#man.......... i actually feel like crying.......................... man.....................................

[yume-fanfare]

it's an im so emotional over honeyworks kind of night

[inkskinned]

two weeks ago, my book turned a year old.

last year was the worst year of my life. really, the last year and a half - but we can round down for the sake of piety.

i lost so many people i love. i totaled my car. i lost my job. i lost my health insurance and had to go through cold-turkey adhd medication withdrawal. the light in my life was slowly escaping through some hole in the universe, one-at-a-time. a new, terrible grief - one almost every other week.

this time last year, i was being abused by my ex partner. she'd finally escalated to physical abuse midway through september, but the emotional abuse was equally draining. she even made my book launch about her.

i was utterly and completely lost. a husk of myself. i would look in the mirror and think - who the fuck is that?

one of the only good things i had was you, my community. the gentle way people would share their own stories. the response to the book. the incredible, unfathomable support. the many, many, many touching and thoughtful ways you all held me up. i would put my hand across the keyboard and think thank god there is a piece of me that remains untouched.

even only a few months ago, my love, i was in great danger of suicide.

i am writing to you because i know we are often there together, aren't we? you, i mean, reading this. the flattened days and the ache that seems so wild it consumes all, eviscerates everything. i assumed - after so long - there was no path out. i was just going to be like this, for possibly the rest of my life. it was all just going to be grief, stretched out in a flat grey blanket.

i am writing to you on the other side, bonedeep in happiness.

here i am, and writing stupid pretentious poetry on the internet, and my heart is singing. i just got back from playing board games with friends. a girl left a perfectly-ripe pawpaw fruit on my front doorstep tonight, just because i mentioned i hadn't tried one yet. i ate it hunched over my sink, marveling that there are still new things in this world: the serenity of undiscovered fruit. i am writing her a poem after this as a thank-you. we have plans next week to make cookies and watch gay movies, to attend zine festivals and put in vampire teeth.

i giggle about such silly stupid things. i am torn blissfully asunder just by the sun carding her fingers through the trees. i love birds in puddles again. i can look at the moon without feeling guilty. i stay up late texting my friends, kicking my heels, snickering. we split a bottle of wine and try new albums together and put on posh accents. we make halloween decorations with hot glue. we have an overly-fancy pasta dinner just for the excuse to dress up.

i wiggle to music i just learned about, like, last week. i sing again, about everything, tone-deaf and tunelessly. my life is so full it is practically bursting. every day i feel like i find something new i had somehow forgotten: clouds parting, rain falling, homemade ramen. there is something so incredibly fucking magical about laughing, i mean. just the ability - the freedom - to laugh recklessly, and laugh often.

i tell people i'm just completing side quests. i am no longer sick with dread, with the sense i am wasting time - i am just enjoying it. i stick my hand into moss. i stutter through new dance moves. i make art. my purpose is just to exist, which feels simply - immaculate. i had heard that phrase promised to me so often (it's enough to just exist) but good lord it has been so long since i actually felt it.

but here i am, and the ground is no longer electric.

and you came with me, in some small way. we existed at the same time, didn't we? our lives entwined because we have the same lapping darkness. i am lighting a candle, in that place. i am telling you - they weren't lying, there really is a way out of this. we really are on our way out, beloved. i am so glad you are still walking, my hand on your wrist. i am so glad i am still here with you.

to think of what we would have missed.

[diaphanousdahlia]

Kirishima and Bakusquad:

I know what you are. I know what you are 😏

[selenomancer]

very normal parents (cm drawn by @rainboweemart )

[luvlian]

from a sapling to a tree ⋆˚✿˖°

previous | next | beginning

Magnolia: Dad.. do I really have to be here today? I'm fine... Leonardo: You need to be outside. It's not healthy to stay cooped up in your room all the time.

Leonardo: "Kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga" when there's perseverance, there's meat stew Magnolia: so dumb... Leonardo: Don't worry. Your hard work will be rewarded. Magnolia: (mutters) Rewarded with boba probably...

[alastor-insanity]

About Alastor and his mental health and how Vivziepop and Sam Haft keep revealing tidbits about it (AND Amir once saying Alastor himself doesn’t fully understand his emotions and how they connect to his actions), how do you think he reacts when a mental issue does pop up? (Like a panic attack or disassociation?) It’s pretty clear he knows he’s “crazy” but does he just brush it off or is it something that bothers him greatly?

Alastor is in a very fun and sort of oxymoronic position of knowing that something is wrong with him in the "he kills and eats people" way, and he accepts being "crazy" in an abstract sense, but he'd deny and reject any actual diagnoses or mental health support.

Like. These are all feelings alastor holds about his brain simultaneously

He knows theres something up. He does not want to hear that other people have similar experiences enough for them to be named. That would mean he either isnt as uniquely superior as he thought (aspd), or would try to pin a weakness on him (adhd). Like. Sorry man. You arent ascending to godhood. You just have a personality disorder.

He's such an odd little critter. As for more severe flarings of things, he loathes being scared. He wants to be the most poweful so he doesnt have to worry about his safety. He wants to have the thrill of the danger with none of the actual risk, to know that he can go out and chase adrenaline if he wants but still come out okay no matter what. I have no canon backing for this but my idea for what he hates about his demonic form is that now he has a flight instict that he never had when he was alive. It was always fight and in rare cases fawn. Now he has this immediate desire to run whenever something startling happens that he has to strangle and he hates it. He loves himself a lot (his valentines card to himself made me so happy) but a panic attack would push him and push him hard. It especially depends on where and when it happens, if he's around people or alone, what triggered it, etc. But oh he would hate the whole experience so severely. Might get violent in order to put himself back in control.

He doesnt understand what's happening when he's hyperfixating and tries his best not to let on about it, lest he come off as an overbearing chatterbox. (the internalized ableism in this man. It is so bad) Times of hyperfixations flaring are really the one time where he most feels something odd is happening, but he also assumes that it happens to everyone about their passions. And they dont discuss it, so he won't either. Ah, he's going into a frenzy again. Best to withdraw until it passes and he can be more pleasant company again (everyone notices how much more time he's spending in his tower than usual, and how many more broadcasts are coming out on top of the regular schedule)

[soraphicdeactivated]

i actually denounce the idea that katsuki is cruel to his lover. like i fully don't accept it. like no this guy is dating to MARRYYYYYY he will not even use the word love or like if he's not 100% sure you're the one for him and until then he's keeping you at absolute arms length

but trust once he gets comfortable.. oh he's COMFORTABLEEEE like literally on you all the time, 24/7, all day everyday. like if u dare to even think about showering alone he's looking at you like you've just killed his entire family. so yeah he'd slip inside your ass and live there if he could and if u think he would ever be intentionally cruel or toxic ur wrong stop mischaracterising my boy

[writerbea]

don't get me wrong, i know lads has a LOT of issues we all want fixed, and we all want main story updates, but i feel like so many people weren’t considering that valko was necessary for main story progression, and by getting rid of him, EVERYTHING will have to be reworked, and main story updates will take EVEN LONGER and likely need to be redone completely to make the lore linear and make sense

and not only that, but i feel like this is SO disrespectful to all the people that worked on valko, it's CLEAR they put a lot of work into this update, making multiple memories for him, putting in all the quality time features, home features etc, and now all of that hard work will have to be scrapped because some big cn spenders didn't like him bc it was "rushed" or they wanted main story (which they're not getting??) or he looked too western or he was too tan or whatever.

like are people forgetting how much fans didn't want ANY new LI being introduced?? are we forgetting the backlash sylus and caleb got when they were announced?? and now they are SO loved by the fandom.

i wasn't around for sylus' release but i was there for caleb's and the backlash was INSANE!!!! SO MANY PEOPLE HATED HIM!!!! and now people love him and are so insane about him

and now they're completely scrapping him, not even holding off and pushing back his release and working on other issues in the mean time (which imo would be the best compromise)

this is an INSANELY bad move on infold's part

TLDR;

disrespectful to the people who worked on it

all content is now gonna take SO MUCH LONGER bc EVERYTHING will have to be reworked (and potentially retroactively reworking memories)

people got over themselves before, let them do it again

sets a bad precedent