I REBLOGGED THIS YESTERDAY AND LIKE 2 HOURS LATER THE WALLET I HAD LOST 6 HOURS AWAY FROM HOME THAT HAD MY DEBIT CARD AND LIKE 80 DOLLARS IN CASH WAS DELIVERED TO MY HOUSE WITH NO RETURN ADDRESS I CANT HELP BUT THINK IT WAS JACKIE CHAN WHO SENT IT GOD BLESS YOU JACKIE CHAN
Author: @spiderlingss
Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader
Word Count: 2785
Warnings: Angst
Prompt: “It’s not your fault”
Summary: The one where Peter loves you too much that he has to let you go.
A/N: So I started this back in 2018 when I first started posting my short stories. Soon after I began writing this one and quite a few others, I lost my Grandad to his battle with Cancer. After that, I just stopped because even when I tried to stay active on the blog, post and continue writing, my heart just wasn’t in it the same. We’re now 3 years down the line and I decided to log into my old account and read through my writing. While doing so I came across some old drafts that I just felt I’d put too much effort in for them to go unseen. So I sucked it up and began working on some of them again, in the hopes that I can return myself to a hobby that I once found so much comfort in doing. Anyway, sorry for the sob story and I hope there’s still some people out there that still want to read my stuff. I hope you’re all well, big hugs.
Author: @spiderlingss
Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader
Word Count: 2785
Warnings: Angst
Prompt: “It’s not your fault”
Summary: The one where Peter loves you too much that he has to let you go.
A/N: So I started this back in 2018 when I first started posting my short stories. Soon after I began writing this one and quite a few others, I lost my Grandad to his battle with Cancer. After that, I just stopped because even when I tried to stay active on the blog, post and continue writing, my heart just wasn’t in it the same. We’re now 3 years down the line and I decided to log into my old account and read through my writing. While doing so I came across some old drafts that I just felt I’d put too much effort in for them to go unseen. So I sucked it up and began working on some of them again, in the hopes that I can return myself to a hobby that I once found so much comfort in doing. Anyway, sorry for the sob story and I hope there's still some people out there that still want to read my stuff. I hope you’re all well, big hugs.
It’s been 9 months since Peter asked you to be his girlfriend. It’s been a month since he took on more hours at Stark Tower in order to focus on his internship. It’s been a week since you found the Spider-Man suit in your boyfriend’s bedroom…
The one thing you told Peter when you started dating, was that you didn’t want to be the couple that keeps secrets from each other. So he promised you that he wouldn’t keep a single one.
You want to give him the benefit of the doubt and hope that there is some greater reason as to why he hasn’t told you about his escapades. Something that verifies the reason for breaking the promise that he made to you all those months ago. A promise that means more to you than anything else in the world.
You want nothing more than for Peter to tell you everything, but as the week went on the same old spiel of excuses were used. By the time the weekend had arrived, the guilt of keeping your own secret was enough for you to need to muster up the courage to confront him. So that is how you found yourself sat in Peter's room on his bunk bed, anxiously waiting for him to return from ‘the internship’. No matter what you attempted to do to keep yourself distracted, you were unable to mask the unease resting in the pit of your stomach.
Despite the distractions that your mind was throwing at you, you managed to finish all of your homework and also watch a few episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, which allowed for your mood to be lifted ever so slightly. Throughout the evening, May had popped her head into the room to make sure that you were doing okay, in-between the stages of her getting ready for the night ahead. Despite you telling her that you were fine, her parental instincts told her otherwise and during one of the episodes of nine-nine, she entered Peter's room with a mug of hot chocolate topped with all the extras and a plate of shortbread biscuits. Placing them on the bedside table, she perched herself on the end of the bed and you thanked her for the hot beverage.
“I am sure that he won’t be a much longer sweetheart.” May frowned, a sad smile earning its place on her lips.
“I knew that he would be busy this evening, but I decided to come straight here to avoid running around all night.” You shot back a reassuring smile in the hopes that she wouldn’t feel so sorry for you and it appeared to work. “If you don’t mind me asking, where are you going tonight? You look lovely.”
“Of course not Y/N.” She shook her head, a toothy grin now on show. “I am meeting a friend for food at a Chinese restaurant in midtown. I haven’t seen her in a while, what with work and making sure that Peter is okay.”
“It must be tough to do what you have done for him, but you’re doing an amazing job.” You confessed, maintaining eye contact throughout to make sure that she knew that your words were genuine. “Out of all of the people I have ever known, Peter has the biggest heart, even still, after all that you guys have lost. That’s not just by coincidence.”
Her smile grew bigger, crinkles appearing near her eyes and on her nose. “You don’t know how much it means to hear someone say that.” She brought you into her embrace as a token of her gratitude towards your words. Words in which she didn’t hear much anymore.
The two of you stayed like that for a short while, until May’s phone erupted into life and cut the moment short. She picked it up and began talking to what appeared to be her friend. She walked out of the room, holding up her pointer finger to gesture to you that she would be a minute, before running around the apartment and collecting her things. When she had ended the call, she walked back into Peter’s room to find you sipping at the hot cocoa, the taste reminding you of the ones that your nana used to make.
“Thank you again for the cocoa, it is delicious.” You smiled, before setting the boiling cup back on the side table and standing to walk towards May.
“It’s my pleasure. I have messaged Stark and my menace of a nephew and they have both been warned that if Peter isn’t home in the next half hour that he is grounded and there will be no internship for a few weeks. I refuse to let him neglect you when he already spends enough time at the tower.” She tuts and pulls you into another hug. “You are a wonderful girl, Y/N. Thank you.”
She pulled away and ran her hands down the front of her dress, making sure that there weren’t any creases that she needed to iron out before she left. Shooting you one last smile, May said her goodbyes and exited the apartment. The one thing that you couldn’t stop playing in your head was whether she knew about Peter's daily practices as Spider-Man, or whether she was just as oblivious as you had been, up until last week. However, you weren’t given much more time to question any of that as Peter's arrival interrupted you from your thoughts.
“Y/N.” Peter sighed, in what seemed like relief before pulling you into his embrace and spinning you around. “The Internship was so tiring today.”
When it came to the ‘internship’, you were completely clueless. You didn’t know whether he worked some hours at the tower and then some as Spider-Man, or whether the label was just a cover-up for the fact that he spent most evenings swinging around New York in some reinforced spandex suit. Either way, you needed the answers and you needed them now.
“Hey, Pete. I-uhh… I wanted to talk to you about that.” You responded, chewing on your bottom lip nervously.
“Sure, just let me grab a coke.’ He smiled widely, not sensing the unease of the situation. “Do you want anything?”
“A coke is fine.”
You smiled weakly before heading toward his bedroom and perching yourself back where you had been for the last three and a half hours. When your boyfriend entered the room you couldn’t help but smile at his goofy grin, because although you were hurt that he was keeping such an important secret from you, you loved him and the thought of life without him was unbearable.
He passed you a bottle, taking a huge gulp of his own before climbing over you and sitting in his favourite spot, next to the wall. “So what was it about the internship that you wanted to talk about?” He beamed, clearly excited that you were interested in his hobbies, his hand tangling in yours.
“I know your secret Peter.” You spoke quietly, not wanting to change the mood, but knowing that you needed to. “I know your secret and I forgive you. I just need to know why you didn’t tell me.”
He shifted his position so that he was able to look at you straight on, frantically trying to find an inkling of jest within your features, but when he saw the tears brimming the corners of your eyes, as you stared at your joined hands, he gave in. His grip on your hand grew stronger and you nodded in order for him to begin.
“Y/N. How did you find out?” He spoke, an assertiveness in his tone that you hadn’t heard before as his free hand balled up into a fist. Though Peter's stare was intense and laced with concern, however you knew he wasn’t acting this way out of anger.
“I found the suit last Friday,” you began, your eyes finding their way back to his, allowing him to relax as a result of your words. “You left it in your wash basket and I saw it before you had the chance to move it.”
Peters’ heart dropped into the pit of his stomach, releasing his grip on your clammy hand, he began to shake his head in disbelief. He knew what this meant and he knew that it was all his fault. Now that you knew the secret, there was only one thing that he could do to keep you safe and it was something that he had tried so hard to avoid doing.
“I couldn’t tell you, sweet girl. I knew from the beginning of the relationship what that meant and I had to deal with that. Deal with the fact that I would have to lie to you and break the promise that I made. You have to believe me when I say that it was for your safety Y/N.” Peter pleaded, his voice cracking as he tried his best to help you understand his reasoning. “Mr. Stark warned me that involving your loved ones only leads to losing them. I know that I made a promise but I can’t lose you. Not like that.”
When it came to Peter Parker and telling the truth, you knew he was being genuine. Aside from the Spider-Man secret, Peter had been an open book, very easy to read and happy to talk to you about anything that you sought information on. Even now as you asked him about why he had lied, you could tell that he was being honest with you. You found the anger and frustration that you had been feeling towards him slowly shrinking away. As you gazed into his chocolate eyes, you saw panic and you saw upset.
Your brows furrowed together out of confusion for taking his hand back into your own. “I’m not mad Peter, not now that I have talked to you. I underst-“
“It’s not that.” He huffed, pulling out of your grip yet again, the force causing you to jolt ever so slightly.
“Okay. What is it, then?” You shot back, your frustration back in full swing.
“You don’t get it Y/N. I just said that Tony warned me about involving loved ones in all of this.” He choked out as he struggled to battle with his emotions.
“You mean Tony Stark, the man who is unapologetic, and rightly so, in the fact that he is in a relationship with Pepper Potts. The same Tony Stark that is also known for being one of earth's leading superheroes, Iron-Man.” You scoffed, before sharply pinching the bridge of your nose. “Hypocritical much?”
“Tony is an adult.” Peter continued, earning another sarcastic scoff from you. “Some multi-gazillionaire, tech-nerd, superhero adult. He has more secure ways of making sure that Pepper is safe. That all of us are safe. I don- I can’t keep you safe anymore.”
“Well get Tony to do it then if he is so fucking fantastic Peter.” You challenged, raising a brow as your patience wore thin.
“You know I can’t do that.” He sighed, his nostrils flaring at your hostility towards Tony.
“Well maybe you should have thought about this a bit better.” You shot back, your entire body fighting to hold back the tears.
“I know that.” He gritted his teeth together, hating that he was going to have to do this to you. “Y/N, I can’t let anyone hurt y-... I won’t let anyone hurt you.” He choked, his breathing getting increasingly more shaken. He swore he felt his heart crack in half as he watched you begin to fall apart.
“Yeah? I wonder how you’re going to do that.”
Your words hit Peter with a force harder than any fight that he had been involved in whilst with The Avengers. Your crystalline eyes, once full of love and determination, now dull and grey. He noticed how your body had become tense as you anxiously awaited the outcome of this situation. He glanced over the rest of your form, observing what he was doing to you. What he had already done to you.
“Well?” you coughed out, desperate for this to be over. At least then you would be able to begin finding a way to fix yourself.
“I… I-Uh.” His words caught in his throat, not wanting to go through with this next sentence. “Y/N I can’t protect you by hiding the secret from you anymore, because you know. If there’s no secret, there’s no protection. Angel I am sorry but I have to let you go.”
A muffled cry passed your lips, the hot tears spurting down your cheeks, scorching the skin as they hit it. You brought your legs up to your chest, slowly rocking yourself to try and soothe the pain in your heart and the burning sensation in your eyes. No matter how hard you tried, the ache wouldn’t disappear and you were unable to think of any rational thought as to why Peter had made this decision. “I don’t get it Peter.”
“I don’t want to do this, but there is no other way.” He panicked, pulling you into his arms. His need to protect you from the chaotic life of his alter-ego fighting with the need to love and care for you.
“There is Peter. Nothing is going to change between us other than the ‘secret’ not being a secret anymore.” You rushed, trying your best to convince him with your words, “Don’t give up on me, please.”
“I’m not giving up on you, I’m making sure that you live a long life. I could never forgive myself if you got hurt because of me, because of who I am now.” He protested. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“You’re hurting me now.” You corrected, as you aggressively brushed your fingers through your hair in a cocktail of annoyance and disbelief.
Peter pulled away and tried to get you to meet his gaze but you wouldn’t allow it. You knew that it would hurt you more if you had to look him in the eyes. His bottom lip jutted out before burying his face in his hands and shaking his head wildly. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry.”
“No you’re not.” You cried, lifting your gaze and lowering your brow. “You aren’t fucking sorry so stop saying it.”
“Angel.” He warned. His breathing was rapid as he tried to find the right words in his vocabulary to understand his motives. “If the wrong people find out my identity, the first person that they will hurt won’t be me. Do you even understand that? If they know about me, they know about you and you are the one that they will kill. I love you with everything that I have and that’s why I have to do this.” He was crying now.
“I love you so much Peter Parker.” Joining his sobs, you pulled him into a bear hug, your entire body shaking into his embrace. “I should never have brought it up, you’re thinking into this more than you need to.”
“I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.” He repeated in-between sobs, wanting so badly to help you understand why he was doing this. “Nobody else will ever come close to making me feel the way you do, but that is why I have to set you free.”
His words were final, you could sense it within his tone.
“I have to go.” You shook yourself out of his grip, just about mustering up the strength to stand, your knees almost buckling underneath the weight of your broken heart. Aggressively, you wiped the tears from your eyes, placing the bottle of coke on his side table before gathering your school books together and stuffing them frantically into your backpack. Your feet began to carry you towards the apartment door, your refusal to turn back and look at him one more time only causing Peter to spiral further into a pit of hopelessness.
You paused in front of the door as you reached for the handle, contemplating on whether you should check if he was going to follow you to the door, deciding against it in the fear of only being hit with the second spell of rejection tonight. Composing yourself with a deep breath, you opened the door before quickly leaving and gently pulling it closed behind you, finally allowing yourself to break down.Your tears cascaded freely down your flushed cheeks, the cold droplets soothing the burning hot skin. Not quite believing it, you walked away from the love of your life for the final time.
