in hwa. // self-para
침례 Hospital | Geumjeong-gu, Busan, South Korea | circa, mid-2015
❝ The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It's the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared. ❞
-- The Giver, Lois Lowry © 1993
As much as she was nervous, excitement coated every fiber of Nari’s being. She had been through this once before, when she was pregnant with Chulsoo, but being in a room with so many machines and the near nauseating smell of antiseptic was enough to make anyone feel nervous. Maybe it was just the ingrained fear of hospitals that made her feel uneasy. Hospitals were for sick people, and no one ever wanted to be sick. Especially not pregnant women.
But her husband was sweet and he held her hand through the whole thing, figuratively and literally. He even cracked a few jokes in order to make Nari smile which she appreciated. Never in a million years would she have picked Chanmo as a husband, but after their time together and raising their son together, she couldn’t imagine growing old with anyone else. And as the new little heartbeat registered on the monitor, the woman couldn’t help but squeeze his hand tightly. He cringed. She was petite, but she was strong.
“Would you like to know the gender?” The doctor asked, peeking at the couple over her rims of her glasses.
In unison, the pair gave a solid, “Yes!” The woman laughed and nodded, turning her attention back to the monitor. Her hand moved around Nari’s stomach a few more times before the doctor wiped off her skin and placed the device back in it’s holder. With a sweet, congratulatory smile, the woman bowed her head. “It looks like its going to be a girl.”
Tears welled up to Nari’s eyes and she pulled Chanmo in for a tight hug. He squirmed at first, never really used to her unexpected strength, but this was exciting news for the both of them, so he returned her hug but a bit gentler. After the nurse left the room, he beamed with happiness, pulling a chair over to the side of the bed while maintaining his hold on his wife’s hand.
“Ha Na?” He asked, reassuring the name both parents had agreed on if it was a girl. Clearly Chanmo had been expecting an immediate confirmation, for he seemed a bit surprised when Nari hesitated.
She always wanted one boy and one girl if she were to have kids. Chul-soo if it’s a boy, and Ha Na if it’s a girl. That’s what she always told people who asked. And up until this very moment, where it all became reality, her choices had never swayed even a bit. Her son, now almost four years old, was named Chulsoo and he was the light of her life. But as she thought about how real it was all becoming, her childhood fantasies, a memory struck her.
A flashback to a moment in her childhood when she had poured her worries and heart out to her best friend at the time, Junho. He had always listened to her nonsense and ramblings, playing along and accepting her words without judgement. After the recent years she’d endured, this memory was a warm reminder. She smiled at the thought. Back then she had been so worried about marriage and the life ahead of her. Junho had told her that things would work out and she shouldn’t worry so much. They even made a pact to wed one another if they both turned out to be lonely by adulthood. Nari chuckled audibly, resulting in a confused look from Chanmo.
“What is it? You don’t want Ha Na anymore?” He said with a cock of his head.
“Mmm,” Nari hummed for a moment. She really did like the name Ha Na. It was sweet and simple, much like her own, but from that memory of Junho spurred another recollection.
“Chul-soo I am alright with, but, if it’s a girl, the name must be In Hwa, like my mother.” He had said as a reply to her ridiculous plans. In which she agreed to the deal.
Although that promise had been made if the two friends ended up together, Nari hadn’t seen or heard from Junho in years. Knowing him, he probably only got better looking with age and, as a rich doctor, he most likely had women throwing themselves at him for his attention. It was impossible that he’d be unwed or single by now. And as she watched her husband’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, she realized that those childhood plans were ultimately empty. The two would probably never see each other again, let alone marry. Besides, Nari was somewhat happily married, with a beautiful son and now a daughter on the way. However, this didn’t change the skip of her heart at the thought of her childhood.
“What do you think about the name In Hwa? Isn’t that pretty too?” The corners of her lips tugged upwards into a nostalgic smile.
“Hm,” Chanmo thought for a moment before giving her hand a light kiss. “Alright. I like it if you like it. It’s very pretty. She’ll be just like her mom, even down to her name.”
