#tw everything

[lambiesvault]

stabbing into my diary bc i mustn't stab into myself :D

[selfish-ace]

hey throwback to the time my stepmom described to me in detail what her dad did to her and how it "didnt count" cause it was fingering

this was when i was 11 btw and had just been sexually assaulted. in a similar way. so i felt fucking invalid.

[mineralore]

R.I.P. Konerak Sinthasomphone.

[degree-in-yapology]

It’s kind of funny that women think being called cocksucker is misogynistic, like why do you associate being a women with sucking cock? plus men call each other cocksuckers all the time, it’s not a gender specific insult 😓

It's not a gender specific insult, but it's a degrading insult. People consider that act degrading, that's why they use it as an insult, unlike being called an "eater". Similarly to other sexual things that are mostly done by women or associated with femininity. That's probably where the misogyny charge originates from: most sexual things mostly done by/to women are considered, in unrelated cultures, to be degrading to the woman. But I don't really care about that angle, and I don't think that a man has to be a misogynist to say "cocksucker".

I think this idea that sex is degrading to women originated from attempts to control female sexuality and prevent cuckoldry. A form of mate-guarding and sperm competition. Men are very sensitive to sexual infidelity and rivalry (more so than women, to a significant degree) because for the majority of human history, they had inherent paternal uncertainty, unlike women who are always automatically sure that their child is theirs. Before paternity tests, the only way men could be near 100% sure that their partner's child was truly theirs was if she was a virgin and only ever slept with him. Thus the cross-cultural obsession (to a comical degree) with female virginity and therefore the idea that sex degrades women and takes away their value.

[deathofdivinity]

i took my meds As Intended this morning for the first time in a month or so and i forgot how it feels

[little-lizardz]

i havent been sure on if i want to talk about this here but this is my blog for my comfort, and i'll put warnings and all that so its fine.

cw: child abuse, child neglect, injury inflicted on a child, running away, vent regression, divorce, unstable parent, sibling abuse, mother issues, traumatic/abusive moments described in little to much detail, swearing

but pretty much my mother got mad at me and pushed me down the stairs. i didn't hit her first or anything like that, i just upset her and that was enough for her to risk my life over. afterwards she has insisted its my fault and refused to apologize other than "i'm sorry that you got consequences to your actions". if i dare imply that her punishment was too far, she berates me. other than that though, she's been extra sweet. i can tell she feels bad, but she wont say sorry. i dont know how to feel about her right now. i was limping for almost a full week after she pushed me (and i had run away out of the house and walked around ~25miles on the countryside roads, and about 10miles back before hitching a ride from a random college girl, thanks olivia!!)

to be fair, the only thing i remember is her pushing me down the stairs, a few of the moments leading up to it, and being out in the middle of nowhere and catching a ride. the rest i had to piece together from communication between my headmates and mom. even she admits that i didn't hurt her physically, but still thinks it's fine because her father used to beat her within an inch of her life for back talk.

i just. i dont know how to feel. me and a new split have been fronting on and off and its been kinda disorienting. the week after when i was out i was so small and scared the whole time. i cried and begged my mama to forgive me for being so bad. maybe if i just put in enough effort she'll say sorry to me and somehow things can go back to how they were before. my more rational, older brain knows though. that she hurt me, and is clearly okay with that. she could very well do it again. and frankly? i refuse to relive the abuse i endured for years with me brother, which she constantly denied and ignored (and for anyone who says "oh sibling rivalry is normal!" we have a 9 year age gap and even then it's never okay to try to drown, carve into, suffocate, burn, throw, lock out, and starve your little sister. dont fight me on this i will hurt you). i just cant do it anymore. our mind is already been severed then chopped into smaller pieces. theres already a rot inside of our body that will never cease, and scars that stand as quiet reminders to the parts of us that remember. i know enough to know i never want this to happen again. so im moving in with my dad every other week once school ends for the semester. im doing online after this and therefore can live wherever.

i dont know why she did that. i dont know why she doesnt think it was wrong. i dont know why she doesnt care that it couldve killed me. i dont know. i dont know why she let me run away. i dont know why she didnt even look out of the fucking window to see which direction i went in. i dont know why when she called my dad she expected him to solely support her and implied he would have beaten me in her position (he would never by the way). i dont know whats wrong with her. but i know that if shes willing to risk my life for a split second of anger, then i dont want to be around her. if she ever gets my trust back, it'll be very little, in a very long time from now.

so yeah the usual! going through shit, dissociating, regressing. it sucks but hey hey hey! just think! in a few years i'll be living with my partner! someone who actually accepts me and wouldnt hurt me! someone who takes time to understand me! great stuff folks!!! sjsjdjshhshsgwgagsgdUGHHHGGSGSHSHSHD im in hell lol. im trying to keep it together. at least my rug burns from the fall feel nostalgic and give me something to pick at.

but im always so fuzzy and scared it sucks. lots of vent regression lately. lots of sobbing to my mom begging her to keep loving me. she always says she does and that she forgives me (for the crime of not cleaning my room, throwing her glasses, and telling her not to take MY prescription meds because theyre fucking MINE) but i dont trust her in the slightest anymore. i come to her desperate for comfort when im small, but even then im always scared shes gonna hurt me. god it reminds me of my childhood it fucking sucks. ive been so exhausted all week. she grounded me. im not allowed to keep any of my medications myself anymore. it just all sucks so bad. my mom isnt aware of my regression or what age regression is (shes in her late forties) but she does know sometimes i get quiet and clingy for no apparent reason and want to hang out with her. but now i just. for my safety i shouldnt really be letting her around me like that. its such a vulnerable position and shes just been getting worse for the past 2 years since her third divorce (not with my father, with another man). she wont get help or anything and i just cant be around her anymore. im doing the one week on one week off thing with her and my dad, but once im working im living with my dad full time. i'm so close to being done with all this mess that came from her and my brother and i can finally rest. hopefully everything will be okay. i dont know. just gonna do what my mother says until im out of there.

[darlingdyeyourhair]

Tw gore sui and sh mention

I keep getting gore and death threats pls guys stop

but anyways

I would like to address the fact that a large portion of jiraiblr has become just doing things that are not okay and then blaming it on mental illness. There are very few things that make it so you are not aware of your actions. You are still responsible for not being rude or cruel or not sending death threats. You are still responsible for your actions.

You are responsible for posting S/H without tws

You are responsible for posting suicide bait

You are responsible for breaking the TOS

You are responsible for posting something that is very likely to trigger someone

You are still responsible even if your mentally ill

Because you are still hurting someone

You are not excused from your actions

You cant tell someone to Kill themselves and blame it on your Biploar

You cant post something you KNOW is triggering to someone and blame it on autism

You cant say its not your fault that your doing things because of something else

Doing these things doesnt make you a bad person forever

You can always change

listen to someone

Understand the other povs

Dont post things without tws and putting it on mature

Dont send death threats rape threats or suiside bait

Doing that does make you a bad person

You are still responsible

[darlingdyeyourhair]

Why are the anons getting so detailed, use your writing skills for something good. Go be a AO3 writer, do poetry, shitpost, Just dont send death and rape threats.