How to ... hate on Valentine's Day
Once a year I feel like Jessica Biel. Not because I'm with a guy that looks like Justin Timberlake (unfortunatly), nor because I raise awareness of the global water crisis (though I guess I should). BECAUSE I HATE VALENTINE'S DAY!
Yup, that's right all you lovey-dovey, corny, picture-spamming, happily glowing, sweater matching couples!
Errr, what is that? You don't care?? Of course you don't...
Everyone else who acknowledges my feelings with a passionate nod - this guide on how to survive Valentine's Day is for you!
#1: Block all people "in a relationship" from your Facebook wall for this day.. hmm no, come to think of it - block them forever. These staged, istagram-filtered pictures they post are horrible to look at regardless the date.
#2: Walk the streets with your eyes closed. I know... it sounds dangerous. But this way you at least avoid permanently damaging images that feature hugging, kissing, smiling or - worst of all - flower carrying lovebirds. What's a broken leg in comparison?
#3: If only looks could kill. Well maybe they can on this special day. Try your best and respond to every "Have a happy Valentine's Day!" greeting with an expressive "I don't think so!", along with your best facial imitation of Medusa's withering glare.
#4: What a perfect day for a diet! Everyone is occupied with unwrapping and savouring heart-shaped chocolate, filled with vanilla cream that contains just the right amount of strawberry snippets. Ha, let them get fat! And rub it in their face, well not literally... unless you have a box at hand!
#5: Do it like Jessica and throw a big "I hate Valentine's Day" party! Who knows, maybe Prince Charming awaits and rides away with you into the sunset... Aw I'm looking forward to next year's post on "How to ... hate on all Valentine's Day haters". One can dream!
Until then: Keep fake-smiling and secretly (or publicly) vommiting and enjoy feeling like Jessica Biel (at least that is something we can't do everyday)!
