#maddy.words

[heartshapedcas]

For @theend4‘s poetry event<3 inspired by Fragment 147 by Sappho, also a little influenced by this post 

transcript below

In another time -

two girls under an almost clear sky

and a thousand angel eyes.

watching over them

I knew

    grass stained and holy

    hands clasped

    and known in the in between

that I would not forget

I tell all of this to you

here, with your moss soft eyes lit by low tv light

here, where we didn't notice the credits start to roll

I need you to know, even if I can't say it

this moment is worthy of remembrance too

[heartshapedcas]

And if I can’t go home, I’ll build one in these bones

@spnpoetryrenaissance prompts: bodies & home

transcript under the cut

The body count started the moment I crashed into these bones

Wrapped myself around two lungs

and melted into muscles all the way down

to feet that have been carrying me ever since.

Always walking away

toward some higher altitude absolution

where I'll make myself worthy

of the eyes that once watched that little girl run through fields instead of fire

of the arms that sheltered her from nightmares

about monsters that look a little too much

like me.

Maybe I'll never stop striving to be better

but quietly, somewhere along the way,

forgiveness flooded the path

splashing up at me with every step

I can feel it seeping in

I thought if I could be useful

that goodness would follow

But what are healing hands

to legs that keep leaving?

What good is this body if it can't be held onto?

And when is a good time to tell you

That your hand on my shoulder

breath on my cheek

arms circled around me like a new kind of halo

helped me learn to make a home of myself

The way you pulled the love right out of my stolen chest

Gave me words and a place to come back to

Again and again

Until the heart and the home and the phrases were my own.

Now I'm sitting here in this beating heart

and I can hear a thousand others.

These ears weren't meant to know the melody of a prayer 20 miles away

Or the bumblebee buzzing in a garden two doors down

Just as these wings weren't meant to sway in a slowdance

Or fold around a child of my own

But I’ve settled into the entirety of me

whatever I was before, swallowed down

absorbed into the walls

and the door inside with a lock

and a key that fits only in my palm

[heartshapedcas]

Holy waters, you and I

Poem for cas' birthday celebration! Thanks jay @thenightwemetnatural for coordinating this lovely event <3

Here is something I know to be true:

Big and small things are always colliding

Whether they mean to or not

Whether they have a choice or not

Fate and free will are just words when the river is raging toward the sea

Water meets water and the calm envelopes me

I'm taken back

To a time when I couldn't name the feeling

To fish crawling out of that same sea

Stop. Don't step where you shouldn't, don't hold anything too close

-

My life was a series of just this

My little rebellions, their hand of god

I know this now

-

Big and small things

Like me and my body,

My regrets and the hands that hold them.

Like the knife in my chest and the enormity of our meeting,

My grasping fingers and your bright blooming soul

-

What I'm trying to say is

I've been here for a very long time, and I remember many things

Big and small choices all with their waves and ripple effects, and here I am still

The path doesn't matter, I'm walking to the waters edge

Life begins here again

And this time I'll hold it close

[heartshapedcas]

maybe peace and freedom go together like pb&j

For @pissbabydean's follower milestone celebration! congrats gray!

Before the resurrection

before the end of god

before the dying

and the leaving

and the dying again

You asked me a question I didn't get to answer.

-

Now heaven's gone and hell ain't so bad

on earth there's a graceless angel at the dinner table

and it feels a lot like freedom

So,

maybe I'm too old for this

maybe I'm never going to get this right

but there are things I want to do-

I should be looking for the next fight-

but maybe I'd rather have you.

-

So give me your halo

and your hands,

only one of these is holy.

Touch my face like you don't have to heal me

show me what love means when you stay after its spoken.

We'll wash the halo in the kitchen sink

with the coffee cups and soup spoons

Sweetheart, this

is holy.

wrap your broken wings around us,

let me kiss you feather light

I'll be your fall asleep on the couch cowboy

you'll be my cereal aisle angel.

No more dying for love

we'll live it instead

[heartshapedcas]

uhhhhh lil notes app wip snippet from my dean poem I’ve been trying to write for weeks and weeks, I’m struggling to finish it but u know, bestfriendnatural 🥲