You Don’t Have To Be Alone
Author: @spiderlingss Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader Word Count: 3295 Warnings: Themes of death, fluff and slight angst Summary: You’re working on the set of Spider-Man: Homecoming when you get a call from home that means that you briefly need to abandon your responsibilities on set. When you return Tom tries to make sure that you know that you can trust him.
A/N: Okay so this took me ages to get out and it has low-key driven me freaking crazy… It would be amazing to complete any requests that you guys may have and I love to get feedback, so please don’t worry about sending things for me to improve on. I’m really not sure about this one but alas I hope you like it.
Today was your first day back on set since flying back to the UK after you were informed that your cousin had been rushed to the hospital. Your mother didn’t want to worry you, but you knew that things weren’t good, you could sense it in her voice when she called. When she put the phone down the adrenaline took over and you immediately booked the next flight out of Atlanta back to London. You called Jon soon after, realising that you couldn’t just leave without informing him. You can’t exactly remember what you had said, your memories clouded with trauma, only hearing the response he gave you in return, telling you to take all the time you needed to be with your family. You managed 10 days of being at home before you couldn’t stand it any longer and decided to fly back to Atlanta as soon as you could.
You had been messaging the cast in the group chat whilst you were away, but none of them really knew the full extent of what had happened. There were multiple times while you were alone, not able to sleep, back in London when you really wanted to confide in Tom, but you couldn’t bring yourself to selfishly distract him whilst he was living his dream. From the moment that Harrison introduced you to each other you had hit it off and found yourselves getting closer over the course of filming. The feelings that you were developing were beginning to consume you, and they only grew stronger after you lost Alfie. Tom was the only other person alive that you had ever bonded with over the same things that you had done with Alf. You decided that you desperately needed to go back to work in order for you to gain control over your life again.
So here you were, doing the coffee run with Harrison, trying to regain some of the normalcy in your life. He was the only other person that you could bring yourself to tell, half because he needed to take on a double workload whilst you were away and half because you just needed a friendly voice of comfort. Over the course of the week, as you found yourself deteriorating into a state of anger and depression, Harrison was the one that had reminded you that those feelings were normal after losing someone and that sometime in the future the sting of those emotions would fade.
“How are you holding up?” He placed his arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his side, his grip momentarily tightening before softening again to express his concern.
“I’m just trying not to think about it, you know?” You spoke quietly, the corners of your mouth curving up lightly at his actions. “I decided to come back because I knew that it’s what I needed. Plus, Alf would have killed me if I messed up this opportunity.” You laughed morosely, a twinge of pain interrupting the dull ache in your chest and your brows furrowed slightly. Harrison gently guided you over to the nearest shopfront, to make sure that the both of you weren’t blocking the crowded sidewalk before pulling you fully into his supportive hold, squeezing you tightly.
“You are so strong Y/N.” He pulled away, his hands gripping onto each of your shoulders as he looked deep into your clouded eyes, wanting to make sure that you knew that he was there for you. “Look, if you need more time to adjust you don’t need to worry about me, I just want my friend to focus on herself. A little more time might help.”
“I felt bad leaving you, don’t get me wrong Haz, but I promise that I am back because I want to be. I need the routine.” You smiled back at him, genuinely. For the first time in a week, you had managed to smile without having been reminded of bittersweet childhood memories, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to make new ones. “I am so lucky to call you my friend.”
“And as am I with you.” He smiled sweetly and you both continued walking down the street in a comfortable silence, making sure to run the orders in your head again so you didn’t forget them.
The fact that the workday had gone so quickly completely contrasted the way time shifted when you were home. It was nice to be able to rush around and escape your thoughts, even just for a short while as you dashed around alongside Harrison to make sure everyone was happy. Everyone was glad to see you back and much to your relief they weren’t asking any questions, making it so much easier to get on with your daily duties.
Jon did pull you aside when filming had wrapped up for lunch, making sure you were definitely ready to be back at work and offered his condolences. He had been checking up on you while you were away and even tried to convince you to stay home for a little while longer when you said you were returning. He also mentioned that he and Harrison made the decision to not tell everyone why you were away in order to give you the time and space to decide when to talk to the others about it.
The talk made you think back to when you first arrived on set. Even you, with your relaxed approach to new people, were anxious to be a part of the crew. Once you had finally arrived, you knew that there was no need to worry. It made you happy to know that you were part of a family whilst working on the production. For some reason, you thought that you would be considered a nobody whilst on set, especially since you were hired to double up with Harrison to aid his assistant duties. Assistants stereotypically don’t receive the best treatment in the workplace and the thought of running around pandering to the whims of people who didn’t even care if they knew your name worried you. You have never been so happy to be proven wrong.
As you lie in your trailer thinking over all of these things, your mind keeps drifting back to all of the memories you have made with the young cast. The nights out, exploring the cities that you travelled to while filming, drunken nights in trailers and meals in fancy restaurants. All things that shouldn’t be available to a small town kid like you, yet you’re here living the dream. All of the memories were created because of Alfie and if it wasn’t for your excitable, film student of a cousin you wouldn’t have been able to get out of bed in a morning, let alone come up with a CV and practice relentlessly for the interview that he helped you receive. He’d previously worked on the set of Civil War during his year in industry and when he received an offer to work on the film introducing Spider-Man into the MCU he put your name forward instead.
He was in his final year of studying so he decided that it wasn’t the right time for him to commit to something so time-consuming due to the fact that he needed to focus on final projects and complete his dissertation. He knew that if he was missing out on a once in a lifetime opportunity, then he was going to make it his sole mission to get you on that set instead. He was aware that you weren’t experienced enough to do what they had asked of him, but he still practically begged them to give you work experience on the production.
He knew that it was a long shot, so he didn’t tell you until he knew that it was close to becoming a possibility. The last thing that he wanted was to raise your hopes only for them to be shattered. Since he had impressed many people during the time he spent working with them on Civil War, Jon agreed to the idea and was happy to have you on board, providing you impressed him during an interview. Which you did. Alfie was so proud of you, despite the fact that you would tell him it was only because of his hard work and negotiating skills that you got the job.
The thought that had haunted you since the second you found out he was in a coma was the fact that if he had taken the job, he’d be here instead of you. Alfie should be in Atlanta living the dream you were currently experiencing and the fact that the decision he made cost him his life was killing you inside. It physically hurt to know that you would never properly be able to thank him in person for everything that he had made possible for you. You couldn’t help but keep torturing yourself, wondering if different decisions would have changed the outcome. You cursed yourself for not calling him or managing to delay him from driving that night. Questioning if there was anything that could have stopped him from being on the road on the same night as the reckless drunk driver that left him alone to die. Wishing that it could have been you instead of him. You began trembling as desperate tears continued to form in your eyes but you didn’t have the energy to try and fight them anymore, so you caved in and allowed yourself to cry for the first time since the funeral before falling into a deep sleep.
You were awoken by a familiar knocking pattern coming from the metal door of your trailer. Both Tom and you had decided to come up with a knock that only the two of you would recognise in order to help tell when the other was around. You padded drowsily over to the door, wiping the sleep away from your eyes, before unlocking the trailer door to let Tom in. You avoided eye contact in your tired state, gesturing for him to enter. Once you had shut the door behind him, you desperately tucked yourself into his embrace, causing his lips to curl up at the sides.
“Hello sleepy girl, you missed dinner. You alright?” He asked into your hair, worry lacing his words as he played with a piece of loose thread that he found on your hoodie.
“Yeah, jetlag’s a bitch.” You smiled weakly, before pulling away to take in his appearance. His hair was tangled and windswept and tiny beads of sweat were resting on his forehead, which told you that it was likely everyone had been out enjoying a game of football. “So what have you been up to?”
“Preach it,” Tom joked, his brown eyes glinting as he flashed you a toothy grin. “Went for food and then played a good ol’ game of footie. We tried to call you but we obviously couldn’t get a hold of you.” You nodded your head softly in response, before running to the small kitchen area in the trailer and pouring a drink for each of you. Tom was always extremely polite and would never ask for anything when he visited your trailer, despite the fact that the two of you were extremely close.
“Thanks, love.” He spoke when you passed him the glass of lemonade, his fingers brushing past your own when he did causing a rose tint to fall across your tired, puffy cheeks. He picked up on it and the thought made his heart flutter, but he knew better than to push it, sensing that something wasn’t right. “I’m worried about you, y/n. We all are.”
His words were what you needed right now. You placed your drink on the small coffee table and you found yourself motioning for him to sit down on the small sofa, if you could even call it that. You sat first, your back to the arm of the chair while you brought your knees up to your chest before resting your chin in the perfect nook that they had formed. Tom followed, taking a huge gulp of lemonade before setting his glass next to yours. He sat as close as he could get, his thighs resting on your sock hidden feet. His arm was resting on the back or the seat beside you as his fingertips comfortingly brushed your shoulder.
“You don’t have to tell me, but I need you to know I am here and that I have noticed that you’re not yourself. I don’t want you to think that I don’t care because I do.” He sympathetically continued and despite his words, he really hoped that you would open up to him. Tom felt that this was the right time to show you how you made him feel. He found himself pulling you into his lap to cradle you in his arms before he rested his forehead against your cheek. You were positive that he would be able to feel the heat radiating off them as you eased into his embrace.
“I just don’t know how to tell you.” You croaked, already feeling the lump in your throat swelling, causing you to clutch onto his hoodie for support as you shook the idea away. “I can’t bring myself to tell you, Tom. I haven’t had to physically say it yet and I don’t think I can.”
You both sat there for a short while as you tried to figure out how you could say it. You were glad that he was here because he made you feel safe and you found yourself bringing your hands up to his hair in order to play with his chocolate curls which left a soft smile on his lips. At that moment he wanted to tell you so eagerly about how he felt, how he had fallen for you and that he found himself dreaming of being with you and never letting you go.
Just as he was about to speak, you beat him to it, softly humming into the air, “Do you remember Alfie? My Alfie.”
“Yeah, how could I forget! I thank him every day, in my head because he’s the reason I met you.” Tom spoke aloud, softly pressing his nose against yours causing butterflies to form in your stomach at the contact. The two of you had always been extremely comfortable with each other, but the small changes in body language and the intimate touches like the last told you that you both felt the same way about each other. You felt relaxed under his hold, but couldn’t help but feel the dull ache in your chest rise as Tom unknowingly talked about Alf as if he was still here. You came to the conclusion that he thought you were trying to avoid the distressing topic. “Plus he worked so hard on the Civil War set and from what I saw of him on the job, he’s really talented.”
“He really was.” You choked out, moving so that you were now straddling his hips in the least sexually motivated way. You nestled your face into in the crook of his neck and slowly began to sob. Tom couldn’t believe what you were saying but he didn’t hesitate to gently rest his head on yours as he continued to grasp you safely within his embrace. You didn’t think that he could have gotten any closer but he somehow managed to. The two of you stayed like that for a short while as you bawled into his chest, listening to his staggered breathing and rapid heartbeat as he rocked you.
“I’m so sorry Y/N.” His voice cracked and it took you a short while to notice but when something wet dropped onto your cheek, you realised that he was crying with you. You looked up slowly, your eyes red and puffy, to meet Toms eyes slightly bloodshot, holding back his own tears as best he could.
“It’s not your fault Tom.” You tried to comfort him with your words. He knew that you were right, but he couldn’t help but feel like he had let you down, that he should have called you more or read in-between the lines. His brows knitted together and you found yourself trying to meet his gaze, but he wouldn’t let you as he wrinkled his eyes shut.
“I should have realised. I should have checked Facebook or something Y/N.” He furiously began shaking his head, wishing that he could turn back the clock and approach this differently. “I should have been there for you when you needed me the most.” You placed your petite hands on either side of his face, so that that you could get him to look at you.
“You couldn’t have known Tom and I… I didn’t want to scare you away.” It was true, the last thing that you wanted was to throw your emotions at Tom and have him run in the opposite direction. He was a busy man, especially whilst filming and he no doubts had his own problems to deal with. You needed him now more than ever but you had just been worried about how you were going to be able to go about it.
“I know my angel, but you know me better than that. Your problems are my problems and I am here for you to talk to. No matter what.” He brought his hand so that it was nestling under your chin so that he could lift it up in order to get a better look at you. You brought a hand to his and gave it a huge squeeze, tears still loosely cascading down your chapped cheeks. “You can trust me Y/N.”
“I know Tom.” You smiled and lovingly rested your forehead against his, causing his breath to hitch slightly as he brought his hands to cup your damp cheeks, brushing his thumbs over the apples of your face. “God, I would love to kiss you right now.” You sniffled slightly, causing Toms lips to curl upwards into a cheesy grin.
“I thought you’d never say,” He breathed, looking into your eyes before slowly bringing your lips to his. It was soft and passionate but it wasn’t desperate, no, it was reassuring. Tom pulled away before bringing his lips to your nose. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that love. I’m sorry that I didn’t get the hint until now.” He smiled weakly and you engulfed him in your embrace.
“You are here now when I need you the most Tom, I don’t see that as a bad thing.” You reassured him, your voice as smooth as silk and music to his ears.
“You are the most amazing woman that I have ever met and I would love if we could give ‘us’ a shot. Every day on set I find myself anticipating the moment that you will walk through that door. Your smile instantly makes me feel like I could take on the world. I don’t know what I would do without you, love and it’s about time I’m honest with you about that.” He exhaled deeply, his coffee tinted eyes boring into your skin as he nervously fiddled with the drawstring on your hoodie.
“I would love that Tommy.” You smiled softly as you peppered kisses all over his face, setting yourself back down in his lap with an anxious smile resting on your lips. “I’m ready to talk about what happened if that’s okay?”
“Of course it is darling, I’m all yours and I am here to listen and help you as best I can,” Tom reassured, brushing your hair away from your eyes before bringing his lips to meet your forehead softly. “You will never have to go through something like this alone ever again.”
