A little piece of Seb in love. Somewhere near the beginnings of their adventures.
Master List
Night slowly fell around us. Seb sat at the fire beside Wyst and Gabe as the two of them continued their extensive debate. The two remained friendly, of course, but the topic was heated. Whatever it was. It was wizard stuff. I didn’t care.
I crept up behind Seb and pet down the hair over their back to gain their attention. Seb turned their chin to find me, and then returned their eyes to Gabe.
“Aren’t you bored?” I asked in a roundabout way for attention.
Seb hummed softly before shushing me even more gently. Gabe entranced them without paying them any notice. A content smile hovered at the corners of Seb’s lips. “I’m listening.”
“What are they talking about?” It wasn’t that I suddenly cared because Seb did. I wanted to prove that Seb didn’t need to be there. Or, at least, could talk to me instead.
“No idea,” Seb admitted. “Something magic.”
“Then why are you listening?” I asked flatly. Better to do something that interested them.
“Because look at him,” Seb said, that smile growing to something with real substance. “This is what he lives for.”
To me, Gabe looked concentrated, bordering on irate. It was clear him and Wyst didn’t see eye to eye in their discussion, only just on the side of civility.
“Gabe tried to teach me magic,” Seb explained, voice far away but black eyes present and swimming in the reflective firelight. “I lack the subtlety for the kind he knows. I can’t connect to the power or energy without him.”
“Don’t you use magic?” I crawled over the tree Seb sat upon to sidle up beside them. If they weren’t moving, I’d join them. It was better than staring into the woods on my own.
“Yeah, just a little blood magic.” Their arm settled over my shoulders, pulling me into their side by sheer weight. “Like your green fire, but different. That’s our connection to our devil heritage. To the hells. It’s not the same as the magic Gabe and Wyst learned.”
“How are you not bored when you don’t understand and can’t understand what they’re talking about?” I grumbled.
Seb hummed again, though I felt it more than heard it, pressed against their chest. “Before we ran into you three, it had only been me, Gabe, and Skrit for a while. Skrit’s smart, but her interests don’t really overlap with Gabe’s. The two of us get along better than she does with him. And before it was us three, we’ve never grouped up with another wizard like him. Other magic users, sure: Warlocks, clerics, rangers.”
“How long have you been traveling around?” Seb made it sound like years.
“Doing merc work like this? Since around the time I met Gabe, before we started fucking. Gabe was, uh, an idiot outside of academia, but he got better.” Seb chuckled softly, pure contentment on their face. Their attention lapsed, defaulting back to Gabe as he executed a long winded explanation.
“Anyway, Wyst is his first intellectual match in his area of expertise. I love what it’s doing to him.” I believed them, their bottom eyelids drawn up, the weight of their cheeks lifted.
“I don’t get it,” I mumbled.
Seb sniffed a small laugh, hugging me in tighter with a rub over my chest. “I can’t be his everything, little one,” they snickered. “But I want to be around for it.”
I felt a little pang at that. There was a depth to their relationship I had never before seen. The likes of which I’d never have, even if Seb didn’t let me go anymore, either. It was silly to feel like I was missing anything, considering Seb had done more than stay like they’d promised. I had their attention whenever I wanted it. But beside Gabe, I stood in his shadow.
I was lucky, anyway, to have these three at my side. Skrit and Alice had my back when it mattered, too. The group was sometimes more than I knew what to do with. It was good.
Dusks like this really highlighted how far I’d come.
This concludes the Theo Affair arc that technically begins with Massacre.
Master List
The door to Theo's shop opened, as it often did. I didn't bother to look, but remained curled up in my spot on Theo's work table. I was comfortable. He was close. It was perfect until his business hours concluded. He was mine this night. Or rather, I was his to play with as he pleased.
"I told you to stay away," Theo said icily.
"I didn't fucking come for you," the customer sneered. No, not customer. Sebazin. They'd come looking for me.
I kept my eyes forward on Theo, but he didn't stay in place long. He stood and crossed over his shop to where Seb waited at the open door.
"Malxir, what the fuck are you doing?"
"It's not yours anymore, Sebazin." I lifted my eyes, only enough to keep Theo in my line of vision. Yes I was. Seb just no longer wanted me.
"Let me talk to Mal, Theo," Seb growled. "Get the fuck out of the way."
"You're ordering me around my shop?"
"I'll take you down if you think you're stopping me."
"Malxir," Theo said without taking his eyes off Seb, "come here."
I immediately slid off the table, turning my eyes to the floor the moment my feet hit the ground. I paced to Theo's side, wrapping my arms around him and burying my face into his chest. I couldn't stand to look at Seb yet. Tears already pricked at my eyes; I had no chance of holding them back if I could see their face. Their hurt all over again.
"As you can see, I'm not keeping Malxir here against its will," Theo said conversationally. "If it wanted to talk to you, it would have done so by now." I backed my face off Theo and looked up to try and catch his eyes. His eyes were forward to Seb, but his focus wasn't complete. Fingers touched my cheek in a signal to turn my head. He held them up for me to take. I closed my eyes, wrapping my lips around them and sucking.
"What have you done?" Seb whispered in horror.
"I gave it what what it wanted," Theo said simply. His fingers explored my mouth, gliding over teeth, holding back my tongue. When I couldn't suck anymore, I automatically placed my tongue in waiting instead.
"You sadistic bastard!" The tight edge of control was obvious in Seb's voice. I knew it well.
"My sadism is derogatory now that it no longer serves you?" Theo asked. His fingers scissored into my mouth, the angle of the pressure prompting me to my knees. I obliged readily.
"Do you understand how hard I worked to help Mal get to the point where Mal could be independent if Mal chose to leave me? I've spent years teaching Mal the tools Mal needs to live. You don't give a fuck about Mal's well-being! You've undone every fucking effort I've put into keeping Mal out of this head space! You've put Mal back to where Mal started! Why did you do it, Theo? Why would you ruin a person's life like this?"
"No need to shout, Sebazin. Every part of this has been Malxir's choice." His fingers pushed into my throat, his knuckles terribly close to their limit. I obediently held still, happy for him to use me and let me forget Sebazin was there.
Seb growled, the end of their breath marked with a hiss. "Of course Mal's a perfect sub," they snapped. "Will do anything you want. Do you know why? Do you know why Mal dissociates? Did Mal tell you fuck all anything? Because getting information out of Mal is almost impossible. I know. You're running off of too little."
Theo's hand pushed as far back into my throat as it could and he held it there, waiting for me to give in. "What is it that makes you better than me, Sebazin?" Theo asked.
"Malxir was repeatedly raped as a kid," Seb said, voice low and threatening. "For most of Mal's childhood, I think. Mal's mother sold Mal out. Mal told you Mal was a whore? It wasn't by choice, asshole."
I swallowed funnily against his fingers, nearly retching. Theo withdrew and pressed my head to his leg. He pet me in a way that let me know I did well. He was happy with me. "What does that matter?" Theo asked evenly. "You were the one that said it's not going to do what it doesn't want to do, Sebazin." I nuzzled into Theo, subtly begging for more pets. "What did you do to make it give up? To need to come to me for help?"
"Oh fuck, I can't handle this," Seb gasped. I cracked my eyes open and turned just enough to see them. Theo wasn't offering any more affection. Seb was completely distraught, muscles tense in a battle of threadbare will versus fury. They looked worse than how I'd left them, face gaunt and haunted.
The moment they saw me passively interested, hope lit their eyes. "Talk to me, love, please." They spoke in infernal, their words tripping over one another in their haste to get them out. "I still fucking love you even though you hurt me. I can't lose you to this man after everything Gabe and I taught you. Please. Please talk to me."
I dragged my cheek on Theo's leg to look up at him. Theo caught the look from the corner of his eye and peered down, his body still on guard. He wasn't nearly as tense as Seb, but he wasn't stupid enough to completely relax with Seb at the end of their rope.
"Do you want them to go?" Theo asked me gently. He sounded so calm.
Seb swore, the word violent out of their mouth. "I could fucking kill you," Seb hissed.
Theo's attention turned completely back to Sebazin. He was more wary of them than he let on. "That sounds healthy," he commented dryly. He pet absently along my cheek, that subtle possessiveness he always had around customers back on display. "Give up, Sebazin. You've lost it. Leave."
Seb's hands shook. "I have one question for you," Seb growled with malice. "Does Mal have any idea what you're doing to it? Does Mal know that you're conditioning Mal? Grooming Mal? Or did you just do it?"
"Of course it knows," Theo scoffed. "Why do you think it came back to me every day for a month before giving itself body and mind to me last week? Do you think that was coincidence?"
Seb nearly completely lost their composure, their hand flying to a place on their arm that had to have the freshest cuts. A place that would hurt the most to keep an edge on their sanity. "I want to hear it from Mal," they said weakly.
Theo looked down at me, briefly appraising. "That's not going to happen today."
"For fuck's sake," Seb spat. "Then I'm coming back tomorrow and the next day and every day after that until you let Mal have the head space to speak."
"You think that's my doing?" Theo chuckled.
"If you run, I will track you down," Seb promised darkly. "It doesn't matter where you hide. I will find you. And I will kill you."
"You really think you can do that?" Theo asked flatly. His affection was back, fingertips tracing soothing patterns into my neck. My eyes fluttered closed, sinking into it. Feeling only his touch and nothing else. "I have no reason to hide from you, Sebazin. I can take care of Malxir for the rest of its life. That's what I will do. It's my promise to it. You're volatile. Untrustworthy. You gave it up, didn't you?"
"Mal fucked you behind my back!" Seb roared. They stepped forward, nearly into Theo's space, but stopped short before knocking me aside. They weren't going to last much longer before blacking out into a full rage. I was vaguely surprised they hadn't already. "What am I supposed to do? Take that in stride? You cut me off to - to what? Turn Malxir into a puppet when I wasn't good enough?" Desperation crept into their voice. They still rawly felt the hurt.
"You need to leave," Theo repeated calmly. "You're wasting your breath and causing a scene." His fingers dug along the muscles between my neck and shoulder, soothing. I leaned my weight into his legs, giving myself up to him.
"That's it?" Seb asked me, switching back to infernal so that Theo couldn't understand. I didn't acknowledge them, almost unaware of their words. "You're giving up? Throwing your life away because it's easier? Please tell me now and rip my heart out in one piece."
Theo was warm, soft, and comforting. Most importantly, he was steady. His hand felt wonderful when nothing else did.
"Fuck," Seb choked, back to common. Their foot scraped against Theo's floor. "Fuck. Damn it, Theo. Fucking pull Mal out of this fucking head space by the - by tomorrow. I need to hear Mal say it's over." Their boots stumbled away, leaving us - leaving me behind.
Theo let silence and stillness fall.
"That's nice. Your words would have been helpful today, pet," Theo mumbled. He pressed up on the bottom of the jaw: a command to get back up. "I could have gone without the death threat from someone like Sebazin."
“Sebazin …?” I squeaked?
Theo’s hand wrapped around my arm to help pull me up to my feet. “You don’t need to worry about them. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
I teetered on my feet. What did Theo think Seb would do to me? We loved each other. If Seb wanted to hurt me, they had ample opportunity to do so. They wouldn’t.
Theo reached for the door to swing it closed, twisting the lock in place. He kept a hand on me to steady me, then swept me into him with a bruising kiss.
I wasn’t sure what to think. Seb had told me they didn’t want to see me again, but they came looking for me? What had happened?
Theo backed me into the nearest wall, the surface chill against my skin even through the fabric of my underwear. I gasped lightly into his mouth and subconsciously tucked me tail into myself. I pushed at his hips with more awareness, getting to back off, nose-to-nose.
“Sebazin came back for me?”
“Darling,” Theo sighed, “you already left them for a reason. Don’t go back to them.”
I left them because Seb didn’t give me another choice. They chased me off when they found out I’d messed around with Theo. After they were told to stay away from him and to never come back.
Theo … had done this….
I let him.
Theo held my face to kiss me again, his body trapping mine against the wall. I hardly kissed back as my body buzzed in realization. Sebazin still wanted me back.
I’d given in to my despair over Seb’s condition the day before they’d started coming back to me. I caved to Theo because I was weak and felt alone. I thought Theo had the answers, even if I never offered him the real problem. He only took more and more of me away. Theo did to me as Seb did to themselves, avoiding everything altogether.
“What’s going on in there?” Theo asked, lips brushing against my forehead. He kept me pinned in place with his hips to free his hands to play through my hair and horns.
I squirmed under him, a whine rising from my efforts. “I need to talk to Seb.”
“Sweetheart, please. That’s not a good idea.” Concern flooded his face. I could almost believe he really felt it.
“Why?” Theo wouldn’t budge away from me.
His hand pet around my horn and down my jaw. “You’re not Sebazin’s anymore. They gave you up.”
My exertion devolved into a whimper. I knew that. But if they came looking for me, didn’t they want to make amends? “Yes I am,” I sniveled. I was if Seb wanted me.
“No, darling,” Theo said gently. “Haven’t I taken good care of you? I will always take care of you, no matter what.” He brought my chin up to hover his lips over mine. “This is me looking out for you, okay?”
Life with Theo was thoughtless because he did all my thinking for me. It was safe because he was careful. For those same reasons, it was empty and repetitive.
I turned my head away from him, baring my cheek on his advances. “I don’t need anyone to look after me. I can take care of myself.”
“Do you really think that after the events of this month?” Theo asked patiently. “It’s okay that you can’t, pet.”
Frustration pumped through my blood. He wasn’t actually listening to me. I shoved at him again, backing him off me enough to dance out of his reach. “I can,” I snarled, “but I won’t have to with Seb back. That’s all I wanted.”
“Malxir.” Authority gripped into Theo’s voice. His posture. “Don’t do this. You’re making a mistake.”
“Not anymore.” I darted up the stairs to grab my clothes before he could try to stop me. It put me in a poor position for escape, but I needed them. Seb and I had stolen the tunic together. I didn’t waste the time dressing beyond throwing the tunic over my horns. I kept the chausses loose on my arm.
Theo hadn’t moved except to spin when I returned downstairs. I eyed him warily for a moment before leaping over his counter to grab my cloak. I didn’t need it, as warm as it had gotten, but Seb bought it for me. The challenge was grabbing my boots and getting out the door with Theo in my way. I had no doubts he aimed to stop me.
“What makes you think it’ll be better this time around?” Theo asked when I’d paused to calculate my exit.
“Because they were better until they found out I was sleeping with you.” I put my cloak and chausses over my shoulders to free up my hands. I’d need them if Theo didn’t step aside.
“Okay, and what caused them to be like that in the first place? It wasn’t me, Malxir. That had started before I cut them out.” Theo clenched his jaw, watching me closely. “Don’t you think if it happened once, it will happen again?”
I bared my fangs at hi, bending my knees in preparation to move. “Don’t pretend you know Seb. They don’t want to be like that.” In the years I’d known them, they’d never succumbed to thoroughly to depression.
“Sebazin is terrifying,” Theo said like it was a statement of fact and not an admittance of fear. “But I can make sure they never lay a finger on you.”
Seb had hurt me once. It had been an accident. We’d built safety measures into our relationship to keep it from happening again. That was how I ended up with Theo, because I thought it had been permanent this time.
“I don’t need you for that!” I darted forward, dodging out of his reach to grab my boots, one in each hand. Seb had bought me those boots at Gabe’s insistence, not long after we’d all met. They were singularly the most important thing that I could call mine.
Theo swore, barely audible, when I set my sights onto the door behind him. “Malxir, do you promise to come back to me when you realize your mistake?”
“Not a mistake,” I insisted in a low voice. “I’m never going to see you again.”
Hurt caught in Theo’s eye, but he reached to unlock the door and step aside. “Take care of yourself,” he bid in defeat.
I darted by him with all the energy of a trapped beast when he opened the door for me, still not trusting him to grab on to me to hold me back. I didn’t say goodbye. Didn’t look behind me. Not until I’d made it a few blocks away.
I paused to slow my rapid heart and catch my nerves. The sun beat down warmly on my skin, promising a brighter future in its embrace. Of course it would be better. Sebazin wanted me back.
This is the sixteenth part of the Theo Affair arc that takes place after Pretty. It begins with the two part arc that starts with Massacre. To say this narrative possessed me may be an understatement.
This part contains explicit sexual content.
Master List
Theo locked the door. I sat perched with my tail wrapped lazily about me, though my posture was on full alert. We’d made it through the day. The time was ours. Theo hid his emotions well, but after his control slipped earlier, I knew he had some sort of plan for me. I wanted it. I needed him obliterate the thoughts that I couldn’t suppress in my head. I could be his and I could stop being me.
His grin in my direction was lustful. Okay, maybe he’d gotten worse at hiding his intentions and feelings, the longer I spent with him. That was better. More normal. The way things should be. I needed to read people and anticipate. Even though I was Theo’s and he could and would do whatever he wanted to me, at least I’d have warning before it did happen. He wouldn’t need to break my finger because I’d made a mistake.
“I’m going to need you to get dressed,” Theo said. The words smacked into me like they carried weight. So much for anticipating him.
“Wh-what?” My shoulders slackened, but otherwise I was rooted in place with uncertainty and disappointment. I’d failed him somehow. I’d done something wrong. The entire day, I’d been naked in his shop. I’d swallowed his cock and remained loyally beside him. Now it was his time to take me, to finish after a long day of patience, and he wanted me to go away?
“You have some of the saddest eyes,” Theo commented softly, his voice much too low to be concerned about it. He tiled his head towards the stairs: a secondary order. “It’s not going to change anything. Go on, pet.”
I was his pet. Pets were supposed to be obedient. I whined like the mutt I was, unfurled my tail, and slunk off the table in defeat. Seb got rid of me. Theo didn’t want me. What was the point?
“You’re so good,” Theo complimented when I reached the stairs. “I’ll see you back down here in a minute.”
I was good. I was so good. I was going to make him proud of me and he’d be so happy with me that everything would be better. I’d learned to trust Seb’s decisions and orders. All I had to do was apply that surrender to Theo. It was easy. It should be.
Taking my clothes from the shelf, I made quick work of putting them all on until I looked like a respectable person again. Theo waited for me at the door, twirling his key between his fingers. “There you are,” he said. He tucked the key away to draw me in. An arm held me for him to trace a finger up my throat and across my jaw until he gripped my entire neck. “You would be so pretty in my collar, wouldn’t you?” His lips hovered over mine, his fingertips digging into the muscle beside the most vulnerable parts beneath his palm. “Wouldn’t you like that?”
I whimpered into the following kiss, melting against him with the weight of my unfounded doubts. I’d only done something – or not done something – that I didn’t deserve him yet. I wasn’t smart enough to know, but Theo would tell me when it was important.
Theo guided me out the door, locking it up behind us. He didn’t tell me where we were going, but I figured it out quickly enough. As soon as I recognized the route, I dug in my heels without meaning to. It was a moot gesture anyway, with Theo’s size to counter me. We ended up through Dorothea’s door regardless of what I thought about it.
Dorothea had far too much enthusiasm, inflicting me with the force of her excitement as much as she did Theo despite only having met me briefly once before. She immediately built a plate for us each the moment her greetings were over. She placed them at a counter for the two of us to eat.
I didn’t want to eat in company. Isabeau stared daggers through me from the other side of the kitchen for the crime of displaying on Theo’s arm. It wasn’t like I had a choice in how Theo showed me around. Isabeau wanted him to court her, but Theo didn’t court; Theo owned. And I was good for nothing else but to be a possession.
Theo chatted amicably with Dorothea as he ate, smiling and laughing all the while. I concentrated on his expressions, the words slipping by my mind without impact in an attempt to ignore Isabeau. Theo’s ease and companionship was genuine, no hint of deception or ulterior motives visible on his face or his body language. When he was like this, not the sadistic dom I’d fallen under, it was easy to see why he was so well liked. I didn’t much care for it. I preferred the sadist with unfiltered need for me.
My food all disappeared in time, even if I couldn’t recollect it happening. All I knew was that I had to have eaten it, from the smile at me on Theo’s face. He swept me away from Dorothea as quickly as we’d arrived, both of us sent off with a final sloppy kiss upon the lips. Theo laughed at my disgruntlement when the door closed us off from her.
“Is there anything else you’d like to do tonight, sweetheart?” Theo asked with a hungry stroke over my cheek and jaw.
Was I not good enough for Theo? Seb had told me from the beginning of our serious relationship that I was skilled. I thought that to be the truth. All I knew was sex and stealing and a little bit of killing. It was my only set of abilities that made me worthwhile.
“What was that?” I blinked out of my thoughts, focusing back on him. “What just went through your head?”
I wasn’t sure. Nothing?
“You’ve been stuck up there since we were interrupted,” Theo sighed. His thumb continued absently following my jawline. “Did I miscalculate? Was that too much for you?”
“No.” My voice barely came through.
Theo’s eyebrows shot up. “Okay. Then what was it?”
I closed my eyes and pressed into his hand. “Why don’t you want me?” Sure, he didn’t want to get rid of me, but he wasn’t going to fuck me.
Theo was quiet and I was much too afraid to open my eyes to see if I could read him. It would be one of those many times where I couldn’t anyway.
“Why do you think that?” I couldn’t even read his emotions through his words. He was mad at me. A calm before a storm. I winced, preparing for the worst. A slap, maybe?
“Hey sweet – shh. Shh.” Theo abruptly let go of my face to grip my entire body into him, nearly tight enough to squish my lungs. “What happened today? I need you to tell me while you still have words. Is what I’m doing even what you want?”
I nodded into him. He had it all wrong. He thought he was the problem?
“You stopped,” I mumbled into his chest.
“Yes, I -” Theo chuckled. “I have a job, Malxir.”
He grabbed my shoulders to pull me back, positioning my face with his fingers so that I had no choice but to look at him. “We’ll take it easy tonight, alright? You’ll have time to reset -”
“No.”
Theo took the time to swallow his expression of shock. “Oh?”
“What did I do wrong?” He was punishing me. Withholding.
“Oh.” There was understanding in that word. “You learn quickly. No, darling, you didn’t do anything wrong. I thought this was beginning to overwhelm you.”
I shook my head. That didn’t make any sense. Of course I was fine. I wasn’t even at the other place.
“Okay.” He pulled me into his side to begin leading me back through the city. “I’ll let you know when it’s something you did, sweetheart. That’s how you learn.”
I leaned into him, resting my head on his body as we moved. I nodded again to let him know that I’d at least try to believe him. Sometimes people said they would correct me, but then they never did and I had pissed them off anyway. That couldn’t be Theo. I needed him.
“I’m guessing on all of this, Malxir,” Theo said on our way back. “I’m reading you the best I can, but that’s not really safe for you when all I want to do is ruin you. I want to break you in until I’m all that’s left of you.” He was tense as he admitted this, his words rigid with control.
“Do it. That’s what I want.” I wanted to forget everything. Theo was my best chance.
“Is it?” Theo asked with tight surprise. “And when you mind goes far away -?”
“The other place,” I supplied for him. “It’s okay.”
“Oh, darling, I’m going to take such good care of you,” Theo promised. He was slipping, more of his feral desires breaking through with every word.
Theo nearly fumbled the key out of his fingers when it came time to unlock the door, though is hands appeared as steady as ever. The door open, he shoved me inside, pointing to the stairs. “Undress.”
Something had shifted between us on our walk back home. Theo wasn’t acting careful or acting at all. He was going to take what he thought I didn’t want him to have and I was happy to give it all up.
I undid my clothes on the way up the stairs, leaving Theo to tend to all he did in his returning routine. I jammed them onto the shelf without bothering to sort them, focused on getting naked again in a kind of tunnel vision.
It wasn’t that I was excited about the sex. While Seb and I had made love, Theo only fucked me. There was a difference. It was a means to a way. My body was all I had to offer to him.
Before long, he would help me forget what it was like to feel loved, like the way it always should have been.
I turned to face the stairs, hugging myself at the sound of Theo’s approach. He’d taken off his shoes downstairs and tossed his doublet by the pile of my clothes. His momentum didn’t slow down when he reached me and immediately seized me by the throat to bully me backwards. My knees caught at the edge of the bed, knocking me onto my back with a little added force from Theo hurling me from him. My body had barely settled before he was on top of me, perched carefully upon my chest with his legs on either side of me. My hands were captured before I could use them and held hostage, purposefully pinned down between my body and his thighs.
Theo’s thumb leveraged at my jaw, opening my mouth for his fingers on his terms. I pressed my tongue up into them, closing my eyes to suck lightly.
I could feel the way he angled his hips over top of me. I felt the subtle way he shifted as he stroked himself so close to my face, but far enough away to keep it from touching me. His attention was to the fingers between my lips, digging to the back of my throat and opening me wider. It was a test to the flexibility of my jaw.
I was a vessel of his pleasure, not a person. This was all I had to look forward to.
“I love your eager mouth,” Theo rumbled, his hips rolling against me, like he was unraveling by the second. “You’re so fucking perfect.”
I whimpered and tested against him to combat the throb in my groin. I could draw my heels to the edge of the bed for nothing else to be there. Nothing to touch me.
“A little needy already, aren’t you, pet?” His fingers went wide and deep, toying with the very edge of my abilities. I whined when I wasn’t choking, straining against his weight for something more.
Theo’s fingers backed out except for one, his cock sliding over my tongue in their place. I instinctively clamped my lips on him, hollowing out my cheeks to suck. His hand gripped onto a horn, giving him the leverage to fuck into my mouth.
He was big and warm and salty. His girth offered me scant space to breathe as he thrust with a bare semblance of control. I gripped onto his calves, the only thing I could reach and still claim as something I could do.
His sopping fingers gripped back at my throat, tightening with every rut to the back of my mouth. His breath came out in pants. Desperation filled his movements until he spilled into me, hips grinding to a tense pause. My head soared from lack of air, his bitter taste barely noticeable as it slid down my throat.
He released me and backed out at once, rolling heavily off of me to keep from crushing.
Barely aware, I swallowed away his cum and inhaled deeply, blinking until my vision returned. I was separate from my body, floating in pure fantastical feeling.
“Thank-you,” Theo panted. “You were -” he swallowed “- so good.” His hand reached to my face, turning it toward him with the push of his fingers. “Was the choking too much? You tapped out again.”
I did? I didn’t recall doing anything. “Sorry,” I whispered hoarsely.
“No. Wrong response.” He pushed into a sit, breath still heavy through his lungs. “I need you to keep doing that.”
But what did I do? “I like …” Oh, fuck my throat hurt. The words tore right through it, compounding the pain.
“What’s that, sweetheart?” Theo stood, crossing over to the shelving. He lifted his shirt and untied his chausses as he went, steps slow.
“Choking,” I finished, working on a way to get out words without making everything worse. I coughed on the words, biting back the groan that automatically tried to accompany the effort.
“You like the choking?” Theo confirmed. He whipped off each of the pants, folding them before placing them on the shelf. His braies followed, as well as his shirt, until he was bare. I loved his hair. I couldn’t wait to cuddle up into him as well fell asleep.
I nodded gently. I couldn’t get over that beautiful lightheaded feeling that accompanied it, even if the muscles on my neck felt a little bruised afterwards. It was nothing compared to taking Theo’s hard cock down my throat.
Theo’s hand grasped around his shaft, his eyes focusing in on me. “Good. I can work with that.” His other hand found the jar of oil, opening it to dip his fingers inside.
Right. Theo didn’t need to be done after coming. He could keep going. Sometimes he held out much longer than Seb could even when Seb tried. Fucking my face had been a sprint for him, but I thought we’d go to bed.
Theo switched hands to slick his cock, hovering over me with careful fingers gliding over his length. He watched me a moment, the only movement his hand and our chests to our heavy breaths.
“Back up,” Theo ordered gently. He fully expected me to move. I stared up at him with wavering vision, a whimper building up in my chest. I wanted to do everything he asked of me, but I didn’t know how my body worked.
“Come on, darling,” he cooed, “I need some space.” He placed his knee between my legs and then there was room for him. I couldn’t recall how: if I had scooted of my own power or if Theo had handled me to put me where he wanted me. My back was far from the edge for Theo to put himself center over my limp tail. He pressed into the back of my thighs, putting me into position to enter me. His erection tickled at my ass until I held a leg for him to push in.
My body buzzed in otherworldly pleasure. The stretch from Theo’s cock with no additional prep knocked the little breath I had left in my lungs, leaving only electric bliss in its wake.
He thrust in slow and careful, letting me feel every wide inch of him as he rubbed up into my prostate. I was vaguely aware of his fingers gripping into my skin, digging to hold on to his last shred of discipline. My hands grasped at his in my undoing.
Theo’s pace gradually quickened until his hips pounded into me and had me keening through the lack of air. He held that speed, his balls slapping against my skin. His fingers appeared back at my throat and that proved to be my end.
My vision blacked as all the sensations blurred into one single moment of euphoria. A shout ripped past my abused throat, catching at Theo’s hand. My body bucked into his hold as the intensity of the released pressure slowly ebbed. I felt each beat of my heart intimately, barely aware of the throb of Theo’s cock as I clenched around him. The heat of his seed filled me, his cock buried deep inside me as he came a second time in quick succession.
He leaned over me, all around me. His breath came out in pants, recovery far off in both of our abandon. Sweat filtered through his chest hair, falling to me as he lost himself to a fracture period cuddle.
He took far longer than normal to come back to his mind and gently pull out. His hand moved my leg out of the way for him to lay beside me. I rolled into him, wrapping an arm over his damp chest and a leg over his. I rested my cheek to his shoulder.
We stayed like that until our bodies cooled and my head cleared. I still felt warm from the inside out. I could barely recall what had happened, but it wasn’t like the sex I had when I went to the other place. This was different. Theo made me glow.
“You really are remarkable,” Theo murmured. His reached over his body to stroke his thumb over the tender spots on my neck. “How are you feeling?”
Memories and images of Sebazin, my lover no more, flashed through my mind. I whimpered and squeezed harder into Theo. “Can you do that again?”
Theo huffed a small laugh. “Not tonight.” He shifted, adjusting to face me a little more. “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head against him. Nothing he did. Quite the opposite, really. “What did you do?" I asked in wonder. "I almost forgot …”
Theo cupped the back of my head to press his lips to my skin. “Shh. If that’s what you want, I’ll get you there. Rest, sweetheart. I have you.”
I wrote fluff. This takes place at the verrrry beginning of the party merge. Less than week after they'd all met. So mere days after Join Us. I really want to make this into a series of novels at this point. I need all the filler events I can get for it. I mean, that's not going to happen, but I can try.
Master List
The time of evening after supper, when everything was clean and ready to go for the next day, was always a peculiar time to me. I never knew what to do with myself. Neither Wyst nor Alice really seemed to have much to say when it was just the three of us. Even doubling the size of our adventuring group, joining up with Gabe and his people, didn’t seem to fix the level of awkward. Skrit left us all alone. Gabe and Seb usually had something to do with each other, disappearing in the cover of the forest. But when the trees we traveled through gave way to meadows? We could see for miles under the sun. A little less with the night.
We set up camp before supper, taking care of our mending and weapons first after settling down. Seb had the added task of tending their armor to maintain its effectiveness. Alice and I wore armor, too, but we applied oil as needed to keep it intact and that was all it really needed. Leather was easier to care for than a leather and steel combination.
With all of the necessary chores finished, Seb still turned to Gabe, even though they couldn’t fuck off. It started with a kiss. A nuzzle. Their usual. Then Gabe tucked Seb between his knees and ran his fingers through Seb’s hair. I watched from my bedroll with fascination. Wyst, Alice, and I took care of our own hair. I didn’t pay too much attention to my own besides periodically chopping it shorter when it tangled too much, generally keeping it about shoulder length. Seb, on the other hand, seemed to care about their hair more so than the attention Wyst put into hers. It was longer, for sure. Seb’s hair reached past the base of their tail when let down. It was entirely impractical.
Gabe had a comb to aid his endeavors with Seb’s hair. He started at the very ends and worked his way slowly up. He was careful. Gentle. Incredibly thorough. Seb’s tail wrapped loosely around Gabe. Their mouth moved, their voice much too low for me to pick up the sound of their voice. The two of them were happy, the connection they shared obviously more than the sexuality they immediately gave off in the first few days with them.
It left a kind of ache in my chest that I couldn’t well explain. I knew I shouldn’t stare, that I should mind my own business like everyone else seemed to do, but I couldn’t stop. I wanted what Seb had and no matter how clearly I could remember them telling me that I only had the one night with them, that want didn’t go away. Gabe was so tender with them as he gradually worked every little knot and kink out of Seb’s hair. Seb was so content with him. Happy. I’d never seen anything like it before.
Seb reached around their body for Gabe, wrapping him up in an impromptu kiss. Gabe had reached Seb’s scalp, digging the comb’s teeth effortlessly through every bit of hair it touched. When Seb withdrew again, their eyes caught on me. Gabe reached for something on the other side of them as Seb paused and then waved for me.
I felt like I’d been caught. The urge to run had me scrambling to the balls of my feet before I realized I’d done it. Tension squeezed at my lungs, at my heart, and seized up my spine to halfway down my tail. And then Seb smiled to beckon again. I swallowed, but no spit was left to swallow.
Gabe returned to his position at Seb’s back, confusion flashing over his face for him to follow Seb’s line of sight. They made it obvious, the way they supported their weight with their hand to lean in my direction. The edges of his lips turned up, his eyes closed, and he jerked his chin for me to join them.
I sought out Wyst before I moved from my flight position. She combed at her own hair, the bulk of it pulled over her shoulder to more easily work at it. She had no reason to pay attention to me or the two lovers we’d decided to follow. More importantly, she wasn’t going to tell me no.
Remaining in a crouch, I crossed the camp to hover at arm’s reach beside Gabe and Seb. From there, I wasn’t sure what to do.
“Hey,” Seb said softly. They straightened out on my way over, their back square to Gabe again. They patted the bedroll in front of their spread legs.
Gabe grabbed at their hair, gathering it into the palms of his hand to run them down its entirety. He reached the end and gathered it all up again to repeat, entwining his fingers in the middle as he brushed down.
“Sit,” Seb prompted when I didn’t move to their silent invitation. It got me to move, tearing my eyes off of Gabe’s administrations. I turned my back to Seb, climbing into the space between their thighs. The air didn’t come easily to my lungs.
Seb’s hands touched to my hair, first running over the surface of it from the top of my head to its end. “Gabe, comb?” they asked. The next time they touched, it was to hold my hair to run the comb through the knots. They worked little bits at a time, ensuring they never tugged. It took them getting through half of my head before I could breathe again.
“I think I can only have long hair because Gabe helps me with it,” Seb explained nearly under their breath as they worked. Their finger pads drew over my scalp. “It feels good, doesn’t it?”
I nodded gently in their hands. It did. There was a relaxing quality to it, with the soft push or pull of their fingers. It didn’t feel at all like my fingers when I fished out tangles. It was better when Seb combed through it.
“Sleep with us tonight,” Seb whispered.
“What?” Gabe asked, surprise sharpening his word.
“You’ve been so lonely. It doesn’t have to be that way.” Seb’s fingers purposefully parted through my hair.
“Sebazin, what are you doing?” Gabe asked.
“Nothing funny, love,” Seb promised. They pulled lightly at certain parts, drawing in a little more hair at a time with each little tug.
Gabe said nothing in response to Seb’s insistence. I heard him shuffle to his feet. When I tried to turn to look, Seb’s hands only tightened on my hair to keep me in place.
They finished what they were doing before long, releasing my hair with a soft “there”. I reached a hand up to pat the back of my head. It wasn’t loose anymore, but twisted up in gentle patterns that hugged my skull. “It’s a braid,” Seb explained when I held my hand over it. “It’ll fall out overnight, but it’ll help keep your hair from knotting up so bad again while you sleep.”
I twisted to look at them. “Why?”
Seb shrugged. “Because I could.” They tapped my arm for me to move as they gathered their legs into their body. We both got off the bedroll for Seb to open it wide. I turned to Gabe to find he’d brought mine over.
“We’ll need cover for when the temperatures drop,” Gabe said to my stuck words. He nodded down at Sebazin as they sprawled out across their bed. “Get comfortable.”
So I was to have another night with Seb. Perhaps it wouldn’t be sex, but I could work with this. It was their attention. It was still closeness. My movements were hesitant, especially under Gabe’s watchful eye, but I curled into Seb’s side, immediately feeling their arm wrap around me. Their bicep became my pillow. They told me this would never happen again. Gabe draped my bedroll over us and fell into place at Seb’s other side. His arm gripped over Seb’s middle, his hand lightly touching me on the ribs.
I didn’t understand what this was, but Gabe allowed it, so it must have been okay.
I found my inspiration for Theo to continue. I've actually been looking forward to writing this event for a long while. This takes place after Meeting Dorothea in the arc that begins with Massacre.
Explicit sexual content. Little by little, Theo taketh.
Master List
Theo had neatly folded my clothes and placed them on the shelf in the time between us waking up. Tidying up hadn’t been a priority before, when I’d discarded it aside at his beckon. Wearing them now, before going down to see him where I knew to find him, was equally unimportant.
I peeled myself out of bed and stiffly hobbled to the stairs. I hurt in every way I expected from Theo – and twice in one day at that. The stairs proved difficult, but they did help limber me up by the time I reached the ground floor.
“Hey,” Theo greeted. A smile flashed onto his face, carrying all the way through his eyes. “The door is unlocked today, darling.”
I stopped where I was, anticipating him to order me back upstairs. When it didn’t come, I swallowed. “So?”
“I’m letting you know.” He patted the table, a silent request for me to jump up and curl up in my spot. I approached with as much enthusiasm as my sore muscles allowed. Theo helped me up and stole a kiss with equal eagerness. Life wouldn’t be so terrible, like this. Especially once I was more accustomed to taking Theo on a more regular basis. He wasn’t shy about taking what he wanted out of me. Not anymore.
“How do you feel today?” Theo asked, his nose brushing against mine. His eyes darted between mine.
I shrugged, pulling my lip under a fang and breaking the seriousness of his scrutiny by studying the grain of the table beneath me.
“Minerva gave me some tea to help with the soreness. Do you want that with your breakfast?”
I turned my eyes back up out of curiosity. Did he see all these people every day? All in the virgin hours of the morning? I slept beside him, so I knew he did sleep, but for how long was that?
If Minerva’s tea did as advertised, I wouldn’t mind the reprieve. I nodded, more demure than intended. It felt silly, almost, for Theo to act like this. It was over the top, like Seb making up for a wrong, but Theo had nothing to compensate for.
The smile returned to Theo’s eyes. “Okay.” He deposited a kiss to my lips and left me to start the kettle. I watched him, hugging my legs to my chest and using my knee as a chin rest. He meant it when he said he was going to take care of me. It didn’t feel right; I didn’t deserve it.
Theo made me jump with a soft hand to the cheek. “Eat.” I glanced at the plate of food he’d brought back over with him. It was a lot, most of it heavy. Food still didn’t entice me, but eat I did. I even drank the tea when Theo brought it over. It was more of a long term grazing as Theo worked beside me. I finished it and it didn’t turn my stomach. Theo sent verbal praise my way, and things feel into the routine we were used to.
The door opened to hesitantly close. Theo turned in his stool. “Hello, how can I -”
“There’s a naked …” The man trailed off, staring unblinkingly at me.
“Yes, it lives here,” Theo said. “I’m certain that’s not why you came here.” Theo was so nonchalant about my existence in this state. It couldn’t have been normal for an unclothed person to populate a business. I never went into permanent places of business, but I felt sound in my assumption.
The man continued to stare, his mouth opening slowly in seeping shock.
“In any case, Mal’s not public stock. How can I help you, sir?”
I shifted to get up to go upstairs and got nowhere for Theo to flash a hand out to stop me.
“Are you uncomfortable?” he asked me.
“No.”
“Then stay. You belong here.”
Belong. It didn’t make sense, how much Theo wanted me around. It compromised his business. I could see the debate clear in the man’s eyes, unable to tear his off of me in his discomfort. I settled back into my folded position, keeping myself covered only by the way I held my limbs, and watched him back.
Eventually, his need for Theo’s handiwork overcame his issues with a naked pet tiefling. His stance stabilized. “I came to you because you’re supposed to be the best,” he told Theo.
“Yes, by human standards, I am. What do you need?”
The man took his eyes off me to glance at Theo’s ears. “I need a pair of gloves. Thick. But something that fits snugly. I still need to move in them.”
Theo held up a hand to beckon for the man to approach. “Show me your hands.”
The man hesitated, eyes back on me. I blinked slowly at him, unamused. I didn’t like him. Sure, maybe he had an issue with my state of undress, but he was a racist fuck.
“It’s not going to bite you,” Theo said. He grabbed at the air in silent demand. “Ignore it.”
“‘It’?” the man repeated under his breath. His feet moved. He awkwardly held out his hands for Theo to see.
Theo tutted softly and grabbed one of the man’s hands to study in his own. The man jumped and nearly reeled back, though his hand remained in Theo’s.
“Hard working man,” Theo observed by the calluses. “You could do better with your obedience.”
The man tried to deliberately wrench his hand from Theo. “The fuck. You’re some sort of freak.”
Theo held firm, turning his hand over like he wasn’t fighting the man from fleeing. “Hardly. Where do you gloves usually give out?”
The man gave up his struggles in time for Theo to release him. “Here,” he said with resign, drawing ghost lines over his hand.
I was left forgotten as Theo’s cool professionalism took over and the man succumbed to relevant questions and measurements. It was a lot of work that went into a proper set of gloves, none of which occurred to me from mmy own pair that I’d left behind. It took far longer than I expected for Theo to send the man on his way with a promise and time frame.
Theo turned to me when the door closed, leaning his forearm across the table. A smile cracked over his face. One for me because of me. It caught the breath in my lungs. “You’re very nice to have around,” Theo said.
He wiggled his fingers at me, calling me forward much like he had to the customer. I slid across the table top within his easy reach to be swept into a deep, possessive kiss. I followed Theo’s direction to get wrapped in his arms against his chest and pulled off of the table. He set my feet gently to the ground.
“You’re so eager to use that mouth,” Theo murmured against my lips. He drew back enough to poke a thumb onto my tongue. I watched his eyes, closing my lips around his thumb to roll my tongue over it. “What do you think about your mouth being used?”
I blinked slowly at him, sucking on his thumb and taking in more. I was his. I could handle what was expected of me. It was what I was raised to do.
Theo withdrew his thumb from my mouth, wrapping it along with his other fingers around my throat. I reached my chin up, my lips opening in a silent gasp. Theo stooped to hover his mouth to mine, sharing breath without kissing. I pushed into his hand, but it didn’t matter what I did if Theo didn’t want it to happen. The creases beside his eyes wrinkled.
Gathered near him, he used his body to push me backwards. I grasped into his doublet, my steps hesitant without sight. He resumed the kiss before worry over my footing could take root.
The warmth from the hearth drew nearer with each tiny step until Theo pressed me back into a wall. He pushed his hips into me to better trap me, grinding his arousal into my body. His fingers dug into my neck, feeding just enough air to breathe until I was panting into his mouth with tears in the corners of my eyes.
“You look so good like this,” Theo whispered darkly into my ear.
Theo guided me down to my knees with the hand around my throat, leaving only enough space between us for his free hand to dig at his clothes. I brought up hands from him to slap them away. “You don’t get to touch,” he said, his voice soft and affectionate. “I could tie you up if it’d be easier. You’d be so pretty bound in ropes, wouldn’t you, pet?”
Pretty? I whined at him for lack of proper emotive response. I did not enjoy being bound up – but pretty? Theo thought I could be pretty for him? It was absurd, but if he thought so highly of it….
Theo released his cock from his clothes, stroking it with his fingers, eyes locked on me. I wanted to look down to take him in my mouth, but I couldn’t. His hand moved from my throat to my hair between the lateral and top horns. I opened my mouth for him, poking out my tongue for him. Theo smiled, petting into my hair.
“You’ve been well trained, haven’t you?” He brought my face to his cock, nudging it into my mouth. I lapped at the skin at the head of cock only for him to hold me back, tantalizingly out of reach. I held his deep brown eyes with mine, pleading with a whimper. I needed to be good enough.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Theo hummed. He leaked precum, visible with every short stroke back on his shaft.
He pulled my forward again, placing him to the very back of my tongue. His bitter taste filled my mouth, though not nearly as much as the full girth of him. His hand held firm in my hair, using my mouth to masturbate. I closed my eyes. I was his.
Theo was heavy on my tongue and firm on my jaw as he guided my mouth back and forth. He set the pace and moved me, his hand once on his cock joining the other on my head between horns. The tip rode over the roof of my mouth, the bottom forcing my mouth wide.
He sighed into his strokes, his cock reacting to nearly every sound he pulled out of me. My mouth was so wet for him. I was pliant in his hands. I wasn’t enough. I never was. That was why I had learned to do more.
His hips moved into me while his hands held me more steady, falling into his rhythm that worked for him. He pried at the hing of my jaw, widening me for him to tease at the back of my throat.
I hated big dicks. I tried to open my throat for him, but the moment he thrust in deeper, my muscles spasmed to get him out. He paused to pet at me. It was kind of him, but it wasn’t my place to stop him from getting what he wanted. I blinked up at him and whined.
“Oh, fuck, you’re so pretty on your knees,” Theo moaned.
I fought back the reflex the second time he tried, instantly seeing his image waver as tears sprang to my eyes. I swallowed around him, eliciting a soft moan. Yes, I was good.
Theo’s hands wandered from my jaw to my throat, following where his cock touched me deep inside. My eyes fluttered closed as he fucked into my face, murmuring praises at my accomplishments. My head swam in ecstasy as he held me in place.
Theo drifted away, holding back until the tip of his cock only brushed over my lips. I looked up at him through wet eyes, unintelligible confusion flicking through my head. He hadn’t finished.
“Come here,” he whispered, stepping back until he sat on his chair behind the counter. His eyes never left me, filled to the brim with lust. Gods, that looked good on him.
I followed him on my knees, hovering at the opening of his legs with hesitance. He reached for a lat, drawing my head back between his thighs. His fingers peeled stray hairs from my chin and cheeks, tucking it back to where it belonged.
I watched his face as spit gathered thick enough to spill down my neck. I could take him. I could make him come. I reached a hand up, testing to see if that was what Theo wanted. He could fuck my throat or I could -
“Hands behind you, Malxir,” Theo said. “Don’t touch.”
I whimpered at him, my vocalizations the only tool available in my arsenal. His thumb played at the opening of my mouth, drawing back into my cheek.
He guided his cock back between my lips, holding my head to bob it over his length. I lost myself to it until he didn’t need his hand at all. I was beginning to learn his rhythm.
The sound of the door opening reached my brain into reawakening. I pulled back, eyes widening in alarm, only for Theo to push me down, forcing his cock back down my throat. My nose pressed into the gathered fabric of his shirt and doublet. I threw my hands to his thighs and my throat spasmed around him in my panic.
“Hello, how can I help you?” Theo asked the customer as I choked around him. I quickly gave up my struggles, my vision swarming with dancing black spots. I looked up for Theo’s full visual attention forward into the room.
The customer responded as my body demanded air. I flexed my fingers into Theo’s thighs, but didn’t dare make a noise as he talked to the customer. Theo held me in place, his demeanor somehow so casual with his cock lodged into my throat. I squeezed as tightly as I could, head almost too fuzzy for thought, and released. My hand dropped heavily to the floor.
Theo used my horn to pull me back and fall gently without hitting my head. He snapped the hem of his braies up and swept his doublet down in two smooth movements.
I coughed as air refilled my lungs, and with it, far too much spit and precum. My body pulled in tight against the sharp, thick pain of it in my chest. My head buzzed in contrasting pleasure, making me lose sense of time. My body tingled as awareness reformed for Theo to be gone. At least, not behind his counter with me.
I lifted my head at his approaching steps. He smiled down at me and then crouched to be closer. “How do you feel?”
“Fine,” I rasped. My throat burned, as did my eyes. I hadn’t cleaned the spit from my chin. My body faintly shook and felt weak, but none of it was unexpected. I was used to it, even if it had been a while.
“I’m very proud of you, darling,” Theo said, seemingly accepting my answer.
I blinked at him, expressionless. So I could take his cock down my throat. I could have done it better if he hadn’t surprised me.
“Oh, no, not the fucking. Though that was nice. You’ve been trained very well,” Theo clarified as if he read my thoughts. Maybe he could. It would explain some things. “No, you told me your limit. That’s the first time you’ve done that.”
I hadn’t said anything. Couldn’t, not with him in my mouth like that.
He picked me up to draw my body into him. There wasn’t much I could do to help him, but I appreciated using him as a pillow. “I need you to do that to keep you safe, sweetheart.” He stroked up my cheek to kiss my dirty lips. “Here, let’s get you cleaned up.” He began to stand, tugging me up with him.
“You didn’t come,” I protested weakly. Gods, I didn’t want to stand up.
Theo smiled down at me, holding my most of my weight until my knees could take it. “I suppose that gives me something to look forward to later this evening, don’t you?” I whimpered at him, which was left ignored. He guided me across the room to the table and lifted me to sit on the edge. I couldn’t be bothered to shift to keep from sitting on my tail. It draped between my legs, no less uncomfortable than my straining boner I always tried my best to ignore.
He left me on the table for his next customer to plainly see, returning to behind the counter for a damp rag and a cup of water. He sat the cup beside me to hold my head and wipe away the evidence of our mess on my face. Theo took his time, ridiculously gentle against my skin like it would tear if he applied too much pressure. It was sweet.
For some reason, it made me cry.
“Oh, darling,” Theo rumbled. His arm wrapped around me, tucking me into his shoulder. “It’s okay.” A hand pet up and down my back to soothe me.
I knew everything was fine. That didn’t make the tears stop. Not until I dried up and had nothing left to cry. It was then when Theo jumped up beside me and coaxed me to take the water slowly down my throat. That helped. More than I expected it to.
“I do have things to work on,” Theo told me once I’d finished my cup of water and slumped against him. “I should have enough scrap to start working on the gloves today.” His fingers worked through my hair, the pads of his fingers brushing into my scalp. “Do you want to recover down here with me or do you want help getting up to bed?”
As great as comfort sounded, I didn’t want to be alone. I drew my legs to my chest at the bare crux of comfort, bringing up an arm to cushion my head when Theo inevitably moved away.
“Okay,” Theo said gently. His feet hit ground and his lips brushed my forehead. “That’s perfect.”
I lost inspiration for writing Theo temporarily, but I finally found the nudge I needed to finish this piece I started a couple months ago. This will take some time after Bullywugs, about a year after the two parties met and converged.
Seb talks about their sex life. A lot, non-explicitly.
Master List
“Okay, it looks like the next step is … this dwarven city,” Wyst said. She pointed at the map for Gabe to beside her. “I cannot pronounce that. It’s like they’re allergic to vowels.”
“Does it need to be a dwarven city?” Gabe asked with a bare undertone of dread.
I leaned against Seb’s legs, picking at some of the leftover foods we had that weren’t holding up to time as well. They shifted subtly towards the conversation, a fraction of their tranquility slipping away.
“What do you have against dwarves?” Wyst asked suspiciously.
“Nothing! Absolutely nothing. There simply has to be another way through.”
“Of course there’s over or around rather than through,” Wyst conceded. “We don’t have the supplies to make it to here.” Wyst pointed at a point on the map. “And over is deadly. We’re not equipped for going over a mountain range.”
“Trying to go over the mountains would take us weeks if not months even if we were properly prepared,” Alice pitched in. “Skrit and I can’t support us in that kind of environment, especially for so long.”
Gabe traced a finger over the map. “It doesn’t need to be over. It can be around. This is an open trade route. It’ll be easily traversed and well traveled to be relatively safe.”
Wyst studied the man seriously. “That’s still going to add three weeks minimum to the trip.”
“It should be supplied well enough along the way we wouldn’t need to forage,” Alice said.
“Are we in a hurry?” Gabe asked.
Seb tapped me. “Get up.” I shifted enough to support myself and allow them to stand. “You are not adding a month to our travel because you’re jealous, love,” Seb chided. They joined the three of them around the map.
Alice took a nervous step back. “It wasn’t because you didn’t want to go through the underdark?” she asked rhetorically toward Gabe.
Gabe gawked at Seb. “I’m not – I’m avoiding the situation.”
“Fucking shit,” Skrit cursed with amusement. “You fucking whore. How many detours did Gabe put us on because of you?”
“Don’t call me a whore,” Seb said with enough disdain to make me flinch. It brought a shame to my chest I didn’t know I had. Seb couldn’t feel ill towards whores, knowing that it was all I’d ever been before this group. They couldn’t treat me well when that identity defined me to them.
“Why not?” Skrit sneered. “Does it make you feel bad?”
“I love whores,” Seb said. “It does them a disservice to call me one.” Oh. It was the opposite; Seb had the utmost respect for whores. That made more sense. Considering … them.
“It’s only dwarf land I steer us away from. We don’t typically have reason to intersect with them, so it’s never been so … monumentous before.”
Seb turned to look her in the eye. “People say that devils know how to fuck. Obviously, the scant humans in my lineage thought so. There are more than a few devils in my ancestry. I’ve never fucked a devil, but I’ve fucked a couple dwarves. They’re the best lays I’ve ever …” Seb trailed off, eyes sliding back to Gabe. “Um. Dwarves know sex. It’s not a fetish, it’s – I need to stop explaining this to you,” Seb said, wavering under Gabe’s ferocious glare.
“Are we of an understanding why I’ve considered this a necessary aversion?” Gabe asked Wyst, voice clipped.
Wyst buried her face in her hand. “I’m not adding weeks to the road and camping without a bed because Sebazin – because Sebazin.”
“I’m not going to try and jump the bones of every dwarf we see,” Seb grumbled. “This is purely Gabe’s jealousy, not because I can’t control myself.”
“How can you even be jealous after all the people you’ve let them sleep with?” Skrit asked Gabe, clearly having fun with the new information.
“There’s more to it,” Gabe said, “that we will not be unpacking as a group, thank-you.”
“I’ll tell you later,” Seb mouthed to Skrit with a nod. Skrit grinned in acceptance and went back to what she had been doing before curiosity over the mounting drama ensnared her. I vaguely wondered if I could be included in the promised explanation, but not only did I not know how to ask, I didn’t think anyone would appreciate me butting in. Seb and I already pushed Gabe’s boundaries as it was, with lack of erroneous information.
“I’m sorry, Gabe. We’re going through this city and the underdark,” Wyst said.
Gabe’s face twisted into cringing disappointment.
“The underdark is going to be way different than we’re used to,” Alice said quietly. “Gabe, have you ever gone there?”
“No. You?” Alice shook her head. “You know, Alice and I are incapable of seeing in the dark like the rest of you. Like dwarves. We don’t know what this terrain is like and our map here is incomplete.”
“Gabe,” Wyst said gently. “We’re going through the underdark. We’ll get the information we need once we’re in the city.”
Seb turned back to the group. “You always want to experience new things, love,” Seb said lightly.
“No, I endeavor to learn new things,” Gabe corrected. “Experience is not required for raw knowledge.”
Seb leaned over the map, closer to Gabe. “Experience is the best part.” They lowered their voice, but not enough that we all couldn’t hear: “Have you ever read erotica?”
Gabe rolled his eyes and threw his hands helplessly in the air. Alice’s face immediately reddened. She turned away, but it couldn’t hide the glow of her ears.
Seb brightened, straightening up. “Shit!” they whooped. “The fucking human girl has! Was it any good? Really pales in comparison to the real thing, doesn’t it?”
Alice did her best to hide away, shrinking but considerably failing to conceal the furious blush.
“Aw, don’t tell me you haven’t tried it yet,” Seb said.
“Seb, leave her alone,” Wyst rebuked. “What is wrong with you?”
“What’s stopping you?” Seb asked gently. They shifted a step back, looking between Alice and Wyst. “It doesn’t need to be a big deal if you don’t want it to be. I’ll buy you a prostitute in … where? Vog Bohdhn? Woman, man, your preference so long as I can find one that’s not a dwarf. My treat.”
“Sebazin,” Gabe hissed crossly.
“What? It’s gold well spent. I could have offered personally instead.” They crossed their arms, looking Alice up and down. Their tail flicked. “If I thought that could ever be an option.” Gabe’s glare could have killed. “What? I can be gentle.” They could. Even if they had to clarify for Gabe, I knew how gentle Seb could be. I was grateful for the fact my skin was already red. It wasn’t a case of embarrassment for me, but that extreme and vivid longing for something I could never have again. Alice was lucky for the thought to have crossed their mind.
“That is not what is wrong with this situation,” Gabe grated.
“With your permission?” Seb guessed.
“That’s still not – forget it,” Gabe sighed. “Go away.”
“What’s the problem?” Seb asked genuinely. They shrugged their arms open, but didn’t receive a response from the three around them. Shaking their head, they turned from them, heading to their pile of things. They started grabbing their clothing and armor to get ready to move. Skrit snorted back authentic laughter, stuffing her hand into her mouth for help.
Wyst and Gabe exchanged exasperated looks. “What did they call the city?” Wyst asked to get them back on track.
“Vog Bohdhn,” Gabe said with a trace of defeat.
“We’re going there. We can get there by tonight. Do you really think Seb can be any worse than they already are?”
“Oh yes,” Gabe said, “absolutely.”
When my teammates said dwarven city, I expected something like the cities I’d grown up in or one of the bigger cities we’d visited together. I did not expect to enter into a mountain and find every surface made of polished stone. Everything was immaculate and precise. I grabbed on to Seb’s hand to guide me so that I could stare.
Carved into the stone as it was, the dwarves had full mastery of every dimension. They could build their city as tall or as deep as they wished. It didn’t need to sprawl horizontally to accommodate for its population. Most everything looked similar and difficult to differentiate, relying on signage to signal intent. It left navigation a little confusing, but it was a fair puzzle for Wyst and Gabe to figure out.
We found lodging first, with the help of a random citizen. It turned out that I couldn’t read any of the words not because I was a poor reader, but because none of it was in the common alphabet or language Gabe had taught me in. Everyone else was almost as lost as I was. It did them well to struggle every now and again.
Seb stopped us in the door. “Do you want your own room tonight?” they asked Alice.
Wyst shoved them forward. “Knock it off,” she scolded.
Seb dug in their feet. “I’m being serious!”
“You are doing the opposite of helping,” she said firmly. “You need to stop.”
They stared at her a moment, processing with a vaguely alarmed expression until they relaxed back to normal with a nod. “Our usual arrangements?” they asked softly. They didn’t need an answer before they ducked inside to let money talk.
The room Seb led Gabe and I into was carved out of stone, much like everything else in the city. Glowing gems grew into one wall, illuminating the interior with a calming blue light. The space didn’t allow for much more than the bed, which appeared lush but overall small.
I threw my travel pack beside Seb’s and closed the door behind us as Seb began doffing their armor.
Gabe set his pack on the bed, sitting down beside it. “Wyst and I will go back out to search for a new map and supplies we’ll need for travel through the underdark,” he said. “I’d like it for you to stay in our room.” These words he directed solely to Seb. I unbelted my weapons, weaving them into my pack to hold them in place.
“What did I do?” Seb asked. “Why are you angry with me?”
I crept behind them to stay behind the conversation.
“You’re sexually charged in a city of dwarves,” Gabe said. “I only want to get what we need and leave this all behind.”
“Sexually – I’m always sexually charged! You don’t trust me.” Hurt laced Seb’s voice. “What did I ever do to deserve that?”
Gabe ignored Seb’s question. He turned his eyes to me. Seb began ripping at the ties at their armor, throwing it to the angle between the floor and wall once free of it. “Malxir, I want you to stay here with Sebazin. Wyst and I will have enough to do finding what we need without keeping an eye on you.” I understood Seb’s offense. I hadn’t done anything to deserve that, either.
“Oh, but you trust the two of us together alone?” Seb huffed.
Gabe side eyed them. “I’m going to ask Skrit to keep you company.”
Seb began to step to Gabe, aggression in their frame and fury on their face, and then thought better of it. They had enough armor off to make movement awkward but not easy. “Jealousy doesn’t look good on you,” they growled.
“This is easier, Sebazin,” Gabe replied dismissively. He left the room without closing the door behind him.
Seb sat heavily on the edge of the bed. “He’s never been like this before,” they said absently. “I don’t know what’s going on.” They ran a hand over their face. I crawled across the bed to sit beside them. “I don’t care if the others treat me like something less. But I can’t take it from you or Gabe.”
I reached over to help undo the straps holding on the bulk of Seb’s armor they hadn’t yet doffed. “Have I ever made you feel like less?”
“No. You’re my supportive little shadow with bite, but no bark.” Seb lifted off the armor as I freed it from them, movements languid. As soon as the most uncomfortable piece of armor from around their chest was gone, they grabbed me against them with an intentional kiss to my forehead. “What do I do when the man that grounds me throws my footing? What did I do, Mal?”
“Most people don’t like whores, Seb,” I said softly. “It’s why I’ve never told anyone else we work with.”
“I’m not a -!” Seb let go of me, but allowed me to lean on them. “Whores are a respectable working class. More than half the work we do. I’ll accept being called a slut, but calling me a whore is slander to sex workers.”
“I wasn’t calling you a whore,” I clarified, petting over one of the seams across their chest. “What do you mean respectable?” I’d never once felt respected in any interaction I could remember. Not until Seb.
“I really need to put my foot in my mouth for the rest of the night.” Seb pushed me off of them to finish undressing. “It should be a more respected profession. I’m sure you had the worst of the worst clients, without a choice and … all. I wish it could have been different for you.”
Wyst showed up in the doorway around the time Seb guided their shirt over their horns. “We’re going to need the party gold,” she said.
“You don’t know where it is?” Seb asked bleakly.
“I’m not touching your things.”
“Even if I tell you to?” Seb grumbled and shuffled onto their knees to dig through their pack. “I don’t care if you know everything I have. What do you think you’ll find that you don’t already know?”
Skrit pushed into the room from behind Wyst to lean against the bedside next to me. “How are you supposed to go in public undressed like that?” she asked as Seb moved some gold into a pouch for Wyst. “How are we going to eat?”
“We can wait until Gabe and Wyst are back,” Seb said with tired patience. They held up the pouch to Wyst. “That enough?”
Wyst took it, weighing it in hand. “This isn’t all of it? How much funds do we have?”
“Enough,” Seb replied. “Everything I’ve ever made and don’t spend. Plus whatever Skrit and Mal contributed since joining me since they both don’t take cuts from bounties.” They stood, stepping back to give her space. “There are not separate party funds. It’s too much work to keep track of.”
“We spend your money?”
Seb shrugged. “I get the most out what we do, I think. I don’t need pay. Consider it my wages to you for putting up with me for it.”
Wyst looked to me with confusion. “Why aren’t you taking your share?”
“Why?” I asked. “What’s the point? Seb feeds me.”
Seb snorted. “Mal and Skrit are on separate contracts for when they decide to leave.” They sniffed. “A kind of severance payout. Mal’s negotiated through Gabe.”
“When did this happen?”
“As soon as Seb let me,” I said. “I don’t want to carry that.”
“It does keep them more agile and light on their feet,” Seb agreed. “I’m the muscle. Skrit is the speed and Mal the stealth. It works for us. And you wizards get to keep your gold close in the moments you briefly have it.”
Wyst pressed her lips together in thought. “You three should go eat,” she said after a long moment.
Seb chuckled. It wasn’t out of amusement. They turned their back to Wyst, pacing towards the wall and away from her. “Nope. We’ll wait here.” Skrit groaned.
“Why? What is the point of waiting? We can get food while we’re out.”
Seb spun. “You need to lay off me when it’s not your business,” Seb growled, pointing at her. “I took it over the human, but here you’re out of line.”
“She has a name,” Wyst scoffed.
“Yeah? I’ll use it when she realizes I’m more than a flesh shield for you all,” Seb barked.
“What’s going on here?” Gabe asked from the doorway.
Seb dropped their hand, curling it into a fist at their side. “Gabe, I’m reaching my snapping point,” Seb said tightly.
“You’re being a giant asshole!” Wyst lamented.
“Because I’m waiting for you?”
“What did they do now?” Gabe asked with resign.
“Why do you assume it’s me?” Seb snapped. No one had a chance to answer them. “Leave. I need you to leave now.” Wyst sniffed haughtily, but left at Gabe’s silent beckon.
Seb visibly deflated the moment Wyst and Gabe disappeared from the room. They threw themselves on the edge of the bed, shifting it sharply beneath me, and curled up with their hands around their horns. They breathed out deeply, with seemingly no intentions of refilling their lungs.
“You alright, big guy?” Skrit asked.
“The fuck makes you think I could be?” Seb asked after a sharp inhale. “I’m not going to hurt anyone, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“No.” She pressed her lips together, contemplative.
Seb’s fingers scrubbed into their skull at the base of their horns. “Skrit, take Mal and go eat. You don’t need to wait for me.”
Skrit looked over to me with a flat, wordless question. I shook my head to the side, just enough to get my point across: I wasn’t going without Seb. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust being alone with Skrit. It simply felt … boring.
“Nah.” Skrit jumped onto the edge of the bed, putting me between her and Seb. “I’m not that hungry.”
“That’s a load of shit,” Seb scoffed.
“Hey, you were going to explain why Gabe’s being a giant dick about this,” Skrit reminded them. “Besides the fact you’ve fetishized dwarves.”
“I didn’t -” Seb sniffed, wrenching their chin away. “Seems kind of stupid now, after all this.”
“‘Kind of stupid’ has you pretty miserable,” Skrit pointed out.
Seb sniffed a humorless laugh. “The dwarves I slept with have had huge cocks,” they said. “I haven’t made it a secret from him. He’s jealous. Doesn’t think he can contend. That’s it. That’s all it is.”
“You’re a bottom?” Skrit sputtered.
Seb slowly swiveled their full attention to her, clasping their hands together at their knees as they leaned harder on their elbows. “I’m a verse, but I exclusively bottom for Gabe,” they explained.
“You do not.”
Seb shrugged. “Pretty stupid thing to lie about. I prefer bottoming, most of the time.”
“Bullshit.”
“Skrit, I’m his sub.” Whatever that meant.
Skrit’s jaw dropped, too shocked for words. She got what it was about.
I had about as hard of a time believing Seb as Skrit did. In the night I’d had with Seb, they automatically fell into the role of top with no questions asked it asked. They were incredibly good at it. Not just the way they fucked me, but guiding me mentally as well. A solid year later, I still fantasized about that night. I couldn’t imagine them in any other role.
Skrit blinked the bulk of her incredulousness away. “So you’re stuck here because you’re Gabe’s bitch.”
Seb’s eyes fell back to their hands. “Yeah.”
“Holy shit,” Skrit snorted. “There’s no way.”
Seb shrugged again. “I do enough to piss him off. Now isn’t the time to antagonize him.” They breathed out noisily. “I do love him.”
“Right. Sure.” She turned to eye me. “Fuck, why not? You flirt with the kid every day.”
“Yeah? Mal’s not a threat to him. Leave Mal out of it.”
Wicked plots marched through Skrit’s eyes. She pulled her legs from the edge of the bed and crossed them before her to completely face Seb. “I bet you twenty gold you can’t bed a dwarf.”
Seb’s eyes snapped to her. “We already established your gold is my gold is the party’s gold. That’s betting myself.”
“I’ll find you different gold,” Skrit dismissed. “Not that I’ll need to.”
“We don’t need more gold, Skrit,” Seb sighed.
“You’re a coward.”
Seb’s nose wrinkled. “No. It’s not worth Gabe holding out on me for weeks because he’s pissed at me.” Seb’s eyes darted to me. “The last time was two and a half weeks. This is worse.”
“Fucking a dwarf is worse than lying about fucking the kid, yeah, but you get something out of it this time. It’s not like abstinence kills, slut.”
“No, but I don’t like it. I don’t go weeks without a lay. Not since I started having sex twenty years ago.”
“Maybe some time to cool off isn’t such a bad idea,” Skrit suggested.
“No.” Seb brought a leg up to face her, their back straightening out. “Look, this arrangement is already less than optimal. The only reason I sleep with so many people is because he doesn’t want me to take a second partner. The sex is fine, but I’d prefer the connection. That’s the part that scares him.”
Skrit’s eyes wandered back to me.
“Yeah, that’s why it’s supposed to be one night stands,” Seb scowled, looking away.
I got it. I was a problem because we’d fucked and I didn’t go away. The feelings of needing Seb’s attention never went away. Gabe treated me well, but I liked Seb in a way that could be construed as a threat despite Seb’s insistence contrary. I couldn’t do that to Gabe. I pretended my heart didn’t flutter. My dick didn’t react. I pretended the thing I felt toward Seb was normal. For Gabe. Because I couldn’t disappoint him.
Heat rose to my cheeks. I had to curl into myself further to hold my composure.
“Then fuck a dwarven woman,” Skrit said. “I bet you can’t bag a dwarven woman.”
Seb snorted. “Yeah, I can’t. I know what I have and no dwarven woman would look at me.”
“It’s not just about your penis,” Skrit snickered.
“I know that. Hey, give me some credit, asshole. All I’m saying is you don’t think a dwarven man knows how to treat his, uh, woman?”
I thought what Seb had was nice. They were judging themselves too harshly.
“Okay, you’re a coward,” Skrit said, circling back to an earlier insult for added impact.
“I don’t think it’s cowardice if the outcome is inevitable,” Seb sniffed. “I can’t convince a dwarven woman to sleep with me. It’s not lack of confidence; I fucking have enough of that. It’s not going to happen.”
“A dwarven man, then.”
Seb held Skrit’s eyes, their intensity just short of a glare. “I’m not doing that to Gabe, Skrit. If you want to call me a coward because I respect my lover, that’s fine. I’m a coward. But at least I’m getting laid as soon as we leave this damn city and Gabe gets rid of the bug up his ass.”
Skrit broke the eye contact with a snort. “I almost could believe you’re a sub when you act like this.”
“Notasub. Not anymore.Hissub.” Seb drew their fingers over the scars on the inside of their leg.
“Shit.” Skrit gave up on her pushing and her teasing. That had been a word of suspended acceptance at some great cost. It didn’t make any sense to me, but it hadn’t really been my place to understand. I’d wanted to be around for Seb’s explanation when they’d promised it to Skrit, but even though I’d failed to ask and ended up in the middle of it anyway, I was only a bystander. I really shouldn’t have been around for any of it. If it hadn’t been for both of them looking at me in different points of the conversation, I’d have thought they’d both forgotten I was there.
Seb shifted back until they were laying over the bed, arms propped under their head. “You don’t need to wait with me. Gabe told Mal to stay, too, but I think you’ll need Mal to get any service. Bring us back some food, Skrit. To fuck with hoping they’re hungry enough to go out again when they get back. I’m fucking starving.”
Skrit poked them in a fat roll on their side. “Yeah, so starving.”
Seb didn’t react. “I weigh more than you two combined and that’s before the armor I wear and the pack I haul. It takes a lot of energy for me to exist. Yeah, I’m starving.” They sniffed. “Please, Skrit?”
“I don’t want to go,” I mumbled.
Seb slapped me gently with their tail. “You need to go. She’s a goblin, Mal. You think the racism we experience is bad?” Seb nudged Skrit with their knee. “And you need to go so that Mal doesn’t get lost.”
Skrit rolled her eyes and jumped down from the bed. “Fine. Since you asked so nicely, you big bitch. Come on, Mal.”
I grumbled, but slithered off the bed to grab a couple pieces of gold from Seb’s bag. Wyst had the bag we used for smaller amounts of money, but my hands would do well enough if I was only to be around to keep people from attacking Skrit for existing.
This whole arc begins with Massacre. This part comes after Lessons.
Casual, but more than PG sexual content.
Master List
Theo fucked me on his terms. Not that that came as a surprise to me. I expected as such, even if I didn’t anticipate his appetite. I’d been under the impression he’d only given in to my pleads, but when my words dried up? When I’d explicitly told him that I was his? Well, the story changed. So long as I did what I was told to do. And I did. Because I was going to be so good for Theo. I was so good and he told me so.
He brought me upstairs and fucked me after breakfast, all sweet and gentle. I had no problem opening my legs the moment he touched his cock to me. He even undressed for me despite the hesitation in his fingers to do so. I got to run my fingers through his body hair as he stroked into me.
More surprisingly, he stayed that way, our bare skins touching and intimate, even after he’d come. I got to nuzzle into him as he read his dry book. In his head after I’d applied enough kisses to his moving lips. All I needed was the body contact. For him to hold me even after sex.
A part of me wondered why Theo spent a second day with me, his door locked to the outside world. Taking a day off was unheard of. Two? Absurd. I certainly wasn’t worth the lost potential.
Yet Theo had around sixty years of running his business. He understood well what he could or could not afford. I was merely a shadow in his life over the course of a month. It wasn’t worth trying to question him. No, it was better to greedily soak up what passed as fondness with him. Not that he left me touched starved and desperate. He seemed to enjoy the contact as much as I did.
A midday snack came and went, Theo as nude at the beginning as at the end. He showered me with his affections as I ate what he offered without a fuss. I almost felt … well. The physicality kept me out of my head. Mostly. Not enough to soothe the ache.
My guard went back up the moment he reached for his clothes. He eyed me with sharp amusement when he pulled his shirt over his head. “Don’t worry,” he snickered, “I’m making this easy. We’re going to pick up food from Dorothea and we’ll come right back to eat. You don’t need to talk, you just need to go with me.”
I shook my head. No, I didn’t. Theo trusted me alone in his home.
“Nuh-uh. I told you, you don’t get a choice today. I will make you come with me.” His words were threatening, even if his tone wasn’t. “Will you go downstairs and dress yourself or do I need to?”
I dropped my eyes with a small whimper. I could do it. If I had to. I’d been running the majority of the errands for – errands had been my sole responsibility for months now. This should have been a non-issue. In fact, most of what Theo had me do should have been basic aspects of life. They were all things I couldn’t do anymore.
I got up and went downstairs, avoiding looking at anything but the floor. Theo had folded my clothing nicely, removing it from where I left it, but I had no problem finding it. Theo’s place was cozy. Hiding anything was next to impossible.
By the time Theo finished dressing and joined me downstairs, I’d gotten everything but my boots on. Theo’s smile was genuine at the sight of my compliance. “Look at you, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you.”
I grunted my grievance and focused on my laces. The only reason I didn’t put any fight into this was based out of fear for what he would do to make me. I didn’t have the energy. The spunk. I’d make him take most of my weight.
Gripping Theo’s offered arm, I did just that. He accepted the burden without complaint, but rather a chuckle. Of course. I was much too small to be a dead weight bother.
Theo made his way through the city, exchanging greetings with those he recognized. I ignored them all, allowing myself to be led, but not pulled into socialization. Theo promised me that I wouldn’t have to and he proved it with soft rebuttals or casual dismissals when someone did care to point out or try and muster a polite conversation with me.
I clung to him like a child to its mothers kirtle. While it should have been embarrassing, there was almost a peace to it.
Theo steered us to a large building, something that suggested an expansive and affluent family. More alarmingly, he let himself inside without announcement. The door opened directly to a kitchen, of a kind I’d never seen before. It had structures for cooking that I instinctively understood for what it was, but not how it worked. I tried to stop in my tracks to take it all in, but Theo moved me forward.
“Oh, Theo!” A busty, big-bellied woman launched herself from a counter. She held out her arms high in the air for a hug, pulling me into it by proximity. She had a mop of curly red hair atop her head and some of the palest skin I’d ever seen.
“Dorothea,” Theo greeted in good nature. “This is Malxir.”
I couldn’t glare at him, buried in the plush mass of Dorothea’s arm. I wanted to. He told me that I needn’t interact if I didn’t want to. I certainly did not. I’d have been much better off left behind.
Dorothea peeled back, gripping my arm with a hand as if to keep me still for her to better study me. “Oh, Malxir, it’s so good to meet you!” And before I could stop her, she planted a big, wet kiss upon my lips. Theo kept me from reeling away.
Her attention turned to Theo as she grinned ear to ear. “Will you be staying for supper?” she asked hopefully.
“No, but thank-you,” Theo declined. “I only brought Malxir to meet you. He gathered me closer and bent to kiss me on top of the head. Well, as smoothly as he could with my horns. “It’s been a rought month, but Malxir finally came to live with me.”
I flicked my eyes up to Theo. How much did he talk about me to other people?
“Oh wonderful!” Dorothea exclaimed. “Theo, I’m so happy you’ve found somebody.” She touched me again, pure fondness in her freckled cheeks. “My, you’re just skin and bone, darling. We’ll plump you right up.”
She turned quickly, making way to the food she was in the middle of preparing. A second woman swept into the room, making her way to Dorothea until she caught sight of Theo. A smile automatically brushed over her face, falling a little when I entered her picture. She was almost the spitting image of Dorothea, but with dirty blond hair rather than red.
“Hullo, Theo.”
“Isabeau,” Theo said cheerfully back.
Her cheeks reddened and she turned sharply back to Dorothea, whom could only be her mother.
Theo hugged me into his middle was he chatted with the two working women. It was possessive and slightly presumptuous of him, though it really wasn’t anything new. I didn’t have any better place to be, so I shut my eyes and leaned into him.
Before too long, Dorothea shoved a meal for two to go in Theo’s hands, and we made our way back.
“Isabeau likes you,” I said. I hugged him tighter as we moved, trying to combat the pesky exhaustion that I had no right to feel.
“I know,” Theo said with amusement. “It would dishonor Dorothea to let anything come of it. I have no intentions of starting a family and that is what Dorothea wants of her daughter.”
“Is that why I’m okay? Because I can’t have children with you?”
Theo chuckled. “There are a fair many other differences to our relationship and what Isabeau wants, sweetheart.” He looked down at me with a look that rivaled Dorothea’s. Maybe he wouldn’t love me, but he felt something towards me. “You’re speaking again. Does that mean you’re feeling better?”
I dropped my eyes quickly to the ground. “No.”
“Okay. That’s okay. Do you want to talk about what’s going on?”
“No.”
Theo took a moment to draw in a slow, deep breath. “Okay. That’s fine. I won’t make you. I’ll just make sure you have nothing to worry about anymore.”
Casual mentions of childhood abuse and sexual assault in this.
Master List
“Malxir!” Theo’s voice carried from downstairs. He forced in a great deal of patience into the summons. Not enough to make myself rouse any faster. I’d get to Theo when I was ready.
Ready I was not. I felt exhausted and weak. My face was puffy and uncomfortable. Everything down my spine and through my hips protested my movements. I’d have thought Theo had taken advantage of me if I felt anything beneath my tail or between my legs. He could if he wanted to. That’s what it meant to be his. Just because Seb never did – but I wasn’t Seb’s anymore. That was over.
I curled up against the continuing pain of loss that came over me, fisting the blankets to wrap them about myself. Tighter. Oh, fuck, anything I could do to ward off the ripping emotions. I couldn’t do this – go through life – without them.
I’d learned to cry without making a sound. It was to keep my mother’s hands off me to teach me how to be better. I knew I should be better, that I was above giving in like this, but my silent scream of agony really did say otherwise. I gave in the weakness to better forget everything. I deserved this. I had to accept it.
Besides, I had Theo to take care of me. Theo was good to me. Good for me. His lessons were kinder than my mother’s. He didn’t need to hit me like her. My mother never hurt me, either. It was just for my own good. I’d learned enough that Theo didn’t need to be like that to me. I was going to be so good for him.
My hands released the blankets and I could hear things outside of myself again. Theo shifted softly downstairs, going about his day like I didn’t now live with him. Birds chittered outside his window, where dull sunlight filtered through. It wasn’t raining.
“Malxir,” Theo called again. It had been some time since his last. All I could do was lay and exist. I tried to clear my nose with a sharp breath in. “Malxir, come down.”
I couldn’t. It was too hard.
Theo audibly sighed and then his footsteps hit the stairs. I stared only half aware when the top of his head crested the floor. He stopped on the very last step, taking in my lousy sight. “Not a good day,” he observed.
I pushed back to put more distance between us. He shouldn’t see me. I was going to disappoint him.
Theo’s face shifted between a few emotions before it settled on carefully neutral. “You look like a trapped animal. You’re not my prisoner.”
I knew that. I came to him of my own violation.
“It’s a no word day, huh?” Theo asked without expecting an answer. “Okay. I have breakfast downstairs. You need to eat. Get up. Let’s go.”
I shook my head, drawing in. That wasn’t going to happen. Not this day.
His facade crumbled. Just a bit. “Malxir, do I need to make you?” he asked tightly.
I whimpered, though I couldn’t tell if it was out of fear or … something else. A spike of whatever it was speared me through the gut. I licked my lips, too full of nervous, clammy energy.
Theo took in a deep breath and placed his feet onto the floor. “You’re going to test my entire patience,” he said. I watched him warily as he crossed the room to slip onto the bed. Trapping energy kept me still for him to slip around me and pull me into him. There was something predatory about him around the edges, even though I knew better than to be afraid of him. Theo wasn’t going to hurt me. He’d promised.
Theo didn’t seem to mind my stiffness as he wrapped his legs around me and clamped my head to his chest. He shifted to keep from sitting on my tail, but then he held me firmly. “I’m going to take care of you,” he promised. “There’s nothing more you need to worry about.”
I slowly lifted a hand up to grasp into his doublet. I curled up into him, closing my eyes to better let go of everything else. Theo would take care of me. I … trusted him. Somehow. Some when. I didn’t need to hide from him.
“Can I get you to eat?” Theo asked a while later, when my muscles weren’t so tense.
Gods, I wanted nothing to do with food. Even with Theo around to stabilize me, I knew that I couldn’t do it. I shook my head, pushing tighter into him.
“I see,” Theo hummed. “I could fuck you senseless and force feed you. Is that what it’s going to take?”
I held my breath, grip slackening in preparation for him to move. I hadn’t thought he’d ever seemed all that interested in sex. The times he had fucked me, I’d started it every time.
His fingers pet through my hair. “Not today,” he decided. “I’ll give you today to settle in. Tomorrow, if it comes to it, I’ll make you and do whatever it takes.” His fingers slid around the side of my neck until the tips caressed the tender skin at my throat.
Make me. I whimpered lightly. I was used to less free will around Theo and maybe it was a good thing. If Theo thought for me, I had less of a chance to get stuck in my head. I couldn’t do the wrong things. Fuck everything up and get chased off from a relationship that was supposed to last forever.
Would I lose myself in the meantime? It was difficult to say. There wasn’t much to me. I did what those around me wanted me to do. For my mother, I slept with countless strangers long before I should have known why bodies looked different. For Wystralei, I followed her while she tried to make sense of a world that made none. For Gabe, I stuck around for my inexplicable crush on his lover, but also his never ending kindness to me and Wyst. For Sebazin, I fell in love. I loved our sex. Our life. It hurt so much that it was over.
And so I slumped ever more into Theo, letting him take both the meager weight of my body and the overwhelming pressure of my woes. He didn’t complain. No. He hummed to me as he worked away the tension. When he’d gotten it all, he gently moved me off of him to go downstairs.
Right. Theo had a shop to run. It was easy to forget when I occupied the space in his legs and arms. In hindsight, it was baffling he’d wasted as much time as he did, upstairs with me and for me. It was something he simply wouldn’t do.
I settled down in the bed, adjusting for the loss of warmth with him missing. I could have the patience to outlast the day for him to come back. Judging by the sunlight, I had a while to wait, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. Other days, I could join Theo as I had for weeks. This day, I was going to waste away in … our bed.
Then Theo did return. Against all precedence. He took a while, spending a fair amount of time busy, but his return was far before the hour he’d close down his shop. I stared at him with all the confusion I felt as he approached. He carried my cup, his cup, some of the muesli cakes, and his current book.
“This day off is for you,” Theo explained at my sustained expression. “I didn’t think you should be alone or deal with potential customers today.”
He held out my cup for me to take. Pushing up into a sit, I did just that. It was the nasty tea from Minerva again. I wrinkled my nose at it, but I knew what was expected of me.
Theo smiled fondly down at me. “You’re so good, Malxir.” He settled on the bed beside me, depositing his cup on the ground in easy reach. The cakes he placed between us. He read to me exactly like he had been for weeks. I draped over his leg and used his hip as a pillow. He periodically shoveled bits of muesli between my lips as he read, forgoing my physical protests. I gave up trying before long. It was all routine. Peaceful.
After a significant amount of reading, Theo closed the book. I’d finished my tea and the cakes, though the window suggested the time to be earlier than when Theo typically walked me … to Seb. We weren’t doing that again.
“Would you like to go out for a walk?” Theo asked. “It would do you good to get some fresh air.”
I shook my head. That was something Seb would do: go for a stroll to clear their head. I didn’t want to fall into Seb’s habits with Theo. I didn’t want Theo to be like Seb. I didn’t deserve Seb or anything like them anymore. I most certainly did something wrong to them.
“Will you do it anyway because I asked?” His thumb pet my face, ensuring I looked at him. “I can have you meet Dorothea for a nice supper. I know it’s a bad day for you. You won’t need to talk to her. She’ll feed you all the same.”
I shook my head again, breaking the light touch of his thumb to do so.
Theo sighed. “Okay. Today. I’ll give you this today. We’ll do better tomorrow.” He dropped his hand and slunk off the bed to his feet. Lifting his arms high above his head, he stretched out the hours of stagnation. “Do you mind if I get something to eat, darling? Or do you need me to stay with you?”
I was fine alone. Nothing bad happened in my head when no one else was around. It didn’t bother me if he left. I looked up at him, shrugged lightly, and then pulled the blanket over my legs. I would wait. It was something I was very good at.
And the next thing I knew, Theo had me in his hands to wake me. I groggily blinked up at him and his gentle smile. I didn’t remember going to sleep, but I definitely had.
“There you are,” Theo said. All I could do was stare. It wasn’t a surprise to see him, but it was to be greeted by morning haze rather than evening shadow. “How are you feeling today?”
Oh? Was I automatically supposed to be better because a night had passed? It didn’t feel like it. Not to me.
“Not better then,” Theo commented. He patted me robustly. “That’s too bad. You don’t get to pout about it today. Get up.”
I glared at him, daring him to do something about it especially before I had my wits about me.
Theo met my glare with a swift hand around the throat and impassive eyes. No pressure, but enough of everything else to startle me. “None of that today. I warned you yesterday that you weren’t getting away with this again. Good pets do as they’re told.” His hand fell away, if only a little to keep our skins from touching. “And you want to be good, don’t you?”
I swallowed, but every other muscle in my body was locked tight. It was everything in my power to maintain eye contact. What happened if I wanted to be bad?
“Yeah?” Delight seeped onto Theo’s face. “Is that the choice you’re making today?” My eyes slowly widened as I realized I’d whispered the question out loud. Or at least vocalized an unmistakable no. He shifted closer, running his fingers down my arm to hold my hand. “The answer is completely up to you, Malxir.” Actual words, then.
He twisted his body to sit in front of me with his back between us. One leg pulled up on the bed before him. He tugged to trap my upper arm with his arm, placing the palm of my hand on his leg. “Is this what you want? Do you want me to threaten you when you’re being naughty?” His entire hand enclosed over the finger beside my pinkie. Panic exploded in my chest. I couldn’t see it, only feel it, but it was enough. Unlike Seb when I’d asked them to play punish me, Theo would actually hurt me. He’d promised that he wouldn’t.
But if I was bad … wasn’t that the game?
I pulled as hard as I could at my arm, but Theo’s strength outclassed mine with no effort on his part. I scrambled to push the offending arm away with my free hand to no improvement.
“How are you going to stop me?” Theo asked conversationally. “Do you have words today?” I’d asked a question without knowing, but no – there was no way I could trust myself to say the right thing. I whined in terror, calling my feet to my aid, but I didn’t have the leverage. Theo did.
“You whine and you cry. That isn’t clear enough.” He pulled back on my finger for some uncomfortable pressure. “It’s okay that you’re scared,” he soothed, “but how are you going to tell me it’s too much, sweetheart?”
I didn’t know what it was he was asking of me. I strained against him, my panicked sounds barely registering to my own ears.
“I’m going to break your finger, Malxir. It’ll be so easy.” This wasn’t cold, but firm and determined. “I expect it’ll be a bright pain that doesn’t fade so easily. You’ll tell me later, when you can?”
I lost whatever little control over myself that I had left. A scream tore from me as I frantically battered at his back with my free hand and scrambled with the bare purchase of my legs. I saw nothing but indecipherable colors – flesh of white, red, and a field of black.
Theo’s arms enveloped me, his hand pressing my face to his chest. I lost sense of time between my desperation to run, and then realizing he’d begun humming to me again to settle me down. His other hand stroked up and down my naked back. All his tricks that got me to relax. Exhaustion, despite recently waking, dictated I did just that.
“You’re beautiful, Malxir,” Theo murmured at the end of his song. His arms loosened about me, setting me free if I so wished.
My finger didn’t hurt. I lifted my hand lazily to my face and flexed my hand. No pain. All my fingers responded readily.
“I told you, I won’t hurt you unless you want me to,” Theo said softly. His fingers felt so good against my back. “Are you okay?”
How the fuck should I be okay when he’d threatened to break my finger? I could have sworn that I felt his grip as the bone snapped. Evidence suggested that had been my imagination.
Theo had been so sweet. Caring. Nurturing. It was why I came to him. Betrayed Sebazin to sleep with him. Submitted myself as his pet when Seb kicked me out. I would never love Theo, but I thought I could trust him.
Yet he hadn’t broken any promises. Theo was honest. Much more than Seb had ever been.
I gripped onto his shirt and buried my face into his stomach. I didn’t know how to feel. Didn’t want to feel anything, frankly.
“Okay,” Theo said. “Why don’t we get some food and water into you? That will help settle your nerves.”
I didn’t want to eat. I shook my head and buckled down the best I could. Theo could easily move me, but it was worth the try.
“No, you don’t get to tell me no about what’s good for you today. We’ve delayed long enough. Get up.”
If he could just leave me alone. I didn’t want to move on.
“We’re not ready for you to act like this,” Theo scolded with a sign of threat creeping through the words. “Get up, Malxir.”
A chill settled down my spine. He meant to force me, pushing me to my limits if that’s what it took. Sure, he’d told me as such, but he was on the cusp of proving the intention was there. Except he didn’t know what those limits were like Seb did … and I wouldn’t tell him to stop. I couldn’t.
So I was safe. There was nothing Theo would do without my permission.
Warmth from Theo’s hand on my horn warned me moments before he wrenched my head up to look at him. I twisted my body to follow, to put less strain in my neck. His eyes were cold again despite the desire I could see much lower. Of course he was getting off on this.
“I will make you,” Theo threatened. “Is that what you want? A dangerous game?” My eyes locked on to the bulge in his braies. He did. He pulled harder on my horn, breaking my line of sight. “You don’t get that.”
Theo rolled to his feet, hauling me alongside him by my horn. I whined at the pressure in my neck, but I didn’t have a choice. I nearly tripped on my own tail when he didn’t give me the time to get my feet beneath me.
“Downstairs,” he ordered. With it, a hefty shove against my chest. I did my best to keep my balance, but ended up sprawled across his floor anyway. I noted the sharp webbing of pain stemming from my elbow, and promptly ignored it to use that arm to dash to my feet. “Good,” Theo praised, back to his honey-sweet voice. “Now go on.”
My vision wavered in a veil of darkness on the way down the steps. I didn’t have anything to grip in case it overtook me, but my balance remained strong. At least, that’s what I thought until Theo caught me and pulled me into a steadying stop. “Careful, sweetheart.”
Theo guided me around the counter to his chair, setting me gently in place. Moments later, my clothes onto my lap. “Get dressed.” He crouched down beside the hearth without looking at me to bring back the fire as he trusted I dress myself. I did not. Customers could see me naked for all I cared.
Flames stirred to life, coughing briefly when Theo fed them a couple logs. Warmth immediately pierced the dreary chill of spring.
He frowned when he looked at me next. “What’s your problem today? Is this fun to you?” He stood, closing the distance between us. I tracked him without moving. “I don’t mind brat breaking, but I can’t do that while guessing, Malxir. I need you to speak or obey.”
I was not a brat. I wasn’t playing a game. I wanted to stay in bed, feeling bad until I could accept being better again. All I felt was terrible in my head.
Theo searched my face, frustration bleeding through the visage he usually so carefully kept. “You should eat a full breakfast, but that’s too much for you right now, isn’t it?” He sighed. “I won’t make you leave yet. I will expect you to eat when I get back.” His eyes bore into mine. “Even if I have to force it.”
How could he force me to eat? He said no more, leaving me behind in the chair to return upstairs. He came back shortly, fully dressed, to grab his key and let himself out. I let the nothing take over while he was gone. What else was there to do?
Unfortunately, that meant I felt no better when Theo did come back. I simply didn’t exist, no thinking to feel better or worse. I didn’t fight him. I barely understood he was there. It took me choking a couple times to feel fully aware again.
His praises came easily when I did what he demanded of me. It disgusted me enough to make the food taste rotten and churn within me. With well disguised disappointment, Theo took the win of getting something but not all in me with grace.
Theo cupped my cheeks with both hands, staring me in the eyes. “It’s exhausting, fighting me so hard, isn’t it? You don’t have that kind of strength. Why were you doing it? Let me do what’s right for you.”
My eyes flicked between his. I didn’t want to fight. He was right. I was going to lose to him every time. I never fought; it wasn’t my place. I dropped my eyelids and nodded into his hands.
He gathered me into his arms and into his chest. I didn’t hug back, but let myself be held. This was better. I could be so good. It’s what I was for.
A tear slipped out. I wasn’t sad. There was no reason for it. I’d be okay, after all, with Theo to take care of me for the rest of my life. I knew he’d do well with my life in his hands, too, because he’d proven my well being was a priority. Taking care of me was what he was good at.
In time, he could help me forget Sebazin completely.
