Show Me (Breaking...Alternate Ending #3) Continuation of #2
A/N: I am thoroughly ashamed, I hate everything happening right now. Why have I done this???
Warnings: General discomfort, I’m going to classify this as mild smut and I hate it so much, language as always (I will probably never write anything close to this ever again but I make no promises)
Tags (I am so sorry if you don’t want to be tagged anymore): @midnightokieriete @renae-writes @deltablue202 @literally-melonkitty @meunicorn @favouritefighting-frenchman @demi-godamit @gum-and-chips @sweaterkitty-fluff @pinkyiger7 @littlemissshortcakes @msageofenlightenment @unprofessional-inhumanbeing @fandom-panda-221 @hummusandchips @spoopy-piineapple @ashwolfcub @myself-and-the-madman @sweet-fate @superwholockbooknerd526 @frozengal2013 @itsmikayblr @sarmar29 @arya-durin-77 @phantastic-fandoms @hoshihime98@shinigamired @martapetrovic @robotic-space @tayahqr (lol) @asprinkleofmermaids @pinkyiger7 (I’m tagging you twice my friend!) @satellitesuga @rose-coloured-nihilism @okie-dokie-artichokeme @alyssumax@pandartist @marquiis-de-la-baguette @abi-sans05 @apandawithcookies (Adding you because you requested this)
It all must continue, the end is near for this line...
Why the hell am I supposed to do?! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! You were starting to panic. What the hell was that? I don’t see Alex like that!...Right? I don’t see him like that, right?! Did I initiate that? I can’t tell! It was...kinda nice… No! Stop thinking like that Y/N! He’s married! And the kids...and Philip! You can’t do this! You felt like you could still feel his lips against yours, the roughness of it, the scratchiness from his stubble. It was...intense, that seemed to be the word that fit best. Your face felt like it was burning. Okay, this has to stop! You decided to try and sleep. So you got ready for bed and laid down. Unfortunately, sleeping was easier said than done. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t stop thinking about it, about him. You couldn’t figure out why either and that bothered you even more. Eventually, your eyes were forced to shut. It was cold and dark, at first. Then the blue light came back. It inhaled you into its frozen light. You smelled smoke, old smoke. Like a day old campfire. Then a voice faded in and sent shivers through your brain, your own.
“I’ve never been satisfied either…”
Your eyes shot open and you graciously took a much needed gulp of air. Your whole body felt weak, you were exhausted. For a moment, you didn’t notice the smell, simply relating it to your dream. But you weren’t dreaming anymore. The faint scent of smoke loomed over you. You looked out your window and saw a dark plume of ash coming from the front yard. Quickly, you got ready, changing into your work clothes. As you were about to reach for the door, you noticed your chair propped under the handle. Did I lock myself in? I don’t remember doing that… You shook off the eerie feeling in your gut and moved the chair out of the way and made your way out. That’s when you had a realization. A pamphlet came out today, important and discussing the affairs of Alex, smoke coming from the front yard. Eliza… You picked up the pace and as you ran through the hall, you saw another chair propped underneath a door handle. The study. You shoved it out of the way and busted through the door. The room was a mess and you had just cleaned it last night. The drawers were open and papers littered the hardwood floor. Alex was laid down on the couch, his chest rising and falling rhythmically. You ran over to him, leaning over him and shaking his shoulders.
“Alex! Alex, wake up! You need to get up right now!” He stirred a bit, he seemed to be having a nice dream. You felt bad to pull him out of it and welcome him with this sort of news. You tapped his face lightly. “Alexander Hamilton! Wake the hell up!” You said a bit more sternly.
“Titania…? What are you doing…?” He yawned, taking your hand and moving it away from his face.
“It’s Eliza! She’s making a monumentally horrible mistake for history, we need to go right now!” You helped to pull him up off the makeshift bed. His cravat was laying on the ground and his vest was unbuttoned. Looking back on it, you should’ve let him fix his clothes but neither of you were really paying attention to that. You grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the study, through the house and out the front door. Eliza was throwing papers into a fire made on the front lawn, Rachel was standing off the the side watching.
“Betsy! What in God’s name are you doing?” Alex asked as he jogged down the front steps, you trailing behind him. She looked furious.
“Don’t you ‘Betsy’ me, Alexander! I’m doing what I should have done a long time ago! Burning the thing that pushed you away from me! These papers, your work, your obsession! I hope that you’re happy, because you’ve ruined me!” She threw the rest of the papers into the burning pile, you nodded to Rachel as she chased after her.
“Lady Eliza! Wait, we can talk about this!” You heard Rachel plead as they disappeared inside. You focused back on Alex. He kneeled down in front of still burning fire and picked up a burnt shred of parchment. He studied it, held it in his trembling hands but stayed quiet. You knelt down beside him and glanced at the piece yourself, it was the bottom corner of the original page. In very neat cursive it read as ‘Always yours, John Laurens’ Alex stared down at the piece, almost as though he was trying to silently apologize to it. You placed your hands on his, trying to calm the shaking.
“Shhh… It’s okay...Alex, look at me.” He didn’t respond. “Alex, please… Look at me.” You said a bit more softly. You gave his hands a light squeeze as he turned his head to look at you. “I’m so sorry Alex...I’m so, so sorry…” You could feel how hurt he was with his eyes alone. It wasn’t the years of destroyed work that bothered him, it was the memories now reduced to cinders that were getting to him. Alex had talked with you about Laurens in the past. No matter what label you put on their relationship, it still was real. You felt as though it was more than just a friendship but you never wanted to pry. He shook his head and you let him lean onto your shoulder. You shifted over so you would be in front of him, his forehead moving into the crook of your neck. You wrapped your arms around his back to pull him in closer, he seemed to find it comforting. You looked over at the door and saw Philip standing on the porch. You couldn’t figure out why you felt so conflicted, he seemed just as confused.
“Need any help?” He mouthed to you.
“No, I’ve got him.” You mouthed back. He nodded and went back inside. After a few minutes, you felt Alex start to relax. You moved your hand over to his and tilted his head up. “Are you okay to go back inside now? I can help you clean up the study a little bit.” You smiled sadly at him.
“Yes...I believe I’m alright now.” He sighed. He stood up and helped you off the ground. The two of you went back inside and made your way to the study, it was still as messy as it was before. You closed the door behind you.
“Okay, I’ll start with the papers…” I just did this last night! UGH! You went over and began to pick up the papers, you straightened them up as you walked over to the desk. But you felt a hand touch your waist, stopping you in your tracks. Your arm slowly fell, the papers going with it, landing back on the floor. You recognized the feeling, the hand specifically. Then you felt the person pressed against your back. “Alex…?”
“Don’t worry, it’s just me.” He responded, his words hit the side of your head. “I just...wanted to say thank you…You truly helped me today, I’m not quite used to accepting help. Most people choose not to bother.” You stayed still as he spoke.
“Alex, of course I’m going to help you! I understand a lot of the stuff you go through and I really care about you…”
“I care about you too Y/N, more than I should admit. That’s why I feel as though I must remind you of something. I trust you with my deepest thoughts, which to me is worth more than my own life. I had hoped for you to trust me equally but last night...I had to have broken that trust. I was weak but that is no excuse for what I did! I made advances on you that were not for a just man to have done, I became the thing that you fear! I can’t apologize enough for how horrid I was...Look, even now it’s difficult for me to pull myself away from you!” His hand began to move away from your waist but you grabbed his wrist and snaked his arm back around. He was taken aback by this, and so were you.
“I do trust you Alex...That’s why I… What happened last night wasn’t one sided, Alexander.” You leaned back against his chest.
“Wait...What?” You could already feel your heart racing.
“I leaned into that kiss too... and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since...God, I sound like a terrible person, huh?” He took a deep breath after your answer.
“So you regret it?” He asked.
“It...depends on what you mean by ‘regret’. Do I think that it was a mistake? Yes. Did I enjoy it and can’t stop imagining it? Also yes. So, I suppose it just depends on who you’re asking…” He turned you around, you were so close. You could feel his breath on your skin. His hand came up to caress your cheek, his thumb trace lightly against your bottom lip.
“Is...this a mistake too?” He asked softly, you shivered.
“Should we stop?” You took a moment to respond.
“No.” He didn’t waste a second after that answer. He pressed his lips into yours, the same feeling of confusion waving over you. You backed up and ended up hitting the desk, your arms wrapped around his neck as he lifted you up to sit on it. You thought for a moment that you heard a sound from the opposite side of the room but you couldn’t be sure. He pulled away quickly, leaving you gasping for air.
“You know, you can always say no to this…” He informed you.
“I don’t think I know how.”
