The Man's Guide to Love and Lasting Relationships

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The Man's Guide to Love and Lasting Relationships
MN Fringe - Part III
Our third panel was intended to center around gender, sexuality, and intersectionality, and to a degree, it did. But due to the mass shootings in El Paso and Dayton, and an officer-involved shooting of a black man in North Minneapolis all happening within 36 hours of the discussion, we changed course.
The discussion included 5 luminaries of local activism: Andrea Jenkins, Marcela Michelle, Taiyon J. Coleman, Erica Fields, and Lisa Stratton. I have never in my life experienced such powerful thoughtfulness as I did during this discussion, and it’s re-framed everything I think about how I interact with people since.
The discussion started with a recounting of the past days’ horrors, and a careful association to white supremacy. Because, even the man who shot his wife and was subsequently shot by Minneapolis police was acting in a way commensurate with white male patriarchy. We take, and when what we want is not given freely, we take by force. This is modeled in every version of white male patriarchy since before the Roman empire.
We talked about how white male supremacist behavior models of giving commands instead of asking politely are mirrored in websites like Google and YouTube. For example, watch a Toby Kieth video, let YouTube play on random, and see how long before you’re at some yahoo’s rando white supremacist video. My news feed is another example of Google’s inherent toxicity. Though I keep telling it never to show my sites like The Federalist, or other ultra-right wing content, it keeps popping back into my feed anyway. If the content were truly algorithm-based as they claim, my preferences would be logged and the pattern of avoiding conservative content would be recognized. But it never is. In the local news feed, follow-up on the above-referenced story of an officer-involved shooting is the 11th story in the feed, after such hard-hitting pieces as the City Pages’ hot take on a real estate agent’s bus advertising.
The panel talked about the fact that the South never truly surrendered or lost the Civil War, and are in fact still fighting it. Also, that Donald Trump’s language (while vile and inciting) is a symptom. For however horrific he may be when it comes to race, justice, gender, etc., he was elected by American citizens. The continued racism of America and the individuals who so staunchly defend it are what elected Donald Trump to office, and it’s important to remember that defeating him in 2020 will not resolve those issues, however important that goal may be.
We developed a metaphor for poor white folks who vote for people like Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell (and really anyone who insists on not helping their neighbors). Imagine you’re a white person who has been stepped on by the system - medical bills, job loss, displacement, etc. But you see the media that promised you success simply because you’re white, and you believe you’ve been lied to. At some level, there’s still the hope that you’ll be able to move up. The reality is: this is capitalism. The white men at the top are under no obligation to help you, but your physiological similarities make you kin. This is the nose and the raft. That physiological privilege puts your nose just above water, and while you struggle to survive, it’s easier to push down those drowning to hold yourself up than to reach up and insist on fair treatment from those lounging on the raft.
One of the most important things a white person (and particularly a white man) who cares about the world around them can do, is to recognize their nose is just above water, and that those drowning deserve life as well. What does another human being’s humanity mean to you? Why is it so easy for us to reduce those with whom we are unfamiliar to less-than-human? Never look to others who are suffering to compare your suffering. Look to those who profit from all suffering. They are the ones responsible for not just the harm to people of color, LGBTQIA+, and immigrants, but to you as well.
Speak to the other folks whose noses are just above water. Teach each other about how even that seemingly insignificant amount of privilege saves your children from profiling by police, gets your resume a second look, and avoids erasure in media. You don’t have to be proud of your privilege, or even necessarily grateful for it, but you CAN use it to reduce harm to others.
What does someone’s humanity mean to you? Until we all start treating everyone else’s humanity as on-par with our own, we cannot heal.
MN Fringe - Part I
Hello folks! The Minnesota Fringe festival is in full-swing, and the panel discussions have been going exceedingly well. Our first panel on August 1 was a hyper-informative discussion about street and workplace harassment featuring local experts Katie LaPlant, Lisa Stratton, and Derek “Duck” Washington.
I’ll have a larger follow-up on this and the other discussions in the near future, but suffice it to say, there were some excellent takeaways:
1. #bethatguy. The International Building Trades promoted the phrase for their workers to learn to step up and identify when something unacceptable was happening in the workplace. You don’t have to be Rambo - you just have to care enough to say something to leadership. Be. That. Guy.
2. Doing the right thing is more profitable. It’s sad, but true that companies who adopt comprehensive harassment policies and codes of conduct pay out less in settlements, and look more favorable to the public.
3. Individuals are not legally responsible for their behavior in the corporate workplace. This means the company is who gets sued. Sure, the company can fire the offender, but the greater pattern is for companies to simply shift the offenders to different jobs or tasks, thereby sweeping the behavior under the rug. There needs to be real consequences for offenders. If you have one in your office, FIRE THEM.
Get your tickets for this weekend’s discussions here:
https://www.minnesotafringe.org/2019-show-information/a-mans-guide-for-appropriate-behavior-in-the-21st-century