#maximum ridiculosity

[ritavonbees]

and now for something completely different: a dubstep remix of The Room

[ritavonbees]

(via Mightygodking dot com » Post Topic » Somewhat NSFW, but I suspect if you read this blog it should make you laugh out loud at least once)

okay, this contains the line

"my vadge won best vadge, your vadge won best supporting vadge"

i don't even

i am in love

also mildly traumatised

[ritavonbees]

I just had one of those surreal experiences wherein your life spontaneously develops a soundtrack. I went looking for a tap to fill my water bottle, ad somebody said it was "down those stairs at the end." The zine fair is in this huge parking structure which is on a hill, so you don't get how big it is when you come in from the wrong side.there were many flights of stairs. The music on the PA system had a farcical, benny hill sort of rhythm to it, and every time I got to the bottom of a flight and turned to see another flight it got more and more ridiculous. Then on the way back up, it got all slow and ponderous just as I was grimly hauling myself up yet more stairs.

[ritavonbees]

how to succeed at audience participation without really trying

The incredibly funny Ben Jenkins: ...what they don't realise is that to everybody else in the world, "owns a jacuzzi" actually means "some sort of amphibious sex pest".

Audience: *lols*

Some guy: woo!

The incredibly funny Ben Jenkins: ...no. no, sir, of all the things you could have wooed in that part of my story, "amphibious sex pest" was definitely the wrong choice. I mean... Amphibious sex pest.

Me: that's the name of my band!

The incredibly funny Ben Jenkins: *lols* I bet it's a ska band, too.

[ritavonbees]

2NE1 - I AM THE BEST (내가 제일 잘 나가) M/V (by 2NE1)

help i have fallen down a rabbit hole and i can't get up

the rabbit hole is full of bling

ow

[ritavonbees]

I'm so fucking zonked. Been working all afternoon, despite this flu. When I took my dinner break I just stomped around the house swearing at inanimate objects. Fuck you fridge! fuck you pantry! fuck you stove! fuck you tissues! fuck you dead roaches I have to clean up tomorrow! Fuck you spatula! WHY YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT, SPATULA

[ritavonbees]

Some Xena-commentary based on yesterday's tweets :3 (this is about six episodes spanning the end of S3 & the beginning of S4)

Aphrodite looks like a sorority girl. She just did the macarena and then used the word "grody".

"Tie the diamond to my arrow so my shaft can give you satisfaction." "I'm afraid you don't have the thrust. My guy in Delphi knows when to let loose." HOW IN THE NAME OF LUCY LAWLESS DID THAT CONVERSATION GET APPROVED FOR NINETIES TELEVISION.

Now Xena is punching trout.

Joxer is convinced that he is Tarzan and Gabrielle just said "Xena wants me to fist a fish." WHO MAKES THIS STUFF UP.

Subtext? No, Gabrielle, this is most certainly Domtext.

Hurray, another episode featuring Bruce Campbell as Bruce Campbell with a Freddy Mercury mustache and a terrible soul patch!

Lucy Lawless has just put on a Fran Drescher accent and said daaaaahling. #whatisthisidonteven  #morelikelucyFLAWLESS

Now I want a crossover between Xena and the Nanny. Ohhh, mistah SHEFfield, I've just cut off the blood supply to your brain and you have thirty seconds to liiiive.

....I think Autolycus just offered to let Xena peg him. "if you ever need to get inside my body again..."? There isn't really another way to interpret that, is there?

And now: some scantily clad ladies dancing around a fire while extremely serious-faced priests look on, and also the return of Ares and his chin-bra goatee. Motivation? Who needs motivation when you could lift my beard off my face and then let go and snap it back?

I managed to miss all the previous Callisto episodes in this rewatch, I had forgotten how terrifyingly perky she is.

Hope is the Goddess of YUCK.

Callisto: "Nooo, you have discovered my one weakness! Being temporarily inconvenienced by rockslides!"

Joxer the miiighty, knocks himself into a water troooough!

Thwip thwip! Dramatic head turn!

I'm going to name my metal band Satanic Bikini.

Some people get a dying speech. Some people just grope Xena's chest as they fall over. Those people are Callisto.

Wow, Hades is bedazzled the FUCK out of. How's that for ending a sentence with a preposition? HIS BOOTS ARE SOOOO FABULOUS

And THIS episode appears to consist entirely of an extensive Xena opium high.

TRIPPING BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLS

oh my goodness, even Xena's *spirit* does that somersault to get out of her body.

"i'm going to tap into the heart of darkness." Bah, I hated that book.

WTF A GHOST CAME OUT OF THE HORSE? WHAT? I DON'T EVEN

I'm no longer cetain if Xena's the one who is tripping or if it's us.

Xena just fell into an amazon bathhouse and a naked, oiled up amazon stole her clothes!? BY LITERALLY RIPPING THEM OFF HER. That's what you get for watching my amazon handmaid spank me with a birch twig!

this series has so many hot kiwi lesbians in it ;_; I wonder what this girl is doing nowadays?

Suddenly: the exorcist.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Nicky: "I don't care about Xena's redemptive journey, I just care about her journey into Gabrielle's skirt!"

Joxer the miiighty, so tautologicaaaal!

Now they are fighting a creature that looks extraordinarily like Grendel. Don't kill it, Xena, its mum will come round and complain!

Oh, right, its mum is hanging out with you already in disguise. Nice one!

Gabrielle's dad is all like dammit Xena, you took our daughter away and she came back wearing midriff tops! What did you doooo

Uhhhh xenaverse lice make audible little squeaking noises!? WORRYING

This episode so far: xena has lice, Gabrielle has horrible fungus and AAAAAH KILLER RABBITS

Xena's hair steadily expands throughout this episode. SOON IT WILL CONSUME AAAALLLLLL oh hey, now she's ready for that crossover with The Nanny!

Eyebrow raising gets a little thwip thwip noise too? Really?

"next time find your own bush!" "ladies, please. There's bushes enough for everyone!" #nocontexttheatre

Every time Xena picks a louse and throws it in the fire, there is a tiny scream and then a hissing noise DDDD:

Joxer saves the day with terrible cooking. Neither the lice nor the fungus NOR THE KILLER RABBIT is ever explained. THE END!

[ritavonbees]

Livetweeting Xena ridiculosity at @bliumchik for the next few hours xD