An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Neo woke up a handful of times throughout the night. It was too fucking cold. Even with Trinity in his arms and the extra blankets covering them, it wasn't enough.
"How do you manage it?" he muttered at one point, when the ship had finally been turned back on. The quiet humming was a welcome reprieve to the utter silence of the ship in hiding.
Trinity laughed quietly, a teasing lilt to her tone as she told him, "Believe it or not, that was one of the better nights I've had on lockdown."
"Seriously?" The doubt was obvious in his tone.
Trin smirked over her shoulder. "Before you, I spent every one of those lockdowns alone. I'll gladly spend the night with you to keep me warm over the oppressive cold of being alone."
He stopped complaining immediately. The idea of withstanding that without her in his arms was sickening. The idea that she had to go through so much alone…
Over the years, he had so many dreams. He knew it wasn't usual to have such vivid encounters, featuring the same cast every night. But it had never occurred to Thomas Anderson just how real those dreams were.
Not for the first time, he found himself regretting every moment he didn't spend tearing apart the Matrix to hunt her down. So many wasted years that he could have been here, holding her.
His grip tightened and Trinity snuggled closer.
"It shouldn't be much longer," she promised with a yawn. "If we don't see any sign of then in twelve hours, we're in the clear."
"The clock restarts every time we see them. But they don't typically patrol at this depth."
He nodded, idly tracing patterns on her stomach. A part of him knew that factoid and the procedure but he hadn't until she said it aloud.
How long would that go on?
It seemed every hour that there was some kind of little epiphany. Neo was ready for those to be over and to just live.
He didn't need Trinity to say a word to know what she would say. It had been days. He needed to give himself time.
Like an echo, he could hear her soft lips form the gentle promise there's time.
But he had never been good with delayed gratification.
The Oracle would have answers, although Neo didn't entirely trust that she would give them to him. While she had always been forthcoming with direction, she was equally hazy on detail.
"Why don't you want me to see the Oracle?"
She huffed a laugh, devoid of humor. "I don't know. I think…" She hesitated, shaking her head like she was trying to clear it.
"What?" He leaned back, peering over her shoulder even though he could not see her clearly in the dark.
Slowly, she tried, "I think the Oracle changes things. When you see her, she's going to set into motion a chain of events that we won't be able to stop. And I know I'm just delaying the inevitable but if I could keep you from her…"
"No one could confirm I was the One."
She inclined her head. "I know you're the One. And the others believe it, too, but there's no going back from this. Maybe it's selfish of me, but I don't want to share you with Zion. Or Morpheus or anyone."
"I get it," he said. "I wish we could just say 'fuck it' and head to Zion and just hide away."
It would be. He wondered if she knew that, of the two of them, he was far more likely to follow through with it. If she ever meant it, he would abandon his quest in a heartbeat. But Trinity would do anything to see the Matrix destroyed and Neo… he'd do anything for her.
"You're wrong about one thing, though," Neo added as Trinity burrowed deeper against him.
"What's that?" she asked without opening her eyes.
"You never have to share me. I've only ever been yours."
The ship loudly sprung to life, waking them from sleep.
"Guess we're in the clear," Trinity said tiredly, and Neo resisted the urge to boo loudly.
"I'm happy for the heat," Neo muttered, "but can we please stay in bed?"
"Sorry, baby. Got shit to do." She slipped out of his arms, ignoring his muttered frustrations. She rolled to a seat before turning back to kiss his head.
While he struggled to adjust to the rest of the world, Neo was both relieved by and in awe of Trinity's ability to accept him. The endearments that were hesitant only days ago were now as natural as breathing. He wondered if she realized.
When he slowed down to think about it, to remember how new he was to her, it was damn near miraculous.
But even in his dreams, he never recalled any hesitancy, feigned or otherwise. There had always been an intensity to their relationship. Strange, he thought, as he had never considered himself an intense man.
His coworker's described him as down to earth. Zen and relaxed.
And he still was. With anything and anyone that wasn't Trinity.
He watched her as she combed her fingers through her hair in front of the mirror before stepping into her boots.
"Some things never change," he commented.
"What do you mean?" She glanced up from where she was tightening the laces.
A small, bittersweet smile overtook his face as he remembered. "Even in the Matrix, getting up and leaving my bed was the worst part of my day. Knowing it would be hours and hours until I would see you…" Neo paused to look at her, taking her in before they were forced to part. Then he added, "Still feels like I'm carving my heart out of my chest every time we part."
She stood, gaze softening as she stepped back over to the bed where he was sitting. She swung a leg over his, setting her hands on his shoulders as she straddled him.
Her lips twitched and she leaned forward, kissing him softly.
He savored every moment of her touch, her taste. Before he was forced to share her with the rest of the crew.
"I miss you already," she confessed.
"I'll be counting down the hours." And he meant that. Just like in the Matrix, he looked forward to the moment when work was done and he could go home and wait for her.
She gave him another gentle kiss before climbing off his lap.
"What are my orders for the day?" he asked, swinging his legs over the bed.
Neo raised a brow, his eyes narrowing. "I'm awake."
"I know." Trinity glanced over her shoulder as she toed on her boots. "But if you're going into the Matrix tomorrow, I want you to rest today."
He made a small face. "You're putting me on bedrest?"
"No. You don't need to stay in bed all day, but I do need you to actively not be doing anything. No construct, no work-outs. You can read if you want; catch up on Zion history. Or you can go socialize a bit, but nothing mentally or physically strenuous."
"And what will you be doing?"
Trinity shrugged. "I have to follow up on some repairs." He looked disappointed even as he said nothing. He didn't need to say a word for her to already feel herself giving in. "If I finish early," she said, careful not to make any promises. "I'll come find you."
His lips turned up at that. "You gonna play hooky with me?"
She found herself smiling back. "Maybe."
Neo nodded. "All right. You going to talk to Morpheus about the Oracle?"
She winced and he didn't miss it, but then she nodded.
Feeling the desperate need to reassure her, he added, "It will be all right, Trin."
Trinity offered him a smile but he could tell she was still uncertain if she was making the right decision. In a way, it was a strange inevitability.
They couldn't put the old woman off forever.
Trinity reached for his hand and squeezed it once. "Love you."
"Love you," he repeated, tugging her forward so he could steal a quick kiss. With a final kiss, he let her go, reluctantly.
Somehow, Trinity found the strength to let go and step away, leaving Neo to get ready for his day. It was far harder than she would have liked to admit but she tried not to dwell on it. It would make her head hurt if she tried to logically process it all.
The only option she could see to avoid turning on her heal and crashing back into Neo's arms was to move forward and throw herself into work.
Exhaling slowly, she decided to deal with Morpheus first. She was certain he wouldn't be up too much longer after his all-nighter watching for sentinels. Plus, she was sure he would want some good news. And Neo going to the Oracle would be very good news for Morpheus, even if it made her own stomach turn with nervousness.
Still, she stuck to her gut.
It was time. As much as she wanted to protect Neo, she had to balance it all out. Her own fears, protecting Neo, and letting life play out as it would. And she had never been one to give into her own fears. She wouldn't start now.
She headed down the hall towards the core. After a night on duty, Morpheus would likely be checking his correspondence and filing any paperwork before going to pass out. If she wanted to talk to him, sooner would be far better.
As much as she loathed to do it at all.
She trudged down, in a last-ditch attempt to slow herself down. The lights were on in the mess hall and she could hear the dull cacophony of idle chatter. Mouse's excitable voice cleared as she got closer.
"I don't know, man. I wouldn't say they were ever harmless."
"I ain't saying harmless," Cypher replied. "I'm just saying, I never had to hide from machines in the Matrix. They never tried to hurt us until we fucked with the system."
Trinity slowed to a stop. It wasn't uncommon for someone to lament certain things about the Matrix. Food and hair loss were most commonly lamented, especially by the kids they unplugged. On occasion, Trin found herself missing certain things. Family. A soft bed. She even missed weather more frequently than she would like to admit but it was important to take it in at once.
But if you only dwelled on the past and what you missed, you'd go crazy. It was why people over twenty were rarely freed. After a certain amount of propaganda, it became harder to take things with a balanced perspective.
Morpheus called it dialectics. I miss sunshine and I acknowledge the sunshine was never real. I miss my family and I know that the work I do in the real world brings all families one step closer to reuniting.
Cypher had never been great with it.
But he had also been older when he was unplugged. He was well into his twenties when he was freed. She had been skeptical of him, even just watching him in the Matrix but she'd been too new to Morpheus' crew to argue or question his decision the way she did now.
And with Neo's warning still fresh in her mind, she was more than a little tensed by Cypher's words.
She trusted Neo beyond belief but shit, she had hoped he was wrong.
"Not actively, but they still screwed with your head," Mouse replied, sounding a little uncertain himself.
"Come on, kid. You're telling me you've never once regretted taking the red pill?"
"I mean, sure. When I realized I'd never see my mom again, I was devastated but I know I'm meant to be here."
"Meant to be?" Cypher scoffed. "Starting to sound like Morpheus."
The conversation was just short of dangerous territory.
She wondered if it was time to bring it to Morpheus, but idle words passed over breakfast was hardly cause to report to her superior officer. And Morpheus was incredibly defensive of anyone he unplugged, herself included.
Morpheus didn't cast suspicions on others. In that respect, he was a far better person than her but that lack of cynicism wasn't the best quality in a captain.
"Besides," Cypher continued, "what does that even mean?"
"It means that I found the truth."
"You found a truth. Matrix wasn't that bad, far as I remember. Always had a good meal, warm bed. Going to bed without worrying about being torn apart by sentinels. Can't tell me you don't miss that."
Trinity had heard enough, stepping into the kitchen, keeping her eyes on Cypher. "Mouse, can you go help Dozer at the helm?"
Mouse's eyes widened and he jumped up. Trinity rarely let him fly the ship and she could see the excitement in the way he bounced.
Her lips twitched as he dumped his bowl in the sink before scurrying off. She waited, watching Cypher carefully as the footsteps faded.
She forced herself not to shiver under his oppressive gaze.
"Cypher, what are you doing?"
"What?" he asked back, the defensive tone really not helping his case. "We were just talking."
"That hardly seems like an appropriate conversation to be having with a sixteen-year-old."
Cypher rolled his eyes. "Jee-zus. They censor us in the Matrix, they censor us in the real world. Am I not allowed to say what I goddamn think?"
He'd made this argument before to her. Free speech and being allowed to say and think whatever he wanted. Cypher had never been able to wrap his mind around it and the intricacies of such a concept.
Hence, why after more than twelve years of serving on the same ship, they still got into the same damn arguments about time and place and appropriateness of conversations.
"We've talked about this before," she reminded him. "There are limits in every world and talking to a child about the what if's of another life is hardly appropriate."
"Mouse is old enough to serve on a ship—"
Another technicality. Mouse was only allowed to serve on the Neb because Morpheus was fond enough of the boy to sign the waivers for having a kid on the ship and Trinity had agreed to monitor his schooling.
"He's old enough to miss what was taken away from him." Cypher finished.
"From where I was standing, Mouse was hardly missing anything."
"It's why we pick them young, isn't it? So that they can learn to forget every comfort they've ever had."
Bitter was the only way she could describe his words. Angry and bitter.
He had always been angry and bitter but, for some reason, it was worse now.
She'd never understood his unending pessimism.
A small part of her even felt bad. Cypher didn't have many friends on the Neb. Switch had never trusted him, Tank thought he was a d-bag. And while Dozer and Apoc had attempted to befriend him several times, they quickly got fed up with his negative attitude and would avoid him.
As captain, Morpheus wasn't really friends with anybody. He was more like a slightly wayward father figure.
And Trinity had kept her distance after he had hit on her after being unplugged, despite the fact she had been as young as Mouse.
Which left Mouse as the only person who still spent time willingly with the man.
Maybe they all played a role in Cypher's pessimism but she didn't fully believe that, either. Cypher had agency. He had chances to make amends or to apologize or to take any form of responsibility for his actions.
Still, she couldn't help but ask, "Is it really that awful here?"
Cypher rolled his eyes again and mockingly sneered, "Not all of us have a savior to curl up with every night."
He was out of line, especially considering that he was talking to a superior officer but Trinity maintained her composure. Somehow, she was even able to bite back the retort that it wasn't her fault he couldn't get laid.
"I see no reason to bring Neo into this," she said instead, wondering just how much time she'd get in the stockade if she ripped his head off. Probably too much for it to be worth it.
Cypher shook his head. "I asked you once, if you believed in the One. You brushed it aside but I never thought you really bought into it. Morpheus' bullshit. Then this guy shows up and you morph into a different person."
She took a deep breath even as her hands clenched at Cypher's repeated attempts to bring Neo up.
For fuck's sake, he was on a crew that was utterly focused on finding the One and now that they had, he was acting more morose than ever.
"Or maybe,"—definitely—"you don't know me as well as you think."
Cypher sneered as he stood up, grabbing his tray as he walked over to the sink. "And you don't know me. At all."
He dropped the dishes before walking towards the door. Trinity turned to avoid touching the man, her hairs on end.
The entire conversation had set her on edge, making her even more cautious than when Neo told her he didn't trust Cypher. His every word only served to back up Neo's suspicions.
But that was all they were. Suspicions.
She had no idea what Cypher could do or would do. How far he would go.
Clearly, his heart wasn't in it anymore. She knew from experience that could be enough to make a mission run south.
People who didn't care anymore paid less attention, were less alert to danger.
Not only could he get himself killed, but the rest of them as well. Or he could be fine and just pissy. She wasn't sure what to do any more.
Shaking her head, she continued down the hall to Morpheus' office. She knocked once before slipping into the office, taking the seat across from him wordlessly, her head still reeling from the conversation of Cypher and her heart aching with the conversation they needed to have about Neo.
The captain looked up at her in mild surprise. It had barely been two days since their last conversation about everything and now here she was again.
Before she could talk herself out of it, she took a deep breath. "It's time to take Neo to see her."
Morpheus' mouth curled into a smile, his eyes becoming fully alight at the prospect. Fuck, she thought. This was what she had been afraid of and yet there was no denying it anymore. Neo had officially surpassed all their training had to offer. His memories were clearer than ever, even if gaps confused and tormented him.
"Tomorrow. I want him to have the day off and rest today. Give him, and the crew, time to prepare before we jump in. They all deserve that much."
A day of reprieve before he was thrown to the wolves.
Or maybe two. A week at most… but, no. No, she could delay no longer. It wasn't fair to anyone. Neo needed answers and the Oracle was the only one who could give them to him.
Morpheus nodded in acquiescence. "Of course. Does Neo know?"
"I wouldn't have brought it to you if he didn't," Trinity admitted. "We talked about it when we got back to our room last night and we're in agreement."
Her captain raised a brow. "You truly are a team."
Her own lips twitched into a half-smile. They really were, which was shocking considering how little time they had spent together. They hadn't even had to work at it, either.
Whenever someone new joined the crew, it took months before trust truly began to build. Friendships took her longer. Yet, somehow, Neo had pulled it off in a matter of days.
"Yes," she replied simply. "I don't think it would work if we weren't."
"No," Morpheus agreed. Then, almost as an afterthought, he added, "You're making the right decision, Trinity."
She wished she could be so sure.
"I don't have to hope. I know it."
Trinity wasn't about to open that door, so she gave a small smile. While she didn't trust Morpheus to know his own limits when it came to Neo, she did trust Neo. And Neo had told her that he was ready for whatever came next. She had to make peace with that, even if she didn't feel ready herself.
She found herself wondering, not for the first time, if they would ever have a moment of peace.
When the Oracle confirmed what Trinity already knew, the weight of the Matrix would come crashing down to Neo. With the zealots in Zion, it would only get worse.
It made her want to say fuck it all, find Neo, and drag him back to their room to hide away for another day.
But she respected herself and Neo enough not to go down that road.
There was too much to do.
Trinity sank back into the seat, recalling Cypher's words in the kitchen.
You're telling me you never once regretted taking the red pill?
They censor us in the Matrix, they censor us in the real world. Am I not allowed to say what I goddamn think.
I asked you once, if you believed in the One. You brushed it aside but I never thought you really bought into it. Morpheus' bullshit.
"You look troubled," said Morpheus.
Trinity frowned. She already had a gut feeling about how the conversation would go but she'd be damned if she didn't try.
"I'm concerned about Cypher."
Morpheus raised a brow, clearly not expecting the turn in conversation.
She'd reported Cypher for minor infractions over the years, more so than any other crew member. Slacking off, not showing up for shifts. Occasional insubordination and getting drunk on the job. It was a miracle he hadn't been disbarred by Zion, but Morpheus always would vouch for him and promise to watch over him.
He wasn't so great with the follow through.
"And what are your concerns?"
Trinity hesitated. A part of her already knew what Morpheus would say but she saw no choice but to try.
"Before I came to meet with you," she said carefully. "I walked in on him saying some… troubling things to Mouse. Comments about regretting taking the ref pill, about things being in the Matrix."
Morpheus hummed. "Cypher has always had a more difficult time adjusting."
"I know. But I'm worried that he's regressing. He has no motivation, no drive. He's never been particularly ambitious but he's become bitter. That makes him a liability."
"What would you have me do?"
"Ground him," Trinity said simply. "At least until we get back to Zion. Have him meet with one of the counselors to determine if he's still combat fit."
The captain frowned. "I've seen no reason to doubt his ability, Trinity."
"Not physically, no. But you and I both know what can happen when someone enters the Matrix who isn't invested."
"I really don't think it's reached that point, Trinity."
"If I'm wrong, Zion can declare him fit for duty and I will humbly apologize," she argued. "There's no harm in asking him to sit out one mission. Especially one as serious as Neo seeing the Oracle."
Morpheus shook his head. "He's reminiscing about a previous life, not committing treason. I don't see how any of his actions are cause for this kind of alarm."
Trinity inclined her head. "On its own, maybe not. But Neo's memories where Cypher is concerned are hazy, at best. He knew who Cypher was but he's had trouble recalling him anywhere. The Matrix, the Neb, Zion…"
"He's hardly the most social of beings."
"I know. And Neo can't recall anything specific but he doesn't trust him. And I know that's not solid proof of anything, but I trust Neo's gut."
Morpheus seemed to consider it. A part of her was annoyed that he was taking Neo's trust more seriously than hers, but then Morpheus had spent a lifetime looking for the One.
After a moment, the captain spoke cautiously. "Perhaps Neo is just cautious because he knows that Cypher feels for you." When she shot him a glare, Morpheus held up his hands in defense. "That has never been a secret, Trinity."
Trinity shook her head. "Don't you dare trivialize this, Morpheus. I'm not speaking to you as a woman, I'm speaking to you as your chosen first officer, and I am telling you that something is wrong."
"You've said yourself: you have no proof of anything."
Not even a little. Hearsay at best.
"I can't ground someone without cause, Trinity. And neither your gut nor Neo's intuition is enough to change that."
That was that, then. She wasn't sure why she was surprised.
"I can keep an eye on him," Morpheus promised, but even that held little weight when she'd heard him promise the Council the same thing a dozen times.
Still, there was nothing else to be said about the matter as far as Morpheus was concerned. She would have to figure things out on her own.
"Okay," she said, rising to her feet.
Morpheus had already let the subject go and she wasn't going to fight with him. She knew better than to argue with someone who had already made up their mind.
That said, she had made up her mind as well.
