#m:angst

[jungcooks]

yoongi’s thoughts | 1

look up, Hoseok said the stars are bright oh, they’re beautiful what a sight

the clouds parted to let the moon pass through ah, how breathtaking and how absolutely true

you’re beautiful, I think even more so than the skies but you’d never believe me you’d only think it was a lie

- yg

[jungcooks]

yoongi’s thoughts | 4

slowly, surely I slipped deep deeper into my own mind

destructive, desolate, painful, lonely

why was I capricious?

- yg

[jungcooks]

Tomorrow, Be Ours | Preview 2

member: Yoongi genre; rating: angst ; R w/c: 764 chapter 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7

their childhoods were paved in such a way that they would end up being in power of the underground.

this is 2/7 previews for Memento Mori.

also posted in ao3

Yoongi had been left on the doorstep of The Zoo, one of their bordello’s, when he was still pink and wailing. Black-Eyes had ordered for him to be sent to an orphanage, but his wife convinced him otherwise. Seokjin was only a few months older and the company of a younger brother was comforting to both him and his mother. She had secondary infertility, and her doctors never gave her a positive answer. So, the two had fed off the same breasts, played with the same toys, and held the same weapons.

Black-Eyes never adopted Yoongi or permitted him to call him his father, hardly treated him like a son, yet never sent him away. He figured it would be a good investment to train the two of them together—having already set their futures in his mind. Seokjin’s mother was a different story altogether, and she was, until now, the brightest star Yoongi sees. Surely, he knew Seokjin could feel the same way about his own biological mother, but it was an intense feeling to love Mother Kim as Yoongi did. He spent his life believing she was the only one he ever truly loved.

There came a time when Black-Eyes finally wanted Yoongi to leave his house, placing him under the club manager of Cosmos, Astro. Yoongi however, didn’t complain, couldn’t complain; he never said no to Black-Eyes, never stood up for himself. Seokjin’s hysteric rage had shocked even him; he had never known his true heart even after 15 years of being his brother. Secretly, he didn’t see a problem with going out to work but Seokjin’s words made him hang his head.

Yoongi suffocated in shame. He regretted his unconscious neglect for Seokjin and the tendency for him to save himself before anyone else. His constant consolation throughout the years was that it didn’t matter if he was raised by Black-Eyes, his fate had been decided the second he was found as a baby. The elderly man had always made it clear he would be a dog for the rest of his life while Seokjin was destined to take over the business.

With that schema in place, the never-ending reminders from his ‘father’, along with the wounds of abandonment, Yoongi vowed to keep his attachment to Seokjin close to non-existent. But wouldn’t he only suffer more, if he continued to cower from love?

Not wanting to desert Seokjin, like he had always done, Yoongi broke from Mother Kim’s arms to help his brother up from the blow. Black-Eyes laughed at the scrawny team; they didn’t have a fighting chance, but, oh God, they tried. At one point, Yoongi had fallen unconscious from the pain and when he woke, he was already on his way, alone in the car, to Cosmos.

That night, the brothers cried themselves to sleep. Seokjin could not see for a week and Yoongi’s bed was now a rotting wooden floor. Yoongi ached with familiar abandonment because Seokjin never came for him. As with all the other unnecessary emotions that circulated within him, Yoongi channelled them into his work. It had taken him no longer than 3 months to be tied with puppet strings; another year for him to realise his own potential; and in his 4th year of being Astro’s apprentice, he had beaten all the veterans of the business. His reward was a pat on the back, a spit in the face, and getting severely drunk.

Yoongi’s unacknowledged devotion for Seokjin grew with every step of the ladder; it was kept alive by knowing his brother kept tabs on his achievements. He wished he could have heard a peep of Seokjin’s life.

Finally, the day came when he did get the news of Black-Eyes death, and they were set to meet again. Yoongi thought his heart was going to fail on him. The years of indoctrination made him cold and the warmth of happiness burned. It hurt to look at Seokjin and feign indifference while his fingers trembled in his pockets. Yoongi was an expert at disguise, always had been, but it had to be the hardest thing he had done in the past six years.

Seokjin had then visited Yoongi the night after the funeral, wanting to make up the lost time.

“Yoongi,” Seokjin had said in a draggy tone, their faces were flushed and sweaty. “I’m… I’m… your boss.” Drunken laughter filled Yoongi’s small home.

“You’ve always been my boss, really.”

Seokjin smiled blissfully before declaring Yoongi his new right-hand man.

[jungcooks]

Snaps | drabble

taekook ; tinge of angst, more fluff ; pg

wherein Jungkook’s feelings are stirred.

Jungkook looked through the viewfinder of the camera, trying to capture the portraits that Taehyung wanted him specifically to take. Taehyung was trying to be funny at first, throwing unattractive faces and mocking poses, and the younger man obviously couldn’t hold in his sniggering. 

But then Taehyung became serious, as if he were on an actual set. He looked directly into the lens, relaxed and expressionless save for his eyes now bursting with fervor. 

At that very moment Jungkook expected that familiar but uninvited trash in his gut; he knew what it was, he knew not how to rid himself of it. He snapped the photo, the shutter sounded, Taehyung did not flinch. Taehyung shifted his position to show off his side profile. Jungkook gulped, trying hard not to show his jitters while steadying the camera. The shutter went off.

Oh, Taehyung was beautiful.

Oh, he was beautiful but Jungkook could only let his infatuation become increasingly agitated from being caged. He’d rather destroy himself, rather himself than anyone else… but anyone else rather than Taehyung. 

[jungcooks]

yoongi’s thoughts | 2

I wanted to hold you as close as the sea caresses the white sand, as close as the wind embraces birds in flight

oh, my heart it aches with desire fantasies incomparable

to your mere existence

- yg

[jungcooks]

Strangers | drabble

yoonseok ; drabble fluff, angst ; pg-13

w/c: 561

wherein Hoseok’s life is saved.

Hoseok pulled his beanie to hug his ears before wrapping his arms around himself. The weather was horrendous—it was windy, and wet, and cold. The streets were packed with cars, honking and revving. It was the busiest cross junction in the city and the lights weren’t working. Hoseok felt the anger and disorientation of the drivers. The shivering boy needed to cross the road but he was feeling disheartened from the chaos and lack of opportunity to get to the other side. He was crammed in the midst of people having the same agenda as him. 

He let out a long sigh when finally, he saw an opening to make a dash. It was a zebra crossing, for God’s sake, but the cars wouldn’t stop. Just as he stepped down from the sidewalk, he felt someone push him back forcefully. Hoseok didn’t have time to steady his feet as a crash echoed in his ears, and then distant screaming. His bewildered eyes tried to focus on the events before him as he pushed himself up from the ground. 

A motorcyclist, racing away. A man, motionless on the road. 

Hoseok scrambled towards the man, pulling him onto the sidewalk. People crowded around with chaotic blabbering but no one made an attempt to call for help. In shock, Hoseok could only hold onto the lifeless man as he felt blood. The moment pressed on before someone knelt beside him, maybe even screamed him, and then he was standing and getting into a taxi. The stranger’s bleeding head lay in his lap as the driver flew through the heavily congested streets. 

Maybe it was minutes, maybe it was an hour, but Hoseok soon found himself sitting in an emergency waiting room. The bright lights woke him from his daze and he turned towards the man next to him. 

“Your friend hit his head. They’ve patched him up but they said he won’t be awake anytime soon.” The taxi driver offered him a smile before standing up. 

“Thank you,” Hoseok whispered although he neither knew the man nor the driver.

“Here is my number. Let me know when he wakes up. Until then, my taxi won’t drive itself.” 

Hoseok seemed to have lost his sense of time. His hands were still cold, his mind still blank. He couldn’t fathom the sacrifice a stranger had just made for him, seeming to conclude that this was a dream because realistically, no one could be that selfless in this world. With a jerk, Hoseok focused on the figure suddenly standing in front of him.

“Hi,” the doctor said, “we thought your friend wouldn’t wake today. He’s in room 219. Straight down, to the left.”

“Thank you,” Hoseok said again. He contemplated how he would approach the man as he walked down the hall. What do you say to someone that just saved your life? The cold boy hesitantly walked into the open room.

On the bed, the stranger offered him a weak smile.

“You’re pretty dumb,” Hoseok blurted immediately. Well, he hadn’t expected his thoughts to flow out his mouth that easily.

“You are too, for trying to cross the road without looking.” When Hoseok replied with an open mouth and flushed face the stranger managed a soft chuckled. “I’m Yoongi.”

“Thank you, Yoongi,” Hoseok said hurriedly. “I’m Hoseok.”

[jungcooks]

Accomplice | one-shot

yoongi x reader/you (3rd person) angsty with a tinge of fluff pg-15 ;  b/c of murder

w/c: 1363

— for @sleepytime-sugatea ♡

wherein you discover Yoongi’s secret.

It wasn’t a particularly special day. Y/N was lounging on the couch, binge watching a meaningless drama and stuffing carrot sticks into her mouth. Outside, the clouds were getting heavy, saturating in thick grey clumps. The perfect day for her, but nothing extraordinary. Her phone buzzed on the table, and she answered it without looking.

“Hello?”

“Babe,” Yoongi huffed almost breathlessly. Y/N’s face crumpled, noticing his short-winded tone. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Are you at home?” 

Y/N looked around her apartment, turning the volume of the TV down. She smiled to herself, wondering why he would ask. “It’s Saturday.”   

Yoongi cursed loudly. “Of course. Don’t leave the house.” Without an explanation, he hung up. Y/N felt her stomach drop. From the five years of being together with Yoongi, never once had he sounded so anxious, let alone hang up without a goodbye. His ambiguous nature had been deciphered by her and Y/N now understood how he worked, as he understood her. 

Or so she thought since he should’ve already known that a dubious situation such as this would make her mind run. Not wanting to jump to conclusions as she does more often than not, Y/N stood up to make herself a cup of tea. 

She sent a quick text to Yoongi after getting comfortable on her couch again. 

Tell me what’s wrong. 

Her phone kept silent, her wandering mind stopped when she forced her attention to the television. The only reminder that Y/N kept of the moment was her eyes that kept darting to her phone. It wasn’t more than half an hour before there was a loud rapping at her door. Y/N sighed loudly, not wanting to move. 

When Yoongi called out, somewhat desperately, Y/N shot up and ran to the door quicker than she could close her eyes. 

Yoongi’s hair was a mess, his eyes were wild, even frightened. Y/N reached out to gently touch his cheek. “What happened?” He only took her wrist and planted a hasty kiss on it, shaking his head.

“You’ve got to come to my house, please. We’ve got to go right now, just get a coat.” He glanced down at Y/N’s lingerie under her untied robe and flushed. “Actually, just change. Please.” 

“Aren’t we just going to your house?” Y/N retorted in a flirtatious manner, wondering why she couldn’t just put on a jacket and shorts. 

Yoongi put his fist to his eyes. “Ah, yes. I just need you with me right now, please. Can you change now?”

Five years and Y/N still flushes at the simplest of things. Although a little concerned at the current events, Y/N let Yoongi inside and went to put on proper clothes. When Y/N returned, she found him shutting all the curtains and switching the TV off. Immediately, he grabbed her hand and they rushed out of the apartment.

Yoongi drove to his house silently. Y/N chattered a little in order to lighten the mood, or get him to talk, but she had never seen him as disturbed as he was now. Being a little calculative, Y/N did not like being thrust into the unknown. As her own doubts crossed her mind, the only grip on being able to keep cool was because of Yoongi’s hands in hers. 

Y/N never failed to be amazed any time they came to his inherited mansion. Articulate, grand, and vintage. They agreed on reaching their 7th anniversary before ever moving in together. Yoongi often spent weeks on ends at her apartment, not liking the wide open spaces and lonely rooms of his abode. This wasn’t his permanent home though as he was already renting an apartment closer to the city for convenience sake. Mainly to only be a few blocks away from Y/N. They liked their arrangement anyway, both needed more personal space than others.

Before entering the house, Yoongi stops Y/N and turns her to face him. It hurt to see the lie spread in his empty smile, but Y/N smiled back, wanting to be as supporting as she could. 

“I love you,” he whispered before planting a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll explain later. I will so please don’t look so worried.”

For Yoongi, anything for Yoongi. “You better,” Y/N mumbled. There was a flash of relief and calm as Y/N stroked his cheek, his eyes closing in spite of his tensed heart. The moment was over quick, with Yoongi back to looking insincere. They walked in the house and was greeted by Namjoon.

“Go up and continue your series. I’ll be back soon, my love,” Yoongi blurted. His hold tightened before letting Y/N’s go. Y/N quickly kissed him on the cheek and he was gone before anything else was said. 

“Don’t worry,” Namjoon said easily, unsure of how Y/N would react. They’ve been friends for as long as she had been together with Yoongi. 

“It’s hard not to,” Y/N replied, “but I’ll trust him until it gets carried away.”

With Namjoon’s company and reassurance, her mood lightened. As she walked through the familiar house, that heavy feeling she had felt since her apartment only darkened. Outside, she heard the fall of rain. Finally, she thought, the clouds had held it in for so long. Y/N tried to rationalise that it was the weather that suddenly made her bones feel cold and her fingers numb.

They found their way upstairs to the recreation room where Y/N put on the TV to continue her binge watching. It was hard to concentrate on clearing her mind when Namjoon kept glancing at the door, anticipating something, but soon he settled and made a rash comment on the show. They then started to bicker about the characters and the awful plot, which kept their worrying thoughts at bay.

“I don’t think he should’ve even been in this episode,” Namjoon said. “There’s no development with him here.”

Y/N gasped. “He sets the mood!”

“By being good-looking?” Namjoon sniggered. 

“I don’t watch these things to look at their faces,” Y/N defended although her cheeks rushed with blood.

“Okay, fine. I’ll admit tha—” 

A gunshot had echoed through the rooms. The silence felt heavier. Before the shock could pass, Y/N was out the door and running. She heard Namjoon’s scream for her to stay fill her ears but her heartbeat drowned it out. There was no knowing where it had come from until another gunshot sounded and she followed it downstairs to the living room. 

Namjoon ran straight into the room to block her view but Y/N pushed him aside with a cry and Yoongi turned like a startled beast. There was breathless screaming from the wounded man on the floor, and Yoongi was standing over him, gun at the ready. When she met his eyes, oh, his freezing eyes, she flinched.  

No one moved. Namjoon had his hands up, stance ready to dash and grab her if she ran. Fear cracked through the ice in Yoongi’s eyes the longer he stared at Y/N. She was now trembling, cold and afraid, unable to process anything but the heart aching love she had for Yoongi. The disabled man continued to groan, trying to drag himself awy. Y/N took a step forward, now looking at Namjoon. He relaxed, only a little, when he figured what she was going to do.

When she reached Yoongi’s side, they were both wet with tears. He expected a slap, a kick, a scream. He trembled, his gun still aimed at the man. Y/N took his free hand, all the while comforting him with her eyes, and locked their fingers tightly. She unexpectedly felt collected, realising that her love for this reckless man could overpower even murder. 

Oh, how he broke when she looked towards the injured person and slowly nodded her head. Yoongi squeezed the trigger as hard as he squeezed her hand. 

[jungcooks]

Tomorrow, Be Ours | Preview 1

member: Seokjin genre; rating: angst ; R w/c: 722 chapter 1/7

their childhoods were paved in such a way that they would end up being in power of the underground.

this is 1/7 previews for Memento Mori.

also posted in ao3

The night his father passed, Seokjin was out running a job. It had been a hit and run, an assassination by a rival that was—obviously—jealous of their success. Ironically, it resulted in their business rocketing. When Seokjin gave the cue to destroy all remaining traces of that gang, there were three major families left that had their fingers in the underworld. Before doing so however, Seokjin made sure to grab all their assets—policemen, government officials, political candidates, and all the so called legal power that ran this country. Without it being said, Seokjin’s gang was at the top of the food chain and their future lay in his 22-year-old hands.

Saying they were a gang was really an understatement. Surely, they meddled with all the illegal affairs, without an area that they hadn’t stepped foot in. Their organisation worked more like a government than their actual government, always stringing their puppets as they made the big bucks. Seokjin closed his eyes to recall all his father’s elaborate explanations of their history, and how it was all possible because of three brothers—only one brother had stood to continue the legacy, building it on his own, and it had been a family business ever since. The classic, almost cliché, story of starting from the bottom to the top and really, they were at the top, and have been for the past two generations.

Seokjin sat at his father’s desk, uncomfortable, toying with the pen that had been used by all the men before him. He was never a nice man, his father, but he had tried his best to raise him and Yoongi for this life.

Seokjin’s father, known as Black-Eyes, was the head of their organisation. He also a board of other leaders that focused on different areas of business. There was an obvious need to have a structured hierarchy. When Seokjin became the immediate successor to his father’s position, the older men were not happy. Any attempt to take the seat however, would lead to their death. Seokjin’s inheritor had to be his offspring, and if unmarried, it was anyone Seokjin chose. The latter had never been done as tradition was vital. With the board members being as faithful as they were to his father, they knew not to dwell on something as inevitable as this and offered their advice willingly. It would turn out better for business, anyway, as Seokjin did have promising potential.

As dirty and dishonest and dangerous as it was, Black-Eyes had wanted his only son to be the man to run it after him. But when his wife had convinced him to keep the abandoned baby they found a few months after Seokjin was born, Black-Eyes needed to amend the plans he already made. Only now Seokjin had realised the workings of his father, as nasty and hurtful as they were to the both of them. Yoongi was not left unthought of after all.

He spun in the large chair now, replaying his moments of regret, feeling the weight of expectation and responsibility suddenly surround him. It was so much more than selling drugs, than checking the immigrants, than keeping the bribing constant and sufficient… so much more than taking another person’s life. It was so much more than just being in a gang, especially since he had been holding a knife before he could walk. Momentarily, he wondered if Yoongi had went through something similar over the past few years.

Seokjin’s memory soon fluttered out of his reach and his hands tightened around the pen. Black-Eyes’ funeral was being held today, and he was waiting for his driver to pull up. It wasn’t long before there came a honk from outside. The small house was Black-Eye’s abode, wanting to keep his docile wife happy as she preferred not to show off their riches. Seokjin walked downstairs to find his pale mother sobbing softly in Yoongi’s arms. He smiled at them and took her into his own grasp. Her touch chilled him. Yoongi tried to smile but didn’t know how to fake it. He hugged Seokjin tightly, not hanging on for long.

Yoongi walked out the door immediately after letting him go.

"Come on, ma,” he whispered to his mother. They held hands as they walked to the car.