#lying.txt

[localmsifan]

Tips for being stpd (or maybe schizospec in general idk):

Never. NEVER EVER. Read self aware aus.

[localmsifan]

Me: hmmm i do wonder why aim so scared of judgement, other people had humiliating moments but they didn't turn out like i did

My mom my entire life: they will judge you. They will notice all your flaws and they will judge you. They will laugh at you and think you're a freak. They will notice every single thing that's wrong with you and laugh at you. They will never forget and you will forever be shamed.

[localmsifan]

Got my first friend after about 9 months of having none. Awful, awful, terrible experience wouldn't recommend

[localmsifan]

Intro and stuff

My name is Gerasim but you can call me by my user- or display (Tomahawk) name

Trans male, aegoaroace, Russian, undeadkin, undiagnosed AvPD, ADHD and StPD, suspected ED

DNI: Transphobia, ableism, racism, profic, pro generative AI

I do drawings and thoughts and sometimes fanfiction and stuff. I won't actually post much of my own content probably because intense fear of judgement but yeah

Main fandoms: Smile for Me, No Straight Roads, Jekyll and Hyde (book), Date Everything, Phantom of the Opera (book), Dispatch, BKMN, TMA, NINAH, Reverse 1999, DETC

Main music: MSI, 4 Позиции Бруно, Порез на Собаке, Электрофорез, THD, Comus, Mother Mother, Rob Zombie, And One, Deftones

Less important labels: thorny AvPD, visitorkin (not really but best explanation), Lonely aligned (Extinction and Slaughter undertones), lawful neutral

Also I am localmsifan in spacehey and ao3, i_ate_pog in tiktok

Tags for navigation will be also on this post

[localmsifan]

One of the most weird ways my subconsciousness shames me is via things i like, more importantly, whether or not it deems a thing i like worth liking. It will not care about whether or not the creator is problematic or if it has harmful ideas tied into its very core, despite my weird immovable moral compass, but if there is a flaw that is important to it, like some of the designs being uncreative or it being too popular, it will immediately regard it as unworthy, as something that i must immediately disregard and never look at again, and if i do not them i must feel shame and guilt for perpetrating such scum. I wish i could communicate with my subconsciousness, it's so weird.

[localmsifan]

Hmmm i sure do hope nobody notices me *stands in the corner away from everyone else*

[localmsifan]

Why is there happy music playing in my head. This isn't a happy go lucky moment. I am failing every1 including myself. Why the fuck are you playing it.

[localmsifan]

Nahh the fact that aim listening to calm sad music all day can't be the reason i feel tired and empty ur stupid shut up