#mary updates

[maryymaruu]

Post-Sunday Sunday Sunday

Hi! I'm still alive!

Had a good time cosplaying Hatsune Miku at Dokomi yesterday, feat. my roomie as Sakura Miku :")

Therapy is uh.. there, it's stressful so far, but I think it's something nice regardless of the stress of the finances and keeping it secret. It's nice to have a structure for the day and to meet new kind hearted people.

I don't get to draw for fun, I don't get to draw much in general, and I feel like I'm running out of time for... something, idk what. I miss having the time and energy to have fun.

I am doing my best to take care though.

Remember to drink water, stay hydrated!

End of message.

[maryymaruu]

Hello Sunday Sunday Sunday Easter edition

Well, I did not finish the request arts this week, I got caught up with changing locations and making preparations for that, as well as just catching a sore cold. :"/

My lack of time management skills is showing a lot, now even more that I'm out of school.

•

Oh yeah, have I mentioned I graduated?

Ye. I checked my grades and it's all in the green, I passed it all. Anti-climactic I know, that's exactly how this graduation feels to me too. Not even a congratulations email, you just check your grades like every other semester.

Am I the only one who never feels any sense of accomplishment for anything ever? /only half seriously asking

Because I just did the bare minimum of what was expected or me, the uni wasn't hard because it's just design and yet I struggled so much and many passes are just a close call, if I scored one point less I'd fail and I got almost exmatriculated a bunch of times. So what's there to celebrate? I still suck at design and can't make you a good poster if I tried and know absolutely nothing about the industry. I honestly feel like I've learnt nothing and need another round of uni before I am ready for work.

I am very, very tired.

•

Anyway, I wish everyone peaceful Easter time! I am visiting my family at the moment. Had a lot of food and cola.

And I have a thought blurp for you today that I will share again separately right after this post Xd because I really like it and think it's cute

Human x machine story where a mechanic of some sort of sentient machine gets called "unlucky" or "cursed" because the machine always chokes up and overheats and runs into minor errors when they are around, and the mechanic eventually gets fired because it's so evident, and the machine does not do that again when they're gone, but instead their productivity slows down to a miserable, unbearable drag because they're sad their favorite human is gone and it does not get better until the mechanic comes back

•

End of message.

[maryymaruu]

Sunday Sunday Sunday ay?

It's been a while since last personal Sunday update, so here goes~

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Like I've mentioned before, I have just finished school! I don't know just yet if I passed all the necessary grades for the degree, but the final semester has been over for 2 weeks now.

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I've spent the last week entirely focused on a personal project of a visual novel that I'm working on with my friend. I hope to make it playable and will gladly share it when it's ready!

I'm mostly responsible for the backgrounds when it comes to art, but overall it's a shared project. Here's some BG concepts I've done so far!

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There's already a whole laundry list of anime conventions that I and said friend will be tabling at! And I want to do so much more for them... I want to make more prints and keychains and t-shirts! I need stamps and logo! Unfortunately I'm still unemployed and short on money, so I'm a bit stressed out, but I will make it work somehow.

Speaking of which, I need to look for a job, but my portfolio is not ready yet... and this or next month our student licenses will be taken away, so I've got a lot to do at once...

And some time around April I need to move back in with my family... nothing against my family but well, it feels kind of cramped there.. Will miss the freedom.

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Upcoming week I will focus on convention arts, Rain World related arts and attempt the monthly RW challenge- I also want to get the side blogs running but we will see about that.

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Mentally and health-wise I think I'm doing a bit better. By no means perfect, things are still stressful, but it feels manageable now. :"3

Today I rewatched Violet Evergarden and bawled my eyes out until it all hurts. Highly recommend. I needed that cry, it did me good. After that I was able to get up and do some chores, which also boosted my morale~ I like to keep my environment clean.

For the first time in my entire life- I had the pleasure of using a bath bomb. A pink duck-shaped bath bomb, it made the water a gorgeous color and (plastic-free) glitter! ✨️ It was really nice, I never had the chance to enjoy a long hot bubble bath before :"3

Now I'm all sleepy, and heavily considering going to bed early... got a lot to do...

Happy Sunday, wish everyone a pleasant Monday~

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End of message.

[maryymaruu]

Today was my last exam!!! And I passed it!!!

I still dont know what grade will I get for my thesis, but I passed everything else, so I have high hopes now!!

I'm almost out of uni! D:

[maryymaruu]

This Sunday Sunday Sunday!

It's been a while since my last Sunday update post... I have been through the deepest mental trenches I've been in for a while. Sadly I can't say I'm in the clear quite yet, but I think I caught a moment of feeling better, and so I'm going to use it.

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So I've been tabling in artist alley at some more conventions. It was a pretty mixed bag, but overall I'm kinda loving it! Friend/ roommate has dragged me out to even more this year, and while I am exhausted and broke, I'm not gonna complain. Without her I would not do it at all, and I would miss out on a lot of fun. The sheer joy of having your drawings printed on glossy paper...

She helped me figure out how to fix the printing issues so Silksong sticker sheet is real now!

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I'm still fighting for my dear life in the final semester, trying to string my thesis and artifact together. It's going horribly. Scientific writing is the only subject I have failed more than once, it's all the same struggles but on steroids. I think I'm loosing my intellect a little bit everyday... Genuinely. Something is wrong with me and I'm getting worse, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know to which doctor do I go and how do I get anyone to take my struggles seriously.

I got close but I'm not giving up yet. I have like 2 weeks left.

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As you might have noticed I've fallen in love with Hollow Knight Silksong! Similar story as to Rain World actually- I've known and liked this game before, but only now it escalated into really loving it.

(I still don't play any games, but I enjoy the lore and letsplays)

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I really need to remember to go out on walks more often. It's kind of a necessity for sanity.

Look at this pretty frost on a hood of a car that I saw!

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Still listening to the same type of music, the newest album that plays in my head on loop is by Ninajirachi - "I love my computer". Really energetic one, kinda silly, puts me in a good mood!

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Also my fondness for Pacific Rim has been rehashed again thanks to my friend, I deeply miss the giant robots.

I also miss my giant boxes with thoughts <- iterators. I itch to introduce all my remaining itties from Three Signals' local group... I can't kms I need to show you my ocs

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I don't have that much else to share right now, my head is filled with nothing but barbed wire and I'm struggling to smooth the spikes down. All I can think about is how uncertain and seemingly impossible to survive my future looks like. Living is so expensive, and I'm trying to pretend I'm not poor. But I'm sure it'll be okay somehow.

Thank you for reading.

•

End of message.

[maryymaruu]

Today's no Sunday, and this was due like weeks ago, but here~

I've had a much needed reprive week in Poland, visiting my family and somewhat taking a break from the internet. Not fully, because I'm chronically online and there's still time sensitive stuff to plan for.

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Such as more anime conventions! Thanks to my roomie I get the chance to apply for booths and tables at local anime conventions, but it requires me getting my shit together and pinching some pennies for material funds. But I know it's a good thing to do in the end, conventions are a lot of fun. Doubt I'll make a career out of it, but it's a fun (expensive) hobby. ;w;

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I have successfully registered for an exam I missed due to illness two semesters ago, which I need to have taken and passed in order to get my Bachelor degree :")

Bachelor Semester has begun! First classes attended. God it's a mess. My uni is a mess. It's gonna be so stressful to get the thesis and practical artifact all done and also study for the exam and also draw and print and attend conventions-

I'll need many energy drinks I'm afraid.

•

Otherwise I don't have much to report, I've had fun seeing my extended family, I went mushroom picking for the first time, and I still struggle with burnout and the lack of will to draw or do anything that I loved to do.

Busy times, gonna have to stress about a few things still, but I'm sure it will be alright in the end.

•

End of message.

[maryymaruu]

Another delayed

Sunday Sunday (Mon)day

I have officially finished my internship!!

One thing less to stress about wahoo!

I'm currently really busy preparing for today's travel! Visiting my family in Poland. Probably not the greatest time considering how close to the border it is, but I hope for the best. I've had a strong feeling I need to see them this year for a few months already, and I wanna trust my gut.

It's gonna be a 21 hour bus ride today. Please wish me luck and strength, it is exhausting.

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Been watching Silksong let'splays, having a blast with that! The vibes are immaculate, and I crave to know the lore. Hornet is an awesome character I love her.

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Yesterday (actyal Sunday) I had a prep meeting for an upcoming DnD play >:0 I've never played DnD before, always wanted to try, but been too nervous. I think I found just the right group this time though because I feel really comfortable so far! And I'm hyped for the homebrew world we're gonna play in. I am looking forward to drawing my characters nyeheheh...

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Also, I have just noticed that somehow I have reached over 300 followers?! HA?!

Thank you so much but oh my god I don't know how to celebrate that! I was thinking about opening another oc ask box for each hundred but augh I've already missed one!!

Many people seemed to like SOTU, and while I personally worry he might not be the most entertaining one to talk to, I do plan on opening his ask box as soon as I get the chance to! :"3

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End of message.

[maryymaruu]

It's Sunday Sunday Sunday~

And I don't have toooooo much to report on! A bit of musing and planning for the near future.

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Been keeping relatively busy, and it's likely to stay that way for the rest of the month!

This weekend I've been traveling around quite a bit. The sketches above are from the train ride. And I attended a Connichi anime convention. Really neat, the artist alley was like none I've ever been to- a completely different vibe and feeling to it, a lot less mainstream artists and content.

Got this bug-eyed patch because it made me think of my sona ♡

It was funny how the lights went out twice in the artist alley hall and everyone cheered.

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Internship almost over and I'm lowkey stressed about it for some reason. I just don't like big routine changes I guess, and the work has become my routine.

Right after that I plan to visit my family abroad for about a week!

The week after that is reserved for a promised collaboration with a roommate- we're lowkey working on making a visual novel a reality, but it's barely going.

And immediately a week after that is the last university semester- a bachelor work, with an extra exam for me that I have to get out of my way. During that semester is also gonna be a high time to find an actual job and decide where do I want to live- move out with the roommate to a new place, or move back to my parents tiny apartment. On paper it may seem like an obvious choice but it is far from it, and I've been breaking my head over it for months.

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I'm still waist-deep in Pacific Rim obsession, but I've been under a dry spell when it comes to drawing, quite an artblock lately. ;-;

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I don't know what the future will look like, I have no idea what to do with my life, I have no damn clue what I want in my life, things keep changing and I don't like it.

Recently I started using a gratitude journal to try and keep my outlook more positive, and I think it's kind of working. There are things I'm still very unhappy or anxious about in my life, and it's okay, but I started to appreciate being alive in general much more. It's been a bit over a week since the last time I've caught myself consciously desiring death. Being alive is nice, even if the only thing I can be grateful for that day is that I get to see the sunlight and sleep in a bed. That is already something not everyone can enjoy and I should appreciate that privilege more.

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End of message. See you next time.