manic pixie dream girl

we live in love with love

[yume-fanfare]

*tears start streaming down my face*

[galaxywarp]

[lamignonette]

[brandyisgone]

this was mitsuba bday post !

[memorycycle]

i should quit my job and search for the golden ant

[memorycycle]

its actually going pretty well

[chkq-deactivated20260531]

sometimes i see an opinion i disagree with, and from a combination of wanting to keep up appearances, avoid flak, and cut to the heart of the issue, i draft a series of increasingly abstract responses, eventually culminating in typing out "falsehoods aren't true", which, in a perfect act of autofellatio, deletes itself

[maykitz]

okay but why is he even called mr beast

[red-mercer]

He's the Antichrist

[maykitz]

[thatdamnokie]

[segamascott]

[jawpeople]

for a long time now, one of my go-to phrases is "shake it like a can of beans." im not really sure where this came from, but i've been saying it for three years or so. it never really occurred to me that this was unusual until yesterday when i was bouncing a baby in a rocker a little too violently (he was having a great time, it just wasnt exactly sending him to sleep) and i went "sorry, im shaking him like a can of beans over here" and both my coworkers reacted like i had said something insane

[jawpeople]

list of other things i've said that my coworkers really like:

everybody in the club getting baby (when 5 or more babies are fussy)

going absolute baby mode over there/he's activating baby mode (when the 10 month old is having a fit)

i play my blue eyed white baby (said when setting a specific baby on the floor)

sick 'em! (said when setting any other baby on the floor)

call her regina, she's a little bit dramatic (this is one of my go to phrases)

into the gladiator pit!/hey have you ever seen gladiator? (when two babies start wrestling/fighting) (i have not seen gladiator)

she's ready for college (when the three month old lifts her head to look around)

lock in, brother (i say this the most)

i say most of these phrases at least daily.

[jawpeople]

one of the babies was getting picked up and started screaming as soon as her dad pulled her from her crib (where she'd been sleeping) and i instinctively said "that's what we in the industry call: baby moding" and he started laughing so hard he almost dropped her

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[beardedmrbean]

[flipocrite]

Now is the time to educate your friends and family on jury nullification!

[mihai-florescu]

[estro-boi]

[ivy-saurs]

randomly remembered this tweet and had to stop myself from bursting out laughing

[anti-parent]

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

[anti-parent]

fantastic. i love it. i posted this after my wife said it yesterday and as i was doing it i was like "this can't be an original thought. as soon as i hit post someone's going to say 'you stole this from a tweet from 2014' and i'll say 'no, i stole it from my beautiful wife.'"

[princess-valentineee]

Im crying

I dont know why this is so funny to me

[bogleech]

Why are there just blobs of fake rubber meat that a bunch of unrelated microbes can build in the dirt but they've only ever been found in china and can't be classified any further than "biological objects"