#lycvns text

[mortalitease]

I’ve just returned from the synagogue.

Everything went spectacularly.

I was a nervous wreck but being in a small group meant there was less pressure on me to speak. The median age of our trio runs up from me, putting me at the youngest, which is something I strongly prefer and puts me at ease. The rabbi had no problem with me being transgender; he’s had a transgender student study with him before. He even asked which pronouns I prefer which is [100 emoji here].

We spoke about very basic things after introducing ourselves. He asked us to buy a specific book to study from, so I’ll get on that this weekend.

I will be meeting with him again for a private session this Wednesday. Group meetings with the other potential converts will continue each Friday. And I was invited to their service for the Sabbath tomorrow morning. I don’t know if I can make it.

In hindsight, I don’t know what I was worried about.

[mortalitease]

I’ve been thumbing through Essential Judaism since it came in the mail this evening. I wish I’d bought the book months ago. There’s so much information in this damn thing, and it’s very accessible. The language is easy to understand and everything is neatly organised.

[mortalitease]

I’ve finally caught up with Orphan Black and I am Not Okay.

[mortalitease]

Fun Fact: I was able to avoid every single possible spoiler for The Hobbit trilogy until I was finally able to finish it last month.

Fun Fact #2: I have had Dragon Age: Inquisition for over a year but have yet to play it (I want to complete Origins first), and I have dodged all spoilers for that, too.

I am a f u c k i n g e x p e r t.

[mortalitease]

I do not (normally) hyperfocus.

My main struggle is maintaining sustained attention to one task—my online browsing habits consist of a steady stream of opening and closing tabs, never staying in one place for too long.

Yet last night I could not pull myself away from an awful piece of fiction I was reading. It was the most frustrating thing; it was well into 2 am, reaching 3, but I couldn’t pull away and hadn’t in hours. The writing was dreadful and the mischaracterization was rampant. This was not a case of “it’s so good I can’t put it down”, but a case of “this is terrible and I don’t understand why I am still here”. But I sat there for hours, exhausted.

The same happened today. I sat and scrolled through a tag for hours despite feeling exhausted and wracked with hunger, but it felt as though something kept me there, scrolling mindlessly.

I feel like I’ve wasted my day even though I didn’t want to.

[mortalitease]

Lord help me, I’m back on my shit again *follows 20 guro blogs*

[mortalitease]

I can’t believe people on this site think calling your male significant other “daddy” is

New

Only done by people in the DDLG community

Means you have a “daddy kink”

This is such an old thing that is done both playfully and sexually. And if you honestly think any specific age demographic has a singular claim to the word you need to grow up and stop reaching. It is 100% your problem if you suddenly feel insecure calling your own father “daddy”, not anyone else’s. It also doesn’t harm children and this claim that girls as young as 11 are being told they’re too old to call their fathers' daddy is anecdotal evidence you pulled out of your ass that doesn’t suggest a large scale trend. (And is also the fault of the individual adults telling children there’s something wrong with it.)

I’m just so baffled by how anti-kink Tumblr is, even among people 20+. I don’t see these ridiculous views echoed anywhere else online. And when there is criticism, people tend not to show such black and white/all-or-nothing viewpoints. They acknowledge if and when there are grey areas.

I’m sooo glad I got rid of my kink blog on here because lmao

I am not going to have some random vanilla 18-year-old try to lecture me about consent and safety

[mortalitease]

I’m finding it difficult not to identify more and more with my local Jewish community. Not only am I completely morally, socially, and politically compatible with my rabbi, but he and the other conversion students have shown me nothing but kindness and courtesy. When I attended my first minyan with the rabbi, the people there were nothing but kind even though I was a stranger.

It feels very different than the Baptist churches of my past and the larger local community. I have felt I didn’t belong in those spaces for one reason or another but the synagogue has made me feel welcome.

There are also always so many books. SO. MANY. BOOKS. This is just the Book Synagogue. Temple of the Books. Every time I go, I come home with a new one. Some of them are old and used, others are brand new. The rabbi insists we don’t need to pay for them and that they are gifts from him to us. I have been given more from this community than I have given back, and I feel I need to find a way to show my appreciation soon.