final week of september thoughts:
i think a project where i articulate that experience where i want to reach out to someone and they dont respond or aren't around but i hop on animal corssing and cry because everyone's happy to see me and always bring gifts to remind me how special i am. THATS A SAD WAY TO START THIS.. but truly i think it'll be a great way to explore the medium im drawn to and still have the freedom to really give this investigation depth.
i had a good birthday, or yknow it wasn't silently depressing as i shuffled around to do each birthday thing. spent a lot of money and was satisfied, had dinner with my dad's side (small family not many sides to pull in). but great for me! my grandparents got me sick because there was a covid outbreak at their church :D i dont believe ive been sick with covid before! at least not officially! so thank you once again christian conservatives for using ur ignorance for evil.
but enough of that! ive been pretty much boxed into my room every day for a month now, and sometimes i feel like i treat my excursions into the outside world as if im walking on eggshells to grab my keys. i haven't had a close social circle in a long time and without my screaming coworkers around to make me constantly insecure, im really at peace with myself. everything i need is here, all my problems are out there. i feel extremely lucky to have spent so much time sitting around with my partner and our cat, because the world ive fought so hard to feel included in is now as distant as my needs. its been freeing to escape from all that shit.
being home and gaming any time im not like crafting or doing my hair, i have experienced that subtle comfort of NPCs always being around to fill the void, or online gaming communities like w101 where theres mutual understandings found without words, just spells and actions;i feel like this has created a third space for me to cope in that real life hasn't offered. i feel overwhelmed by how unhealthy building these connections can be as i don't want to handicap myself socially forever, but i think a project exploring this would be incredibly fascinating and really fun.
as a final note to this unbelievable paragraph (typing on my computer for the first time in a while!) i want to outline a possible idea im thinking of for this series: you know the notes that princess peach sends mario before he starts a new zone or at the beginning of a game? yuh seriously some kind of letters like that just graphically done in the same style.
my time for pixel work is coming. also the two photos at the top are random but theyre like months apart. hair growh baby