Phobos/Tricky/Audtior + Jeb meeting an Eldritch Horror Reader.
Imagine?? They think they're pretty tough shit. Phobos calls himself the God King Emperor, the Auditor places themselves vastly higher than those that they work with, and Jeb is the attempted savior of Nevada. Hoffnar on the otherhand is clown capable of mass destruction, an unruly disaster with a fascination for hotdogs.
And here you are. Whatever the fuck you are because attempting to explain your nature and physiology is more work than it ought to be.
You're vile, even if you look like another grunt to the unassuming eye. That's the sort of charm that gets them hooked, interested to know more about you. In the heat of combat, your maw splits open, but you're not unhinging your jaw. It keeps stretching and stretching, until another mouth is revealed. The secondary jaw laughs as you rip somebody's face off while they're still alive.
Their screams tear through the fight, and the gods amongst men can't help but stare in awe. WHERE DOES THAT COME FROM?! And THANK GOD it's on THEIR side. If it weren't... they aren't sure if they'd like to imagine what it'd be like to be on the receiving end of those jaws.
Hank J Wimblefart may be a violent fuck in canon but to me they’re also capable of being gentle and kind and nice but only to people who don’t suck(and that they care about.) I feel like the others are scared of him more when he does some adorable ass shit like hoard plushies or has a hobby that isn’t BITE BITE BITE KILL KILL KILL !!!!!!
Hanky might like to color with crayons or make crude drawings of his comrades, but give it to them when he comes back from a job Doc gave them. I imagine Deimos is totally chill about it and even happy when Hank draws/colors him because he thinks they’re awesome and he likes the way that Hank portrays him in his pieces.
Sanford has almost shit himself one time when Hank has approached him from the dark, a little tap on his shoulder and a paper pressed into his hands. It’s adorable, and he finds it endearing, but also why is Deimos buff and why is HE the small one in the corner? San tells Hank to make him look a little bigger and Hank returns with a smaller Sanford.
2B’s drawings are definitely Hank’s better pieces, but that’s only because he looks up to 2B. 2B has his photos framed and placed alongside his desk or in a file cabinet somewhere.
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You’re at a club, an old and rustic spot that’s been opened long since the fall of the sun. You’re a regular here, and yet this is the first time you’re seeing… him. This guy in a goofy western get-up walks in with purpose to his stride and you’re eyeing him from across the floor. He walks up to the bar side where you sit and orders whisky on the rocks, and then he makes his move.
- Surprisingly the two of you hit it off just fine. Even if things do start off a bit rocky, but that's only cause he's the Sheriff and the locals don't really want the AAHW sniffing around these parts.
- He has a certain charm to him, even if it is a bit goofy. He has his jokes and you do yours.
- The Sheriff hears a song play over the speakers of the club, it's the right amount of country and the right amount of pop to be considered "dancing music" and as soon as it comes on he hops right out of his chair
- He calls out to you, beckoning you to come and join him on the dance floor. You're not the type to dance, you only come to this club for the drinks anyway, but somehow he convinces you to step onto the floor
- You stand there awkwardly as you watch him do a little jig you've never seen before. Must be a cowboy thing but the guy starts to do an odd square dance to the beat of the song.
- You're in silent awe before he shuffles over to you and holds his arm out. He wants you to join him it'd seem. Your blood resides in your face, rendering your legs totally useless as he tries to get you to move
- The beat is about to drop and he's somehow doing better than you are. You're not about to let some cocky cowboy show you up when this is your spot.
- You link your arm with his firmly, because you're about to give him the best dance of his life. And well... you do!
- You've got rhythm for someone who slams shots like a champ, even the whisky from before doesn't seem to be hindering your footwork. You're taking the reins right out of his hands, and he's impressed.
- The giddy smile on his face makes your heart skip a beat as the beat drops at last. He unlinks from you and you have to pause to wonder why you swooned, then he goes back to his stupid dance.
- The dance you partook in to prove him you were better than he was even though you said "you couldn't dance". You won the battle, but he won the war.
- Sheriff tips his hat when the song is over. "You ain't half bad for someone who's got two left feet, supposedly", he chuckles.
- "Could say the same for you, cowpoke", your jab has him giggle before another song is queued and played.
- "Whaddya say we go one more round... if you're up for it, that is?", the smirk is audible in his words as his face stretches into a goofy grin.
- You want to be mad that you're getting roped into this, yet... you don't decline that offer.
- This song isn't country at all, but that doesn't stop him from trying to have a good time, so you'll give him that. Though he seems to have a hard time keeping up with your movements.
- The poor guy makes a wrong step and trips over his own two feet. You manage to catch him, but the momentum causes you to two to both tumble down.
- The two of you sit there for a moment before you start to laugh. Maybe that'd be enough for the night. And maybe... that was just fine.
- Sheriff gives you his number! In case you want to dance with someone again.
MADCOM Squad: Comforting you after getting rejected.[Hank, Sanford, Deimos & 2BDamned]
You thought it was meant to be, you were so sure about it that you didn’t think that you could be so wrong. You feared that you could be wrong about that person… and you were. Alas, the sting is not totally foreign, and it helps when your squad is there to back you up.
Hank
As much as you love the guy, he is terrible at giving you any kind of advice.
He listens to you more so than trying to console you with words, providing a silent nod or hum to let you know he’s there and listening. He feels happy that you trust him enough to go to him with this sort of thing given his standoffish nature and general coldness.
He gives you an awkward pat on the back, and takes you out on a mission to help clear your head! As you and Hank butcher poor agents and grunts alike, you start to feel a little better about things, and soon enough, your thoughts on that person start to diminish.
Hank probably goes after this person when you’re fast asleep or taking care of something else.
“Why didn’t you choose them?”
He cares a lot, even if it doesn’t seem like it at times.
Sanford
Sanford pulls you into a hug and lets you cry it out into his shoulder and refrains from sounding smug the same way your best friend does when they “told you so”
Even if he was right about that person not being the one, it still hurts him to see you so beat up about it!
When you’re done crying he fetches you a cold cloth for your eyes and some water, making sure you’re taken care of and properly hydrated after a good cry.
He is so sweet, it really makes you glad to have him as a friend!
Deimos
When Deimos finds out that you were rejected by your crush, he gets pretty defensive.
“Their loss!” / “Whaaat? You serious, who the hell would pass you up?”
Goes on to hype you up and validate you for a good few minutes until he’s got you laughing-crying. After you’re done with the waterworks, he treats you to an arcade he knows about or to a couple of movies he pirated.
The two of you probably fall asleep together halfway through the marathon.
He’s pretty warm and keeps you nice and cozy!
2BDamned
You’d think Doc wouldn’t really care about your personal life, as you had pegged him to be a strict man of business.
He probably wants to ensure that this doesn’t interfere with your developments and does what he can to help comfort you, even if this is a field that he knows nothing about.
A very awkward “there there… it’ll be alright(I think?)” with the trademark pat on the back
He makes you some tea to help you simmer down and lets you go on about what made you think this person was so special.
He will point out the red flags if he hears any, and if the bad outweighs the good, he’ll tell you that you’re better off with someone else.
“It was only once and even then, they said sorry afterwards”
