#m's yaps

[deathofdivinity]

i just want her to hold me and cuddle me and call me her sweet bunny OH i'm small that's what it is

[deathofdivinity]

all i have is me. and i think i can be enough for myself.

nobody stays forever. it's not an exaggeration, it's a fact of life. people grow apart. people leave. people die. the only person that will always be with me is me. and that is something i've had to accept over the past few years. enjoy people while they're here because they won't always be.

[deathofdivinity]

it's hard to forget you when everything around me is attached to you.

fuck this small town we grew up in and all the beautiful memories.

i can't pass by the beach where we had our first kiss.

i can't pass by the coffee shop downtown where we'd go on dates.

or the playground where we used to write our initials in hearts on the slide

or the cvs where you bought me a stupid plastic ring that i still have.

i can't pass by the music room at school where we spent countless rehearsals together.

i can't watch any of the movies we loved together without thinking of you.

i can't walk in the woods behind the chapel, or the stone maze we buried your chinchilla in.

i can't listen to abba without thinking of our last summer together.

or marina without thinking of our first.

i can't go to the fair by the beach. i think that day was perfect and ill never forget it.

i can't pass by your house. i've avoided it ever since our last meeting.

because that house has so much attached to it.

it's where we exchanged birthday gifts, christmas gifts, valentines gifts

it's where we wrote cute messages to eachother on your ceiling.

it's where we were intimate for the first time, nervous but happy to be together

i can't believe it's three years ago.

i can't do anything in this town without thinking of you.

because nobody else would understand what "yes. yes. yes. yes." is referring to.

you were my safe place

and now you're his

and i'm just the girl you dated for three years in high school

and that's all i'll ever be because you chose men

if he was a woman maybe id feel different

but he's not

[deathofdivinity]

having bpd: 😡😠😭💔🔫🔪😖

how bpd treatment feels: 😍🤗😘😎💕🌈

(it was the only thing that actually worked for me after a decade of therapy)

[deathofdivinity]

been dating my partner for three days and i'm already having nightmares about him dying. this fucking sucks

[deathofdivinity]

we had five planned calls this week and none of them happened 🤣🤣 i'm going to kill myself about it

[deathofdivinity]

i need to smoke so fucking bad

[deathofdivinity]

i took my meds As Intended this morning for the first time in a month or so and i forgot how it feels