#maybe bisexual?

[randomhooman1]

I need some advice. Or maybe just to get my feelings out on paper.

I am a lesbian and have long identified that way. But recently I have been questioning if I have romantic feelings for a guy. He makes me feel safe and comfortable and loved. Like it might be okay to open up and be intimate (emotionally). He is funny and I love watching him do the things he loves. I love when he shares those things with me. I like knowing what goes on in his head. I could stay in one of his hugs for hours and I like physical contact with him. But I am physically affectionate with my friends in general.

Is this just a really genuine friendship? And I am conflated romantic and platonic feelings?

Because I can see myself being emotionally intimate, kissing and being on top of him in a flirty way. But I find myself upset by the idea of sex with him. It’s like I need to talk myself into the male-organ part of it all. Like I could do all the parts of a relationship willingly except that. I don’t know if it’s because I am a lesbian or because I am just afraid of physical intimacy.

Could anyone offer any advice? Or share similar experiences? I’m so confused and a little frustrated.

[oahtyangi]

My crazy night!

I had one of the craziness nights ever! I was drinking tonight in my best friend's dorm then went to a house party and afterwards, we went to the bar/club. Tonight I met one of the great guy ever. We chilled for about almost 3 straight hours just talking and about a lot of issues and society and how much we agreed with one another's thought. For once I've met someone I could actually connect to and could talk about other subject rather than sex. I told him about my sexuality and he was totally cool with it. We hold hands and he wrapped him arms around me because it was symbolic for connection. He was straight thought which was the sad thing. He has a lot of gay friends and doesn't mind hold hands with them and keep them company in the sense that makes them feel comfortable, not in the sense of having sex. He told me that he wouldn't be turned on at all if i sucked him or anything because he's not sexuality attracted to me at all. Although we both mentally connected, he didn't see the physical aspect of it working. He told me that he'd totally date me if I was a chick but as for now, we're just friends and he would totally love hanging out with me more. We both chilled in his car while he smoke weed(i don't do any of that stuff but don't mind) and afterwards, went to his room and chilled. He just made me feel so sheltered and I've actually never had this emotionally and physical connection with anyone before. I laid on his laps and help his hand while his other hand was wrapping around me. He made me feel so safe and made me never want to leave. But sadly, he's straight and we both were partially drunk. But drunken words are sober thoughts. He also told me that if he was sober right now, we'd still we talking about the same things but we both wouldn't physically be this close. I don't know what to think of it. I hate when i fall for a straight guy. But why did he allow us to be so physically close? No we didn't suck or fuck each other. Connection is more than sex. And btw, I have to be up in 4 hours for a choir performance. FML!