Anon Advice Asks - November 28
not so freshman anon, reg kin anon, makeup anon (new), usaid anon
not so freshman anon
hi!
it sounds like a lot of what you're talking about is the same- anxious attachment and being afraid of being left behind. and I think with that, the best thing is communication. because (as someone who also has anxious attachment) if you DONT communicate, then you know that what'll happen is you either hold on super tight or just...let go, because you're afraid of rejection. Both options usually result in conflict and loss of friendship, you know? Communication - sharing your fears, sharing things that help reassure you, asking for reassurance - is the best way to not only avoid those conflicts but to find people who are true friends. The people who are both willing to give reassurance but also set boundaries and remind you that they can't always reply but will always care and make an effort to communicate and work through problems...those are the people to look out for.
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reg kin anon
hi cas, reg kin anon here
i dont really have any updates re: my last ask but im a little stressed about some other stuff
its coming up to exams at uni and im so anxious about it all the time. my lecturers feel so unhelpful too, they make me feel so stupid any time i ask a question, they just say "well have you read the lecture notes?" as if i wouldnt have checked there first??? and then they talk down to us all like we're thick for not understanding when it seems more like a failing on their part when its most of the class doing poorly
im grateful to my flatmates at the moment though. theyve all offered to sit and just listen to me talk about my classes and what im supposed to be learning, which does really help me study and learn to figure things out myself by talking it through out loud. theyre such a rock for my right now <33
ive got friends in my theatre society too, but i feel kinda guilty around them at the minute. we're doing auditions at the minute for our next show (into the woods) and callbacks just got announced. all 3 of my closest friends are super talented and even before i got to know them i looked up to them and their abilities so much, but one of them didnt get a callback at all, and the other two got a callback for a character they didnt really want. i got two callbacks - one for the character i went for and one for one of the main leads. it means im super overwhelmed at the moment because i now have to learn 5 songs in less than a week (one of which is Your Fault, which is one of the most hellish songs ive ever tried to learn) but i feel so awful even considering complaining about how stressful it is, especially adding onto my exam stress, when my friends didnt get the callbacks they wanted. id usually feel like i could go to them with anything but now i feel horrible when we talk about anything related to the show because while i dont expect to get the parts (im afab and going for 2 male parts, up against some INCREDIBLE tenors) i still got more than what i wanted while they didnt. it feels like im rubbing it in their faces if i complain but im not trying to, im just genuinely overwhelmed by how much i have to do, and now i dont even feel like i have an outlet to help with that stress because of this whole situation, and obviously bottling stress up makes it worse. i should be happy i got these callbacks and excited but instead i just feel miserable about it
im also just scared that if i DID get the part i wanted, it would drive a wedge between my friends and i, and i really dont want that. theyre the first group of people i genuinely feel so comfortable and happy around and i dont want to lose that, but i also know that real friends would be happy for me if i did get the part, even if they didnt get theirs. its hard as well because obviously we know each other through theatre so it makes up a lot of what we talk about, but again i dont want it to seem like im rubbing it in their faces because thats a shit thing to do, so now im just sort of... being quiet in our groupchat. i dont know what else to say when theyre talking about the callbacks and that theyre disappointed
it feels a little better for getting it all out here, but it feels like a very high stress situation overall
i do want to say, on that note, a massive thank you to you cas for creating such a safe community and being so generous and kind so as to let us come to you when we need a place to exist freely. i know i can speak for so many others when i say youve made such a difference in a lot of lives, and you really are appreciated for not only the ask cas thing, but for sharing your writing for a little bit of joy in our days
thank you <3
Hi!
Well it sounds like you already know what I'm going to say, lol
As far as your classes, you're absolutely right! If most of the class is doing poorly, that is a TEACHER issue- and that's coming from a teacher. I'm so sorry you're not feeling supported, that really sucks. Does your university use a website like ratemyprofessors.com? I used that to pick all my classes and it helped me avoid the shittiest professors when I picked classes...
And for theater...I completely agree again! True friends may be a bit jealous, but they won't let that destroy the friendship. I think if you do end up getting a part, you should talk to your friends about it. Ask them if it's okay if you talk about the part, or if they'd prefer you to talk about it with other people. Tell them you really look up to them for their talents and you know that in the future, the situation will probably be flipped, so you want to know how to handle it. I used to be in theater so I will warn you that yeah, some people will be petty, but focus on the people who care more about YOU than the part they get.
Thank you so much for the thank you <3 You made me smile <3
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makeup anon (new)
My sibling just came out to me as trans (?). Im going to ask for makeup for christmas for him (pronouns have not changed so far. It was funny bc he was so nervous WHILE A PRIDE FLAG WAS RIGHT BEHIND HIM
awww this is so sweet! supportive siblings are the best, they make my heart so happy.
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USAID anon
Usaid anon and idk bc like you know when people from international systems go back to the US its like SUPER EASY and i want that but like IB makes you look smarter than you are so colleges accept you + most people who do IB and then go to american college say that college was like they could finally breathe and like it was way easier and stuff so im excited for that.
yes that's good that you're at least prepared! I feel like the US school system is the opposite- so many kids are woefully unprepared for college and they just flounder. it's not even their fault, they just have no idea what they don't know. I'm glad the transition will be easy for you!
