* it's with a lot of guilt i'm doing to say the previous 2 free readings i owed are not going to be completed. i've been going through a lot of health issues, and i don't want to insincerely do a reading that i'm not putting my complete heart and dedication into. thank you for understanding. i'm going to reopen paid and free readings with a disclaimer that it may take me a while to get to them. i'm talking days, weeks, maybe months. until my health issues resolve, activity on this blog is going to be very unpredictable. as always, please look at my pinned in full before ordering a free or paid reading - it shows what i can do and my terms and conditions for performing a reading for you.
hello anonymous! thank you so much for the patience with getting this reading done. it does cover some heavy topics, so please take care of yourself while reading.
gender identity.
card drawn: nine of lotuses.
you were 'feminine' but that does not necessarily mean anything in terms of your gender. however, your gender was a part of yourself in an artful, colourful, expressive and dynamic way; you were in touch with how you expressed yourself, and you were very bright and sparkling.
childhood / family life / relationships.
cards drawn: six of trees reversed, the weaver, five of birds.
you grew for others, you expanded your knowledge for others. that's how your childhood began; as a performance. it was never about expression and joy, but you were a living business venture and progression. you were used for your talents, and that fostered bad habits in you - about your ability to perform reflecting on who you were and how you felt about yourself.
your family life was about progressing forward, and paving a way for yourself in your past life. you thought of creativity through the lens of success, and your family saw such potential in you. they wanted to nurture that, but perhaps for fame rather than genuine interest. it was saddening.
and you were a rival to so many, they either saw victory in you or saw to compete with you to bring victory to themselves. there's no poetry to this, but your passion was always a battleground for those around you.
obstacles / achievements / spirituality.
cards drawn: the mystic reversed, ten of trees reversed, the romantic.
your heart meant well but it oft inspired the worst in others. they wanted to see the world as you saw it, but they couldn't. not with their eyes. not with their heart. they could never see through their envy, as their envy clouded their visions and their artistry. this was an obstacle in itself, because again, you were forever trying to prove yourself and succeed.
and perhaps you saw it as a good thing that people were so envious of what you had. but that's not what it really is, is it? maybe you know better now in this life you live. but back then, it was good to be envied. it meant your skills were valuable, that you were valuable. it was good to be successful, even if it meant stomping others into the ground.
your religion was your ego, your ego was your religion. the world revolved around you and your talents, and you basked in the envy and the love that you received. you were golden; made of diamond! that was your religion.
death.
card drawn: the pathfinder reversed.
it was not a literal death that caught you first, but a metaphorical one. you burned out, you wilted one day, never to get your spark for life back. that caught you first, and then the rest followed - you can probably surmise what it was that caught you amidst the weight of exhaustion.
lessons learned / what you brought into this life / past life purpose / current life takeaway.
cards drawn: the commander reversed, two of birds, seven of birds, six of birds reversed.
what you learned before the end was that you cannot foster genuine connection without reaching out first. you can have all the success in the world, but how does that weigh against pure love and bonding? you cannot keep a heart alone, unless you wish to suffer.
and perhaps you're still burned out from everything that happened. greatness does come at a cost, after all. you're still recovering from that world you glimpsed into, and maybe fatigue comes knocking, asking for reprieve from the public eye.
the past life is an obstacle to you now that you must find a way to recover from. find that spark to life once more; find your way back to enjoying the world around you. burn out does not have to devour you.
whether this life becomes like the last is up to you. whether you crash and burn or rise from the ashes is what will define this life, and will mark the new life that inevitably grows from your reborn soul. don't hold yourself back, don't let yourself shatter never to be picked up again. there is still gold between the cracks in so much porcelain art, and you can still make this life beautiful.
