I have no words to describe how I feel right now
All i can really make out of this huge messy ball of unidentifiable emotion, is my unwavering gratitude.
objectively, it sounds dumb and stupid that I’m getting so worked up over the ending of a “silly minecraft series”, but it is so much more than that. To me, this represents something so much bigger, -a hard truth i refused to confront.
Growth is inevitable, and childhood does not last forever. I knew that- I’ve always known that. and still, a part of me had always rejected the idea of change. I’d always described myself as an optimist who was open to change; someone who embraced and relished in it. I held a firm philosophy in not mulling over outcomes you couldn’t control, and i did whatever I could to keep myself in that ‘healthy’ positive mindset. I knew that if I’d done anything differently, the girl from my childhood would wander farther from my reach.
Eventually, the favourite foods id once adored as a kid began to lose its flavour, (I’d briefly wondered if they’d changed the recipe) I began to notice the slight changes in my behaviour and body language; more tentative- almost insecure. The results from personality quizzes did not match with those I’d taken in previous years, I never really realized exactly how withdrawn I’d become.
Reality was rearing it’s ugly head, and we couldn’t have that, could we? -so, I desperately clung to anything and everything that was reminiscent of the little girl I’d grown to know so well. Subconsciously, i started regressing- I found myself helplessly depending on others, unable to go out anywhere without a stuffed animal, frequently putting my hair in pigtails, and engaging in more child-like activities, (at least, more than usual.)
These past few years, I’d felt as though I had lost my sense of self. I would force myself to feel and act accordingly to this perceived version of me. ‘Turns out that this ‘version of myself’ was just the girl I was before. Before the pandemic, before high-school, before I’d learned that the world was not all cotton candy and sugar cookies.- before; where my worries consisted only of stardew and genshin- before; where being happy was my default.
Watching the final episode snapped me out of my delusional reverie, and it felt as though Stampy had allowed me a sense of closure. I was beguiled when his video popped up in my youtube recommendations, not to mention the fact that it was his FINAL episode.
In truth, I didn’t expect it to hit me as much as it did. I mean, I hadn’t exactly planned on spending my saturday night sobbing to a minecraft let’s play vid lmao. Sure, in retrospect this really isn’t as big of a deal as I’m making it seem. And to that I say; yea. lol im even cringing myself out a bit, but hey, i’ve always been one for theatrics. ;)
But really; as I scrolled through the comments (still crying btw), I’d finally allowed myself to mourn, and confront the fact that I have grown up. I could no longer consider myself a little kid,, and that’s okay. it will be okay.
This is the end of an era. further more, it is the start of something new. The real world awaits, and i have Stampy (and others) to thank for the person I am today:)
It has been such a privilege to be part of this community of others raised alongside me, and to have had the pleasure of little-me experiencing the elation she’d felt when Stampy posted a new video.
Sincerely, thank you. Thank you soso much Stampy, for bringing so much joy and laughter to us many young kids— turned young adults
It’s been an unforgettable ride:)
Now, all we can do is move forward.- Take life as it is, and carefully construct our own worlds so that maybe, (just maybe,) they can become as lovely as yours has. ❤️🩹🐈
