolling over so that you were facing him. You gave him a smile before closing your eyes. Surprisingly, it didn’t take you too long to fall asleep. You thought that you’d struggle but your mind was a lot clearer and with Bucky there, you felt a lot safer.
Bucky watched you, listened to your breathing and your slight snores, he looked at the strand of hair that had fallen in front of your face, tickling at your nose and he cursed Natasha Romanoff for being right. He watched you for a long time, finding you so peaceful even when you snored, before he closed his eyes and fell asleep.
You woke up in the same exact position that you’d fallen asleep in. You woke up to see Bucky sound asleep which surprised you. You thought that he would’ve been awake before you, usually he was up and ready by the time you were just stirring. He looked strangely peaceful when he was sleeping, no frown lines, no seriousness; just peaceful. It was almost as though he could feel you staring at him when he frowned and opened one eye, “Why are you watching me?” He asked, voice groggy
“I am not watching you!” You rolled your eyes, sitting up, “I just happened to be facing that way and opened my eyes!”
He rolled over, “Yeah, okay, doll. You were too busy ogling me again.”
“Shut up, Barnes.”
After getting up and getting dressed, Director Fury walked into your joint hospital room, “Now, who in the hell was arguing with my nurses?” He asked, arms crossed over his chest. He was intimidating; reminding you of when you were at school and were caught chatting to your friend when you weren’t meant to.
“Uh... the two of us?” You offered.
“Nurse Owens is now demanding a pay rise telling me that she doesn’t deserve to be looking after demanding superheroes.” Ugh, we’re not even superheroes.
You and Bucky glanced at each other, trying to hold in laughter. Director Fury rolled his eyes, “I’ve been told that the two of you are fine to be discharged this morning. We’ve been unable to track down Rumlow and his men but we’re still looking.” At the mention of Rumlow, your smile fell and you remembered all of the shit that had happened, “We’ve not figured out how they tracked you both down yet, Agent Hill is sourcing the car as we speak so I’ll update you soon on that front. Any questions?”
The two of you shook your heads.
“Good, ain’t got no time for stupid damn questions,” Fury grumbled, “I need to take your accounts of what happened but you have a very persuasive boyfriend, Miss (Y/L/N). Captain Rogers has asked on both of your accounts to get back home, get settled and then tell us tomorrow.”
“Steve?” You asked quietly, “Is he here?” Bucky’s face flashed an unreadable emotion but quickly changed to that of his normal stony look.
Fury shook his head, “He’ll be here later with Agent Romanoff to collect you both.”
“Is home safe?” Bucky asked, “Will (y/n) be safe?”
“Rogers is setting up more precautions, we’ve evacuated half of the apartment building. The whole floor that you and Steve live on is full of SHIELD agents. We have a new door entry system, new cameras with facial recognition technology. If anyone comes in or out, we’ll know about it and we’ll know everything about them in twenty seconds.”
It honestly made you feel a little uncomfortable. All of this protection for you. You weren’t that special that you deserved this treatment. You didn’t feel as though you deserved this much attention or time. Steve would’ve pressed for Fury to put more guards and more security in the apartment building. This seemed a bit like overkill though but you wouldn’t say no to extra protection.
Fury left after telling you that he’d be in contact the next day. Bucky glanced at you, “Jeez, he’s a bit serious, isn’t he?”
You smiled slightly, “Just a bit.”
After having breakfast, unbeknownst to either of you, Natasha Romanoff stood down the hall, looking into the window of your joint room. She watched as you and Bucky played cards, laughing and smiling. Footsteps came up from behind her, “Are they here?”
She turned to meet Steve Rogers, “Yeah. They’ve been checked over and monitored all night. Fury was worried about (y/n) because she was really shaken up but she seems to be doing better now.”
Steve tapped his foot impatiently. It wasn’t like the Super Soldier to be nervous but he was terrified. He needed to make sure that you were okay, he was terrified in case you weren’t and he was terrified in care you were okay... okay with Bucky that is, “Can I see her?”
“Steve, before you do, I think you need to know something,” Nat said with a frown. Steve’s heart sank and his shoulders sagged, “Now, I don’t know what happened but it was bad. (y/n) wouldn’t look at me, wouldn’t hug me, would barely speak to me. She only wants him by her side, she refused to leave his side, fought a nurse over it as well because they tried to give them separate rooms. I don’t know if it’s a trauma related thing or a soulmate related thing but I wanted to prepare you for it just in case-”
Steve glanced up, spying you through the window. You looked beautiful as ever as you sat on the bed playing cards. He’d missed that sight, you with your hair down and laughing. Bucky sat at the end of the bed and he was... laughing? In recent years, Bucky wasn’t one to open up to anyone much and he rarely ever laughed but as Steve watched the two of you, he saw the little details. He saw Bucky lean forwards, closer to you to put down a card and you didn’t move away, he saw you touch his hand and Bucky didn’t flinch but most of all, he saw the smiles the two of you wore.
“She looks happy,” he said softly, “they both do.”
“She’s just as happy with you, you know,” Nat reminded him, nudging his side, “We don’t know what’s happened or what’s went on between the two of them so we can’t jump to conclusions.”
It was then that you happened to glance out of the window before looking back to your cards. Wait. You threw your head to the side to look out of the window again. There he was, in all of his six foot something glory, “Steve,” you whispered. Bucky’s head whipped to the side. You dropped the playing cards on the bed, the game abandoned as you clambered upwards, “Steve!” You threw open the hospital door, “Steve!”
You took off running for him, tears filling your eyes as your heart hammered in your chest. Steve’s face broke into a large grin seeing you rushing towards him, he opened his arms and readied himself for your impact. You crashed into him, throwing your arms around his neck, sobbing into his chest. You hadn’t realised how much you’d missed him, how much you needed to feel him, needed to smell his cologne and needed to touch him. He held you tightly, lifting you easily despite your weight because that’s the fun in having a Super Soldier as a boyfriend.
With one hand he stroked back your hair whispering soft words of encouragement, “I’ve got you, sweetheart, it’s okay now.” You wept into his chest, everything overwhelming you again; all of the trauma, all of the fear, all of the guilt over Bucky... everything was pouring out now. God, you missed him. Here he was, in the flesh, holding you tightly and telling you that everything was okay. You hadn’t realised how much you’d needed to hear that.
Bucky looked on as you reconnected with Steve. It hurt, it hurt a lot more than he thought it would. He wanted you to be that happy to see him, he wanted to hold you like that; he wanted you. Natasha watched him, gauging his reactions, before she approached him and casually said, “Get a good sleep?”
Bucky rolled his eyes, walking towards you and Steve. When you pulled away from Steve, Steve saw Bucky. They embraced for a moment before Steve went back to hold you, “Are you okay?” Steve asked you and then looked to Bucky, “Are the two of you okay?”
Bucky nodded, “We will be.”
Steve pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, “You ready to go home?”
You glanced to Bucky, locking eyes for a second. He wore an expression that you’d never seen him wear before... was that sadness? There was a look in his eyes, a look of pain or anguish and the way he looked at you almost screamed ‘don’t go’.
“Sweetheart?” Steve asked breaking you from your trance.
You looked to him and back to Bucky but when you turned to Bucky, he was his usual stony self, no emotion and unreadable, “Yeah,” you said eventually, “Yeah let’s go.”
“You coming, Buck?” Steve asked as he took your bags off of Bucky, “I’ll drop you off at your apartment.”
“No, it’s fine. I’ll just walk it.”
“Your apartment is like five miles from here,” you said with a frown, “Why don’t you just come with us?”
Bucky forced a smile, “I’ll walk, (y/n). Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Could do with clearing my head a bit anyway... Will you let me know when you’ve got home safe?” He directed the question to Steve.
Steve nodded, “Sure. Tomorrow, Fury wants to get the full story from you both. We could talk after that, Buck, catch up?”
Bucky nodded, taking a step backwards, “Sounds like a plan. I’ll see you later.”
Steve began to walk away, his hand leading you in the opposite direction. You turned around, eyes meeting Bucky’s and there was that sad expression. God, you wanted to rush up to him and hug him, you wanted to stop him and say something; you wanted to do something but instead, you let Steve lead you out of the hospital and into his car.
Steve spoke softly to you, telling you some lighter pieces of news that had been happening, “Nat will probably want to tell you herself but she and Banner finally made it official...” You hummed in response, “Pepper found out that she’s expecting a little girl. Tony’s beside himself.” You hummed again. Steve glanced at you, concerned.
It didn’t take long before you were outside your apartment building and your heart began to speed up. You hadn’t been here in only three weeks but it felt like a lifetime ago that you were leaving with Bucky. Steve asked if you were okay to which you replied by shaking your head. He grabbed your bags and held your hand tightly, “It’s going to be okay,” he whispered as you slowly approached the looming building.
The new entry system asked your name and apartment number and scanned your fingerprints. Overkill. Soon, you were heading up the stairs and to your apartment. Your palms were sweaty and you felt like your heart was going to burst out of your ribcage at any minute. You didn’t know why you were so scared, was it because of what happened with Rumlow here or when you left? Whatever it was, it was taking all of your willpower to put one foot in front of the other and force yourself to walk to your apartment.
Steve unlocked the door and swung it open. You took a deep breath as the door opened to reveal... your apartment. You breathed out. There were no bad guys, no guns, no Hydra or SHIELD agents, it was simply yours and Steve’s apartment. Slowly, you walked inside. Steve let you test the waters first, he let you slowly re-enter your home and re-enter normality. He didn’t expect you to be instantly okay now that you were home. You’d had numerous traumatic experiences which had led up to this moment so he knew that you had to go at your own pace.
“Can you check the rooms?” You asked quietly, “Make sure it’s safe.” Steve didn’t even question it. Instead, he scouted every room and made sure that he’d checked every possible hiding place, “Thank you,” you whispered when he’d finished.
Gently, he took your hand and led you into the bedroom, “Get changed into comfortable clothes and I’ll make us something to eat, how does that sound?”
You nodded, “Sounds great actually.”
Steve had dropped your bags onto the bed, neither of you noticed the open letter slipping out and landing on the bed. You rifled your wardrobe, picking our some pyjamas before telling Steve that you were going for a shower. You could hear him shuffling around the house, clanging of pots and pans reassuring you that he was still close by. You didn’t need him by your side at all times, not like with Bucky. You tried to push Bucky out of your head, tried to make yourself stop thinking about him but it was becoming a bit futile now.
You were in the shower for a while, enjoying the water hitting down on your body. You skipped washing your hair this time which cut down your time significantly but by the time you were out, Steve had whipped up a quick meal of pasta for the two of you, “Smells amazing!” You said as you walked back into the bedroom to see Steve sitting on the bed with something in his hands, “You okay?”
It was then that you realised what was in his hands; his letter. He had told you to only open it if you started to feel something for Bucky Barnes, his best friend, and it had been torn open confirming his worst fears. You had developed some sort of feelings for Bucky and there was nothing Steve could do about it. He looked up at you, eyes so sad, “You opened it...” he said quietly, “You opened it.”
Oh, shit.