Finding Memories. Chapter 17.
Series Summary: Waking up with little to no memory of her past, and being saved by a group of individuals who call themselves heroes, sends a long time captive for a whirlwind trying to find some form of grounding in this world she quickly learns runs on chaos. But she’s not the only one trying to figure out her forgotten backstory. Bucky Barnes, along with the other Avengers, can’t help but sense that there is a lot more to the whole situation than a diagnosis of amnesia. Her background slowly starts to come forward in pieces of her past and hidden information discovered. Who is she? And why was she in the room they were meant to destroy?
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced Reader
Word Count: 3500+
TW: Torture, cussing, gore, PTSD, triggers.
Chapter 17:
As soon as the two walked into the training room, Wanda and Nat were already there pacing and growing nervous with each passing second.
"Oh, thank God," Nat sighed, dropping her head in relief and walking towards them. "We heard what happen when we were flying back."
Wanda analyzed Y/N and knew instantly how scattered she was mentally and emotionally.
"We're ok, but I'm more worried about the why in this whole situation," Y/N was quick to the punch. Not leaving any space for questions and harping on what they couldn't go back and change.
"We saw the footage," Nat spoke up, letting her know she didn't need to worry about briefing them. "Nice block by the way. Don't remember something that powerful coming up in practice."
She had a sense of pride in her voice, and Y/N was happy to see someone show some casual reactions to it all. She needed some form of normalcy.
"That powerful?" Bucky spoke up, his eyes showing confusion. "Meaning, you've done something like that before?"
Y/N turned to him, where usually she would be bashful and ambivalent in this kind of situation, it wasn't the energy she had stepped into as of the last couple of hours.
"I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you about everything we've discovered in our time of training. I was seconds from telling you everything when that man appeared," she explained promptly.
"Oh, you were?" Nat smirked some, but the two didn't pay mind to it.
"So a lot of the things we're about to talk about are going to be..." she hesitated not sure how to word it. "Startling?"
"Why do you say that like a question?" Bucky tilted his head some, slightly worried.
"I don't know how you're going to take it, but just promise that we've been safe about it," she put her hands up and walked back to Wanda and Nat.
"How did you do it?" Wanda asked. "We've only been able to muster up a fraction of what you did."
"Yeah, nothing big like that has happened since the day I threw a hit at you," Nat added.
"Wait, a hit?" Bucky spoke up, but they ignored him and continued on with their talk.
It was likely there were going to be a few concerned interruptions from him as they kept discussing their adventures together.
"I don't know. All I could think about was keeping Bucky safe, and the next thing I knew, there was an entire shield of energy in front of us," Y/N answered.
"How did you see him?" Nat asked, crossing her arms as she concentrated on the details.
"I just did. He didn't look like you guys look now. Something about his outline and lighting around him was different, but he wasn't hard to miss," she thought out loud.
"And the gun? How did you stop it?" Wanda asked now.
"Same kind of instinct when Nat tried to punch me."
"I'm sorry. Punch?" Bucky was wide-eyed listening in on everything.
"It was for an experiment," Y/N brushed off trying to emphasize how little of a deal it was at the moment, but Bucky couldn't seem to accept that.
"Experiment, huh..." He tried to hide his concern. "Yeah, makes total sense," he nodded, placing his hands in his pockets. "Punching people as an experiment is something Steve used to do too," he mumbled under his breath. "Look where that got him."
He stepped a few feet out of the circle realizing all questions would need to be asked at a better time because he wasn't going to be able to bounce back from the quick and nonchalant answers right now.
And knowing Nat and Wanda, the new information was likely to become more offhanded and stressful if he thought about it too much.
"You seemed to do everything in a way like it was natural. Did it feel that way?" Wanda asked, knowing the personal side of things.
"That's a good way to put it I guess," Y/N nodded, looking down as she tried to think back to the feelings and thoughts that came to her at the moment. "Putting the barrier up, or whatever that was, felt like second nature. The instinct was without hesitance and it was like I trusted myself to know what to do even if I don't ever remember being able to do something like that."
"You did a hand gesture," Nat pointed at her hands, Wanda and her following her finger. "Was that what made him appear?" Y/N looked at her hands carefully. "I know a thing or two about muscle memory and that looked like a product of that."
Bucky turned back, still giving them space, but watching as Wanda and Y/N studied her hands carefully.
Y/N never responded to Nat's question or comment, but instead looked at her hands as if they were some kind of bomb. Not in fear that it would go off, but in fear at what all it could do.
"I have a suggestion, but we may want to clear the room," Wanda spoke up looking at the two in front of her. "And by clear the room I mean, you two need to watch from outside." This time her look was pointed to Nat and Bucky.
"I don't think we should-" Bucky started when he caught onto what she was getting at, but before he could finish the thought, Nat was already turning him around and shoving him to the exit.
"Have fun. Don't blow up the place," Nat said as she walked to the doors with the soldier in front of her resisting.
Once on the other side of the industrial Stark tech that acted as a protective screen for the non-magic wielders, Bucky didn't stop glaring at Nat.
"I can feel your eyes, but I'm not getting into this with you right now," the redhead spoke up as she stared straight ahead. Seconds passed and he never let up on his stare. "You're being a grumpy old man. Stop it."
"I'm trying to keep her safe."
"Yeah?" Nat sassed, turning to him. "Then congrats you're already doing that." Bucky lowered an eyebrow at the angry compliment.
"What-"
"She's not hurt and she's alive right?"
Bucky rolled his eyes knowing this talk.
"Don't start with that."
"Oh I'm just getting started with that," she mocked his voice knowing he need the bullying some. "And she's currently in the room with the person best capable of keeping her safe given the scenario of invisible men and siren shriekers." The hint at the information only Tony and he knew of at the moment made the surprise in his eyes very evident. "Yeah, I know about you're little mini-team meetings with Stark. Thanks for letting me in on that by the way."
"It happened last night and you were headed out on a mission!" Bucky defended, now acting more like an angsty teen than a grumpy grandpa.
"Oh, did Stark not supply you with some way to communicate with people that aren't 5 feet in front of you? I think there's a storage closet around here somewhere with some of the most highly intelligent technology in the world to help you with that next time."
Bucky rolled his eyes and turned to the screen knowing he was in the wrong this time and wasn't going to dig himself into a bigger hole.
She followed suit and knew she won and turned back to monitor where Wanda was instructing Y/N on her idea.
"Oh and by the way. There better not be a next time. I'll kick your ass if there is," she said casually.
Back in the training room with luckily some of the more reinforced walls, Wanda had stepped Y/N through a few things she wanted to try to see if she could dig deeper into the powers she used to uncloak the man.
"Ok, I'm going to make that body dummy seem to disappear. I want you to try and remember the movement and thought process you did earlier. Don't force it and don't try and think too hard. It's all about the intentions," she noted.
And in the distance, Wanda did a twist of her hand and the body dummy vanished from sight.
Y/N looked at her apprehensively before taking a step and looking at her hands.
She thought back to the hand gestures. She connected her wrist, left her palms open, and twisted them to the right.
And the mannequin seemed to appear some, but it looked to only show when her hand scanned it before vanishing again.
"Try again. You have the motion, but you have to imagine it reappearing too," Wanda coached.
Y/N used her notes and took her hands apart before starting over. She took a breath before connecting her wrist again and following the motions. Now using the motion without thought, she concentrated on what the mannequin looked like and where it stood.
The dummy appeared and showed it had never left.
"Ok, so you're a quick learner," Wanda grinned impressed.
_____________________________
On the other side of the glass, Bucky was frozen trying to process the things he was seeing. He had known her powers were going to come up eventually, but watching someone who seemed oblivious to her abilities beforehand, go to doing what she was doing now... He couldn't seem to comprehend it.
"You guys knew about this?" Bucky asked.
"We knew something happened to her the night at the art show. She came to me that night. Was terrified that she turned into another person and couldn't remember what she had done to that girl that ended up in the wall."
"Another person?" Bucky was upset he didn't know that.
"She blacked out. A common thing with PTSD as you know," Nat shrugged. "Especially since she hadn't done something like that before."
"What'd you do to help her?" Bucky asked, for personal reasons.
"Trusted she could make a decision for herself," Nat gave her signature smirk. "All I could do after was lend support."
"You say that like it's an easy thing," Bucky chuckled, feeling at a crossroads with himself.
"Why wouldn't it be?" Nat shrugged unbothered.
"Because sometimes people aren't looking out for themselves in their choices. They could end up hurt," Bucky responded.
"And either way is it your life's mission to tell them they can't do it their way," Nat asked.
"It's not my life's mission," Bucky snarked.
"Then move on. You can give people guidance and advice, but they don't have to take it. Again. It's their. Choice."
Her wording made it seem like a common knowledge statement that he was just learning.
"She's been hanging out with you too much," Bucky shook his head with pursed lips and looked back to Y/N and Wanda.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she huffed, fake offended.
"The conversation I had in the hall with her while fighting her to get some rest before coming here, sounded like a conversation you and I would have. Not me with her."
"Oo, so the two love birds finally had their first fight. How sweet?" she gushed in an exaggerated way before giving him a shit grin.
"Love birds? -" Bucky started to question.
"Glad to know that I'm rubbing off on her. I'm all for a woman learning to say Fuck Off to men," she nodded in pride. Bucky gave an offended look. "I mean all men deserve at least one or two Fuck Off's now and again. No one's perfect," Nat shrugged.
___________________________
"Ok, so we have the disappearing and reappearing down. And apparently, you can undisguise anything without knowing what it looks like," Wanda listed the few fields they explores. Can we try something a little different?"
"What kind of different?" Y/N asked curiously.
"Less hide and seek and more..." she balanced her hands back and forth. "Can you use the force?"
Y/N turned her head impressed with knowing the reference thanks to movie nights.
"Are you quoting Star Wars right now?" Y/N grinned.
"Yeah, I just wanted to lighten the mood some," Wanda grinned back. "I'm sorry you're going through this." Y/N raised her hand ready to say something, but Wanda already knew. "I know, I know. I shouldn't be apologizing, but I hate that you have to rush into learning about this for this reason and you can't just explore it for yourself."
Y/N had been thinking about that too. She had been gifted with over a week of time not worrying about people out to get her. She had been able to heal and learn about herself again at a pace that seemed comfortable and safe.
And ever since the museum incident, she's felt like her pace quickened and she can't seem to catch her breath.
In a perfect world, she would have been able to have all the time she needed before going up against her demons. She would have time for full growth before getting justice for herself.
Although, in the perfect world she could have no demons and she wouldn't have the trauma that hangs over her like a cloud.
"It's something I'll have to come back to, but for now I need this more," she responded.
It was a harsh way of thinking, but she wasn't seeing many rainbows in the hurricanes she was being thrown into.
"Well, step by step then. We are going to figure this out," Wanda smiled softly. "Now as for the force," she raised her hands in her own practiced manner. "I want you to try and lift something over on that weight rack."
Y/N turned to where she pointed and carefully yet casually, Wanda set the example of what she meant.
As Y/N raised her own hands, nothing happened immediately. She closed her eyes trying to concentrate and Wanda was quick to correct her.
"Don't actually force it. Focus on the intention and visualize it."
Y/N relaxed her tension some and shook her head out of her nerves.
"Focus on your breathing."
She followed her instructions and soon she was relaxed enough to try again.
And one of the weights lifted in the same kind of purple haze she had seen most of her energy form into.
In shock, she dropped the weight and they both turned to each other with mouths wide open. Wanda let out one single HA and they both squealed before running to each other and hugging.
"Look's like you guys figured something out," Nat's voice was heard and they turned to the two.
"Look like Y/N has a lot more tricks up her sleeves that we need to discover," Wanda smiled nudging her shoulder while in a side hug.
"It's impressive," Nat smiled. "Right, Bucky?" she elbowed him behind her and he let out a grunt not expecting the hit.
"Jesus," he huffed, giving her a small shove back. "But yes. That was," he looked to Y/N who was waiting for his response with a small smile. "Impressive. Really impressive," he smiled, happy to see that she was happy.
"We still have a lot to discover, but clearly we're going to make some pretty fast progress," Wanda jumped in, squeezing her into her side one more time before letting her go.
"How about we go grab some lunch and we can talk about anything else we need to first," Nat offered. Bucky looked at her knowing she was mainly asking for him for his sanity of keeping Y/N taken care of.
"I think lunch is a good idea," Wanda agreed.
Y/N agreed and therefore Bucky agreed and they went to the kitchen to carry on with their personal investigation.
As Wanda prepared some easy and fast chicken noodle soup for the group, Y/N continued to debrief them on what happened.
"So same thing when you kept him restrained?" Nat asked, handing Wanda a spice and following Y/N's story. "You just knew what to do?"
"I guess," Y/N shrugged.
"Did you know the man?" A new voice entered the space.
Everyone turned their head to the entrance of the room and in walked Tony with a file in hand with a look of intrusivity proudly on his face.
"What?" Nat asked harshly, not caring for the tone he was bringing to the conversation.
"I said, did you know the man? Y/N," he smiled, but the people who knew him best knew it wasn't a genuine one.
She looked to Bucky, furrowing her eyebrows at the questioning, but he was too busy staring daggers at Tony.
"We're trying to have lunch. This can wait," he said sternly.
"That's fine. You guys go ahead and have your lunch. I just need one answer to my one question and I'll be on my way."
He was putting on a show for Y/N trying to make her think it was a simple question he needed for research and not as much as the paranoid micromanager he was trying to be.
"And I said it could wait," Bucky repeated, never turning away from him.
"It's fine, Bucky," Y/N said trying to assure him that it really was by putting a hand on his shoulder and leaning so she could see Tony better. "It's nice to see you again Tony," she smiled, throwing him off some.
He sent her a nod with pursed lips, not expecting a kind reaction to his harsh question.
"Can you repeat what you said?" she asked. Bucky, Wanda, and Nat were all confused at what was happening but let it play out anyway.
Tony furrowed his eyebrows at her question but asked it again. Now having to say it a third time, the tone was much less demanding and actually a question.
"The man out there. The one you Obi-Wan Kenobied out on the trail. Was that someone you knew?" he asked, but with much more curiosity than fury.
"Truthfully, I barely got a look at him at first," she shrugged, placing her hands on the table. "But I snuck the file on him and caught a peak at his name and picture."
Bucky turned to her shocked.
"How did you sneak a file?" he asked alarmed by this news.
"Someone was looking at it while they were watching me downstairs earlier. They laid it down for a few seconds when they got called to fix something," she shrugged. "I got a good look at the picture and saw the name."
"And did you know him?" Tony was walking to the counter now, realizing this conversation wasn't going to be the fight he prepared for.
"I'm not sure," she said a little disappointed in the news herself. "But something in me told me to do exactly what I needed to do to restrain him. It was like a memory I guess. Muscle memory kicked in and that makes me think that I do know him."
"Or you've fought a lot of assholes in your life," Nat hummed, biting a carrot.
Everyone ignored her but Wanda who gave her a small hip bump.
"Do you think if I brought you down to the holding room you could get an in-person look and see if anything clicks for you?" Tony asked.
He knew the question would be pushing a boundary, but he wanted one person to answer and it wasn't the man staring at him as if his thoughts alone would disintegrate him.
"Actually-," she started.
"No. Nuh uh. Not happening," Bucky shook his head and raised his hands. "She's not going down there, Stark."
Tony completely ignored him already knowing what his answer to the question would be, hence why he didn't direct it to him.
"What do you say, Y/N?" he asked, emphasis on the "you".
"I think that-" she started again.
"It's too soon," Bucky shook his head, not even considering the ideas going around. "It hasn't even been 5 hours since everything happened."
"Barnes," Nat interrupted and Bucky snapped his attention her way. Her look alone was one of annoyance and disappointment. "He's not asking you. It's not your choice," she reminded him of their talk from earlier.
"But-" he started again.
"Butts are for kicking," Nat shook her head and raised an eyebrow at him, silently communicating to him that his was going to be the next one kicked if he kept talking.
He wanted to argue. That's all his brain wanted to do... But he knew he was wrong. He knew Nat was the voice of reason when he wanted to continue to protect her his way.
He let out a deep breath and waved the conversation on, sitting back in his seat for Y/N and Tony to see each other better.
Y/N took note of him letting her have control over the situation and was thankful. Though she sent her thankful smile to the redhead that helped in the threat.
"He won't see you since you'll be on the other side of the glass," Tony explained. "And you don't have to even talk to him."
"You don't have to convince me," she said with a careful breath of her own. "I think I need to see for myself who he really is."
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