Lost In My Thoughts
By: @booksrockmyface (HPfanonezillion)
Rating: T
Summary: Modern retelling of the myth of Echo and Narcissus (with a bit of a twist). Title comes from the Kelly Clarkson song Hear Me.
Pairings/Characters: Everlark, Odesta, Gadge, Peeta Mellark, Katniss Everdeen, Finnick Odair, Annie Cresta, Madge Undersee.
****
Peeta never felt confidence. All his life, he had a horrible stutter which forced him to keep quiet more and more as he grew older and children grew crueler. Sometimes he was able to repeat the last few words in a sentence clearly, but mostly it was just silence. No one ever understood how that particular tick had come about, but it frustrated Mrs. Mellark to no end.
He could have gone to speech therapy to treat it, but his mother refused because it would have cost too much, according to her. He was angry when he found out and it was never a choice he got to make.
The first day of kindergarten, he saw Katniss and fell instantly in love. She was so pretty and she sang like an angel. He tried to talk to her that day, but the words wouldn’t come out right away because he was so nervous and she gave up trying to listen, walking away to join some girls from her class on the monkey bars.
Peeta watched her from then on, never trying to speak to her for fear of embarrassing himself again. But she was still so perfect in his eyes.
As he grew older, he saw all the boys watching her. They got shot down every time they tried so much as to look to her. They saw the same thing Peeta did.
One afternoon late into senior year, Finnick, who had had enough of his friend’s longing looks and mournful sighs, pushed Peeta into Katniss as they walked by her in the hall, knocking both their books out of their hands. Then he quickly moved away.
“I…” Peeta swallowed, the words caught in his throat. If he tried, all that would come out would be a string of frustrated sounds that formed half words with a few full ones sprinkled in. That’s always how it was when he was flustered.
Katniss snapped. “You need to watch where you’re going.” She looked up and froze.
“Sssss—”
“Don’t worry about it.” She pushed his last book into his hands and then walked into the closest classroom.
“Don’t worry about it.” He repeated softly as he followed her into the room.
Unfortunately, the only seat available was beside her. Not that he minded normally. It was a small school, so they had a lot of classes together. But after the embarrassment in the hall, he just wanted to crawl in a hole and stay there.
They were discussing To Kill a Mockingbird. Not Peeta’s favorite book, nor his favorite type of lesson. Thankfully, Portia (she was an eccentric woman who insisted they called her by her first name) had taken a liking to Peeta early on his freshman year and found ways to include him in the class discussion without making him actually speak.
She even started teaching him American Sign Language during lunch breaks and once a week after school to help facilitate his communication. Her mother was deaf and Portia was fluent. It was much quicker than writing down everything in his scratchy handwriting. Finnick and Annie joined in on the lessons to support him. Portia suggested speech therapy, but he didn’t think his mother would like it. He was also sure she’d make the same excuse about it costing too much, which Peeta wasn’t sure was entirely true.
“We’re going to talk about Boo Radley.” Portia said as she called the class to order.
“Boo Radley.” Peeta repeated and then looked down awkwardly, glancing Katniss’s way to see if she’d caught it.
Katniss looked straight forward, acting as though she hadn’t heard a thing.
He leaned over his notebook and started drawing the street Scout lived on as Portia and the rest of the class discussed the parts of the book they’d read. He nodded along and repeated random words, signing answers when asked a direct question.
At the end of class, he stuffed the drawing between the pages of his book and scooted out into the hall.
Katniss was standing there. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Peeta smiled and looked away awkwardly. “I…” He chewed his lip and looked into her face.
She smiled at him. Not a full smile, but more than most people got. Except maybe her best friend Gale. “You’re a good artist.” She said.
“A good artist.” He repeated.
She shook her head, still smiling. “You’re weird.” She turned to walk away.
Peeta sighed. I’m such a loser.
Finnick walked over and clapped him on the shoulder. “She talked to you, dude!”
Peeta shrugged. “She c-c-c—” he sighed and lifted his hands. “She said I’m weird.”
Finnick gave him a sympathetic look. “Sorry, man.”
“Sorry, man.” Peeta repeated.
Finnick pulled him down the hall. “Annie and Madge will have a solution.”
Peeta knew they would and it would probably have something to do with setting him up on a date. He’d never agreed to any of those in the past, but the pair kept trying.
****
Annie placed her hands on Peeta’s shoulders. “You’re going to try on tuxes for prom.”
“Tuxes for prom.” Peeta waved his hands and shook his head. “No. I can’t. No one wants me there.”
Annie smiled and signed. “I do. Finnick and Madge do.” She spoke. “And I heard from a little birdie that Katniss will be there.”
“Katniss will be there.” Peeta echoed, cringing at the sound of his own voice sounding hopeful.
Madge looked up from her phone. “Gale told Katniss she had to come because he wasn’t going if she wasn’t. And I told him I’d break up with him if he wasn’t my date.”
“If he wasn’t my date.” Peeta laughed and pointed to himself. “T-t-t-take me.”
“I wish!” Madge said with a laugh.
“I wish!” He repeated. It didn’t bother his friends or embarrass him so much when they were around. “I don’t know.” He signed.
Finnick signed, “Please? I need you there. And it should be fun.”
Peeta let out a long breath and signed, “Fine.”
And that is how they ended up in the bridal store. Peeta stood in front of the mirror, repeating the clatter from the crowd around him. He clenched his teeth to stop himself when people started noticing.
“You look hot in that.” Annie said as she smoothed her hands down his arms. “What do you think?”
He swallowed down the echo and opened his mouth. He said, “I l-like it.” He swallowed. He pointed to the tie at his neck. “Or-or-or—” He groaned and signed, “Orange tie? Really?”
“Of course.” Annie said. “It’s your favorite color.”
“Favorite color.” Peeta repeated.
“No, green.” Madge said, handing over a new tie, exchanging a significant look with Annie.
“No, green.” Peeta gave her a confused look as he switched them. He’d never worn a lot of green, but that was because he never considered it a color he liked.
Annie nodded. “That’s right.”
“Wh-wh-what’s go-going on?” Peeta managed to ask. His hands were too busy trying to get the tie attached to sign.
“Nothing.” Annie said, a little too quickly.
Peeta got Finnick’s attention as he stepped into the room wearing a tux of his own. He quickly signed, “What are they cooking up?”
Finnick shrugged and signed back. “Just getting you a suit for prom.”
There was no getting secrets from Finnick in front of the girls, so he’d have to try something to get him alone. Maybe he’d spill the beans in a text.
He never did.
****
When Peeta walked into the gym, the music was oppressive. He tapped Finnick on the shoulder and signed, “How long do we have to stay?”
His friend smiled and replied, “We’re doing pictures and dancing a little and then we’ll do dinner and bowling.”
Peeta watched Finnick and Annie make their way to the dancefloor. He almost followed, but then he saw her.
Katniss leaned over the fountain that had been placed in the middle of the gym. It was made of plastic and looked pretty lame, but the theme was Fountain of Youth, so it was one of many water features spread around the room, each more cheap-looking than the last.
He realized then that her dress was a deep green. Like his tie. Damn.
She seemed to feel him watching her and she turned. She lifted her hand and waved.
He looked behind him to see who she was waving at, but saw no one. He turned back to her and pointed to himself.
She smiled and nodded. She raised her hands and slowly signed, “You look good.”
He started to relax, but only a fraction. “Y-y-y—” He took a deep breath and tried again. “Yyyou l-learned ASL?”
She nodded. “I’m working on it. Madge said it’s easier for you to use it than to try to talk.”
“Try to talk.” He groaned and signed, “I’m good with my hands.”
Katniss gave him a confused look, so he did it again, slower. She laughed loudly when she got the joke. “I bet you are.”
Peeta felt himself blush.
“So you wanna dance?” She asked, holding out her hand.
He nodded and slipped his hand into hers.
