#marc shepard

[kenshi-vakarian7]

30 Day Mass Effect Challenge - 6) Favourite ability type (biotic, tech and/or combat)

Second choice is simply being a sniper rifle user.

[kenshi-vakarian7]

30 Day Mass Effect Challenge - 8) Least favourite squad mate

I love them all!  Granted some more than others, but still!

[kenshi-vakarian7]

MERweek2019 - Day 4 - Gifts

Event hosted by @cactuarkitty with fanfic prompts by @vorchagirl

Today’s Prompt - What monster doesn’t like getting a present? But who knows what’s inside of that box, and what it might lead to…

---

“A Token of His Promise”

Within the quiet confines of the Captain's Quarters, Miranda Lawson felt at peace, at least for the moment.  She tried hard not to think about the fact that the time she had left with Commander Marc Shepard was getting shorter with every second that passed.  The Normandy would soon land on Illium, where she would say her goodbyes before they went their separate ways.  And then, he would head for Arcturus to face the Alliance and receive whatever punishment they deemed fitting after what happened in the Bahak System.

During these last few nights, they've had silly talks of leaving everything behind and starting someplace new, someplace where they wouldn't be found.  They even considered jumping onto one of the ships leaving very soon for the Andromeda galaxy.  They weren't serious of course, but even if they were, Shepard knew he'd be wracked with guilt if he chose to leave the Milky Way.  Because the truth was the Reapers were coming, and his kind heart couldn't bare the thought of leaving behind the innocent people who were not at fault over the politics and lack of preparation of what was to come.

He was already so wracked with guilt after what happened in the Bahak System that he was willing to turn himself in to the Alliance at their request.  In times likes these, Miranda both loved and hated his nobility.

Things were uncertain as it were ever since they destroyed the Collectors.  And now between Miranda deflecting from Cerberus, Shepard turning himself in, and the impending war against the Reapers, it was hard to tell what would become of them.  Will thyey both make it through the fire alive?  Will only one of them survive the end?  Or would they both meet their demise before it was over?

No matter what the future held, Miranda planned to spend these last few moments with Shepard until they reached Illium.

It really wasn't fair. Shepard was this kindest, smartest, and bravest man she had ever known.  He was selfless, caring, and only wanted the best for everyone.  He didn't deserve to have his loyalty to the Alliance thrown back in his face.  He didn't deserve to be called a raving lunatic while trying to convince politicians what was coming.  And he certainly didn't deserve to be turned into a convient scapegoat just because he was forced to sacrifice over three-hundred thousand batarians in order to delay the inevitable war against the Reapers.

He deserved so, so much better than any of this.

The remaining squad had already been dropped off at the Citadel.  Aside from the two of them, the only others who remained on the Normandy were Joker, Dr. Chakwas, and the skeleton crew who were willing to give the Alliance dirt on Cerberus in exchange for immunity.  There was also EDI, but that didn’t really need to be said.

Since then, Shepard and Miranda remained in his cabin, where they simply talked about whatever came to their minds, or made love over and over until they were beyond satiated.  At some point, they fell asleep in each other's arms.

When Miranda woke up in the middle of the Normandy's night cycle, she found Shepard sitting at the edge of his side of the bed and rummaging through the top draw of the nightstand.  Miranda shifted and left out a soft hum, alerting him to the fact that she was awake.

Shepard slightly turned his head just enough to see her.  “Sleep well?” he asked, his voice slightly croaked and tired.

Miranda couldn't help the small smile that etched her face.  “I did,” she replied.  Her eyes spied the draw again.  “What are you looking for?”

As she said that, Shepard found what he was searching for and took out a palm-sized object before closing the draw.  He didn't answer her right away as he quietly gazed at the item, and Miranda simply stared as she waited patiently for a response.

After what seemed like a long time, Shepard turned his attention back to her.  “I have something for you,” he mentioned.

Miranda tilted her head with curiosity as he leaned back against the bed and scooted a little closer to her.  “What is it?” she questioned.

She got a better look at what Shepard was holding in his hand... a squared, dark blue velvet box.  For whatever reason, she couldn't help but think of the fact that the box was too big to contain a ring... not that she expected him to propose to her this soon into their relationship or anything. A bracelet, maybe?  It was honestly hard to tell, but she waited patiently nevertheless.

Shepard stared at the box as he slowly drew in a breath.  Miranda frowned a little at that as she realized that he suddenly seemed... unsure, especially as his face seem to fall sullen.

“You know about my life before the Alliance,” he started, his voice barely a whisper. “Back when I was in a gang...” Another sigh escaped his lips.  “During that time, and even after joining the military, I just...” He slightly shook his head.  “I just had a sense of... not feeling like a human being.  I always felt like I was much more than a street thug, but... I never felt like I wasn’t even close to being remotely worthy of my humanity.  There were exceptions, but... even with my IQ, impressive test scores, and everything I've accomplished in my first four years as a soldier, a part of me felt like I was nothing more than an experiment in regards to my intelligence, or an expendable soldier who existed as nothing more than a warm body to throw into the fire for someone behind a desk somewhere on Earth.”

Miranda somehow felt sad for him upon hearing his words.  She knew from looking up Shepard's old records during the Lazarus Project of all the things he achieved in his career.  The records showed not just how intelligent he was, but it also seemed to show that he was simply doing his job.  Of course, these records never tell the story of how he actually felt about all this.  To hear him share his true thoughts so candidly with her really gave Miranda a different perspective of his experiences.

She wondered if he ever shared these thoughts with anyone else before her.

Miranda noted how Shepard gently rubbed his thumb over the velvet box in his hand, and his blue eyes seemed thoughtful as he recalled these old memories.  He drew in another breath, and the exhale that followed was subtle but shaky.

“Then one day,” he proceeded.  “I was transferred to the SSV Stockholm... my first ship posting.  My CO on that ship was pretty much the first officer to not see me as expendable.  He never just asked for status reports.  He always asked how you were, how you felt about the latest mission, and he actually let his squad question the mission – and even him – without the threat of insubordination.  Because he actually appreciated feedback simply because he wanted to be the best he can be for those who worked under him.”

Miranda couldn't help but smile.  “Sounds familiar.”

That got a small hum of amusement from Shepard.  “Yeah... he did have an influence on me, huh?  In any case, he was the first CO who treated me like a person.  I just never saw it at the time... not until Elysium.  That was when I realized how much his teachings had a profound effect on me, how much faith he had in me, and how he managed, without trying, to break the barrier between myself and those I initially kept at arm's length.  As you figured out already, he was the reason I became the leader I am today...”

Miranda recalled that part of Shepard's records.  The CO he mentioned, Major Derek Maderas, a dedicated officer with his own impressive list of achievements and commendations, was KIA within the first hour of the Skyllian Blitz on Elysium.  His death was why Shepard found himself taking on what would end up being his first experience in leadership.  Shepard was a Corporal then, but somehow ended up being the highest ranking soldier in his small group, protecting the civilians within the confines of a shopping plaza.  It was Shepard who would rally his allies, assisted the civilians to help them fight back, and kept the pirates – at one point single-handedly – from breaking through the barrier that protected everyone.

Miranda finally understood where the once quiet and reserved Shepard found his ability to lead others – because of the simple fact that someone in command saw him as a human being despite his own doubts.  Someone who believed in him...

She and him really did have much in common...

Almost carefully, Shepard took Miranda's hand in his, turned it over so that her palm was facing up, and placed the box in her hand.  “Open it,” he encouraged.

Miranda took a moment to feel the velvet texture of the box underneath her fingertips before she flipped the lid open.  A soft gasp escaped her throat as she recognized the object that was within.

It was a medal – more specifically, the Star of Terra.

She knew what this medal was, of course; it was only given to Alliance soldiers who showed courage and bravery, and who went above and beyond the call of duty.  It was an award that was rarely given out. Those who received it, like Shepard, were considered heroes of humanity, which was why the award was such a big deal.

“When I was awarded this,” Shepard said as Miranda stared at the medal in awe.  “I felt like a worthy human for the first time for far too long.  I've received many other awards and commendations over the years since Elysium, but this one... this one means to me more than any other.  More than becoming an N7, and even more than becoming a Spectre.

“The point I'm trying to make, Miri, is that when I'm giving this to you, I'm not doing so lightly...”

Upon hearing this, Miranda couldn't help the tears that stung her eyes, but she quickly managed to blink them away.  “Why?” she found herself asking as she brushed a finger over the medal.  “You don't need to... you don't have to do this.  I shouldn't-”

“I want to,” Shepard cut in.  He lifted a hand to her face and gently turned her head so that she was looking into his eyes.  “I want to give this to you for two reasons.  One, I need you to keep it safe while I'm on Earth.  Two, think of it as a token of my promise.”

Shepard leaned closer to press his forehead against Miranda’s, his eyes never leaving hers.  “I promise you, Miranda.  I promise you that as soon as I get my first chance to leave Earth, I will find you.  And when I do, and the war with the Reapers is over, we're going to find a nice, quiet corner of this galaxy and live out the rest of ours days in peace together.”

Promises were a sacred thing for both of them.  Promises were never made unless they meant it.  Miranda wanted to believed him... she really did... but she couldn't help but have doubts about the future.  It was already bleak as it was already.

“Don't make promises you can't keep,” she murmured sadly.

He frowned a little at that, but he pressed on nevertheless.  “Then keep this close to your heart,” he asked as he placed a hand over hers, the one holding the box, to empathizes his point.  “Because no matter what happens, I'll come back for this.  And only then will nothing separate us ever again.”

Miranda tried to speak, but found her emotions starting to overtake her.  To clamp it down before she burst into tears, she cupped Shepard's face into her hands before she pressed her lips roughly to his.  He returned the kiss with equal fervor and pulled her tightly to him before they laid back down on the bed, and made love once more.

Through the many months after, and through the Reaper War, Miranda never once let Shepard's medal stray far from her as it was a reminder that, someday, he would come back for it – and for her.  Only then would they be reunited for good.

[kenshi-vakarian7]

Profile Reconstruction Complete

(Also somewhat introducing my newest, and definitely my last, Shepard on the bottom left row, Jason Shepard)

[kenshi-vakarian7]

MERweek2019 - Day 6 - Confessions/Secrets

Event hosted by @cactuarkitty with fanfic prompts by @vorchagirl

Prompt - Relationships are all about confessions … or the things we don’t confess. Go on - tell me a little story about your characters deepest darkest secrets.

This one is about a long-kept secret.

I admit, I’ve been hesitant for a long time to write about this part of my Marc Shepard’s past, mainly because I wasn’t sure how to approach it.  But thanks for tons of research, and @rpgwarrior4824 for providing great material (thank you, my friend!), I feel more confident.  After seeing this prompt, I figured now was the time to go into a little more detail on Marc’s past.

With that, while there are no explicit details except for environmental and psychological descriptions (especially in the paragraphs written in italics)...

Trigger Warning for past severe child abuse.

---

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” ~Carl Jung

“Unbroken”

Commander Marc Shepard jerked upright from his bed, his blue eyes wide with horror as he gasped for breath.  He barely reached for his neck, swearing that he felt nausea burning at the back of his throat.  He found himself in that place between dreaming and awake, but the nightmare that gripped him moments ago was still seared into his mind...

A ten-by-ten room lined with bricks; eleven thousand seven-hundred and sixty-two to be exact. The cold air made him shiver no matter how hard he tried to stay warm.  He was too short to reach the single window, his only indication of whether it was light or dark outside.  At least the rain kept the room from being completely silent.  The thoughts of being confined and trapped with no escape always frightened him.  He was almost certain he would never find the courage to escape. He would have to run away while he was in school, he knew, but the fears and the threats that were instilled in him forced him to bury what bravery he had left...

He was always haunted by memories of the year before; a time when he had a bright future, and knowing how lucky he was to have parents who loved and supported him... only for it all to be taken from him in one night.  The foster system that took him in – and who promised to make sure he was taken care of - failed him within a few short months by sending him to this place.  His trust in people shattered to pieces.  His faith was stolen from him and, with that, the belief in the God his mother loved so dearly.

Intense fear made him shake like a leaf the moment he heard footsteps, followed by the unlocking of the door that held him here.  A sickening dread flooded his soul, and he could only guess what kind of pain he was about to endure...

The nightmare, thankfully, stopped there and Shepard took a deep breath, willing away the images of past memories that still plagued his mind, even nineteen years after his horrific experience in the foster system (and he never, ever called it foster 'care' like most people did...).

Soon after, despite his heart still pounding hard against his chest, Shepard became aware of the soft, cool sheets that gently touched his skin, the warm temperature of his quarters, and the hum of the Normandy's engines... metal hulls instead of brick walls, a much larger room than the ten-by-ten 'cage' he was confined in so long ago...

Shepard buried his face into his hands, taking a moment to calm himself down.  Under his breath, he murmured the same manta he repeated to himself over the years any time his past ordeal came back to haunt him, to help ground himself to the present;

“It was only a dream. It's not real anymore.  You're as safe as any soldier can be.  You escaped.  You're not broken.  It's been over for nineteen years. Your tormentor is long dead.  No one will control or hurt you like that ever again.”

Some nights, he repeated his words over and over until he was too tired to continue.  But tonight, Shepard only had to say them twice.  Though his heart still beat rapidly against his sternum, he didn't feel as panicky as he did when he first woke up.

For the last twenty or so years of his life, Shepard was plagued by bad memories of his past; the death of his parents, his time on the streets and the gang he was forced to join in order to survive, the violence he witnessed at Elysium, leaving Ashley behind on Virmire... Occasionally, he dreamed of his own death over Alchera, but that didn't happen very often despite how recent (in his mind) the event took place.

He was willing to endure any of those memories night after night for the rest of his life if it meant he never dreamed of his time in the foster system ever again...

Dreaming of being back in that room was much less frequent these days, but it had been a constant 'companion' of his as a teenager on the streets.  Back then, Shepard thought that simply freeing himself from his prison would end his torment once and for all.  Instead, he learned the hard way that the kind of trauma he experienced had a way of following him like a shadow no matter how much he tried to escape its grasp.  The nightmares were persistent, certain triggers sent him running, shaking, or screaming at the top of his lungs... and then there was the lingering fear that he would be found by his tormentor someday.  Street life notwithstanding, it made his teen years confusing, emotional, and terrifying.

Falling into melancholy in the present, Shepard quickly reminded himself – before he fell into that dark pit of despair - that he was no longer trapped in that cage.  He was free, he was safe, and he was not broken.

“My father hurt me, but he didn't break me.  As much as he tried to turn me into exactly what he wanted, I'm my own person.”

That was what his XO and lover, Miranda Lawson, said to him after the events surrounding the mission to maintain her sister's safety.  The words resonated with Shepard more than she would ever know.  That day, he nearly told her that he understood (though the piece of shit in question – the one who hurt him - was his foster 'father'), but... how could she know how he understood?  With the exception of his time in the Tenth Street Reds, not a single soul would have knowledge of his past beyond his days in a gang.

He made certain of it a long time ago.

For all the research Miranda claimed she did on Shepard during the Lazarus Project, there were still missing pieces to his past in her eyes.  He kept the remainders a closely guarded secret since the day he started living on the streets...

No one knew about his parents, who loved and cherished him until the day they died – a car accident caused by a sudden snowstorm took their lives while he was spending the night at a friend's house.  No one knew about the terrible abuse he endured during the one year he was in the foster system, nor the day he found the courage to finally run away while he was in school.  No one knew the full story about his six years on the streets, where he bided his time until he joined the Alliance to make a better life for himself on his eighteenth birthday.  Back then, the Alliance was his best chance at a better life.  No one knew that, on the day he enlisted, he changed his original surname to the one now so well-known to the galaxy as a way to start fresh – it was an attempt to bury the past for good, though that hadn't worked as well as he hoped as time went on.

Would Shepard ever tell Miranda any of this?  After twenty years of carrying his secret without ever opening up to anyone, it felt as though talking about it would make things so much more complicated.  He didn't know how, but he had the feeling that it would.  That, and he simply didn't want to open up any of the old wounds that were still barely patched up even after all this time. The nightmares were bad enough as it were...

Speaking of Miranda, Shepard turned his head to the right and saw her next to him.  Lying on her side and facing him, she was sound asleep and undisturbed by his movements.  Her face was relaxed, serene, and it brought a semblance of calm in his heart... and a reminder of how much he loved her.

Shepard wasn't the type to care about someone's looks, but there was no denying the awe he felt over how beautiful she was.  He admired the way her raven locks splayed over the pillow she laid on, how she clutched the sheet covering her breasts with her dainty hand while the other was tucked underneath her head on the pillow.  The soft, blue glow from the fish tank, the only thing illuminating the room, created a ethereal light over her fair skin.

Slowly, Shepard reached a hand out and carefully brushed away a strand of hair that laid across her cheek.  He tucked it back behind her ear before he bent down to press a gentle kiss to her temple.  He then removed the sheet covering him before taking a moment to make sure that she was warm. Once that was done, he pressed his lips to her forehead before he got out of bed and headed to his bathroom on the other side of the cabin.

He always needed to shower after the kind of nightmare he had tonight...

Shepard made sure that the water was at the hottest temperature he could handle before he turned it on.  He was certain that EDI would reprimand him for it later, but he didn't care.  For anyone who served in the Alliance, long hot showers were a rare luxury.

His eyes closed, Shepard leaned his back against the wall.  As the heat rose and steam began to fog the room, his nightmare lingered in his mind and his eyes shut tighter, a weak attempt at willing away the invading visions.

It's not real... it's not real... not anymore...

Shepard wasn't sure how long he was in the shower as he tried to clear his mind.  So far away he was from reality that, when the door to the bathroom eventually opened, he nearly jolted from the noise it made, as light as it was.  At the very least, it was nothing like the sound of the door that once locked him in, so he was able to calm down quickly...

He also didn't have to open his eyes to know that it was Miranda who stood at the door's threshold.  That was definitely a change from years ago, back when he had to see who walked into the room...

“Marc?” she called, and he noticed how her voice was laced with worry. Somehow, it had a calming, peaceful effect on him.  He was almost certain it had a lot to do with the fact that she was calling him by his given name, which she only started to do very recently whenever they were alone together.

Shepard took a deep breath as he raised his head up and opened his eyes to look at her.  “Miri,” he uttered, using the nickname he'd come to love to call her even before they began their relationship.  He frowned as he realized something.  “Sorry, did I wake you?”

“Not until you turned on the shower,” Miranda replied.  She went ahead and stepped into the bathroom, closing the sliding door behind her to keep the cold from getting inside.  “Is everything okay?”

He was afraid she would ask that.

Shepard slowly pushed himself off the wall and moved underneath the shower head to get a full blast of the hot water, which quickly soaked his short black hair.  The whole time, his eyes never left her.  “I'm okay,” he was able to say while gently shaking his head.  He then slightly craned his neck forward and his eyes averted away from her, focusing to the floor.  He felt somewhat ashamed suddenly. 

“Just... dealing with some old memories...” he admitted quietly.

Miranda gradually moved towards him until there was only a few inches of space left between them.  She then reached a hand up to gently cup one side of his face, the tip of her fingers barely caressing the base of his temple.  He closed his eyes and slightly pressed his cheek into her hand, letting his mind focus on that warm, single touch.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she murmured with concern.

Shepard drew in a quiet breath at her words, his emotions attempting to overwhelm him.  Sometimes, in moments like these, it was hard to believe that this was where his life was now...

Nineteen years ago, Shepard thought he would never trust anyone again.  And though he still faced his own struggles – past and present – he somehow found and retained the strength to carry on.  The day he enlisted, he made a promise to offer those any help they needed... because he knew what it was like to not receive help when he needed it most.  And despite no longer having faith, a part of him believed that, somehow, his efforts were rewarded. 

He found good people through his journey and formed lasting friendships with them, or fond memories of those who had come and gone.  He faced his fear of intimacy and became a tender and caring paramour.  He opened his heart to his crew and, though they'll never replace his parents, they became his cherished family.

And recently, at age thirty-one, he fell in love for the first time in his life.

Shepard grasped Miranda's hand - the one that touched his face - with his own before he moved it downward over his jawline and passed his neck until her palm touched his chest... right over where his heart was.  It was not the first time he moved her hand to his heart.  The simple touch helped ground him to the present.  It helped to remind him of all the good things he experienced since those dark days.  It helped to remind him of how much he loved her.

It helped to remind him how far he'd come after all these years.

The past may forever haunt him, but he swore long ago that those dark days would never break him, no matter how hard it tried and no matter how many times it invaded his thoughts.  He'll never let it have the chance to completely consume him.  More importantly, he'll never let his long-dead tormentor win.

Shepard wanted to be truthful with Miranda about his past... but despite his resolve, he wasn't ready to tell her just yet.  Maybe someday, when the Reapers weren't knocking on their door... and if they both survived the inevitable war... perhaps then, he would tell her.

“Believe me when I say that I'd like to talk about it,” he finally breathed as he clutched her hand, his gaze on her never wavering.  “I promise I'll tell you someday.  Just... not now.”

Miranda looked into his eyes and nodded with understanding.  “Okay,” she whispered.

No pushing, no questions... funny how a simple word made Shepard so grateful to her.  It made him love her even more.  Closing his eyes, he pulled Miranda close to him until he was holding her in his arms.  She returned the embrace as his hand gently carded through her hair and he leaned his cheek to the side of her head.

I love you, Miri, Shepard thought as he tenderly pressed his lips to her temple.  Someday, when the time is right, I'll tell you my story.

[kenshi-vakarian7]

Relationship meme #19 and 30 for Marc Shepard

Thank you for the ask @darkwolf7-26 :)

19 - Why did they fall for each other?

For Marc, he fell for Miranda because, first and foremost, she was the first person he trusted implicitly.  Not to say he didn't trust anyone else, but there were certain things he knew he could trust her with, more so than anyone else.  He also loved Miranda's intelligence, bravery, and resolve, and admires the way she plans for every scenario.  He also loved the conversations they had and how they could talk for hours over even something like a small historic fact one of them knew about. And when there was silence in between, it was comfortable.

For Miranda, she trusted Marc implicitly as well.  He was the reason she began to smile more often, and she wasn't afraid to show him the person she was underneath the facade she held up for so long.  He was the one who helped her see herself for the person she became on her own.  She also loved his compassion towards others (despite how she saw it as a waste of time at first), his kind and gentle heart, and his ability to lead by example more than words.  He also had a way of surprising her, like the day she learned the amount of books he read over the years.

And for both of them, promises were sacred and never taken lightly.

---

30 - When did they realize they fell in love?

The moment Marc realized he loved Miranda was before they launched the suicide mission.  In the mist of their lovemaking, Marc came to realize that Miranda was the first person who he trusted completely, a first in far too long for him.  Upon realizing this, he knew with absolute certainty that he loved her.

The moment Miranda realized she loved Marc was after they destroyed the Collector Base.  While they held each other in his cabin, relieved that they made it through the mission alive, Miranda never felt more safe and protected than she ever had at any other time in her life. The fact that he was able to make her feel like this with a simple embrace made her realize how much she loved him.

[kenshi-vakarian7]

  30 Day Mass Effect Challenge - 2) Male or female Ryder and/or Shepard.

[kenshi-vakarian7]

Study: Fears

Thanks for the tag @obvidalous

I’ll tag @alyssalenko @ripley95things and anyone who sees this.  Feel free to re-tag me.

Rules: Bold whatever your MC is afraid of.

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Marc Shepard

the dark ~ fire ~ open water ~ deep water ~ being alone ~ crowded spaces ~ confined spaces ~ change ~ failure ~ war ~ loss of control ~ powerlessness~ prison ~ blood ~ drowning ~ suffocation ~ public speaking ~ natural animals ~ the supernatural ~ heights ~ death ~ dying ~ intimacy ~ rejection ~ abandonment ~ loss ~ the unknown ~ the future ~ not being good enough ~ scary stories ~ speaking to new people ~ poverty ~ loud noises ~ being touched ~ forgetting ~ being forgotten ~ hospitals

Luke Ryder

the dark ~ fire ~ open water ~ deep water ~ being alone ~ crowded spaces ~ confined spaces ~ change ~ failure ~ war ~ loss of control ~ powerlessness~ prison ~ blood ~ drowning ~ suffocation ~ public speaking ~ natural animals ~ the supernatural ~ heights ~ death ~ dying ~ intimacy ~ rejection ~ abandonment ~ loss ~ the unknown ~ the future ~ not being good enough ~ scary stories ~ speaking to new people ~ poverty ~ loud noises ~ being touched ~ forgetting ~ being forgotten ~ hospitals