#breakup vent

[a-puppies-vents]

100 days...

[deathofdivinity]

it's hard to forget you when everything around me is attached to you.

fuck this small town we grew up in and all the beautiful memories.

i can't pass by the beach where we had our first kiss.

i can't pass by the coffee shop downtown where we'd go on dates.

or the playground where we used to write our initials in hearts on the slide

or the cvs where you bought me a stupid plastic ring that i still have.

i can't pass by the music room at school where we spent countless rehearsals together.

i can't watch any of the movies we loved together without thinking of you.

i can't walk in the woods behind the chapel, or the stone maze we buried your chinchilla in.

i can't listen to abba without thinking of our last summer together.

or marina without thinking of our first.

i can't go to the fair by the beach. i think that day was perfect and ill never forget it.

i can't pass by your house. i've avoided it ever since our last meeting.

because that house has so much attached to it.

it's where we exchanged birthday gifts, christmas gifts, valentines gifts

it's where we wrote cute messages to eachother on your ceiling.

it's where we were intimate for the first time, nervous but happy to be together

i can't believe it's three years ago.

i can't do anything in this town without thinking of you.

because nobody else would understand what "yes. yes. yes. yes." is referring to.

you were my safe place

and now you're his

and i'm just the girl you dated for three years in high school

and that's all i'll ever be because you chose men

if he was a woman maybe id feel different

but he's not

[clowningcrows]

going through a breakup with a long term partner where the love is still very much there and also you still live together (temporarily) fucking SUCKS if anyone was wondering :)!!

[catskull]

I know I was never enough. I know that no matter what I'd done, I never would have been good enough. That's what hurts the most.

[sadtallbean]

I did some journaling and came to accept the fact that I was infact was in a emotionally manipulative relationship. It was heartbreaking to realise because im still giving some benefit of the doubt to my ex. There were incidents were i felt like I was being manipulated but i let it go, to hold on to the good, blinded by the love, and made to feel guilty for thinking like that. He knows how i am, what kind of person i am, sensitive, emotionally vulnerable and he took advantage of that. Someone who apologises a lot, and made me feel guilty for most of our disagreements. Put the responsibility on me, questioning of don't you trust me, is this your trust, saying he felt misunderstood, he felt hurt, he felt unheard, making myself question my sanity, almost to the point where all of my triggers were triggered but made sure I couldn't say anything to him about it. He knew my buttons and pressed them accordingly and played me like his personal toy. Isolated from my friends, our mutual friends with stories of stories of how he is a victim of their ignorance and influenced heavily on my own struggles with them then made me cut contact with them, now he's all buddy buddy with them, while I'm struggling to come to terms with all of this. I'm at a position where I can't even say anything out loud because through out the relationship i was made to feel as the toxic one, and he'll just say that to them too, just like how he said for all his exes. How he's a poor victim and his partmers are all toxic.

Even now, he broke up wanting to explore career other people, not to be tied down by labels, by the conditions of a relationship, and still I'll be the love of his life, and that it's my decision if I want to take him unconditionally because ofcourse it's all up to me now, easy for him to manipulate others in the future, that he gave me love but it wasn't enough for me.

[catskull]

maybe im the problem

[cosmicdisastersys]

"If i had a flower for every time i thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever" will always remind me of you....I still miss you y'know..I hope you are having a wonderful life without me.

[regulusinthesky]

"Everything has always revolved around you and me."

It revolved around you, maybe, but never myself. You were the sun at the center well I was Pluto. Barely considered by anyone surronding you. You insulted me, guilt tripped me, and made me believe my memories were of a curse put upon you instead of me.

You believed my existance was for you, because I found you first. It was not. It is not. I do not wish to be insulted again, I do not wish for my own brother to take your side against the things you have called me.

I am alone, but perhaps that is for the better.