Mar 27, 2025
I started playing minecraft and now I’m dreaming in blocks
seen from China
seen from Russia
seen from France
seen from Italy
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from China
seen from India
seen from Singapore
seen from Taiwan
seen from Maldives
seen from Netherlands
seen from China
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Netherlands
I started playing minecraft and now I’m dreaming in blocks
I had the Canva AI generate a LinkedIn headshot of me because I hate taking pictures. and this fucker put my face on a woman wearing a suit. it rounded out my jawline and blurred out my facial stubble too.
luckily I’m not as dysphoric as I was when I was younger. I pass pretty well in public. I’m just so confused as to why it did that. and god, if the republicans found out about this, I’m done.
we did end up reconnecting after 14 months of no contact. he reached out to me with the same disregard as before. literally asking for a hookup within the third exchange. it was hurtful considering our last conversation I had told him I loved him (yikes). I told him I didn’t want to be seen as a hookup anymore, and that if he wanted me over to watch a movie or something, I would be more interested. he left me on read, and I guess that is that.
I’m not looking for longterm because I plan on moving, but even then, I don’t want a fwb situation where I’m the only one giving. he doesn’t reciprocate effort. he expects everyone to cater to him the way his weird, incestuous mother does. I don’t know why I was so attached to him, but especially after yesterday, I’m now just disappointed and grossed out.
I don’t even know how to explain it. he has no depth, no self awareness. his existence feels so shallow and hedonistic. he could never satisfy someone like me, and I’m glad I realize that now.
high and listening to music I loved when I was 20
I know in the eyes of a stoic it’s all my fault for wanting validation from someone outside my control, and I’m now very embarrassed for getting worked up in front of my peers. I just wanted that professor to pay attention to my app demo instead of ignoring me. It was like a slap to the face when I realized he was taking attendance while I was demonstrating all the functionality I implemented. I have put the most effort into that app compared to everyone else on my team. All I was hoping for was a pat on the back.
I guess I should be asking why being proud of myself isn’t good enough. I don’t know. This whole has been defeating.
In sadder news, it’s practically been one year since Morrie died. I’m more miserable than ever. I’ve gained ten pounds. I skipped the gym this week not that going to the gym has helped me. My skin is getting worse. My room is covered in dust. I haven’t washed my sheets in a month. My laundry is in a pile on my bed. There’s dirty dishes piled on my desk. I work until 5p tonight and then open at 4am tomorrow. I wasted so much time on the milestone due tonight that I neglected my portfolio redo assignment that is due tomorrow.
next week is spring break and then I can get myself cleaned up before getting thrashed again. and then after that is graduation and after that I am moving out the state to city that will possibly break me even more than this one day. I’m worried about my future and whether or not I even have one.
I also need to stop forgetting my t shot.
Annual RL b-day lunch!