#usaid anon

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - June 20

vi anon (new), parents anon (new), usaid anon

vi anon (new)

idfk know how to send ppl actual asks

Hii Cas, I love your blog sm, I live and breathe for your marauders microfics everyday<3

I’m Vi (she/her)

So currently I'm having a bit of a crisis abt my sexuality and you seemed like the best person to go to. If you don't feel comfortable answering this or are unable to, that's totally fine!

A while back I'd moved countries and I started being friends with really toxic ppl and I didn’t do anything abt it cuz they were my only friends. (this is relevant i swear!) They would sometimes exclude me just cuz I was ‘too innocent’ or ‘boring’. Because of that I would think that if I had allergies or like a disorder I’d be interesting enough for them. As soon as I realized what I was doing, I ofc felt horrible(This will be referred to as 'the pick me thing')

As of now I’m a straight ally, but I think I may be part of the LGBT+ community. The thing is tho idk if i just really care abt the community and ppl in it, am part of it or am doing ‘the pick me thing’ again, because I’ve been mentally crossing out the things I'm definitely not based on past experiences. 

I think I may be demiromantic(and bi??) especially cuz i’ve had one(1) irl crush; my childhood boy bsf and one(1) celebrity crush; that was after I got really into the fandom + it was his fanon personality, so it was me building a kinda toxic bf. I remember that at some point i forced myself to have more crushes both fictional/celebrity and irl(i lowk went: that’s the least ugliest one, I'll take him 😭). But again idk if i’m doing the pick me thing and ‘feeling a connection’ to the one that’s most similar to my experiences. Plus I'm only 13 so it’s probably normal to not like that many ppl right??

I also can’t imagine myself w/ a man, in the future OR now. Like if i imagine a scene where i’m getting married to some random guy, or like just cuddling with him or something, it disgusts me and I get this weird squirmy feeling. I could imagine the same stuff w/ my past actual crushes and be fine with it though. Girls, I can see myself being with and don’t get disgusted.

Side note: Found out that my mom is kinda homophobic today💔 She apparently doesn’t mind it when it’s others and she’s not affected, but if it’s someone close to her she’s is NOT ok with it. I talked to her and asked her if she would ever at least try to change her views or be an ally, but she said that it’s unlikely and would be hard. At least my dad and friends are supportive ig.

Ik this is kinda long(sry abt that), but I just really need someone to talk to.

Hi!

First of all, sorry about your mom. That really sucks, and I wish she would be more open-minded

But as far as YOU, I think the problem is, society has created this picture of young teens coming out as it being an attention-seeking thing. But really...it isn't. Discovering yourself is simply part of growing up, and your identity is a huge part of that!

I don't think you're doing this for attention, even if you change your mind. I think that you, like a lot of people, are just trying to figure yourself out in a very confusing world with a lot of stupid rules.

You are allowed to be confused and to not have a label or change labels as you learn about yourself. That's not 'pick me' behavior, that's simply learning about yourself.

And if you want proof...you wrote to me anonymously. You're not getting any clout for writing this, you know? So your feelings exist when they're not attached to personal attention.

Whatever you decide to do about them or not to about them is valid and up to you, but your feelings are real <3

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parents anon (new)

oh i have so much to say about that especially as a teacher like you mean to tell me that i pour all this love and attention into this kids i protect them with my full chest theyre my babies some of them i’ve literally known since they were babies and i see them coming to school with bruises and crying when their parents come and i have to report them like why can’t you just love them????? its so easy to love them?? these kids aren’t even my own kids legally or biologically but i love them SO much to the point i see them in every little corner of my life like oh so and so will find this funny or cute or i should buy this and gift it to my students and you mean to tell me some of their parents don’t????

RIGHT????? Like it's not hard to love a child.

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Usaid anon

And its so true ugh. Like im whatever is most convenient for them its so stupid. My dad still thinks its inappropriate for me to say 'damn' but wants me to get multiple jobs this summer?? Like what??

Anyway i do have fun plans! And we've been planning a lot more international travel lately! I might be able to do 5 new countries in 2026! Im going to london and new york this summer and we're planning on going somewhere new for diwali and then maybe somewhere new for winter break. My moms talking about bali which is CRAZY but we also might go to nepal. Idk which one i would prefer. Like honestly ive barely been on any beach vacations but i like the nature stuff yk? I dont think I'll be thrilled for the time we spend in the city in nepal. So maybe I'll swing for bali. Its ultimately up to my parents but recently they have been asking my opinions for vacations more which is fun and im really hoping to go to goa (beach state in india. But theres some cool history and architecture too. It was colonised by the portuguese instead of the british like most of india) at some point for a long weekend

OMG all of those plans sound amazing...I've been to both London and New York, and they're both amazing...Goa sounds so cool! You have to let me know (if you remember) how all your trips go, I'm so jealous! I hope you're able to go to the places you want to go to! <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - March 2

intrusive thoughts anon, heart star anon (new), alone anon, usaid anon

intrusive thoughts anon

Hi! I'm so glad things are going better with your friends!

I didn't even think about how holidays like ramadan could affect those things, that must be so difficult. I'm so proud of you for thinking about your choices and doing your best to make positive, healthy choices. I wonder, does your religion have exceptions for fasting when people have food struggles?

My valentines went well (I was travelling) and I'm doing okay. I'm proud of you for doing well in school!

___

heart star anon (new)

So i saw you give advices and I think I need a neutral take on this.

I'm 20 and my best friend is 29 and we've been friends for a couple years now. We both have friend circles with people of varying ages so that isn't uncommon for us. Now the thing is I'm sure he sees me like a kid cuz tbh to him i probably am. So ik it's verry platonic from his side. And we both have a tendency to platonically flirt with all our friends. Which is mostly fine cuz that's normal for me.

But the thing is. If he does that to me, I get all shy and red cuz i fear I'm catching feelings. I don't want to. But I'm afraid I am already. I tried talking to another friend about this. She almost looked disgusted by it. So i never brought it up again.

I don't wanna loose this bond tho. He's helped me grow mentally and emotionally. I had some issues at home with family that I couldn't talk to my parents about. He pushed me to and I'm glad it did cuz that was something I was carrying for more than a decade.

I'm afraid my emotional attachment stems from the fact that I was verry suicidal when we first met and he seemed like hope reincarnated. As many people as I've talked to, they all have the same opinion about him. That's he's a good human.

I also think I act like his partner sometimes. Like demanding time and attention and as soon as I realised that, I tried to minimize the contact. But then he'd notice I'm being distant and urge me to talk it out with him.

That's the worst part. He notices I'm holding back and gives me space but always gets me to work it out. He notices, he remembers, he does it all. Sometimes wed have these tender moments where he's say something sweet like "uk i can't be mad at you for too long" and I'm left wondering if he said is as a friend or more. A part of me wants him to want me. But the rest of me def realises it's stupid and childish to think of it like that.

And the fact that he's emotionally vulnerable with me doesn't help much. I've noticed he'd come to me first if he has a problem even when most of them aren't my age problems. He says I give him a fresh perspective.

I have no idea what to do with all these feelings. I don't wanna have them. Certainly not for someone who i shouldn't have them for. I don't wanna hurt him or scare him away cuz I'm not sure how he'd react. I think he'd want to talk it out. But I'm afraid he'd think it's childish of me. Maybe it is. I am a child for him.

I just don't wanna complicate things. I wanna keep our bond but I also don't wanna get hurt by walking away.

What should I do?

– 💜✨

Hi!

oof, this is hard. Okay here's the thing: your feelings are not disgusting. You are allowed to have feelings. But I DO think that a 29 year old dating a 20 year old could VERY easily lead to a lot of problems. The problem with age gaps isn't JUST the difference in age, it's the power dynamic. I mean, you two legally could date. But I think that this particular age gap easily lends to a power imbalance. It's unlikely that you could have a healthy relationship...it depends on a lot of other factors.

It might be helpful for you to think about this logically- logically, it's not bad to have feelings for another adult. it's not gross or icky. You're not crushing on a child, so there's no reason for you to feel guilt or shame.

But also logically, how might a relationship with this person work? Are you two in the same stage of life right now? What are both of your short-term and long-term goals? Both of your dreams? Are you compatible? Odds are, he is pursuing different things than you right now, and that's okay! It's natural, with ten years between you. But that also makes it so a relationship would be hard.

Again, I'm not shaming you. I think there's just a lot to think about <3

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alone anon

Hi sorry its me again (alone anon) how would you reccommend starting a conversation about what ive noticed and been feeling because everytime i try i end up giving up.

Hi!! Honestly, I think the best way is to either practice beforehand (talk to a pet or stuffed animal or a neutral person) or write out what you want to say. That way, you're sure of your words and you have them prepared <3

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usaid anon

Its usaid aid anon. I fucking hate this. They stopped the hiring freeze which means they can hire summer interns which means im expected to apply and i cant go back to the u.s. for the whole summer which is what i thought would happen. I just want to be back home for good. I hate this so much. And everytime i say that its like "oh but wouldnt you miss your friends we're doing you a favor" if you didnt take the fucking job ind the first place i wouldnt be missing my friends all the fucking time anyway as well as my family and my hometown and what i couldve had and everything fucking else. Sorry i know its stupid to complain but i hate it so much

I don't think it's stupid to complain at all! It sucks to not have control over your life and it sucks to miss the people you care about <3 you are absolutely always welcome to vent in my inbox <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - Feb 28

say a little prayer anon (new), alone anon, other anons anon (new), usaid anon

say a little prayer anon (new)

Hii cas

Do you know if there's anywhere I can read say a little prayer by Jenna voris for free???

I really wanna read it but I don't want my parents to know

Hi! I looked around but I couldn't find anyplace. Do you have a library card? If so, the app "Libby" lets you rent audiobooks for free, so you wouldn't have a physical copy in your house. Not the same as reading, but better than nothing!

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alone anon

Hey cas im the alone anon, so basically my group of friends has somewhat developed into 2 groups. One of these two groups hates the other but im technically just floating inbetween the two and im starting to realise theat everytime i go with one group everyone in the other gives funny looks. But now both groups keep going out without me and using the excuse of 'we didnt think youd be interested'. I really want to stay friends with both groups but if they both hate eachother how possible is that? What should i do?

ugh this is so frustrating because like...part of me is like, who you're friends with shouldn't matter. But also I don't know the whole story. Have you tried sitting them down and telling them what you've noticed? Asking their feelings about it? I think asking about it is the only way you're going to get answers, tbh. but at the end of the day, you need to do what feels right for you and be friends with the people who treat you right. fuck anyone who isn't being kind and respectful.

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other anons anon (new)

Hello so I have a few other anons but I feel really embarrassed about this one, so please don’t feel pressured to give this ask like, a new name

So there’s this tumblr poll called “Need that man pregnant”, and it’s a really silly poll where people submit, like… hundreds of fictional characters and stuff and people vote for months about which person will win,

And somebody submitted Jesus Christ,

And I personally am catholic… and it just feel so weird? Like… he’ll likely get really far into the competition but it just feels weird. Cuz people can put their reasoning under their submission and people kept saying “it’ll make the right people angry, lol”… and it just feels kinda mean to like the fact that you’re gonna upset people by doing something to agitate them on purpose? It’s not an attack on the blog itself, I think what they’re doing is fun and lighthearted, and adding restrictions/making callouts or whatever is unnecessary and people are free to submit whoever…

But like… seeing that triggers the “religious trauma/complicated relationship with religion” part of my brain but not in a, “I’m getting an existential crisis” way but in a “wow… this is uncomfortable”… like if I saw my uncle for example on this poll and people were talking about how it’ll “make the right people angry”

This is such a weird situation, idek what I’m trying to say 😭😭

I think like, if this happened a year ago I’d be fuming/start panicking about my other spirituality… but I’m pretty much fine? It just… feels off?

Aghhhh idk 😭😭 sorry if this is too strange an ask

Hi!

Sorry I had to give you a name or I wouldn't be able to reply. Yeah I can see why that might give you the ick. i think it's hard because a lot of people deal with their religious trauma by doing things like this and religion has definitely hurt a lot of people so like...I'm not here to say if it's wrong or right. But I think if it bothers you, you're well within your rights to block the blog! you are allowed to curate a space that feels safe to you, you know?

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usaid anon

Hiiii its usaid anon :P

A while ago i told you abt how my school system works and you asked since hw doesnt affect the grade if kids even did hw but ive been thinking and i lowk have a question.

Like if even hw is graded (ik there are some pass/fail hw assignments but the ones that arent) wouldnt it make students want to cheat bc theres like no chance for them to work without the pressure of them being graded or are there specific types of assignments that teachers arent allowed to grade?

At my old school teachers werent allowed to assign certain assignments so im wondering if theres something like that so kids have consitent assignments they know arent graded?

ha.

yes.

imo, homework should be graded on effort. like "okay, usaid anon, I see you did all the math problems and you clearly did work out on the ones you were confused on so you can have 100% even if you got half wrong" because in my exprience if it's not graded at all, students won't do it, but if it's graded on accuracy, kids cheat or have other family members do it for them. and like...they need practice. that's the point of homework.

I also think schools give ay too much homework, but thats another whole thing.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - February 4

what do people do anon (new), out of the loop anon (new), just a kid anon (new), usaid anon, collecting music anon (new)

What do people do anon (new)

How do I be normal, what do normal people do day to day…?

Everything online is either trying to get me to scroll forever, or to “just stop using my phone” but when I stop using my phone I don’t know what to do. Not in an addicted sense but, what am I meant to do? I have things I like doing (like reading and writing and art) but I’m not using my phone because I “literally have nothing to do” but I use my phone because I feel so alone :( I can’t drive. There’s snow everywhere, and it’s like, one degree (Farenheit), so I can’t bike, and even if I could, none of my friends live near me. The only time I know what to do and feel okay is during tech week for whenever I’m in a play. I have access to public transport, and my friends happen to be near me, and there’s actual stuff to do/places to be (since my schools in like the heart of the city)…

But other than that? There’s nothing :( nada. I feel so guilty and embarrassed. Everyone makes it sound so simple. “Just go do it. Stop being lazy” but there’s nothing. Especially as a teen :(

I want to do stuff, I really do… but there’s nothing. What do people do?? What do normal people do?? I feel so lost

This is such a fair question, though. I feel like, when technology wasn’t as prevalent, the world was easier to navigate without it. Now, it’s difficult to get by without technology. The things kids used to do (play with toys, play outside, meet at the park, go to the library) aren’t as accessible because money isn’t spent on those things, so they aren’t around as much or kids don’t have them. Cities aren’t walkable, kids can’t get to meetup places. We’ve come to rely on technology so much, we’ve become too reliant on it. It’s sad. Also, our brains are trained to need the instant gratification that tech brings.

So like…I don’t think you should feel embarrassed. It’s not your fault. Maybe start with little things? Challenge yourself to a half hour a day without technology, even if it’s just staring at the wall or drawing a picture. It doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing, and it doesn’t have to be with someone else. Just spend some time without it, you know?

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Out of the loop anon (new)

Do you have any tips on how to make friends as a young adult?? due to being autistic I’ve never been able to keep friendships well, and all the groups I have had just kinda adopted me in without me doing much of anything. But now I’m 18 with almost no friends and I so desperately want them. I’m such a social person but I’ve no idea where to meet people or how to even, like, start a friendship?? I tried to talk to people at a concert I went to but I think I weirded them out on accident. I’m so lonely and I hate it but I have no idea how to change it. And I keep seeing people around my age all over social media having so much fun with their friend groups or their partners and I want that so bad. I just feel completely out of the loop with all this.

Hi!

I definitely understand the struggle with this one. I think the easiest way to make friends is to join clubs. It allows for you to already know the people there have something in common with you, and that way you have a conversation starter. Join a gym, find a book club, a place to volunteer, or an art group at the local library! This also gives you an activity to focus on instead of dealing with small talk, and an excuse to get contact info as well!

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Just a kid anon (new)

im just a kid im not even 18 yet I hate that everything feels so hard

I’m so sorry, hon <3 please know that you’re not alone and I’m sending you love!

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Usaid anon

Hey its usaid anon fingers crossed bc THIS shutdown could end tomorrow which is rlly good actually i just hope it happens

It’s absolutely crazy how many shutdowns we’re having…honestly I just hope it ends with a lot less funding (or none, but that would be a pipe dream) for ICE. 

___

Collecting music anon (new)

I just realized that me collecting music is a hobby. I have a hobby. I always say i dont but i literalky do and its something im really passionate about actually.

My current count is 55 records and around 30 cds(i never count the cds lol i get them for free from this thing at my dads work) and i just got a cd burner so i can burn my own cds!

That’s such a cool hobby! And even though it makes me feel ancient (I used to burn CDs when I was very young) it’s so cool that you collect actual physical copies of music…I wish I had kept more of my CDs, tbh. Imagine passing that collection on to a relative someday? That’s so fun!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - January 27

yap anon, stuck in my head anon (new), usaid anon, sapphic ship anon

yap anon

CAS

CAS

CAS

It's yap anon with an update

We hung out

And as we were walking to my house she said that she has to tell me something

She said that it didn't feel right how she told me she liked me so spontaneously back in October and that she's sorry about it and stuff

And in a moment of bravery I said that I should tell her something to

And I told her how I liked her but felt bad cuz I was just after a breakup and I thought it passed but that night in October like made me realise it didn't

And we were just like cool good to know

And I asked if that means she'd like to go out

And she said if you'd like idk I'm not good at this

And so now we are dating or like ITS SOMETHING

this is great news

awww this is so exciting, congratulations! keep communicating, it sounds like you both want the same things, you just have to keep talking to each other <3

PS. saw your other ask, congrats on getting a girlfriend, ahhhh!

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stuck in my head anon (new) CW: abuse

Hi Cas! How are you?

There's something that has been stuck in my head for a few days and i want to share it with you, so here is my rant lol

You know how in the marauders fandom James' parents are tipically portaited as the Best, most loving, mature adults around? Aleays looking out for everyone, etc

Well then why the fuuuuck did they not care about Regulus when Sirius left grimmaul place? Like i kno this part of the story (canon) tends to be changed a lot to fit the fic, sometimed Sirius takes Reg with him, sometimes he leaves but is still in good terms with reg, sometimes reg follows some time lates, whatever; BUT when the fic featires "black brother angst" tipically it means Sirius left and left reggie alone.

So, imagine you are Effie and Monty (perfect, good, kind people right?) and one day your 15/16 yo son's bets friend comes to your house in a panic, in a really bad shape, because of how awfully abusive his parents are, you decide to take him in, he becomes your second son basically, and you know for fucking certain that he has a little brother who must be also sufrering the same abuse, and you WHAT? Just don't give a fuck!? Wtf how could they do that!!!?

Like must fics that focus in reg, explore how the brothers get together and try to fix their relationship, all the 'blame' or discussions of who should have done things differently, it's never never mentioned the fact that the two adults who knew what was going on and were doing something about it just never cared about regulus

All this to say that i don't think they were as good as they were portaited as, because how could they take one brother in and literally give him a brand new good life and leave the other (younger) one to fend for himself

And if you add a little jegulus on top of that, it just makes it more tragic imo

Regulus supremacy forever hahaha

Hi!

I'm not sure if you want a realistic explanation or not but as an adult (in age, if not maturity level) I can give you one!

First, I agree that Effie and Monty are definitely not realistic portrayals of parents. All parents have flaws, and that's important for kids to know. I do think they can do a lot more, thought of course this is all fiction.

HOWEVER

As someone who has been aware of abusive situations before and who has REPORTED abusive situations before, the sad truth is that sometimes it is VERY hard to get children out of abusive situations. The situation with Regulus is actually a very common one: Walburga and Orion were likely very good at hiding any abuse they committed and had a lot of influence on local people. Monty and Effie have NO power, because they are not family members, so they cannot sue for any rights.

This isn't to say abuse shouldn't be reported, and I would hope in this hypothetical case that the Potters did report, but often even when abuse is reported, not much is done because the parents are good at hiding it. Also Regulus could have been taught to lie, for fear of retribution. And if the Potters just showed up and kidnapped him, they would be in BIG trouble. Also many governments are shit at following up, having a good reporting system, etc. We know nothing about the Ministry's system, so there's a lot to think about...

It's a very difficult situation and my heart absolutely breaks for anyone dealing with it IRL

__

usaid anon

hello again!

okay, your other ask

I am SO sorry. I can't even imagine living life like that. I have some students who have moved a lot and it breaks my heart to hear about how hard it is to make connections and make friends. I think the worst part is, your parents aren't acknowledging your feelings. Sure, sometimes our parents have jobs that we hate, and I understand to a certain extent that maybe your mom can't change her job right now, but for your parents to just tell you to suck it up? that's so unfair. you have a right to your feelings and they should be respected and acknowledged, even if there's no way to help the situation right now.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, you deserve recognition of your feelings <3

Also I'm sorry your parents can't do much about the other thing </3 You don't deserve that

--

sapphic ship anon

hiii it's sapphic ship anon how are you?

I'm almost pretty sure she likes me as a friend because she kept like hinting like "oh I do these stuff for my friend's it's a normal platonic thing" AND my other friend was trying to help wingman and she was like "why is he trying to be your wingman LOL" BUT he also said "you could probably convince her to like you" when he was talking to her about me and like asking and what not and she said oh really I don't think she (me) like me that way like maybe she's just being nice and I'm over thinking it but anyways have a fantastical day!!! :)

ugh it's so hard because maybe she's just hiding her feelings or maybe she's being honest? I don't know, I'm so awful at this stuff because I ALSO overthink. But keep me updated because I need to know now lol

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - January 26

14 anon, florian anon (new), powerless anon, usaid anon

14 anon

it’s 14 anonnnnn

got a lot to unpack today so let’s start with the good stuff

I had Wednesday and Thursday off of school this week and in Wednesday the sendco finally called my mum and so after mocks next week I’m going into a new form!!!

I said a while back that I applied to be a library prefect and I found out yesterday that I got the job!!!!

before the holidays we wrote an essay in English and we got the grades back yesterday and I got 35/40 which with the grade boundaries my teacher chose means I got a gcse grade 8 which is the second best you can get (still shocked because I thought the essay was crap)

I’ve been wanting a jellycat bunny for months and I finally got one because I had to go a & e for a finger injury from basketball (nothing serious)

now onto the bad stuff

it’s Saturday night and I’ve not touched anything educational for my mocks starting Monday

my friend L called me saying she told our heads of year about our friend F’s plan to go to an abandoned hotel (I think it’s a hotel) with her gf and loads of friends because her parents already said they don’t want her going there and it’s full of addicts and stuff and she didn’t want F getting hurt but now F is mad at her (I honestly think L was justified. I’m too afraid to say anything because I wanna keep everyone happy. Fatal flaw tbh)

there’s muscle or ligament strain in my foot so I can’t walk properly and the doctor said it’ll take a couple of weeks so that’s great 👍

(I do get to leave lessons early and use the lift so that’s nice)

there’s been NO development in the crush department

oh and I’m scared that F will somehow spread a rumour/tell my crush that I like him because she’s upset about L telling teachers about her plan and getting mad at me too (she’s the only person I trusted to tell about my crush)

one last thing… THE UK MIGHT GET AN UNDER 16 SOCIAL MEDIA BAN RIGHT AFTER IVE BEEN ALLOWED TIKTOK

Hi!

It's awesome to hear all of that great news! congrats on the job and the good grade!

I agree that L was justified. I wouldn't be too nervous about F retaliating at you, because you didn't do anything directly, but I also have to say...if someone makes you nervous about retaliation, it might be a good idea to not tell them secrets again, you know?

Ugh social media bans. Like...let parents decide.

Sending you love!

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florian anon (new)

Hello :)

So I have this friend, and he kinda just stopped replying to my messages. The last time I heard from him was New Year’s day when he hearted one of my text messages, and I haven’t heard from him since. It isn’t too weird for us to not talk (like neither of us will text the other for a bit), but I’ve tried texting him (on several different occasions) and he left me on read. It sort of feels like I might have done something wrong, but our last interaction was normal as far as I remember. I don’t want to be pushy, especially if I did something but also have a feeling that something might be wrong. One of my friends told me that I should send him a text checking in on him, to make sure he’s alright, I think I might do that, but I don’t know.

What do you think I should do?

Thank you,

Florian

Hi!

I think you'll never know if yu don't ask. There are so many reasons why someone could stop responding, and it's not really helpful to just sit a speculate, you know? Gently ask if something's going on or if you did something wrong, and if your friend gets annoyed or angry, then that's not on you. You TRIED to communicate, and your friend didn't want to. But at least you did your best by trying. And if they DO say something, work on helping/fixing it! Either way, doing nothing isn't going to help, it's just going to drive you crazy! <3

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powerless anon

Right now I am trying to convince someone why they deserve to have anything at all and I think it's absolutely horrible that this isn't the first time and won't be the last. I don't have the words to help but maybe the ones I do have can help because I love them. I've never even met them irl but I care so much that I don't know what to do with all this feeling they're 13 they're so young I hate that they've felt this because I know they'll never forget it.

I'm not even 16 yet I shouldn't have to tell people younger than me that they deserve to exist. I'll keep doing it though because I'd rather make myself sick with worry than anything happen to them and the multiple other people I love who don't think they should be alive. I just hate that anyone has to do this at all

-powerless anon

Hi <3

you're absolutely right that it is awful that someone so young feels that way. It shouldn't be like that, no matter what someone's age is. But I think it's important to remember that one major thing that can help mental health is a support system. If you're willing, you can continue to talk to this person, but you should also encourage them to find other supportive people to talk to. It's unhealthy to be someone's sole support system, because that makes you take on responsibility for someone, and you should only do that if you're a parent. it's okay to encourage people to have a group of people, and to set boundaries for yourself- you don't want to BOTH end up in distress.

Sending you love <3

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usaid anon

Hi! I don't think you're overreacting. I think anything that makes you uncomfortable is something to be upset about! A lot of adult men don't even REALIZE when they're being creepy, and it's so unacceptable. It's unfortunate that young people have to be so aware of their surroundings and of red flags, because adults can be creeps.

If you told your parents about this, what would happen?

(I have to go be responsible so I'll respond to your other ask tomorrow!)

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - December 24

anhedonia anon (new), two schools anon (new), not in danger anon (new), frog stuffie guy anon, usaid anon

anhedonia anon (new)

Do you have tips for anhedonia (I think that’s what it’s called? The depression symptom where you don’t feel joy in doing what you like anymore), severe mood swings (like, being so happy one minute and then sobbing the next and then feeling so so angry a second later?) and dealing with executive dysfunction?

I’m not able to be diagnosed and when I do research, I get like no answers for how to treat this, and I don’t know what to do :( I know I can’t constantly be happy, but I know that. All I want is to not constantly be sad

I want to want to be alive :( I know it sounds stupid but is there, like, anything? (redacted)

Thank you :( <3

Hi!

I honestly had never heard this word before so I had to look it up- sounds similar to apathy? Which, yeah, is a very classic depression symptom. It’s hard because, as you know, the best ways to treat depression are medication and therapy, but that doesn’t seem possible for you right now.

Do you have access to any adults you can talk to? Talking about your emotions seems unhelpful but it really, really can help. Also, if you do have depression, that’s like a physical thing where your brain isn’t producing enough happy chemicals, right? So there are healthy things you can do to create more happy chemicals. One of the things a lot of people suggest is movement, because movement creates endorphins. I know it feels difficult, but maybe if you went for a walk a few minutes every day?

But yeah, talking is really the best bet, if you have supportive people, even if they aren’t licensed. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this! Please feel free to keep me updated!

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two schools anon (new)

Hi Cas!

So I’ve been thinking about sending you this ask for a long time now. I kept thinking it was kind of stupid and not so important but I still want to ramble to someone about it, so…. here I am😅.

So basically, I moved countries and now visit two schools. One, full-time normal school with the system of the country where I’m currently living and another one, that is open only on Saturdays. This school is for people from the country where I was born and raised. So, in this Saturday-school I met a guy. He’s one year older than me and is graduating next year. I think he’s very sweet and handsome and well…cute. But I have this problem where I think that I overthink everything he does🥲

So at first, I followed him on instagram and he followed me back. For some context we haven’t spoken to each other at this point at all. Me following him and him following me back happened in September this year. Then, I started posting pictures in insta. I put him on close friends and posted pictures almost every week. After four pictures he finally liked my story(which I was very happy about hehe). And then he kept liking my story on and off, now he likes almost everything I post. Last story where I posted a picture of myself he liked 3 minutes after I posted it…

And also, I forgot to mention, he’s in a band. They actually write some cool music that I like and I even once posted a store to their song, which he liked. But I, for example, often view stories without sound, so now I’m wondering maybe he didn’t realise it was their song?

Anyways, I also caught him looking at me a few times at school. Since he has many friends in my class he’s there almost every break. As I already said, I caught him staring at me a few times, which I think was not platonic(?). However, he had quite a few opportunities to approach me (my and his class went to a trip together, we went to the cinema together, etc.). But I still think that maybe he was just shy and didn’t know me too well? Also all the time his friends were there so maybe he wasn’t comfortable with approaching me there because of that?

There is another “problem”, which I’m really not sure about. There is this girl in his friend group(she’s my classmate). I don’t think they’re dating, but she may have a crush on him? I saw them hugging after our trip, which can be platonic, but she was the only person he hugged afterwards? Also, we were talking about crushes or something and her friend turned to her and said “(my crush’s name)?”.

So, my main question is, do you think he might be into me? Do I have a chance?🥲

So, anyways, sorry this got too long and you definetely don’t have to reply if you don’t feel like solving my boy problems but I’m still grateful for the opportunity to ramble a bit!

Thanks in advance and have a wonderful day!

Hello!

Okay I have to say, I’m probably not the best person to ask about this, because I am terrible about social cues. But I’ll do my best!

I think there’s no sign he’s NOT into you. Like he’s not acting in any way that would make me think he’s avoiding you or friendzoning you, you know? I think he’s not being obviously flirty either, but it could just be that he’s shy or unsure. So…to be completely honest…I have no idea. It seems it really could go either way! As far as the other girl, I wouldn’t worry too much about her. She’s not YOUR friend, so it’s not like a ‘don’t date a friend’s crush’ situation. You’re not betraying anyone, you know? 

I think you should try flirting a bit and see what happens! If he reacts weird, back off, but if he seems receptive, keep going! He’s certainly not giving you any sign that you shouldn’t!

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not in danger anon (new)

Hi! I hope you know who you are, because I'm nervous about copying your ask here.

Ugh this is a really hard one. I think the thing is, we have to remember that odds are, they have NO IDEA how to react, here. They’re probably scared, and they care, and they don’t know that the way they’re reacting isn’t helping. Because like…nobody knows how it feels to be in the situation you’re in except the people who have felt similarly to you. If you’ve never been that depressed, it’s just unfathomable. 

I think your friends probably feel really helpless. And that’s not on you AT ALL, you don’t need to feel guilty for that, it just is what it is. They feel like they want to help, but don’t know how. So maybe if someone says something like that again, you can say, “Hey, when you say that, it actually doesn’t help, it makes me feel worse, which I’m sure isn’t your intention. This isn’t about you, it’s about me. If you want to help me, you can do ‘x thing’ and if not, I need some space to get better.”

It’s absolutely okay to set boundaries, especially when it comes to taking care of yourself and your mental health <3 Just make sure that they’re healthy boundaries, and not boundaries that end up isolating you more and making things worse.

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frog stuffie guy anon

I'm keeping in touch with my social worker! Actually I should be seeing her tomorrow, she says she has a Christmas present for me (sob shes so sweet oml)

I'm on holiday from college finally, I have two and a half weeks off, and I've totally fucked up my sleep schedule lmao but who cares (me when I have to fix it for college.. but oh well)

My only issue rn is I cant get free food from college which suuuckksss but the home I'm at is buying us food for Christmas and new years (I might get to order Chinese food which is cool asf I love Chinese food

I hope you and your wife are having an awesome holiday season! hopefully next year I'll be able to spend Christmas with my partner as well :) (we're long distance rn 😭)

- frog stuffie guy

Hello! I’m so glad you get to see your social worker for the holidays! I’m glad you get a break, but that sucks about the meals </3. Are there any programs around that do food for the holidays? I know there are some shelters in my local towns that do meals specifically for Christmas even if you aren’t staying there, maybe there’s something similar by you?

Sending love!!

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USAID anon

Its usaid anon and im home for christmas!! Its so funn. I love being back home. Im so excited for actual christmas day. Ive already gotten sushi TWICE and got mexican once

Ahhh I’m so glad you’re home for Christmas! And omg that food sounds good. I hope your family is well and recovering now that everything is back in order (ish) with jobs…I hope you have a great holiday!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - December 11

under my skin anon, plural crushes anon, usaid anon, baby anon (new), sapphic ship anon (new)

under my skin anon (cw-ED)

Hi! I'm really proud of you for trying to be healthier, that makes me do happy to hear. I think the best thing for you to do would be to ask a doctor what you need to do, because sometimes people are more underweight than they realize. Also, please be careful with the scale. I used to actively obsess over numbers, weighing myself like six times a day- it can be a very slippery slope. I'm so proud of you for taking positive steps!!

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plural crushes anon

Hello!

To like, destigmatize like, thinking people are pretty and liking them, I’ve just been noting to myself when people are pretty mentally,

But I always feel so weird and guilty about it afterwards. And my brain always like, equates my intrusive thoughts/OCD about other people that I have sometimes, with just… finding people pretty. I feel so evil and just… wrong for liking people,

Like, there was this really really pretty guy who looked like he was my age when I went to a book sale recently and I was awestruck,

But I also felt so guilty because… I mean it’s not like he consented to being thought about by someone like me… someone who just… is wrong and freakish

I dunno what to do :(

Sorry for the random ask, I just had to get this off my chest

Thank you! <3

—plural crushes anon

Hi!

I have a question for you: If other people thought things about you like you were thinking about them...things like "oh, they're pretty, they have a pretty mind" would you be mad? Would you feel violated?

I know I would not.

It sounds like your thoughts are completely innocent.

AND even if they weren't, there are INTRUSIVE thoughts! Intrusive thoughts have been proven to not reflect a person's personality! YOU are not your thoughts. You are your actions!

You are also not wrong and freakish <3

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usaid anon

Its usaid anon and I FUCKING hate summatives so bad bro. ESPECIALLY SPEAKING. like socratic seminars, french speaking, presentations. ISTG I ALWAYS GET 4s OR 5s. ITS SO STUPID. i got a 4 on my SUMMATIVE SOCRATIC SEMINAR TODAY. And its from my BITCHIEST FUCKING TEACHER? We're reading a book in english and i hadn't read the assigned chapter for homework ONE TIME bc ive been swamped with work so when we were assigned independent journaling time about the chapter i decided to read that chapter bc which is better

1) me sitting there staring at a wall bc i literally CANT do the prompt without reading the story

OR

2) read the chapter now when it wont get in the way of any non-independent class time and be able to participate in the CLASS DISCUSSIONS.

So i decided to read the chapter and she comes up to me like "you should be WRITING not READING" in a stupid ass voice like im STUPID. Like bitch what do you want me to do??? She also DESPISES the fact that people call her like a teachers aid but thats what she is??? At my school classes can't have more that 16 kids in a class without a teachers aid. There are classes with co-teachers but in those cases either half the class is listed under one and the other half under the other teacher OR every kid has both teachers written on their schedule. NEITHER of those is the case with her but she gets SO PISSED OFF when anyone refers to her as anything but the co-teacher OR asks the teacher something instead of her.

Like hes the one thats been teaching the material??? Most questions people have in highschool (my school at least) are clarifications on what a teacher means or like asking if an example is correct. WHY WOULD I PAUSE CLASS TO TURN AROUND AND LOOK AT YOU TO ASK YOU THAT QUESTION WHEN HES THE ONE TEACHING?? no fucking sense. She also never shuts up about people being too quiet. We were doing a socratic seminar and all the STUDENTS understood that its polite to wait until someone is done speaking to say "i didnt catch that sorry" or "sorry can you say that again" but she interrupted me THREE TIMES. i was ready to cry bc im trying to talk and you INTERRUPT ME when i am trying so hard to sleak AT ALL now i dont want to say it.

AND NOBODY GETS IT BC EVERYBODYS GOOD AT IT BUT ME. I'll say "i hate socratic seminars" and someone will be like "what theyre so easy" and no matter how many times i try to tell people "you are a bit weaker in essays and written tests, im a bit weaker in spoken assignments" NOBODY GETS IT.

One time i was talking to this girl and she was upset abt a physics grade but when i tried to like comfort her or wtv she was upset (understandably) bc i had gotten a better grade than her and had complained abt it before i heard hers. So i said "yeah but we all have our better classes and this is one of mine. I suck at french tho" (shes in a level higher french class than me) and she was like "how? What grade did you get on your last test"

So i said "i got a 4 on my last speaking test" and she DEADASS GOES "well maybe if you actually tried you would get better grades. French is super easy how do you even get that bad a grade"

WTFFF? YOU GOT A FUCKING 3 ON APPLIED FORCES STFU???? I DIDNT SAY THAT WHEN YOU GOT A SHIT GRADE ON APPLYING THIRD GRADE MATH WITHA CALCULATOR TO REAL WORLD SCENARIOS???? WHAT THE HELL???

ugh this is so frustrating. I was just talking to someone about this recently-about how a lot of people assume that everyone learns and thinks the same, but that's not true! It's so annoying that we aren't taught that people are literally all different types of learners and that's okay!

I'm so sorry you're struggling with both making people realize that and with your class. I hope things get better soon <3 I believe in you!

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baby anon (new)

Hi, i am 16? Almost 17. This is gonna sound really weird but I really want a baby 😭 like desperately. I’ve always been really great with kids like even when I was 8 all I ever wanted to do was hold my mum’s friends’ babies. I just love babies which sounds weird.

Don’t get the wrong idea, I’m not getting pregnant anytime soon, i don’t want kids until I’m financially and mentally stable although i am actually doing pretty good mentally.

I might cry. Literally all I want is a baby. It’s reached a point where I’m not even too freaked out over the idea of getting pregnant anymore, like yk trans teenage boy, top priority maybe shouldn’t be babies, getting pregnant would be majorly dysphoric. Not to mention i am sex repulsed. There’s a lot of issues, I’m just tired of growing up and the only thing that sounds good about being an adult is having babies. Christ I need to pull myself together and focus on dropping out, not getting pregnant 😭

I WANT A BABYYY

I’ve had names picked out for literal years. (I love the name Pippa and Francis/Frances and Miles)

This is a terrible ask. Oh, god, shoot me. I’m on my period rn 😭

Hi!

I don't think this is stupid at all. First of all, you're not trying to get pregnant, so you're aware that you're not ready for a baby, even though you want one- so that's good. Second, I think a lot of people know from early on that they want children. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being certain that you want to be a parent. I think, too, a lot of teenagers look forward to a time where they have a clear purpose in life- whether that be having a career, being a parent, both, or something else! Again, you're allowed to want those things. As long as you are aware that it's not a good idea to actually have a baby right now (please get yourself situated in life first) then that's okay!

HOWEVER please don't drop out of school. If you want a child, you need to provide for them, and that starts with having a stable paycheck. Go to school, for your future child!

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sapphic ship anon (new)

hi Cas :D

so basically the whole school knows I'm sapphic (against my will, my friend told one of her friends and it spread and so on) (I didn't even know until she admitted to me months later) (and she said "well I didn't want her to think you liked [guy's name]")

but anyways lately I've been getting shipped w one of my friends (by the whole cohort) but tbf we are very very affectionate w each other we cuddle hold hands go on dates platonically all that but like

lately I've been thinking like oh I'd like to kiss her (with consent!!) like I want to hold her hand I want to stare at her dreamily and call her pretty I want to just like be in her life in the future and all that I'M SO CONFUSED HAHA we're friends why am I thinking that like idt I like her that way?? 🙂🙂

anyways it's alright if u don't respond, I just needed to tell someone how I felt so thank you for reading and have a good day :))

Hi!

Okay so first of all I'm so sorry you were outed, that sucks <3 but it sounds like maybe you have a crush? I can't decide for you, of course, and crushes feel differently to everyone, but yeah, maybe! Just remember that you don't have to do anything about any feelings you have, even if people are pressuring/shipping you! YOU get to decide what you want, you know?

Keep me updated if you want!