we basically stopped seeing each other often, mostly b3cause i stopped insisting and decided i wanted to be over him, and obviously HE wouldn't insist. that and a few other things in my life hurt so much i didn't even notice myself start to ignore my emotions as i often do. when we met again i genuinely thought i was over him bc of how good i am at that. but then it backfired with other friends (one can't be a good friend if they don't talk about themselves ever i think) and so i started minding my feelings a bit again and i realised not only am i not over him AT ALL but also the jealousy is just as strong as it always was and it doesn't seem to be stopping ever. i have no idea why i thought this time i figured out how to get over one of my obsessions when that genuinely hasn't happened ever in my life. all i got from that experience was a bit more confidence in life and a bit more distance from him, the latter which is USELESS because it's only made the envy worse. but the confidence makes thr whole thing a bit less agonizingly miserable i guess.