#mads.text

[secrecyspades]

Pointing to these quotes from devsis again based on the new update reaction.

"Shadow Milk Cookie is actually quite frail."

"He's a character who holds a lot of pain."

"He's a character who needs lots of love."

"He's just a character lashing out because he's lonely and struggling."

"Please love him lots."

Thank you 💙💙💙

[secrecyspades]

Why shadow milk has BPD and a BPD subsystem. A 🧵 from a BPD subsys and experience!

I decided to make this cuz of some heavy dissocistiation discussion going on in the community recently due to poor representation. By my old host!!

So what is a BPD subsystem? I learned recently thru my IRLs who r the most well read ppl on systems with their therapists I know and many others who refer to them for system knowledge. I kept feeling like no matter how I see myself in headspace I don't feel completely 100 within my own self.

I never felt unchanging or consistent. I never felt like one mold fit the same bill, and especially as the host this has been INORDINATELY frustrating

We've been diagnosed with BPD since 2021. And BPD is a severe lack of self image. Ours is mostly due to trauma involving high expectations, lack of autonomy, growing up with religious cultist views and punishment for stepping outside of what was allowed, and various forms of other abuse a child shouldn't endure. So not only are we a DID system, but specifically, me the host, has BPD and that causes within that a subsystem.

I am not just one person. I'm my own system within my system that has various alters of myself in different facets and moods and can depend on my environment and who I'm speaking to. It's a strange phenomena I've been learning about.

So how does this come back to shami? Well!

Let's take a look at a few instances of genuine plurality we've seen in game!

Fount of Knowledge dominion of beasts.

So first we see him referred to as the Fount of Knowledge.

Throughout this ENTIRE THING as if in present time.

THIS is a clear sign this isn't just his brain fucking w him in some non plural way. The milk of truth is his headspace. "The place he loves so much"

His OTHER REALM is all headspace.

Because everyone has come to the realization this is his mind.

Light of deceit is a core piece of him. This is now past tense and speaking to him about his trauma.

FOUNT👏IS👏 TRAUMATIZED 👏

Imagine your existence consisting of being a LIVING CONDUIT of knowledge and never having individuality. He has a TITLE. NOT A NAME. he has no one actually ask about HIM

Who HE IS

that slowly creeps in his genuine lack of identity. Mayyyy be reaching with this but remember his string of this?

He can't decide which one he IS

So his brain is like "aaahh jumbled mess!"

And each "version" of himself IS ONE OF THOSE IDENTITIES

Remember. Devsis confirmed he's broken and traumatized. But let's keep going.

He went from fount to shadow milk

So why is that? This confused a lot of people but clicked for me

Because he's a subsystem

Because SHADOW MILK fronted when Fount got too overwhelmed

Fount may still be in there

Buried

When shadow milk is at his most vulnerable

Asking where the witches are

Why he was abandoned

He's that broken child inside SCREAMING AND BEGGING for his mother

So

Who is shadow milk?

I'm convinced he's the host that took over and is the avenger (YES THATS A SYSTEM ROLE!!!)

And keep in mind. NO OTHER BEAST COOKIE HAS THIS!!! no other beast cookie but SHADOW MILK and PURE VANILLA

Have their soul jams interact

I genuinely fully believe shadow milk is the result of a persecutor host BPD subsys. Other things do poke out here and there. But DID CAN HAVE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES if the persecutor doesn't have someone who's going to stand up to them

Like pure vanilla/truthless recluse

I don't think that this means EVERY SYSTEM is destructive. But I know when someone is host of a sahtem when theY SHOULDN'T BE and have bad control over their temper and emotions and no therapy or even refusal for help? You get a bad mix.

It makes sense why THE AVENGER

Is so WET CAT at the mention of healing, a relationship, friendship, etc. Cuz he DOESNT UNDERSTAND it. It's not in his function. He's not someone who's used to that kindness or letting it in. He's here to get revenge on who was wronged. His host. Fount.

I made a mistake with typing in one point!

DID host who's possibly a persecutor needs someone to stand up to them or genuinely understand their trauma. Pure Vanilla pisses shadow milk off cuz HE TRULY DOESN'T GET HIS TRAUMA.

Different shadow milk alters we know of!

Fount of knowledge

This in between version we never get a proper title for.

I think this one is a protector!

Shami- host/avenger

Also! Shadow milk in between may be the coercer! Also a role!

this one I believe formved from the chapter 14 trauma of "your ally betrayed you and your mother didn't care enough to see what your host was doing in response to being abandoned"

Thank you for coming to this TED talk 💙

[secrecyspades]

The way in this fandom I've seen people try to say that shadow milk has asdp and npd as of taking away the fact that his actions are because of his innate suffering drives me INSANE

I think I've seen at least two to three posts on tik tok and Tumblr about that and I'm like **no no no** he has BPD!!! BPD CODED AS FUCK

The fact that he's so BPD subsystem coded IS INSANE TO ME. I need to copy paste my old hosts thread on that here at some point.

But like the creators have ultimately said that he is the way he is because he's hurting and been betrayed and shit.

That's not aspd or narcissism. He has NARCISSISTIC **TENDENCIES**

And people can't say he doesn't have empathy because he very much clearly cares about his minions. He was the only be scared they were going to be killed by dark enchantress during that SIDE STORY!!! He CARES. HE CARES IF HIS MINIONS ARE HURT.

The way he's lashing out because he realizes that his creators abandoned him.

This isn't a matter of ego. It's a matter of how he was constantly used, betrayed, abandoned, and cast aside. I'm so genuinely fucking sick of people reading him WRONG. Maybe I'm speaking as a fictive and bodily as someone with BPD, but the shit they say about him being NPD and ASPD when he doesn't fit the criteria astounds me.

It's also technically labeling people with aspd and NPD as something monstrous because of the shit he's done. So. Talk about ableism????

IM JUST SAYING.

especially this part.

This screams how he's been hurt and his inner self is SCREAMING FROM THE PAIN.

Thank you for coming to this TED talk from a source attached Shadow Milk Cookie Fictive 💙

[secrecyspades]

Mental illnesses I think shadow milk has as someone with cluster b personality disorders! A shadow milk fictives referendum.

Histrionic personality disorder (I don't have it but the boo does)

Borderline personality disorder

Dissociative identity disorder

ADHD

Intermittent explosive disorder (knew someone w this too and it fits pretty well)

Possibly autism but he's become self hating from how he was judged for his neurodivergence as the fount so he has to mask.

Tentatively but bipolar type 2 since someone we know who has it has expressed connecting to him from that department.

And no. It's not ableist to say his mental illness is why he's behaving the way he does. He's still a victim of circumstances and a victim of things in his past. It still contributes to his mental illness therefore his actions. The point of mental illness and especially without treatment is it makes you *MENTALLY UNWELL AND BEHAVE AS SUCH*

It's in the name. MENTAL. ILLNESS. cluster b personality can in fact make you act out! People are focusing too much on his genocide and murder but not seeing the other deeper and more common mental illness traits he displays.

Over inflated ego and euphoric, often manic highs

Self loathing

Unstable self image and relationships

Delusions (how the beasts were his friends ❤️‍🩹)

Psychosis spirals

Explosive anger and emotions controlling him

[secrecyspades]

Downsides of being a system because ppl think ppl with systems just rp as fictional characters or don't understand the full depth of this shit.

You get a persecutor that's extremely traumatic for your entire system and even everyone around you in your relationships. Not because they attack anyone outside and abuse anyone that's a friend of yours or anything! But because of what they're doing to your system and physical health that they have to witness.

Persecutors can give you headaches! nonstop!!!

Persecutors can feed horrific intrusive thoughts that make it hard to function or are a flat out pain in the ass that LOVE to hear themselves talk

Some persecutors can evade system detection and sneak around in headspace and cause havoc to the point that even your main gatekeeper doesn't even know they're here before damage is done.

They can solely stick around in front space and fuck w whoever is fronting and make it so no one else can visibly see them and head space or hear them.

Certain persecutors can latch onto a single alter **which could even mean a certain headmate thats the literal core of ur system** and fuck with them and break them to the point you can't let them front anymore because they decide to camp out solely in the front area.

HEADACHES. HOLY FUCK THE HEADACHES.

Guys being a system is actual hell sometimes and we're suffering ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Being a system also means you're mostly internal pain manager has to be external because of how often this fucker is giving your body pain.

[secrecyspades]

📜 It's two in the fucking morning and I can't sleep because I'm laughing too hard in call with the bf. Why did you send it tWICE ROFl

ntm you sure do care if ur answering and sending stuff!

"I don't give a shit" anon says as they spam the same anon and threaten

This is such a good laugh plz keep going. I'm loving this genuinely. Comedy gold. Was having a shitty night and this has me and the bf cackling in call

He's echolaling imma smack you ROFL

@a-sprinkleoftruth ily thank you for witnessing this comedy gold history moment

[secrecyspades]

This fandoms innate ableism towards Shadow Milk says it all to me.

Shadow Milk is the result of his own past trauma. Surprise! Cluster-b personalities often form FROM TRAUMA. No one is justifying his actions, but he deserves to be understood as the chain of events of suffering he's had.

Doesn't make it ok

Excuse it

Or anything

But surprise surprise, man endures being nothing but a conduit of knowledge, being abandoned by his creators, and finding out someone he trusted betrayed him, and suddenly he's a bad character or insufferable? I'm seeing the ableism and it's insane.

Anyways this update proved how BPD coded he is to me thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[secrecyspades]

HEY SO AS A SYSTEM HOST????

Hi welcome to what being a fucking system feels like!!!!