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omigosh yes i have autism thank you for listening
ANYWAYS MAO LINGGG AND ALEC BENSON :3 lazy doodle i made in lunch and it’s kinda bad srry
yes the way i draw alec is weird but i like to call it ME NOT STICKING TO THEFUCKIN CANON DESIGN OR WHATEVERgod it looks like humanized asperchu but lets pretend its alec ok
Sonichu 11 Page 53
SIMON {thought}: Seriously?! She invites me over after all that?!
SIMON: Alright, I’ll go over. I’ll hear their shouts.
SIMON {thought}: Take the Razor Claw and fossil with me.
Caption: August 18, 2008
JUDGE SLACK LEWIS: …I hereby sentence the four of them to reside in an Amish community; no technology access…
JUDGE SLACK LEWIS: …of their lives! And their Pokemon are to be released, after being healed of their former trainers’ abuse!…
JUDGE SLACK LEWIS: In our local Pokemon Centers and community centers! All of their other possessions and property are to be sold at auction! Court is adjourned!
WILD: If you ever come near me or Sandy again, I will cut and Vine Whip you up!
WILD: You rotten, lousy, pathetic murderer!!!
Caption: Present day… December 18, 2008
Caption: 2:00 PM
SFX: Bing-bong
SIMON: Hey, sis.
SIMONLA: Come on down, bro.
Simonchu is aware that coming over to Simonla’s house is not a wise idea, though he decides to visit anyway, bringing the Razor Claw and fossil with him as presents to hopefully appease his still-bitter brother-in-law and niece.
Simon has a flashback to the (retconned version of) the Asperpedia Four’s trial. We are shown that despite seemingly being an accomplice in Sonichu 10, he is not among the defendants (it’s possible that all his charges were dropped when it was made known he was coerced, or possibly there is no way to charge Electric Hedgehog Pokemon of crimes.) Regardless, Judge Slack Lewis outlines his fate - to be released into the wild, alongside the Asperpedia Four’s other Pokemon, after getting healed up at a Pokemon Center. All their non-sapient possessions have been seized by police and are set to be auctioned off at a police auction.
Despite walking off scot-free, Simonchu is still not out of the woods (pun not intended) since Wild, even though this is set in a universe where Simonla did not die, is still furious to the point of threatening Simonchu’s life should he ever show his face again to Wild or Sandy (but, notably, not Simonla, even though, again, she’s still alive). Wild threatens to use his signature Vine Whip attack on him, even though in the Pokemon games the move being incredibly weak at only a 45 power (meaning it is generally only used by lower-level Pokemon and replaced by a more powerful move as soon as possible). Wild calls Simonchu a murderer, despite him being exonerated of the crime, and once again let me stress that Simonla’s still alive.
The day after receiving Simonla’s text, Simon arrives at the Wild household, presumably after digging for the entire night. Luckily for Simon, the first face he sees is a friendly one, Simonla.
Sonichu 10 Page 87
BAILIFF: Hear ye, hear ye, this court is now in session. All rise for his honor, the dude who has a lot of things that ticks him off greatly, Judge Slack Lewis.
CHRIS {on TV}: I also apologize to Alec for labeling him with the assumption of female entrapment. I also had no intention of any portrayl of molestation. Those four Rosechus were being treated like hamsters.
JUDGE SLACK LEWIS: Alright! This is my courtroom! This kind of trial is my specialty, because the website of the defendants, the Asperpedia, is soo awful, it makes me want to take a bath full of scorching hot water with a toaster! Magi-Chan Sonichu, please mind-link the defendants with the jury, and let’s start this show. Marvey Blaziken, your opening statement please.
SFX: *type* *type*
The trial of The City of CWCville vs. Leary, George, Watley and Ling already starts on rocky ground with the introduction of the judge, Slack Lewis, named for and based on comedian Lewis Black, a comic known for his crudeness and tendency to shout, and not a man a judge should idolize or imitate while on the job. Even in his opening speech, he already takes a shot at the Asperpedia, throwing his objectivity out the window. He also tells Magi-Chan to mind-link only the defendants to the jury.
Here we get our first look at Mao Ling (furthest left of the defendants) and Sean August Watley (furthest right of the defendants), the two Asperpedia Four members not seen on the day Simonla died. Sean inexplicably has gray hair, despite not being advanced in age, in a weird flat top hairstyle.
Indeed, this is the first appearance of the group that would come to be known as “The Asperpedia Four”. They are never referred to as such in the comic, nor was this term ever used before their appearance and execution, and I don’t think that any of the four real life members ever referred to themselves as such. In fact, it seems like Alec, Evan, Sean, and Mao were rarely a unit of four in real life. Much like most similar names for quantified groups of defendants, the “Asperpedia Four” name was given to them by onlookers.
Chris here apologizes for the existence of the Basement Rosechus, acknowledging that falsely accusing Alec of keeping women locked in his basement as sex slaves is a very serious accusation that should not be thrown around as lightly as Chris did. Chris counters that he never meant to imply that Alec was sexually abusing the Basement Rosechu, rather his treatment of them was more along the lines of animal abuse rather than sexual, despite falsely accusing Alec of animal abuse still being a rather serious thing to falsely accuse him of.
Note that the judge’s podium has Chris’s initials on it.
Sonichu 10 Page 97 - Retconned
Sign: County General
MAO LING: Good day, shopkeeper. I would like two pounds of black eye peas, two pounds of beans, ten carrots, and fifty pounds of grain. And have you seen my pussy? She ran off again chasing a field tit mouse. Silly little kitty cat.
Godbear bless the infinite patience of that shopkeeper, forced to listen to Chris-by-proxy’s terrible double entendres for a whole page, all with a massive smile on his face.
Mao has gone off for “vittles” (an archaic word for food), and proceeds to have yet another double entendre-laiden conversation with the shopkeep. After ordering his food, he asks him the whereabouts of his “pussy”. While commonly used as a euphemism for “vagina”, it historically also was a pet name for cats, and a cat is what Mao actually refers to here. It runs off chasing a “tit mouse”, which is actually a bird, not a rodent (though still something a cat would logically chase, it is likely Chris thought it was a type of mouse).
This is the general tone of all the later appearances of the Asperpedia Four, aside from a flashback in Sonichu 11. Chris really wanted to hammer home that the Asperpedia Four’s bloody executions were no longer canon, so all future appearances are heavy on the comedy.
Sonichu 10 Page 95 - Retconned
ALEC BENSON LEARY: Good day, neighbor Mao.
MAO LING: Good day, neighbor Alec.
ALEC BENSON LEARY: How are you today?
MAO LING: I had a pleasant night’s sleep with my manditorily chosen wife. She has fixed a good bacon and eggs with biscuits for breakfast.
ALEC BENSON LEARY: That is good.
MAO LING: Yes, it is.
SFX: Wham
The Asperpedia Four are drawn completely identically in their new Amish lifestyle, intended to suggest the Amish are repressing their individuality. Neither Mao nor Evan are drawn with glasses, so maybe even in this retcon Sandy still was able to keep Evan’s glasses as a trophy.
The conversation between Alec and Mao is incredibly rigid, and refer to each other with the honorific “neighbor” universally. I can’t really find anything on it, but I believe that “neighbor” is not a style of address ever used among the real Amish.
Mao mentions he spent the night with a “manditorily chosen wife”, suggesting that Chris believes the Amish practice arranged marriages. They do not, though they may not marry outside of their community.
Mao’s weird double entendre about bacon and eggs appears to be a rewording of Chris’s favorite joke, which uses milk as a metaphor for semen and (chicken) eggs as a metaphor for human eggs, and making a baby is described as a “balanced breakfast”. Here, I don’t really know though. I’m guessing the “biscuits” are a double entendre for breasts, but I don’t really know what Chris means by the bacon.
Sean, meanwhile is walking along when he steps on a rake, most certainly based on the scene from The Simpsons episode “Cape Feare”, wherein Sideshow Bob is surrounded by rakes and continues to step on the teeth of the rakes, causing the handles to hit him in the face.
Sonichu 10 Page 89
JUDGE SLACK LEWIS: Order in the court!
SEAN: I’ll have a beer float, and some pot stickers! Derp-de-doo!
JUDGE SLACK LEWIS: I see! Well, you four have been charged of the murder of Miss Simonla Rosechu, copy and theft of the citizens of CWCville, VA, mockery of said characters and Christian Chandler, and profanity to the max…
CHRIS {on TV}: And I apologize to all of my fans and readers for disrespecting y’all in my mailbag replies, as well as belating the updates…
JUDGE SLACK LEWIS: Alec, Evan, Mao, and Sean, how do you plead?
ALEC BENSON LEARY, EVAN CHRISTOPHER GEORGE, SEAN AUGUST WATLEY, AND MAO LING {in unison}: Not guilty!
JUDGE SLACK LEWIS: Very well! Mr. Blaze, tell me more of these four!
Despite not acting out of line at all, Judge Lewis reprimands Sean, who then yells nonsense. Pot stickers, also known as jiaozi, are a type of Chinese dumpling, traditionally cooked in pots, hence the name. They typically contain pork, and seldom contain marijuana.
Judge Lewis only now announces the charges the Asperpedia Four are being arrested on, and it’s a mix of criminal (murder) and civil (libel) charges, which isn’t how courts work. It’s suggested that, in CWCville, libel and slander and stealing Chris’s characters is a criminal crime on par with murder, and worthy of the death penalty the Asperpedia Four go on to receive.
Chris’s apology for this page is for how disrespectful he was during his replies in his fan Mailbag, where he notoriously banned all discussion of homosexuality and Asperger’s Syndrome.
Also, everyone on this page has that weird mouth thing Chris does where their mouths are open but it looks like they have really plump lips instead.
Sonichu 10 Page 88
MARVEY BLAZIKEN: Thank you, your honor. When I read or watch original works, be they television programs, movies, or better yet books and art, I show full appreciation, as the author took his time and found his inspiration to make their creation the best. If there is a lack of new pieces for an amount of time, it is apparent that the author is at a temporary loss of inspiration. I wait patiently with true loyalty and respect, because I understand that inspiration will return to the author soon enough, and that patience is well rewarded with more great works that only that one author is capable of creating. It is obvious that these four, the defendants, did not understand this, and wrongfully felt it appropriate to portray death upon the author, his work and his characters; that is just wrong. That good author, who is being disrespected by the defendants, is none other than our good mayor, Christian Weston Chandler.
CHRIS {on TV}: While I truly did have real-life events and errands to deal with, I had little excuse for not updating, even a little bit, the CWCipedia.
JUDGE SLACK LEWIS: Well put, Blaze! Sheen, state your defense!
SEAN AUGUST WATLEY: No worries, Mao-dude. I got super high last night and wrote every thought down.
MAO LING {thought}: We’re screwed.
SEAN: Uh… yeah, we fee-our lost patience with Chris-Chum; he makes bum promises of constant updurts on his web-be-vurse of Quack-i-pudia, and he is lazy… I need a nap… we gore him up to muke a statement… we four are lusers… and we know a luser when we see one… mellow out! U’m cool, honor.
The prosecutor is Marvey Blaziken, a cross between Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law, a man with superhuman bird powers who works as a lawyer for ‘60’s and ‘70’s era Hanna-Barbera cartoon characters (Lewis Black played a small role in the show), and a Blaziken, the final form of Pokemon Ruby and Sapphire’s Fire-Type starter Torchic. Harvey Birdman was mostly a criminal defense lawyer in the show, unlike his Pokemon counterpart. Chris famously competed in a commercial contest to celebrate the show’s first DVD release in 2005, but obviously did not win.
Marvey’s speech, written in a professional-looking serif script, lays out Chris’s side of the argument with all the eloquence he can muster. His speech can be boiled down to “Rome (or Sonichu) wasn’t built in a day, don’t press me for more comics, don’t draw me getting set on fire. Thank you, good night.”
Between the opening statements of the prosecution and the defense, Chris apologizes for the slow pace of Sonichu 10 pages, something I am in no position to make fun of him for.
Sean is the defense’s lawyer, seemingly forgetting the old saying “a man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client”, as it is generally ill-advised to represent oneself in court, even for people who are lawyers themselves. It’s almost certain that this was thrust upon Sean and not something he chose to do himself. In the US, the Sixth Amendment to the Constitution says that a client may choose to represent themselves (note that if they don’t choose to defend themselves, the court must find them a public defender) unless the court finds them too incompetent to do so. The court can clearly see that Sean is and has been for quite a long while now under the influence of drugs and is in no position to defend himself or anyone else. In fact, I’m not sure a member of a group of defendants can represent the group pro se. A business cannot represent itself pro se, so it’s possible that rule also applies to groups of defendants like the Asperpedia Four.
His speech, like Marvey’s, is written in a new font, this one much less professional looking, and his speech is filled with spelling errors likely intended to signify Sean mispeaking. Sean actively calls his group losers, undoubtedly Chris putting words in Sean’s mouth.
mao ling would rip out your soul and shatter it if you look at hikuro the wrong way
