#maybe autistic?

[alchemaster01]

Today I learned that the entirety of supernatural is about two brothers with Pathological Demand Avoidance who were told by God to do shit, and they went out of their way to avoid it until their death...

It's been a day.

[packoradical]

okay so did anyone else get diagnosed with autism at a very young age? and then after the diagnosis were you put into early intervention therapy? and did the therapy work so your symptoms minimized? and then did a professional basically revoke your autism card because you were behaving in a way deemed socially acceptable? so now you’re in this strange middle ground of still having autistic traits but not having enough to be considered formally autistic? and are you technically a part of a minority of children who end up not having prominent symptoms as they grow up? and even though you don’t struggle as much, do you still struggle to fit in with neurotypical peers? and do you struggle with your identity because you feel like you’re stuck in this limbo between neurodivergent and neurotypical?

yeah. me too.

[philophantasm]

well that's 3/3 therapists I've worked with who have asked me if I've considered that I might be autistic 🙃

[goodjobjacqueline]

Okay.

Just listened to

And, for real, people with autism are way too relatable. I even took a few online adult autism tests and it appears that I have some things to discuss with my psychologist o_O

[lunaetsaturnus]

i fucking love my sister lmfao

[randomfandomshit]

Just found the term hyper-empathy yesterday and holy cow it describes me so much?? I always knew I was ‘different’ in some regards. Like, I get attached so easily and feel bad for inanimate objects. For instance, the other day I was at a store and someone threw a plush toy on the ground and said 'I don’t want this sh**.’ I felt so bad I had to buy it and give it a loving home. I also felt bad for separating it from the other plush toys because what if they’re friends?? I mean, I feel guilty for buying things but feel more guilty if I don’t buy them because they deserve love? Why am I like this.

[autisticasdflove]

Autistic or not, I need a chewy stim toy. I’ve chewed on things my whole life, and too often those things are metal, and I know that’s terrible for my teeth. My teeth are bad enough already, and I’m sitting here chewing on the zipper pull of my hoodie because I’m frustrated with this outline that I need to finish if I want to start this novel (without executive dysfunction biting me in the ass) but I can;t figure out how these three characters would actually show up, but they -need- to show up before I can continue the story! >.< ARRAGH.

[autisticasdflove]

Personal shit under the cut.

I... have been researching autism spectrum disorders because I’m writing a character with aspergers and I know observing my brother who has aspergers isn’t enough to make an accurate representation... but... the more I read the more I feel like ”Holy fucking shit this sounds like me oh my god”

So I’m freaking out a little.

I mean, I don’t know why I never considered the possibility when my older brother was diagnosed before I was even two years old, but I just... never did. 

I know I tried so hard that it was exhausting to make friend in elementary school, just to show that I was more social than my brother (I wasn’t), I know I stubbornly refused to go to online school when my parents first offered, right before I started middle school because I claimed I would miss my friends (I wouldn’t have. I wasn’t friends with most of them by the end of 6th grade).

I know it was in the 7th grade that I admitted to myself just how much I loathed social interactions, and I lost all but one friend and going to school everyday was painful. 

I know come 9th grade school became such a struggle I dropped from an advanced class straight A student to a C-D student before I did get put in online schooling towards the start of my junior year. After that everything was fine.

But that’s just social shit that I’ve been thinking was social anxiety. 

Half the things I read that were common symptoms of ASD I was like "Uuuh. I thought that was a Social Anxiety thing?" Like not meeting eyes. Not liking talking on the phone. Not reading facial expressions well. 

Other things I didn't even realize were odd until now.

Like the fact that I usually walk on the balls of my feet and like I'm on a balance beam. I had just attributed that to the fact that I was in ballet from age three to twelve. 

Or the fact that clothes tags are to most annoying things in the universe. Or that a single loose thread inside clothing can drive me crazy. Or that I tap and twist my ring CONSTANTLY. Or that I flap my hands. And that wring them. ANd that I pace all the time. And twirling. And squeezing my thumbs. And being VERY bothered by like... the texture of suede. That fucking drives me crazy. 

I’ve probably taken half a dozen “Are you autistic?” quizzes and they’ve all said I probably am, and I KNOW they aren’t a diagnosis on their own, but STILL. 

I don't know why I never considered the possibility. I've... never exactly been like everyone, and there's someone DIRECTLY related to me with aspergers.  It's not a bad thing, I'm just sort of like "Holy fucking shit" shit right now.

I... have a lot of thinking to do.