how sweet is that moment in s4e8 when elizabeth comes back to the safe house after having to kill her mark. she’s dazed and smoking a cigarette, and philip—who has been terminally burnt out since mid s3 at least, his moral code strained to the limit (everything with the underage mark… and he’s so stressed about martha: getting her hurt, hurting her, betraying her, losing her); philip’s being reckless, making impulsive decisions, just wanting to run so badly but *only* with elizabeth (who gave him that out with martha because of course she would, and despite the actual love he has with martha he could *never* go without elizabeth)—who sees elizabeth like that: blood on her neck from a cut she didn’t notice, blood she missed because she’s so out of it philip has to take the cigarette from her.
elizabeth’s dissociating so bad she even asks him about the cigarette when he comes back with a damp rag to clean her up! throughout philip keeps exchanging looks with gabriel……. there’s this element to these looks like, “do you see what it’s doing to us? it’s not just me, it’s getting to elizabeth too.” and there’s a practiced quality to him caring for her like this that implies to gabriel this is not the first time she’s been in this state.
elizabeth really liked the woman she just killed! that woman was her friend. but she was chosen to be preyed upon by the centre, there was never a choice. and then in the midst of this woman’s breakdown (that elizabeth caused), she has to kill her. it had to be done because country *always* comes first for elizabeth. honor and her mother’s love were dependent on this (and i think of when pastor tim talks about the glory of martyrdom—that’s something elizabeth believes in more than him. that’s why the christian thing is so galling: everyone’s a rube to the capitalist machine. but she cannot realize she’s a rube too because if she stops believing in her country the things she’s done, been made to do and volunteered for, are unconscionable)
and, like, gabriel—their handler and friend and confidant and father figure of the last 20-something years—has been watching them deteriorate rapidly over the last few months. and he sees them both like this: at their limits, burnt out to the point of mental collapse, but! still caring *for each other* like exhausted children.
he has to pull up that chair to them. tell them that “things have to change.” that yes, they do need a break. that their government values them enough to at least let them rest. that the centre doesn’t intend on using them up completely
and the quiet disbelief. the tentative hope. the fucking relief on their faces in the car together after… 🚬😮💨
