I look in the mirror and all I see is what I hate about them both reflected back at me. My disgustingly feminine frame makes me look like a shameful excuse for a man and fills my gut with an aching feeling that's some confusion of disgust and distant longing. Whether it's for a body that's more masculine or just to feel more myself in my own skin is unclear. I wish I didn't have to resemble them. I wish I could be anyone else. I wish I could look like a beast, with gnashing teeth and slashing claw to frighten off anyone who'd dare try getting close to me ever again.
On a whim and a prayer I have decided on the last minute to take an internship class because I had Unexpectedly got an internship. I will be posting some things here about my experience as an intern, hopes and dreams, and all of the other bundles of love I can think of.
You don’t have to try and enjoy. You will.
The Introduction
So I pull up to Soho, a pretty dope area if I do say so myself, to go to this studio. Thompson Studios. I saw pictures online and it looks so nice, I couldn’t wait to immerse myself in it. I’m here to be an intern for this independer hybrid record label company called MasterKings. The guys work out of Thompson Studios and help all forms of entertainment with their careers, no matter where they are in them.
The Gist
I of course was interested in the music aspect of the gig. I wanted to work out of the studio and see what it would be like to work with artist and engineers, and also get some songwriting experience. Something, almost anything, along the lines of music so I can get to know myself more and what I want from music, and what to do with it.
The Encounter
Intimidated by my lack of experience in everything that I dream of becoming, i walked in there late, because the elevator was not working properly. The guy, my supervisor?, Adam was cool. So cool that I struggled to look at him as my supervisor. Too cool, that I wondered if I was cool enough to be there.
Another fella, Vemo?, I believe his name was, A rapper himself, was lounging on the couch, getting acquainted with Adam before I could. He was already so comfortable and masculine and I was terribly so anxious, and doubting in my capabilities and own masculinity. Because how many times have you put yourself out there and then get seen? How many of you are use to operating in space of confidence? How many of you actually get what you want? An opportunity for growth and the consumption of knowledge when you are hungry for it, Such a beautiful thing.
The Instruction
In the beginning stages of this journey I will be selling marketing packages to a variety of businesses. Adam said he got the hook up , a list of business from American Express. I get on the phone and try to sound interesting enough to set up a meeting for Adam and Michael, the CEO, can do the real talking. If we sell the package, I get compensation of whatever I sell.
Whatever. Easy enough.
Adam sent me an email that explained services they offer in depth and also a list of the business to contact. The internship could last about 2/3 months, “Whatever you need me we can do,” Adam told me, after he inquired if the internship needed to last the whole semester. “There is opportunity for employment afterwards.
After we talked business, we talked music and what we would like to work in, Adam assured me once we start working on events for artist, I could maybe get acquainted with a song writer. There is even opportunity to develop my own artistry, depending on how many hours I come in, those hours can be calculated into studio time and other means of entertainment value.
“Whatever you need,” he said. “We got it.”
The First Day
It lasted about 5 hours because Adam came in late, but I made some calls. Unfortunately, no one was interested at the time. Vemo came in even later and that brought my confidence up a bit. I got to know Adam in the time of his absence without feeling too weird about it. After we made calls we all chilled for 30 minutes, talking about what we could do better, and asking for eacother’s input, before we went home. I think I will be practicing on having the attitude from here on forward that these people are my friends. Because friends help friends grow.
I think you guys may find this article interesting. In the article, Kimmel states that there is a "mytical war on men." That men feel that women and other minorities are stripping them away from jobs, scholorships and more. Although with affirmative action, there have been more women landing jobs and going to college, I agree with Kimmel that this is a power issue-that men feel that the power in which they have been taught their entire lives that they diserve, is now being stripped away from them.
So what does this have to do with male body image? Well, if men feel that they are being stripped from power in regards to jobs and education, they may want to reflect power within their body. By having a muscular figure, guys may believe that it willl reflect the power that they feel has been stripped from them. Also, the fact that men have the ability to look and be physically stronger than women, which is something that could never be taken away from then, plays a significant role in this as well.
