#1 yuri kinnie (on a break) @deathofdivinity - Tumblr Blog

this is a vent blog

trigger warnings for discussions of bpd symptoms, self harm, anxiety suicidal stuff, etc

not trying to glorify any mental illness. i hate living like this and im trying to make the best of it. everything will be tagged with proper trigger warnings.

i'm an adult (18) but i post a lot about shit from when i was younger and how it affects me now, as well as dealing with my sickness

i have a weird relationship with stimulants/prescription drugs and also alcohol so that's fun

i'm unfiltered here

i love yuri (ddlc)

call me m ❤️

#intro #m's yaps #vents #bpd #vent blog #anxiety #yuri ddlc

oh my god story of my fucking life. i had panic attacks for YEARS because of this.

my first therapist was actually a g. idek what you'd do to help a six year old stop having intrusive thoughts about stabbing her own stomach but whatever she did helped.

#m's yaps #vents #anxiety #intrusive thoughts #tw sh #tw sh mention #actually bpd #borderline thoughts #vent #tw sh related

moonsickagain

maybalwayswatching

There HAS to be more conversation about harm ocd, real event ocd and especially POCD. Understanding that I wasn’t a child predator I was just suffering from OCD genuinely saved my life

asexual-amanita

Intrusive thoughts aren’t desires.

one part of ocd that is rarely talked about is getting intrusive thoughts about being a pedo or killing everyone around you. i suffered with those for years. if you're reading this and you have ocd i want you to know that you are not your thoughts and you cannot control your thoughts.

#actually ocd

littlesparkequeen

deathofdivinity

in sixth grade i got groomed and tried to drown myself

#trauma dump #tw sui ideation

being on suicide watch was rough. i had to be literally babysat by someone at all times (even while i slept) because i was too much of a danger to myself. i had EVERYTHING taken from me, every ounce of privacy. i had no door on my bedroom. no internet access that wasn't monitored. no personal space. all my even remotely sharp items were locked up in a safe. i couldn't sew. i couldn't do crafts. i wasn't even allowed to be alone with my BROTHER because my parents thought i would hurt myself in front of him. i would never do that.

i attempted to take my life once when i was 12 and once when i was 15. the second time i actually got kinda close to achieving my goal and nearly bled to death on my bedroom floor. for the rest of my life ill grieve the child within me that died that night. sometimes i wish it worked. waking up afterwards was its own form of hell. being locked in a hospital where i had virtually no rights or privacy was awful. having to go back to school after my hospitalization was torture.

all i wanted was to be loved and cared for, and not treated like a monster or an animal.