Why shadow milk has BPD and a BPD subsystem. A 🧵 from a BPD subsys and experience!
I decided to make this cuz of some heavy dissocistiation discussion going on in the community recently due to poor representation. By my old host!!
So what is a BPD subsystem? I learned recently thru my IRLs who r the most well read ppl on systems with their therapists I know and many others who refer to them for system knowledge. I kept feeling like no matter how I see myself in headspace I don't feel completely 100 within my own self.
I never felt unchanging or consistent. I never felt like one mold fit the same bill, and especially as the host this has been INORDINATELY frustrating
We've been diagnosed with BPD since 2021. And BPD is a severe lack of self image. Ours is mostly due to trauma involving high expectations, lack of autonomy, growing up with religious cultist views and punishment for stepping outside of what was allowed, and various forms of other abuse a child shouldn't endure. So not only are we a DID system, but specifically, me the host, has BPD and that causes within that a subsystem.
I am not just one person. I'm my own system within my system that has various alters of myself in different facets and moods and can depend on my environment and who I'm speaking to. It's a strange phenomena I've been learning about.
So how does this come back to shami? Well!
Let's take a look at a few instances of genuine plurality we've seen in game!
Fount of Knowledge dominion of beasts.
So first we see him referred to as the Fount of Knowledge.
Throughout this ENTIRE THING as if in present time.
THIS is a clear sign this isn't just his brain fucking w him in some non plural way. The milk of truth is his headspace. "The place he loves so much"
His OTHER REALM is all headspace.
Because everyone has come to the realization this is his mind.
Light of deceit is a core piece of him. This is now past tense and speaking to him about his trauma.
FOUNT👏IS👏 TRAUMATIZED 👏
Imagine your existence consisting of being a LIVING CONDUIT of knowledge and never having individuality. He has a TITLE. NOT A NAME. he has no one actually ask about HIM
Who HE IS
that slowly creeps in his genuine lack of identity. Mayyyy be reaching with this but remember his string of this?
He can't decide which one he IS
So his brain is like "aaahh jumbled mess!"
And each "version" of himself IS ONE OF THOSE IDENTITIES
Remember. Devsis confirmed he's broken and traumatized. But let's keep going.
He went from fount to shadow milk
So why is that? This confused a lot of people but clicked for me
Because he's a subsystem
Because SHADOW MILK fronted when Fount got too overwhelmed
Fount may still be in there
Buried
When shadow milk is at his most vulnerable
Asking where the witches are
Why he was abandoned
He's that broken child inside SCREAMING AND BEGGING for his mother
So
Who is shadow milk?
I'm convinced he's the host that took over and is the avenger (YES THATS A SYSTEM ROLE!!!)
And keep in mind. NO OTHER BEAST COOKIE HAS THIS!!! no other beast cookie but SHADOW MILK and PURE VANILLA
Have their soul jams interact
I genuinely fully believe shadow milk is the result of a persecutor host BPD subsys. Other things do poke out here and there. But DID CAN HAVE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES if the persecutor doesn't have someone who's going to stand up to them
Like pure vanilla/truthless recluse
I don't think that this means EVERY SYSTEM is destructive. But I know when someone is host of a sahtem when theY SHOULDN'T BE and have bad control over their temper and emotions and no therapy or even refusal for help? You get a bad mix.
It makes sense why THE AVENGER
Is so WET CAT at the mention of healing, a relationship, friendship, etc. Cuz he DOESNT UNDERSTAND it. It's not in his function. He's not someone who's used to that kindness or letting it in. He's here to get revenge on who was wronged. His host. Fount.
I made a mistake with typing in one point!
DID host who's possibly a persecutor needs someone to stand up to them or genuinely understand their trauma. Pure Vanilla pisses shadow milk off cuz HE TRULY DOESN'T GET HIS TRAUMA.
Different shadow milk alters we know of!
Fount of knowledge
This in between version we never get a proper title for.
I think this one is a protector!
Shami- host/avenger
Also! Shadow milk in between may be the coercer! Also a role!
this one I believe formved from the chapter 14 trauma of "your ally betrayed you and your mother didn't care enough to see what your host was doing in response to being abandoned"
Thank you for coming to this TED talk 💙