We’ve reached a full 7 days of shitposty Star Wars headcanons! Enjoy today’s clusterfuck!
-Ezra Bridger likes to feel tall and will perch in random places. The roof, top bunks, cupboards, the fridge on the ghost, literally anywhere higher than ground level. It only got worse when he got a better grasp on the force and could get to even higher places. But after a while when he realizes he can trust the Ghost crew fully he stops doing it as often, but every now when he’s up high they tend to go sit with him and chat. Zeb gave him his first space beer on one of these nights.
-Thrawn has a lot of clothes. Just random crap he’s been gifted or worn undercover and not returned. We’re talking armor, capes, suits, shades, jeans, jerseys - anything and everything you can think of, he probably has. So many options. But he has no taste and will wear an Armani shirt with tesco cargo shorts together without any hesitation. Because of this Eli dresses him for most major events. Everyone thinks Thrawn is the pinnacle of fashion, but it’s actually all his backwater boyfriend’s doing.
-Every clone battalion has a “most attractive clone of the year”. The winners compete for sexiest clone in the GAR in a public poll on Coruscant. This leads to many fights between pretty clones trying to give each other black eyes on photo day in an attempt to win. As reigning champion, Kix is attempting to sabotage the new clone, Bombshell (shoutout to @maulusque and @simping-for-fives cos that boy is a beaut) in an attempt to maintain his title. It did not work, Bombshell was the cover of the GAR calendar every year from that point onwards.
-Jesse and Fives bake cookies and pies when they’re is stressed. In a crazy coincidence, Kix and Echo tend to eat cookies and pies when they’re stressed.
-We’ve seen Loth-Cats, Loth-Wolves and Loth-Rats but we have never met the true nemesis of Zeb and Chopper: Loth-Raccoons. It’s a full on turf war when they stay on Lothal cos these furry fuckers will try to rob the Ghost in the night. It does not help that Ezra keeps feeding them and inviting them inside, but only Hera can prove that and honestly she enjoys the show too much to do that.
-Asajj Ventress owns an apartment on one of Coruscants lower levels, and will rent it out to force sensitives with nowhere else to go at a third of the price. There’s just a constant stream of former Jedi/Sith wandering through the streets to chill for a few nights before going on the run again.
-Aayla and Anakin were actually pretty close because when Quin had to go on prolonged solo missions, Obi-Wan would take over Aaylas studies. Ani and Aayla managed to cause more trouble than their masters ever could dream of, but never got in trouble because no one had the guts to accuse Aayla of wrong doing, even when she was caught trying to smuggle an Oggdo into Yodas quarters cos “he asked for dinner and they’re basically frogs, right?”. This lead to Ahsoka loving Aayla, and Ani and Aayla talking about their “hypothetical” marriages at great length.
-I heard Kallus’ hair is insured by the rebellion for 10,000 republic credits.
-Thrawn’s hair does the same as Kallus’ (the coming down over the eyes thing) if he’s hit hard enough. Eli is spent years trying to figure out if this is true or not. Thrass confirmed it by clocking Thrawn in the nose and Eli has never been the same since.
-Yoda’s people don’t believe in child support and that’s why he didn’t pay Yaddle a penny to look after Grogu. Well, at least that’s what he told everyone; he actually was just in the process of building a frog farm and didn’t want to divert funds from that.
-Dancing is important to Dathomir’s culture. Maul was a great dancer, and the real reason he’s so mad that obi-wan cut his legs off isn’t the attempted murder, it’s because he can’t move as well as he used to and that hurts, especially when it was one of the few ways he had to connect with his heritage.
And there it is! One week of shitposts. Hope y’all enjoyed it, if you’ve got any thought, criticisms etc, feel free to let me know! Have a goodun lads!
