#maxm

[no-lyrix]

Arnaud Le Texier - Tribute To Max_M   

Max_M  Legend!         

[baby-bulbasaurs]

First steps??

I had my counselor and doctor appointments. Basically, I'll need to admit myself into a place that offers HRT and follow whatever their system for getting treatment is. I've already found a couple places, and my doctor said he would recommend me if they want my primary doctor's consent or whatever. He was incredibly supportive and helpful with explaining the steps to take from here. I've found facilities near me that will offer treatment, now I just need to make calls and get into their system, and I need to find a psychiatrist. The counseling appointment was meh. I had a grad student as my counselor so she wasn't that great, but she was really supportive. I went ahead and made another appointment with her in two weeks because I want to see where this goes. If anything, it'll help me with my anxiety and depression stuff too.

[baby-bulbasaurs]

Struggling

I’m extremely depressed and anxious and lonely. I want to talk to friends about my thoughts and anxieties, but I’m afraid it’ll make me look cringey. I am pretty open normally, but not to the extent that I want to be right now. I’ve been suppressing all of this for 5 years, keeping it to myself. And now that I’ve come out, I want to get all of my feelings out to the people who care about me. I’m afraid of coming across as dramatic, so I probably won’t be so open until people tell me I can. Even so, I’d need constant reassurance and I feel like that’s too much to ask. I’m tired of feeling my heart sinking and feeling sick to my stomach and crying and constantly shaking and I just need someone there to give me their undeniable attention. 

2/18/17

[baby-bulbasaurs]

Searching for an endocrinologist

Searching for an endocrinologist that offers gid services is a huge pain in the ass. The only ones I found are 2+ hours away. I also need to find a gender therapist. I'll be talking to my primary care doctor on the 24th of Feb, so hopefully he can ease my confusion and give me good advice. Perhaps he'll even diagnose me, I don't know. I'm not getting my hopes up though, I'm going into this expecting it to be really difficult and frustrating. The next steps I have to take depend on that appointment. I've found institutions close to me that offer hormones with consent (bless). The only thing I can do now is check if my insurance covers gid hormone treatment and wait till my appointment. I used my final decision to transition as a reason to publicly come out (mostly) yesterday. My heart has been beating out of my chest since, and I feel physically sick. After my appointment, I'm going to tell my mom. It's going to be hard, I'm going to cry, and I don't know exactly how she'll react. I do know she will support me, even though she won't fully understand right away. It's just hard setting a hardship like that on my parents. I'm putting them into a situation and a community that they never thought they'd ever see or need to know about, and the fact that their child's identity is doing a u-turn must be hard. That was the one thing that has kept me debating this for so long, but I've finally convinced myself it'll be worth it. 2/16/17

[baby-bulbasaurs]

Guys this is the start of my ftm transition

I'll be posting a lot about it here. Normally I'm pretty quiet on this blog, but even talking to friends irl about this is scary. It's partly because I don't want to drag them into something they don't want to be a part of. I know people have their limits of emotional support they can give. So I'm using this blog as a public journal thing for my transition endeavors. I fully encourage anyone to interact with me on here, it makes this all feel more real. Please feel free to follow me if you find this in the trans tag- like I said, I want people to interact with me on here, and I love to support other people especially when we're going through something together. If you don't want to see any of these posts, I'll be tagging them as "maxm" 2/16/17

[su-juh]

Does annnnnnyonnnne knooow Look King? (guess not x3) so here you go, a smal taste of them

[s-merino]

Artwork for Woods N Bass Records 2013

[cooterdepablo]

That awkward moment when Stephen Colbert makes it in Maxim before Cote de Pablo...