a thing happened today
I don’t know if I want to post this but I think I will to just get it off my chest.
I hate how I overreact or overthink about things. Like, something can happen and I’d feel bad and I would start crying over it but then two minutes later I could be crying over something that seems completely different.
Today i found out my closest friends are doing something without me and I started crying over it because it’s not the first time, and I feel left out constantly. Then because of that I’d wonder why and then I’d start thinking about how I’m a bad friend and I don’t know how to be a good friend and arghhhh my mind just is a mess and I don’t know what to do.
Lately I’ve been really negative to myself and that’s not good at all. I stress myself out and constantly tell myself I’m never good enough for anything. My grades are getting bad, my drum skills are really bad, I have terrible social skills, I want to draw or write but then I judge myself so much I don’t want to pick up the pencil again, so many things I say turn out badly, and I so badly want to talk to some people and do things but I fear every time they’ll think I’m weird or not really worth talking to. I mean, I couldn’t even get the courage to talk to my boyfriend. And I feel it’s my fault we’re not together because I was too scared to mess up a conversation.
I’m so scared about everything and lately everything just seems to be confusing me. I constantly get thoughts like this and then I’d want to talk to a friend about it but then I don’t want to bother some people and my best friends don’t really get me sometimes.
I get really sad sometimes but then during the next day I can be really happy and laughing so I feel I don’t deserve having to talk to anyone about it. I don’t know how to put my thoughts into words. This post itself is a jumble of thoughts typed out.
I’m living in a delusion where I’m sure I’ll become a drummer in a band and be successful but really where am I going to go after IGCSE? I’m so scared of life and what comes after even if I were to go to heaven.
I need to get my life together and stop crying but that’ll take a while right?
I’m sorry if you read this thinking there’d be something better but no... I’ve wasted some time of your life and I apologise. I just wanted to write this.
