#mcsweeneys

[jomiddlemarch]

Scenes from a Hallmark Hanukkah Movie Written by Someone Who Has Definitely Met a Jew

EXT. SMALL TOWN BUS STOP – DAY (A beautiful woman with slightly wavy brown hair steps off a bus. She’s RACHEL, a corporate lawyer from The

(It’s the night of the County Hanukkah Fair. Townsfolk play dreidel, an ancient game that’s like football but everyone gets greased up latke-style and has to be spinning at all times. It’s very dangerous. RACHEL and BEN sip cocoa and watch from the bleachers.)

[reelaroundthedavekan]

When It Happens

Our 14th most-read article of 2025. - - -It’s been so long, you sometimes forget that eventually, IT will HAPPEN. It’s impossible to say whe

[tilbageidanmark]

It’s decorative gourd season, Sigourdney Weaver!

(76 years old today)...

[ladyfauxhawk]

adoring this piece in McSweeneys:

The Em Dash Responds to the AI Allegations

“In recent months, a curious fixation has emerged in corners of academia: the em dash. More specifically, the apparent moral panic around ho

I am the battered, coffee-stained backbone of writerly panic—the gasping pause where a thought should have ended but simply could not.

[eggsaladstain]

What You’re Watching Isn’t What You’re Really Watching

“Federal and local officials dispute the circumstances that led an Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer to fatally shoot a 37-year-ol

“Federal and local officials dispute the circumstances that led an Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer to fatally shoot a 37-year-old woman in Minneapolis on Wednesday” — NPR

You think you’re watching a woman being shot in the face by an ICE agent, but what you’re really watching is a woman trying to run an ICE agent over and the agent firing at her in self-defense.

You think you’re watching an ICE agent walk up to a woman’s car asking her to leave, which she does, but what you’re really watching is a woman turn her car around and try to run the agent over.

You think you’re watching a woman drive away with an ICE agent following, then shooting her four times in the face, but what you’re really watching is an ICE agent in fear of his life and acting in self-defense.

You think you’re watching a video shot by a bystander who screams at the ICE agent, “Oh my God, oh my God, oh fuck, oh fuck, what did you do?!” But you’re really watching the bystander scream at the woman for trying to run over the ICE agent.

You think you’re watching a woman drive away when asked, but what you’re really watching is the woman attempting to run over all the ICE agents while they try to free their vehicles stuck in the snow.

You think you’re watching an ICE agent murder an innocent woman, but what you’re really watching is a federal agent being the victim of a domestic terrorist.

You think you’re watching a woman who’s been shot four times in the face lying dead on the front seat of her car, but what you’re really watching is the ICE agent alive and well after the “disorderly” woman hit him with her vehicle.

You think you’re watching an innocent woman being shot and killed by an ICE agent, but what you’re really watching is the radical left threatening, assaulting, and targeting law enforcement officers and ICE agents daily, who are just trying to do the job of making America safe.

You think you’re watching an innocent woman being shot and killed in cold blood by the federal government, but what you’re really watching is the death of the United States of America.

[el-ffej]

Hi, It’s Me, Wikipedia, and I Am Ready for Your Apology

“Wikipedia, the constantly changing knowledge base created by a global free-for-all of anonymous users, now stands as the leading force for

A very funny anti-ChatGPT, anti-AI column. (It's short.)

[lamajaoscura]

Thank You for Calling the Perimenopause Hotline, Where Our Hold Times Are Completely Unpredictable

Thank you for calling the perimenopause hotline. Our phone lines are flooded with an unexpected gush of calls right now, but we assure you t

"Q: What is the average age for perimenopause? The average age for perimenopause is whatever age you happen to be when you google any of the following:

What age perimenopause?

Skipped period start of menopause?

Why do I have free floating rage?

Additionally, you may have started perimenopause if you call your mother or any older woman in your life to ask her what a hot flash feels like."

[brightlotusmoon]

The Louvre Is Thrilled to Announce It Is Rebranding to “UVR” - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

The Louvre Is Thrilled to Announce It Is Rebranding to “UVR”

“X is the future state of unlimited interactivity—centered in audio, video, messaging, payments/banking—creating a global marketplace for id

If there’s one thing we’ve concluded from the millions of visitors who pass through our doors every year, it’s that art is passé. Art is stale in an age of content—unlimited content you can hardwire to your cerebellum with maximum connectivity, allowing you to upload videos with your smart shoe, get a crappier version of the cable television you cut the cord on years ago, and watch reality shows transpire in real-time in reality with no scripts, no actors, no directors, no cameras, no crews, no catering, and no pesky union wages that make it impossible to hoard all the profit for yourself for work someone else did.

You see, in the future of tomorrow’s today, we’re visioneering. You can do banking with a flicker of your eye, communicate with your dead loved ones with incoherent AI that regurgitates gibberish that sounds nothing like them, and record audio with your mind before it’s swiftly forgotten unless you order our memory-enhancement supplements—be sure to sign up for a subscription, fam, for the best deal and assurance you’ll never run out, lest all your cherished memories be erased. Memories are content, and content is here for its coronation, baby. After all, we once hosted French kings, so we’re an authority in telling you there’s a new king in town, and that king is content, beautiful, sweet, sweet content—oh, content, my love, how I long for thee, how my aching loins quiver for thy sweet embrace.