Often, coaches will share a complicated relationship with their players. Particularly at youth level. It's hard to explain.
I wouldn't go as far as to suggest that I see my players as my children -- I have no idea what that would feel like, anyway; I have no children of my own -- but I do feel a responsibility to protect them. And I do get very protective when I feel a referee isn't adequately dealing with persistent fouling, for example.
I also feel like it's part of my duty to be a sort of bridge between peer and parent. I'm not an adult in the same way their teachers and parents are, even though I'm almost twice their age. Equally, while I can joke with them, I'm not one of them. I'm not really their friend like the guys they go to school with are.
Over the past eight and a half years or so, I've given up my time to coach youngsters voluntarily. I love doing it. Not because it lets me capture some part of my lost chance at going pro or anything like that (because I doubt I was good enough anyway) or that they can win the trophies I never did (because I won plenty as a kid, and my teams generally don't) ... it's this strange addiction-like feeling toward teaching. I suppose it's related to my constant desire to achieve things. Teaching concepts to people successfully feels like winning. To me, anyway.
Recently, I've noticed the complicated bond I have with my team is... changing. Some players are drifting away, while other, newer players are drawing closer. I can see the rift in the team, and I have no idea how to heal it. I'm also pretty sure I know the reason, but I'm loathe to point it out to anyone, because it would seem petty and childish. This rift, though, is affecting the team overall, whether they notice it or not.
As their coach (or manager, whatever), I feel the need to try and restabilise things. I want them back on track. I want them back to the state of development they have almost always been in while I have coached them. But my attempts are failing, and I'm getting stressed out by it.
My time is limited already, and stress is making me feel drained. I can't commit enough energy to these guys to repair any perceived damage... and by trying at anything less than full capacity, I feel like I'm doing more harm than good. So I'm stepping back.
I know I need to, for my own health. I can reason that it's better for them, too. But I can't really accept it. I feel like I'm abandoning them. I feel like I'm running away from a challenge, and it kills me to think about it.
