we all love desperate mike calling will who starts distancing himself, but I’m obsessed with it the other way around. this is will byers post defeating vecna. he’s confident, his feelings for mike and his queerness don’t haunt him or make him feel like he’s lesser. he’s secure in his friendship with mike. he’s not afraid to call mike. he knows how mike isolates himself and he knows the grief and guilt that mike is living with, because he too carries it every day. he knows he can help mike and he knows mike needs him, in this way at least.
mike, on the other hand? mike believes he’s a terrible person. he can’t leave hawkins because it would be a betrayal to el. he already failed her in her final moments, he can’t do it again after she’s gone. he can’t move on from her or consider his feelings for will anyone else because that would be a betrayal to her. because she told him that she loved him and he failed her and she died.
so will calls him and checks on him and so do lucas and max and nancy and dustin and he lets the phone ring while he sits with his back against the opposing wall and watches it ring out. mike couldn’t save the girl who loved him, so how could he be a good friend to anyone? how could they even stand to look at him after what he did? he’s the reason max and lucas and dustin lost a best friend. he’s the reason will lost his sister. he can’t even bear to look at himself in the mirror or hear himself speak, so how could they?
he writes and he writes because this time he can get it right. this time the paladin saves the day. this time the mage comes home. this time he can fix it. this time he won’t have to be the failure that he is.
and will byers visits on weekends when he can afford to, knocking down mike’s dorm room door and dragging him out of bed and forcing him to eat and walk in the park. sometimes mike locks the door and refuses to answer will’s knocks. will sits in front of the door, knowing mike’s there, back pressed against the wood, talking to him and telling him about his day. telling him about the lady at the supermarket who had paid for his groceries the other day. telling him about a joke dustin had told that made max punch him. telling him about what he and max think el would’ve said to the joke. and the door quietly unlocks while will talks and will waits until he hears mike get up and move away from the door before he opens it.
mike can’t talk to will about why it gets so bad. it’s more than just guilt for letting her die, it’s guilt for lying to her. it’s guilt for letting her die without knowing the truth. it’s guilt for seeing will in her face while she was alive. it’s guilt for seeing el in will’s face after she’s dead. mike’s throat tightens when will smiles a certain way or says something with a similar inflection to the way she used to speak. it’s guilt for loving will the way he could never love el. will doesn’t deserve mike’s feelings. mike killed his sister.
will looks at mike and he sees a shell of the person he used to be. will tries to bring out the mike who could laugh and smile without pain biting the edges of his face, but he’s never really successful. mike knows that he’s trying and he tries to smile anyway, but he’s tired of lying.
